Your Not Too Bad Looking Late Afternoon Slate Open Thread

Jax @ NO: If you’re a fan of invisible D’s have I got a game for you. Both of these teams have racked up a 50 spot this year. Over the last five games combined these teams have averaged 27 points per game. RB Yeldon is out so Denard Robinson goes once again. Pro Bowl snub WR Robinson, he of the 1100+ yds. and 13 TD’s just might go off today. Of course, I say that about any talented catcher of balls playing against the Saints secondary. QB Brees will play with a torn painter fascist (Gerardo Dottori?)-not sure how mobile he’ll be but I’m also not sure of how much pressure the Jags DL will be able to exert.

StL @ Sea: Who knew that QB Wilson would be able to back up his words with actions? Since wk.11 he’s been the best completion-, yards per attempt- TD- and QBR-wise. That’s some sagely play on his part. By far his most heroic feat though has been temporarily transforming WR Baldwin into something not resembling a regrettable draft pick. The Rams looked to be something early in the season but reality has a way of catching up to everyone. (Donald Trump excluded) DT Aaron Donald has been a force for the D throughout for the Rams and Wilson may want to keep an eye out lest he become another sack statistic.

GB @ Ari: The Pack do have 10 wins at this point but they have come at the expense of the Chargers, the Lions X2, the Cowboys, the 49ers and the Seahawks/Chiefs before they got their collective shit together. To be fair, they did beat the Broncs and Panthers though. By beat I mean not beat. Over the last 8 weeks the Cards have only been tested by the Vikes, Seahawks and Bengals. The old standby “playoff atmosphere” may be bandied about a fair bit during this game. You have been warned.

 

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fuck you Joe Buck (you just moved up a few spots in my hate power rankings) and fuck this nonsense that such-and-such teams’ fans “travel well”. Most of the visiting team fans you see there are just local asshole bandwagoners who come out of the woodwork when a nationally popular team comes to town.

Sharkbait

This.

Doktor Zymm

That’s one advantage of being a fan of a shitty non-popular team. No bandwagoners!

Recovery Whiskey

“fuck you Joe Buck” is always the right answer

John Difool

Wait, Joe Buck wasn’t already at the top of your hate power-rankings?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

No, he had slipped considerably when he was mocking Fox’s stupid “galloping gobbler” award during the Thanksgiving game.

...

And let’s not forget the transplants too. A shit ton of Wisconsinites (and other Midwesterners) retire to Arizona.

Spur

comment image

blaxabbath

In his defense, Clay Matthews can only offer as many hands as his team has points.

Doktor Zymm

Clay Mathews is second only to JJ Watt in my Blond Defensive Player Asshole Rankings.

blaxabbath

The local fox station is doing a “Cardinal fever” bit where they have a bunch of fans in red makeup in a hospital. They are saying “we can only hope to contain it” and “the only cure is the super bowl.”

It’s terrible. It almost makes me want to see them lose.

Recovery Whiskey

Meanwhile in Seattle, we are advised to go Beastmode on out plumbing problems.

Wakezilla

/Announcers praise Dernard Robinson, talking about how he should be a pro Bowler

/next play Robinson drops a catchable pass.

Classic.

blaxabbath

No amount of facts are going to change the network’s narrative. #patriotway

Doktor Zymm

It’s actually pretty easy to kill a man with your thighs. There’s nothing that special about Xenia Onatopp.

...

…if I ask where you hid the bodies, will I be crushed to death too?

Doktor Zymm

The real question is, if I answer yes, will you still allow yourself to be in a position to be crushed to death?

...

…you got me there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can we wait until I’m like, eighty five, or have terminal cancer?

Recovery Whiskey

Sounds like you’ve given the matter some thought.

Doktor Zymm

Any woman who rides horses could do it no problem. And we also enjoy peaty whisky!

Wakezilla

The woman in the pic is a dude?

Doktor Zymm

I really wish I had found this gif when an appropriate QB was playing.
http://ak-hdl.buzzfed.com/static/2014-04/enhanced/webdr04/28/0/anigif_enhanced-4790-1398658966-10.gif

John Difool

When’s the next time Brock Osweiller plays?

Recovery Whiskey

Depends on whether Peyton’s wife got this weeks shipment

Romonobyl

Looks like Doopy’s TD scramble from the early game.

blaxabbath

Wow — Julio Jones is a good WR.

evilbeaver8

If the Cardinals win the Super Bowl this year, their fans across the US would be referred to as Arians’ Nation, right?

blaxabbath

Absolutely. In part because this place is full of people who believe in white supremacy; just don’t have a label for it.

blaxabbath

Mathews is the ultimate Packer. That “too slow” hand shit is just the passive-aggressiveness BS that you get from the GB faithful.

Doktor Zymm

What about chips as reparations?

Doktor Zymm

Plain potato only, kettle chips, ruffles, or BBQ only if you can prove cruelty.

Doktor Zymm

I should probably ask what these are in reparation for. Otherwise….okay on salt, I’ll have to consult my client as to vinegar.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Romonobyl

I’ll bet Pam Oliver has this taped over her bathroom mirror.

Doktor Zymm

I like how when Red Zone does split screen, each game is about the size of most people’s TVs on my projector screen 😀

evilbeaver8

Braggart.

Doktor Zymm

You’re gaddamn right!

blaxabbath

I know they are going to force it to Fitz here. But I wish they’d not force it to Fitz here.

John Difool

Are you a wizard?

evilbeaver8

Jim Bob Cooter for Emperor of the World.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Cooter Nation!

Wakezilla

So, if you’re an NFC wild card team, would you rather face Green Bay and Arizona, or Washington and Carolina?

Washington is pretty much a guarantee win, but then you have to face Carolina. But Green Bay and Arizona are both beatable.

...

Carolina is beatable too. I’d take the WSH-CAR route.

blaxabbath

I’d hate to travel to GB. I don’t know what playing at WAS in Jan is like, but I know GB is bad.

King Hippo

I think AZ is the best team in footbaw.

John Difool

Washington is only a guaranteed win at home, they’ll win the first game at FedEx and then get Mollywhomped on the road

John Difool

True, they’re not guaranteed one but they’ll pull it off and then get b-smacked in whatever city they end up in after that.

Doktor Zymm

WAS isn’t a guaranteed win, plus the turf might eat you. It’s more of a crap shoot.

blaxabbath

THAT TURF LIKES THAT!

evilbeaver8

Damned Olivia Munn.

Romonobyl

Imagine what that girl has to spend on batteries.

Doktor Zymm
Romonobyl

So if you order one of those in a large, would they still be talking about the waist measurement? I’m asking for a…friend. Yeah, a friend.

Doktor Zymm

Arizona! More than just an iced tea brand!

entropy

More than the place non-Jewish septuagenarians go to die!

blaxabbath

It’s also a great place to sample the constitutionality of extremely discriminatory laws poorly disguised as not discriminatory!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

+ fucking one on that!

blaxabbath

“Palmers shitty screen pass INT isn’t going to steal the spotlight from MEEEEEEEEEE!”

-Aaron Rodgers, singing in the huddle before that play

fleshwound_NPG

RODGERSCEPTION

entropy

Dueling INTs.

blaxabbath

Gayception!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The Ladybirds: The World’s First All Girl Topless Band, 1968.

The Beatles of topless girl bands, highly underrated.

h
ttp://40.media.tumblr.com/bd3c39b778e3b6a4ed975f4f0690a935/tumblr_nv18z4QwoU1u3lrczo1_1280.jpg

evilbeaver8

Out of curiosity, what happens if you post a NSFW link?

Romonobyl

Your forced to move to Quinzee and adopt the dialect.

entropy

NO ONE DENIES THIS!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It is the agreement by most on the rules; no lips, dicks, buttholes, bare nipples of women. They will get removed. The challenge is to make as close as you can on Sexy Friday without stepping over the line, or dick as it were.

entropy

So, is wearing your cheesehead backward considered a douche move, or is it acceptable?

blaxabbath

Leave the sticker on it.

Doktor Zymm

Really, other than tradition, it’s not clear which end should be the front.

evilbeaver8

Since when would cheeseheads consider a douchemove unacceptable?

Shogun Marcus

Wearing one at all is a douche move. But it does make it easy for us to identify you as a sucker.

Doktor Zymm

Kicking field goals looks really fun. I wanna kick stuck for a living.

entropy

I can state with some authority that kicking stuff as a hobby is immensely rewarding.

Doktor Zymm

I’ve enjoyed my occasional forays into kicking random objects. Very satisfying.

fleshwound_NPG

FAT MAN INT

blaxabbath

Palmer you fucking suck. This is why Cam is getting the MVP.

Wakezilla

Palmer is the rich man’s Alex Smith.

blaxabbath

I have no problem saying that Sgt Jason Lassard deserves to be blown up by a roadside bomb, along with every other NE fan.

bourb0nblues

Henne-esque smirk from the Jags coach there.

evilbeaver8

B=Bay
E=Ends
N=No
G=Good
H=Hags
A=Attempt to
Z
I=Intentionally destroy America

Doktor Zymm

Zastardly?

Shogun Marcus

When your punter is the only one who seems to get how the game of footed ball works.

John Difool

Rogers getting sacked by all these Cardinals is starting to remind him of his altar boy fantasy….

blaxabbath

Cambell is gonna be 2 over par by the half if he keeps getting to Rodgers like this.

Doktor Zymm

Last minute I dropped the Arizona D for the Pittsburgh D. The rest of my team did awesome, so it’s all good, but this was not the best decision.

Romonobyl

Forth and Tuscon.

blaxabbath

As someone who hates that place, I appreciate your spelling.

Romonobyl

Yeah, didn’t proof read that. Damn sobriety!

entropy

Why do you hate Tucson? If you to be in Southern AZ, I prefer that to Phoenix.

Recovery Whiskey

Seattle taking the afternoon off, confirmed

fleshwound_NPG

The race to play the ‘Skins heating up

fleshwound_NPG

…and unsurprising to see Petey fuck it up.

Doktor Zymm

I haven’t watched this video in a while, turns out I’ve ALWAYS been a fan of the meteor!

blaxabbath

Damn, Campbell. Kiss him if you’re gonna make Aaron take it on his back.

Romonobyl

TRICKERY!!!

Recovery Whiskey

GB went all fakey

blaxabbath

Mike McCarthy makes great play calls.

Put it in stone.

Shogun Marcus

Tricky nokicky!

Shogun Marcus

Immediately squandered.

Romonobyl

Michael Bay doing a Benghazi movie. The jokes just write themselves.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Who will be the harassed woman washing the car this time?

Romonobyl

Megan Fox will play the Secretary of State.

blaxabbath

Is 13 hours the Benghanzi movie? Because I heard Hillary Clinton laughed about it.

entropy

Yes it is

John Difool

She doesn’t laugh, she cackles.

Doktor Zymm

If it wasn’t already too late, I would have a Wild Zero drinking game New Years Party.

blordinaryfagicmox

Wired zello to you too!

blaxabbath

The fuck is with 89 wearing a hoodie under his jersey? You’re in a fucking climate controlled dome in Arizona and are from Wisconsin! You should be cutting the sleeves off your jersey!

Wakezilla

Are the Hawks still drunk from last night’s Christmas party or something? Sloppy football and terrible, terrible decision making isn’t exactly their MO.

evilbeaver8

I don’t know that anyone would accuse them of being great decision makers.

Recovery Whiskey

The Rams bring out our best. Like meeting your ex to “just have coffee, catch up on things.”

bourb0nblues

If only there was some sort of coffee retailer in the Pacific Northwest that could wake them up!

evilbeaver8

I am enjoying my first time watching David Johnson play football. He appears to be good at advancing the ball.

blaxabbath

Microsoft reinvented the Surface? Didn’t it just come out like a year ago?

Wakezilla

They put a hat on it. Now it’s better than ever!