Your “What Night Is It Anyway?” NFC East Fiasco Open Thread

Was @ Phi: Over their last eight games the Eagles are doing the lousiness on D to an extent that is only surpassed by the Saints (of course). On t’udder side of the field Cousins is grasping for the Slurs QB throne with a 70% plus completion rating over the same period. Trouble is, them Washington folks have trouble winning when they have to take a stagecoach to a game. Folks, this is the NFC East’s homage to The Good, The Bad And The Ugly, all wrapped up in one debacle. Enjoy.

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entropy

It’s becoming apparent the Eagles don’t win so much as other teams lose.

Doktor Zymm

This is the Cliff Notes for the entire NFC East.

Redshirt

With all the BLEERGH derp this year, I was just waiting for the horsecollar tackle in the pocket call.

entropy

Is there any better smell than he first shot out of a whiskey bottle?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

How do you make a commercial with Norm and fried chicken awful?

...

So the effective offenses are to lure us in and bomb us with derp later, right?

entropy

My buddy just said, “it was a short week, Chip only put in the first series. He’s back on his standard S8 sheet now.”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, one quarter of derp is all I can take. Waking up at 5am, so night all. Go [Redacteds] (for gambling purposes only).

entropy

Well, this game made me crack tomorrow’s Jameson.

WCS

1-0 Ice Stillers woo

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Gratliff

The penguins spiraling out while Ghost Bear drags the Flyers kicking and screaming into contention is helping to relieve the pain of the NFL season

Doktor Zymm

HOLY SHIT JORDAN REED PLAYED BASKETBALL HE IS SURE TO BE WANKED BY ALL ANNOUNCERS FOREVER NOW

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Riley Cooper would like you to know a white WR would have caught that.

Redshirt

So what I got from that commercial is somewhere in Star Wars: Battlefront is a naked Anna Kendrick.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

So false advertisement?

Doktor Zymm

Dear Jordan Reed. You are awesome and I bet you even smell good. Thanks for all the points, I hope you get a pony and lots of guaranteed money for Xmas.
Love,
Lots of Fantasy Owners

entropy

My yinzer buddy actively despises Reed for disappearing in the second half last week.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

My wife still curses your name. Sometimes I wake up at night, and hear her mumbling in her sleep. It sounds like “bucking sim,” but I think the meaning is clear.

Doktor Zymm

That’s totally fair.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Also, “195 points??? WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT?”

Doktor Zymm

About 20% of that was all Cam. Dude’s a beast. He’s what RG3 could have been if he wasn’t breakable and on the [*Redacted] s.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

That actually made it kind of worse…she had him last year, when he had his car accident.

If he’s not MVP, then we should burn PK in effigy. We should do that anyway, really.

Doktor Zymm

Burning PK in effigy is something we can all enjoy. Cheers!

Gratliff

Reminder that this Eagles team beat the fucking Patriots

Doktor Zymm

And there was much hilarious rejoicing.

King Hippo

A tree grew in Brooklyn. Then it got self-aware, and caught on fire, and exploded.

Doktor Zymm

Actually, the worst part about the AFC’s recent collective bed shitting, it let’s the Pats still have a first round bye despite losing to the Eagles. Losing to an NFC East team should be an automatic loss of bye.

John Difool

Jordan Reed is the new Tony González, gottdam this kid is good.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So PEDs?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

THESE PHILADELPHIA EAGLES I CALL THEM THE OAKLAND RAIDERS CAUSE THEY COULDN’T COVER A TIGHT END IF THEIR LIVES DEPENDED ON IT.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Jordan Reed vs Eagles
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...

“An explosion in Philly!”

So they overcharged their batteries?

entropy

anniversary of the MOVE home bombing.

WCS

…and here come the batteries!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Reminder: The Eagles, like all NFC East teams, are NAWT good.

King Hippo

They only had three dudes on Reed there, better go with four.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Poll–

If the [Redacteds] score on this drive, do they

A) Kick the XP
B) Go for 2
C) Raise FedEx parking prices

entropy

D. Send cards depicting Native Americans playing football to various Native American agencies.

King Hippo

I’m pretty sure Li’l Danny came when he read “C”

WCS

E.) Sue old ladies for cancelling their tickets

King Hippo

I simply cannot wrap my brain around the concept of Kirk Cousins being even ADEQUATE, let alone a positive force in footy contests.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

It’s a Sparty kind of year.

...

Deceptively adequate.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

It’s called Jordan Reed.

Doktor Zymm

He’s a good fit for the one offense that Chubby Gruden knows how to coach. He also has some pretty decent people around him, the O-line somehow came together and he’s got Jordan Reed and good downfield receivers. Just think what an actually good QB could do in that situation!

Gratliff

Welp. Time to break out the cheesecake.

Doktor Zymm

Oh dear god. So, Sky Sports shows recaps of the week before games instead of commercials, which is awesome. Except the TB/StL color rush game. It surprised me and I think I puked a little.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

The uniforms or the bucs defense?

Redshirt

Okay, so apparently in the Independence Bowl on ESPN a team’s Long Snapper got hurt, so they replaced him with #8, but that was a penalty because the holder is also #8, so they replaced the holder who dropped the ball.

There is so much derp there, I don’t know where to begin.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Derp overload
Derperload

Doktor Zymm

I really hope that was closed captioned as “dismissive wanking motion”

entropy

I’ll ask my brother. His wife’s deaf.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Yes, this is an actual photo of our tree. How it got there, no one knows…

http://i.imgur.com/hWqY7Xv.png

BrettFavresColonoscopy

MERRY MOOSEMAS!

Doktor Zymm

And a Moosey New Year!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

CAUTION! Could be bloated reindeer.

http://40.media.tumblr.com/20103f042b2d11cadb0a70174552e664/tumblr_ngw138nOu81rwqiuko1_500.jpg

If not; RIGHT FUCKING ON!

entropy

In addition to the many, many reasons I love this place, having our own weird holiday is at the top of the list.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Weird? WEIRD?!?

blackroseMD1

Jordan Reed catching 150 and 3 TDs would really help me win my fantasy playoff game, so if someone could tell Kirk Cousins to keep throwing it to him, that would be great.

Col. Duke LaCross

As a guy that is forced to start an inactive Dez and also had Odell, I echo these sentiments. Nothing sketchier than trying to win a championship with 3 TE’s in the lineup. The more ReedDowns and catches, the better!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

It’s a derp off!

entropy

Who the fuck else would get an intentional grounding call other than the offense?!

King Hippo

Ryan Kerrigan REALLY wants someone to jerk him off, apparently

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is someone going to Last Boy Scout this game or can I go to sleep before the half?

WCS

comment image
Ain’t like a bitch?

WCS

BAWAHAHAHHAHAHAH BEEMER BALL

King Hippo

Again, this would be in the bag for the Redacteds if Dok were only PHYSICALLY IN THE GREATER PHILLY METRO AREA ,, smgdh

Doktor Zymm

I actually really enjoy visiting Philadelphia, and they’re very nice people when sports aren’t involved, but I would absolutely have batteries chucked at me if I went to this game.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

I can only hope you’ve had the chance to try that line out for realz…

Gratliff

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aaaaaand this will be a one point game.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Classic Snyders

entropy

Garçon means “boy.” Bears repeating any time he is brought up.

SonOfSpam

“Peter Boy” was also Aaron Rodgers’s high school nickname.

Redshirt

What did #86 do?

Gratliff

Offsetting personal fouls after a score. That’ll teach ’em!

Doktor Zymm

THIS GAME I CALL IT THE FRENCH AND INDIAN WAR BECAUSE THERE’S LOTS OF GUYS NAMED PIERRE ON THE [*Redacted] S AND IT’S PART OF A LARGER CONFLICT OFTEN REFERRED TO AS THE 7-9 GAMES WAR

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Jordan Reed is what Jon Gruden might call a FOOTBALL PLAYER

...

Ha. I tricked my family into watching this shit.

entropy

Christmas surprises, part one:

My nephew has his hair done like Odell Beckham Jr’s. I love this kid. He’s great. But I’m gonna shave his fucking head soon if he doesn’t get rid of that nonsense.

SonOfSpam

Threaten him with a baseball bat.

entropy

Can’t. Out of all the nieces and nephews, he’s the one who figured out first I’d never hurt any of them.

Gratliff

I wouldn’t start worrying until he wants to go helmet-to-helmet with you

Doktor Zymm

Tell him he’s suspended from next Christmas

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What a lucky Pierre!

King Hippo

“Lucky Pierres” – a proud past Hippo FF team name

/yes, I intentionally auctioned both Garcon and Thomas to fit the predetermined name

Redshirt

So is Sam Bradford good?

entropy

No.

Doktor Zymm

Like how Mussolini was good compared to Hitler

entropy

Oh great the old “made the trains run on time” argument again….

...

He made the offense run on time!

entropy

They came at him from his blind eye. I mean, side. Blind SIDE.

King Hippo

Chances of Iggles/G-Men being Week 17 SNF if Redacteds lose tonight – 100%.

Consider that when choosing sides tonight.

Redshirt

If Panthers win this week, they’ll be SNF Week 17.

King Hippo

Riverboat has strongly hinted that he will pull his starters at the half, at best.