Your “We Are All Fans Of Watt Taking Out Brady” Sunday Night Open Thread

NE @ Hou: The Gronk is listed as Questionable. The player most statistically invested in him playing is not Gronk, it’s Br*dy. Mike Sando has pointed out that since 2010 when Gronk entered the league, Brady is 182/42 with respect to TD/Int’s when the former is on the field. When Gronk is not on the field that ratio falls to 42/19. And so it goes-Brady’s passer rating falls from 104 to 86.8. His QBR falls from 72 down to 59.5. Brady’s TD rate with Gronk on the field? 6.7%. Off the field? 3.5. Stats-wise, that porno star-boinking tight end is more valuable to the O than anyone else. “That’s all well and good”, says JJ Watt, “but has he ever squealed with delight when meeting Jennifer Aniston?”.

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Sharkbait

God damnt.

JustStopDude

I found an old clip of Brian Belichick’s kid Stephen when he was a catcher in college.

http://i.imgur.com/B9ezDxp.gif

Chip off the old block…

WCS

HOYER COUNTRY

Doktor Zymm

Sorry beer, you are going back into the fridge. I am, sadly, too drunk to drink you. Another day, I promise.

Sill Bimmons

If you pop the cap off a bottle of beer with a lighter instead of an opener you can usually almost completely reseal the bottle with the cap because a lighter won’t bend it.

Lothar of the Hill People

Poor beer is lonely. Don’t do that to poor beer.

Sill Bimmons

BLEERGH ON THE SIDE OF JUSTICE

WCS

Did the refs get confused who the Patriots and the Houston Houstonians are?

Romonobyl

I have an open latter for Cris Collinsworth, on behalf of a grateful nation:

Shut….
The…
Fuck…
Up…

Romonobyl

Latter?? I’m cut off.

Sill Bimmons

Nate Washington: Still pointless.

jjfozz

You know, how in a porno, two chicks will be blowing a guy and they rub that dude’s joint all over their faces, and pass it back and forth, and maybe pay attention to the ball and sack, and get all slobbery and gluey?

That’s how I’m picturing Al and Cris right now, and the dick is New England.

Doktor Zymm

Seems legit.

Doktor Zymm

If you’re betting on extra point streaks, you should probably call a hotline.

Sharkbait

New game: Drink every time the Doktor says fuck pants. I’ll see all of you in hell.

Doktor Zymm

You probably shouldn’t give me the power to make people drink. I am not charitable in that particular regard. Have a shot, and fuck pants 😀

Lothar of the Hill People

I can just hear it now. #Heelgate. That’ll be your trending hashtag among Massholes.

WCS

TWO overturned calls against the Pats? Mr. Kraft will NAWT be pleased.

Romonobyl

What a waste of ‘contributions’.

jjfozz

Suck a hot tailpipe patriots!

Doktor Zymm

After review, ALL THESE MEN HAVE FANTASTIC ASSES IN THOSE PANTS. ALSO FUCK PANTS.

Sill Bimmons

NO CATCH

Senor Weaselo
JustStopDude

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Sill Bimmons

He does this bullshit in real life.

jjfozz

Gon-na sit on this chick’s face

Doktor Zymm

I actually thought the Eagles might beat the Pats, and the Broncos was a legit close game. This, predictable Pats win and not worthy of Sunday night.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Fuck, really did lose my feed

Sharkbait

I’m not at work. Can’t blame me!

Lothar of the Hill People

Yes, I’m sure JJ Watt thought that he could only rush in a straight line. Because when he changed positions, he was completely unaware of the rules of football that even a retarded 4 year-old can understand.

jjfozz

Today, my 2 yr old was denied a cookie.

He cried, got red in the face, threw himself on the ground, and screamed.

I’m proud that he was following “The Patriot Way”

Lothar of the Hill People

Did your parents chide you into giving him the cookie? That is the Patriot way.

Doktor Zymm

After review, my sandwich was fucking tasty and this bathrobe is still awesome.

Romonobyl

Anything is better than pants.

WCS

NAWT FACKIN FAIHHH THE LEAGUE HAHS IT OUWT FOR GREATIOTS NAHHTION!

Duchess

Imagine what will happen when the NFL decides to put basketball players at the Strong Safety position to cover the basketball playing TE’s.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Shit, I might lose my feed to the game now, stupid shared cable boxes

entropy

This comment DESERVES to make it past the duplicates filter.

Romonobyl

Toyota Jan or AT&T Lily…WHO YA GOT?!?!?

Lothar of the Hill People

Lily. There can be no other.

Lothar of the Hill People

Lily. There can be no other.

Duchess

Team Lily… shes like a young Flo

Redshirt

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Don’t compare Lily to that!

Redshirt

Lily, even though Animated Lily doesn’t sound like its her voice.

Sill Bimmons

This is a joke, right?

Lothar of the Hill People

Toyota Jan is pretty, no doubt. But she’s RC Cola to Lily’s Coke:

http://adwhois.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/Laurel-Coppock.jpg

Redshirt

Alright. I’m going to turn the TV off. If the Patriots lose, I expect gratitude from you guys. If Brady gets hurt, I expect Mr. Miyagi to show up in the Bengals Locker Room tomorrow and do that “rubbing thing” he does to heal all their boo-boos.

Lothar of the Hill People

Refs huddle.

“Well, it only bounced once. That counts for New England, right?”

“Yep, that’s what Mr. Kraft says.”

“PASS COMPLETE!”

Doktor Zymm

The Patriots. The only team where 2 games is a “losing streak.” Fuck you, fuck this, fuck your cat, fuck your couch.

Romonobyl

NO….NOT MITTENS!!!

Romonobyl

Cris, stick your head any farther up Gronk’s butt and Tommy might get jealous!

Duchess

Why are TE’s out scoring most of the WR’s this year? Is it because you are giving large fast guys free reign to run across the middle?

Romonobyl

#BLACKDRIVESMATTER

Lothar of the Hill People

Defenses have yet to adjust to guys who can run fast, of any size.

blordinaryfagicmox

Hmm I think I will turn to minecraft for entertainment for the rest of this game. Maybe I will make a football stadium! The scoreboard will forever read 4-2. The Stadium of the Safety.

Romonobyl

So Dallas plays Saturday night, but I’ll be with the Mrs. in San Antonio for a concert. I’m amazingly indifferent at this condition of loggerheads.

JustStopDude

The things we have to do to get a goddamn signal…

http://i.imgur.com/1gy3YcD.gifv

Horatio Cornblower

Christ, what an asshole.

King Hippo

This game has robbed me of the will to live.

/just kidding, didn;t have that to begin with smh

Doktor Zymm

Pants : Fuck Em.
A Documentary.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Kickstarter?

Doktor Zymm

We should. Records would be broken. That pants hate, it be universail

Sharkbait

Do PJ pants count as actual pants? Because thats the first thing I change into when I get out of work

Doktor Zymm

There are levels of pants, sweat pants, yoga pants, pajama pants, these are all mostly acceptable, it’s all covered in the film.

Duchess

Wait, I’m confused about this game. So JJ Watt knew that Patriots were setting him up?

Oh, you see when I get bored I make up my own game. I have a very short attention span.

Doktor Zymm

It’s all about the fluoride that JJ Watt has been drinking from the public water supply I think.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Lothar of the Hill People

That’s a 15-yard penalty on top of the fumble, too. Top-flight derping, to be sure.

Lothar of the Hill People

This woman in the Walmart commercial is way too cute to actually shop at Walmart.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Senor Weaselo

Can he do it again?

Lothar of the Hill People

So they actually said that without Andy Dalton, the Bengals will get to the playoffs but won’t advance?

Alanis Morrisette has a new verse for “Ironic”

JustStopDude
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Excellent!

Lothar of the Hill People

Tigers are awesome.

Horatio Cornblower

That is goddamn terrifying.

Senor Weaselo

Oh, has anyone seen CBQUE over the last however long it’s been? Because St. John’s beat ‘Cuse this afternoon, WOO!

Duchess

With every passing week it becomes more and more apparent that Tony Dungy is a Spitting Image puppet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Doi1U7I1CyU

Lothar of the Hill People

Hoyl shti, the Jaguras beat the carp out of the Clots.

Moonbatting Average

LLO WFT BQB

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I want to brag again to everyone in every forum. I lost 100 lbs over the last year+

Lothar of the Hill People

As long as you’re not implying you dumped your girlfriend…

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

No one has ever loved me. So not an issue

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Pretty sure we are all well-wishers, in that we don’t wish you any specific harm

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Is it wrong that I find that heartwarming?

Senor Weaselo

I smell a terribly cliched gentleman’s bet between Marc and me regarding successful ladying this February!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Did you know if you are sexy every person you see will try to hit on you? I didn’t til recently

Doktor Zymm

That’s legit awesome, but I really want to make a Futurama “Looks like you found it again joke.” You’re probably not a half android Jamaican being used as a puppet by a space lobster though.

Duchess

So you bought a British prostitute?

Doktor Zymm

Did you know 90% of Camrys sold in the last 10 years today….
how should I complete this?
Have brought me a goddamn sandwich?
Have had me sit in the back with no pants while yelling “FUCK THE COWBOYS”?
Have given biting commentary about JJ Watt?
FUCK PANTS.

Senor Weaselo

Are you a Toyota Camry and are just telling us now?

Sill Bimmons

Are still on the road, sullying our majestic highways with their anodyne mawkishness?

Lothar of the Hill People

I’d like to learn more of these “fuck pants” of which you speak…

Romonobyl

I fully support the FUCK PANTS theory.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I like the concept that even the #Grinderest of cars is critical of JJ What?

Lothar of the Hill People

“#1 Pharmacist-recommended brand (phenalyn-based) decongestant”

Psst, there is only ONE phenalyn-based decongestant brand. What the fuck else are pharmacists gonna recommend?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Leeches?

WCS

Sssshhhh! You’re ruining the #NARRATIVE and the #BRANDING

Sill Bimmons

Laudanum: Your #1 pharmacist-recommended opium-based tincture!

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