Your Early Game Slate Open Thread

Eleven freaking games now and only two at the late afternoon spot? [sighs]

Buf @ Phi: The Bills have played five games this year in which they’ve not turned the ball over. Guess what their record is in those games? If you said 5-0 I’d have to ask you why you’re talking to yourself. But anyway-QB Taylor has done his part and taken great care of the ball, throwing only 4 intercepts and fumbling but once. Can you believe that he was in a QB competition with EJ Manuel? Can you believe that Coach Ryan gave the starting job to the more competent QB? The word ’round philly is that RB Murray will be 4th on the old depth chart today, behind some guy by the name of Barner (who?). He just doesn’t look good does he? The Chipper stunned the Pats and the Eagles fan base last week. The calls for his head are now at low-grumble levels.

SF @ Cle: MANZIEL! GABBERT! That’s about it for this game-moving on…

Det @ StL: Last week the Lions three game win streak was rudely interrupted by a cold, unfeeling universe. St. Louis-in the midst of a five-game skid-knows all about that. HC Fisher was generous enough to let OC Frank Cignetti (who?) take the fall for the unrelenting lousiness of QB’s Keenum and Foles. It was…time to move in another direction Fisher said, completely oblivious to his own career circling the drain.

NO @ TB: The Saints can score with the best of them but they’re getting scored on at an historic rate. CB Browner and company have given up 35..THIRTY-FIVE TD’s through the air this year. Opposing teams QBR rating is 347.6! I didn’t actually look that up but that number sure feels right. Speaking of made-up advanced statistics, the Bucs are sporting a lugubrious -2.7 BTAR (Banana Temperatures Above Replacement) which makes it crystal clear why they are 3-1 in their last 4.

Ten @ NYJ: The Jets are looking to solidify their gelatinous wild card chances against the Titans. The Titans last two wins have been high-scoring squeakers versus the Eagles and Jags. Which QB gets sacked the least in the NFL percentage-wise? If you answered “Haaaaavaaaad” you’d be lucky, right and just plain silly. Look for Fitz to be passing a bit more than usual because Tennessee gives up just over 8 yards per pass play. WR’s DECKER AND MARSHAL SHALL FEAST!

Pit @ Cin: “Gentlemen, start your Steelers…and Bengals!” We may be looking at a high-scoring affair here. Over the last 4 games each of these teams have scored 30 or more 7 out of 8 times. With a win the Steelers chances of getting a Bowl game increase to 77%. Everybody yaks about the Cincy O but the Ben better beware of DE’s Dunlap and Atkins. This duo is the only one in the league that has 8 or more sacks. As well, S Reggie Nelson leads all players with 7 intercepts.

Ind @ Jax: The Pats are given crap about the patsies in their division but what about the Colts? They’ve won 16 in a row in their division which is a record. For now they hold the tie-breaker with the surging Texans (who?) against whom they’ll play in Wk. 15. Gore should have himself a day what with LB Posluszny out and his replacement Jordan Tripp making his very first start. Bortles’ improvement means that the Jags can now compete in shootouts which comes in handy because the D gives away points like candy at Halloween.

SD @ KC: This tilt should be a foregone conclusion. In the last six games the Chiefs have the fifth-best O and the #1 D. Perhaps Rivers will go nuts but he’ll more than likely have an ugly, turnover-heavy day.

Was @ Chi: Against his better judgement RB Pierre Thomas signed with Washington recently. These are two 5-7 teams that don’t know what to do with themselves. The Slurs are winless on the road and Chicago has one lousy win at home. I’m guessing both teams wander aimlessly around the field all game long, a field goal near the end is missed, hands are shaken after the clock has run out and no one ever speaks of this again.

Atl @ Car: This was a fantastic game around wk. 5 or 6 of the season but for Atlanta the L’s have been coming fast and furious since then. Why? Perhaps it has something to do with leading the league in drives ending with a TO-16.5% of the time Ryan finds a defender with a throw or he and his cohorts fumble it away. I’m not sure if you’ve been made aware of this but the Panthers are undefeated at home! CB Norman recently said that WR Who-who-Julio “completes me”. Whaaa?

Sea @ Bal: What does ignoring new plaything TE Graham for most of the year (until he went on IR) get you? For QB Wilson, according to Pro Football Focus, the second-highest QB ranking of 98.98. Somebody has done a half-decent job for the Seahawks given the loss of Graham and Lynch and the late arrival of S Chancellor. Perhaps it’s time we gave that swaggering, gum-chewing ex-college coach a bit of credit.

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

American Idol: Farewell season
The international nightmare is OVER!!!

WCS

Not Gingerquarterback safety? More likely a 98 yard touchdown after Ross Cockrill falls down.

fleshwound_NPG

SULKCANNON

King Hippo

Did NAWT envision Humps/Jaguras as titanic defensive struggle. Especially with no Posluszny

American Pie Story

Lot of bouncy ball today

fleshwound_NPG

…but they have almost always been FGkkake games, even during the PeyPey era.

American Pie Story

Except for that one game where Jax whooped our asses

entropy

Remedial Offense Game.

entropy

San Diego, I do not ask for much. Even when I lived there, I really only wanted a safe place to drink and occasionally pass out on the beach. That said, today I am asking… BEAT THE GOD DAMN CHEFS, PLEASE, because it would really help the Jets’ playoff chances.

Romonobyl

Be very careful of what beach you pass out in San Diego.

entropy

I made it out alive and intact, and I usually only passed out in Encinitas/Luecadia. Once in OB, but that was a very rough weekend.

John Difool

THIS [*Redacted] S/BEARS GAME, I CALL IT WEST VIRGINIA ‘CAUSE THERE WAS SO MANY MEN ON A COUSIN AT ONE TIME

Romonobyl

I haven’t seen Cousins get nailed like that since Jerry Lee Lewis’s wedding night.

Spur

am stealing that.

Romonobyl

My royalty fees are quite reasonable.

entropy

NO ONE WANTS TO SEE ANYONE ON THE BIG BANG THEORY GET “PHYSICAL.” That show even ruined Kaley Cuoco.

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Stupid 49ers, you denied me a safety.

Gratliff

So Carolina is kind of good

King Hippo

Indeed!

fleshwound_NPG

Atlanta is kind of bad.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Football is kinda funny.

entropy

We’re all kinda piling on?

American Pie Story

Oh shit Vontae Davis down

King Hippo

This would be an unwelcome Humps development?

American Pie Story

He’s pretty good, so let’s hope his leg is still aligned in the same direction

Romonobyl

Whoever wins the NFC East should get nothing more than a generic participation trophy.

John Difool

They should bring in Irsay as a consultant.

Sharkbait
Sill Bimmons
Beerguyrob

Which James Harrison should immediately take back.

Sill Bimmons

THANKS FOR SHOWING UP YOU STUPID FUCKING TITANS

entropy

BILALDOWN!

Tennessee decided not plan defense there.

Spur

Dalton tried to give a thumbs up

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Two thumbs up into the eyes of Bengals fans.

hippofant

James Harrison did too, using Dalton’s thumb.

Sill Bimmons

oh this fucking defense

Romonobyl

My God the Bear’s play-calling…

Gratliff

I love you Shady, but I’d be cool if your ankle just gave out on the next run.

Sill Bimmons

Wait, the C-Hox are getting to play Pickle Boy TWICE???

That’s like playing 14 games.

That’s fucked up.

The Maestro

Hey, it’s our fault as a nation for not adequately fundiing a league for special needs football, you know.

/going to hell for this one

Sharkbait

Isnt that what the NFL is turning into?

entropy

I got you covered. My sister volunteers for the Special Olympics; I’ve been borrowing her karma for years. I’ll loan you some.

Spur

AJ to AJ!

bourb0nblues

Stillers tackling fail

entropy

Ivory not fucking around today.

Sill Bimmons

BEARS 2ND AND NEPTUNE

Shogun Marcus

3rd and Pluto, Screen to Uranus. Punt.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Oooh, almost 3rd and Asbury Park

Sharkbait

Panthers…punting?

Romonobyl
The Maestro

HISSSSSS

Spur

All that intrigue of Senate Hearings and Trade Agreements.

Sill Bimmons

I can’t believe they never showed us the baby’s room.

entropy

MEESA NOT A RACIAL STEREOTYPE! MEESA BIG-BIG JEDI MASSUH!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I truly believe that George Lucas RUINED CGI’s reputation with the prequels.

entropy

Titans have had the ball for under 5 minutes with 7:30 to go in the 2nd. This means something, but try as I might, I can’t get excited about this game.

Spur

Ben knew that sack was coming and just stood there and took it.

Sill Bimmons

It’s what he does.

Shogun Marcus

Like that girl in the bathroom?

entropy

I’m pretty sure that comment just concussed the fuck out of TEH BEN.

John Difool

He pretended it was a sack of cheeseburgers….

The Maestro

WOO STAFFORDCEPTIONDOWN

ThursdaySkyGoddess

Staffordpickerception! I didn’t even know this game was on.

Sill Bimmons

HARFSACK

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Yesss, Brandon Browner Defensive Holding. HAIL BLEERGH!

Romonobyl

A Fiat tie in with Star Wars? The Millennium Falcon-500?

Sill Bimmons

Ewokmoblie.

entropy

Fiat 500 JarJarth.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
American Pie Story

This gif gives me so much glee

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I’m green with envy whenever I see someone use the knee of justice, masterfully.

King Hippo

replacement RawlsFUMBRE

fleshwound_NPG

Since the ’85 Bears they have only beaten Washington only 3 times since, even against the shitty Snyder teams.

http://www.footballdb.com/teams/nfl/chicago-bears/teamvsteam?opp=32

ThursdaySkyGoddess

MUSCLEHAMSTERDOWN!

American Pie Story

Hasselsack. Ugh no Humps, Jacksonville is supposed to derp it up, not us!!!

entropy

Hey, you’re still alive after your Mystery Location Date! You ever find that guy?

American Pie Story

Sure did. Probably will never see him again. DOOOOOON’T CAAAAAAAREEEEE

King Hippo

his loss!

entropy

I won’t lie: if I heard the imperial march and saw that huge-ass line of white cars coming down the road, taking up every lane, I’d be a bit fucking intimidated. Then I’d remember I drive a truck and roll right over those fucks.

Gratliff

Mm. Bills derpage begins.

Sill Bimmons

haha nuge

Sharkbait

So the GPS market is so bad Garmin is now making knock off fitbits.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

If they made whack off fitbits, I’d buy one.

Sill Bimmons

Bluetooth Phones Killed The GPS Star

bourb0nblues

The Nuuuge comin’ up short

entropy

Shady’s Revenge update, because I hate Philly:

32 yards on 7 carries. Not exactly lighting it up, McCoy.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

THIS GUY THOMAS DAVIS, I CALL HIM TOM THE CAT BECAUSE HE HAS NINE FUCKING LIVES!
comment image

fleshwound_NPG

It might not be safe nor shameless to wear Bears swag in public until 2032

entropy

1. The downside to watching an NFL stream on the big PC upstairs (runs a VM, so fuck it, have at it with the viruses, that thing is gone as of 4:30 PM) is that the beer is downstairs and very far away.

2. Does it denote a problem that I am drinking BEFORE showering on a Sunday morning?

The Maestro

I do that most weekends, so I’m not judging you for it.

American Pie Story

That’s SOP for football Sundays

Croooow

As someone who started Dalton for their fantasy playoff game… great, just fucking great.

American Pie Story

Humpderp