Post Season Plans

blaxabbath

blaxabbath

I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.
blaxabbath

Latest posts by blaxabbath (see all)

From: HeavyPettine@browns.com
Sent: Sunday, December 6, 2015 10:06 PM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: Cruise

Gentlemen-

Found a cruise on Groupon I’m gonna take in the offseason. If anyone’s interested in going, looks like a lot fun and a great way to unwind from a long season. 4 nights in the Bahamas; leaves 1/9/16 from Miami. -Mike


From: HeadCoach2@titans.com
Sent: Sunday, December 6, 2015 10:07 PM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

Mike P- gotta rap up sum stuff sunday mrning but im in. ill take a statesroom. -Mike M.


From: HeavyPettine@browns.com
Sent: Monday, December 14, 2015 9:37 PM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

Hey All – Just checking back in. Don’t want to pressure anyone but I think the only reason there are still tickets left is because Gronkowski is over his injury and Johnny in my office doesn’t know he’ll be off that weekend yet. Any takers? All you can eat buffets, gambling, women or bring the kids. -Mike


From: willcoach4fud@aol.com
Sent: Monday, December 14, 2015 11:45 PM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

Someone say “eat”?!

Jim Tomsula
Head Coach San Francisco 49ers
“A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate.” 
*Ask me about my sign spinning discounts*


From: CandyDaddy69@hushmail.net
Sent: Monday, December 14, 2015 11:55 PM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: FWD: Cruise

Someone say kids?!
__________________
                           From: notkhakiguy@ravens.biz
                           Sent: Monday, December 14, 2015 11:47 PM
                           To: Marc Trestman-Home
                           Subject: FWD: Cruise

                           Marc- Thinking about going on this trip. Can you handle exit interviews? John
                           …..


From: doingwhatsbest@lachargers.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 7:00 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

Vacations can be a helpful way to relax and unplug.

Mike McCoy
Sent from my Microsoft Surface Pro Tablet


From: dcampbell@miamidolphins.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 7:20 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

Can’t go guys. Gotta keep working. There is no offseason for #grit.
Plus I need to find a quarterback. -DC


From: willcoach4fud@aol.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 9:45 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

IS THIS THING ON? I’M USING ALL MY INTERNET CAFE MINUTES TRYING TO RESPOND TO THIS THING! I might be in if I can get a ride from Del Rio. Anyone heard from him or McCoy? I was hoping Jack could drop me off in LA and McCoy could take me the rest of the way?

Jim Tomsula
Head Coach San Francisco 49ers
“A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate.” 
*Ask me about my sign spinning discounts*


From: doingwhatsbest@lachargers.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 9:46 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

Tom – I’ll talk to Jack about it Thursday. We’re definitely going to do what’s best.

Mike McCoy
Sent from my Microsoft Surface Pro Tablet


From: …@lions.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 9:50 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

This message has been sent with no content.

From: HeavyPettine@browns.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 10:00 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

So Jim is in! We’re holding ten spots but are gonna have to put down a credit card soon. I got everyone eligible so far (Dan, you’re not getting that permanent job — you really shouldn’t have even been on this email chain, my bad 😎 ). I’m expecting to hear from Rex soon and then I just need money from John Fox, Bill O’Brien, and Jason Garrett. Oh! Also, after Trestman’s email: no families and no general managers.
Looking forward to it. – Mike


From: HeadCoach2@titans.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 10:07 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

El Nino year guys. There’s hurricane warnings. Maybe Hawaii is a better option?


From: thestache@la.ramit.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 10:15 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

We’re going to get this hurricane situation fixed. First, we’re going to start forecasting using a farmers almanac. Second, we’re going to watch some film on Katrina.
Also, Snyder’s card is still in our draft room from the RG3 deal. You can put the down payment on there. -Jeff


From: colorrushgus@jaguarsfootballclub.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 10:24 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

Aye blokes! Sorry can’t make your holiday on account of our playoff hunt. Gonna be going into the offseason with nil more defeats (or draws). You have fun there across the pond though.

Keep Calm and God save the Queen.

Coach Bradley

 

 


From: pete@seahawks.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 10:25 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

You guys need to move this over to a guerrilla mail account. It’s bad enough the NSA is collecting all this data on your guys’ interests and plans (you better believe trying to leave the country is a red flag) but the NFL can be spying too. Didn’t you guys learn anything from 9/11?!

I’ll be on the cb tonight if anyone wants to discuss trade acquisitions on Silk Road and drafting through “the underground railroad”.


From: OWNERSHIP@panthersandone.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 10:26 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

Will catch you tonight, Pete. It’s important that we destroy the underground railroad. Call sign: Kcar3/5KK

Sent with 1 Attachment:


From: martinlewis@bengals.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 10:32 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

Any chance you guys can bump it a week? I’m available the next week. -Marvin


From: gingershavesouls@princeton.edu
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 10:38 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

I’m in. Is this one of those Bud Light cruises? Because I heard Mr Jones talk about going on one of those and, frankly, I don’t want the chlamydia.


From: willcoach4fud@aol.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 10:47 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

GEEP –

ATTACHED IS THE GAMEPLAN FOR THIS WEEK. THIKING WILDCAT WITH THE OTHER GUY QB. MAYBE DISCUSS OVER LUNCH (UR BUYING LOL HAHAHA LMAO).

Jim Tomsula
Head Coach San Francisco 49ers
“A certificate of live birth is not the same thing by any stretch of the imagination as a birth certificate.” 
*Ask me about my sign spinning discounts*


From: …@lions.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 10:58 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

This message has been sent with no content.

From: HeavyPettine@browns.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 11:00 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

 

Yeah – I’m just gonna go ahead and start a new string because this has gotten really off track….

blaxabbath
blaxabbath
I sat on a jury years ago, 2nd degree attempted murder case. One day the defendant wore sneakers with his suit to court. It was that day I knew he was guilty.

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[DFO] Archives: Circle Jerk Weekend (Part 2) – [DOOR FLIES OPEN]fmwarnerlitre_colaBeerguyrobMoose -The End Is Well Nigh Recent comment authors
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[…] FAVORITE PERSONAL POST: Post Season Plans […]

WhyEaglesWhy

This was fucking fantastic. For some reason, “headcoach2@titans.com” just killed me. Well done!

litre_cola

This was the post of the year. No question.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

This looks eerily similar to some work email exchanges. Great work.

Also great work late in the Monday Night Feetsball thread:

make it snow says:
December 14, 2015 at 10:51 pm

Fallout time y’all

Reply

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly Rikki-Tikki-Deadly says:
December 14, 2015 at 11:14 pm

Chris Henry’s last words?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

King Hippo

I can say without question, this was EASILY our best Tuesday ever. All three of you gents knocked it out the fucking park.

DFO, it’s not just for RiveBrog smire!

Beerguyrob
laserguru

This deserves serious consideration for post of the year.
Excellent, excellent stuff.

King Hippo

The coveted POTTY award!!

Horatio Cornblower

Richardson’s attachment…/kisses fingertips, blows kiss off of them.

/not gay if it’s on a football/dick-joke blog

Don T

Bengals are so cheap, they gave the coach a fired employee’s email account. This was really good.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

From: quackattack@eagles.com
Sent: Tuesday, December 15, 2015 11:33 AM
To: <2015 NFL Coaches>
Subject: RE: Cruise

If you can trade Marvin and Jim to another cruise, I’m in.

Doktor Zymm

I’m picturing a sequel where an email chain details the passionate affair between Caldwell and Sparano’s football.

This was fantastic.

Beerguyrob

Beautiful.

Tom Clement’s signature for a future edition should be a Hail Mary.

King Hippo

*Ask me about my sign spinning discounts*

I laughed so hard at this, I would have pissed myself had I not gone immediately prior to reading. GRADE A+

Old School Zero

Fan-goddamn-tastic. The email signatures were spot on.

ballsofsteelandfury

Amazingly good. Excellent work!

Duchess

Damn this was good.