I will speak softly, presuming all are hungover and depressed at the prospects of the pending Clemson/Bama national final. Anyway, these are today’s exhibitions.
Terrible Faux-Australian Steak Bowl – Northwestern vs. Tennessee (Noon, ESPN2)
My general take would be that the Mildcats are less bad than the Vols, but one must admit that the SEC has done significantly better than expected in the exhibition season so far. Maybe it will be entertaining, at least.
Citrus Bowl – Michigan vs. Florida (1:00, ABC)
I don’t know what the line is, but for fuck’s sake, BET THE UNDER.
Fiesta Bowl – Notre Dame vs. Ohio State (1:00, ESPN)
Serious, giant earthquake. If there was ever a time we needed you more, I sure as fuck can’t remember it.
Rose Bowl – Stanford vs. Iowa (5:00, ESPN)
Finally, a game that one can feel good about watching, and perhaps the white knuckle period of your hangovers will at least be over. And NO, I will not call it “the Rose Bowl game” as I don’t give two fucks about your parade. Too bad Stanford couldn’t have been in the semifinals, maybe we could have had one game that didn’t suck hind teat.
Sugar Bowl – Oklahoma State vs. Ole Miss (8:30, ESPN)
The grand finale of your sporting 1 January. There Will Be Offense. And not just because of Johnny Reb’s confederacy-lovin’ supporters. Or those really bizarre orange BDSM paddles the Pokes fans always bring with them.
Bosa gets tossa-ed?
Anyone else not into this Dr Pepper marketing?
If it’s not an old timey ad for Hot Dr. Pepper, I’m out.
Who wouldn’t want their son to play for this man?
No love for Michigan’s psycho?
A bleater of men.
LOOK AT MY TONSILS; THEY ARE GLORIOUS!!!!
Man, traditional Notre Dame fans haven’t seen a decision as bad as that pass since Vatican II.
Joey Bosa needs to be playing for the Cowboys next year.
Well he just took a stupid and unnecessary penalty so yeah, he’ll be a great fit.
mmmmmm….cake porn….
With a cup of the scatalogical?
Walking around my apartment is like playing the saddest game of clue.
I keep getting flash backs as I find random shit out of place. Methinks I am just going to stay on the coach…
“going stay on the coach”
Dungy would probably struggle at first but would really get into as things progressed…
Shut up, scotchnaut.
“going stay on the coach”
Dungy would probably struggle at first but would really get into it as things progressed…
The NHL is now blowing the military in pre-game crap.
THANKS GOODELL!
The most recent winner of The Voice is singing the national anthem!
I thought Notre Dame was supposed to be good?
Only in the eyes of the networks and Notre Dame itself.
They’re probably a legitimate top 20 team but they have no chance against Ohio State. Or Alabama. They already lost to Clemson. Oklahoma would’ve killed them. MSU is better. Baylor, TCU and OSU probably had better teams. Stanford did beat them.
But other than that they are right there with the best of them.
Isn’t this the same bowl where Clowney murdered a Michigan running back a few years ago?
His last known sighting.
Rhonda Rousey’s new fountain?
Well the Fiesta Bowl is getting out of hand but I’m not sure I can turn away from watching a Brian Kelly team get destroyed.
Of course Urban Meyer’s team is doing it so at best it’s a mixed blessing.
Here’s Thorson running out of bounds on a free play.
I bet if they had a fight Battlefrog would get its ass kicked by Mail Chimp.
Winner gets to be president.
Facebook: BUT WE ALREADY HAVE A CHIMP PRESIDENT!!!11111
CombatSquirrel would do pretty well for itself.
Due to the events of last night…I have decided to listen to my father’s request that I tone the shit down. I realize its cliche but I really need to stop with the drugs…the booze…smoking (both normal cigs and ones dipped in airplane glue)…along with fucking anything that moves.
If I don’t cut this out I am going to either catch some STD or another set of child support payments, have a heart attack, and finally destroy my back for good.
So my burner phone was destroyed this morning. No more drug contacts. No more beer in the morning, whiskey in the evenings. Just sobriety and football…
JESUS FUCK TITTY CHRIST FOOTBALL IS SLOW AS HELL!!!
HOW DO YOU PEOPLE SIT THROUGH THIS SOBER????
Pussy.
/seriously, good luck.
Man, that’s tough. Good luck to you.
Hey if Lemmy can finally reach sobriety, so can I!!!!
Drinking pace has slowed. Maybe I have successfully turned down after all.
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Fried chicken and a blow job?
Well, it would be false labeling if’in it wasn’t!
“Think CrossFit meets Tough Mudder.”
No. I will never ever think that, and you can’t make me.
NOTE to self: Landmine any “BattleFrog” courses in the greater Raleigh/Durham area.
Landmines are iffy…I vote napalm.
At halftime it’s going to be revealed that Battlefrog is some kind of long winded, expensive, and unsuccessful sketch/Andy Kaufman-esque hoax, right? Right?!
Nah…Andy Kaufman has actually been Fred Phelps all these years.
He has been taking the few years off since he killed off the character.
Hey, it’s Brian Kelly, the coach who had a student killed!
Has he killed anyone lately?
Hey, as long as he’s not pro-choice he’s otay as far as the bishops are concerned!!
He has a new flower bed at his house; 6’6″ x 3′
corpses are FANTASTIC for teh topsoil ,, ppl forget that
Just saw the first ad for “Battlefrog” I’ve seen, and I already want the entire organization and associates launched into Jupiter.
I just saw that add and still don’t get it. It’s like the Tough Mudder and Spartan races, but with enough money to sponsor a bowl game?
When the hell did defensive holding become a ten-yard penalty?
Has this been going on all along in college football?
I will not accept this. Someone will pay.
Possible NSFW
http://i.imgur.com/32cNT65.gifv
JSD wins the internet.
Not safe for innocent balloons minding their own business either.
/”Oooo-a nice woman just bought me, probably for a kid’s birthday. Yay!”
SOMEBODY PULL SOME HAIR!
My favorite part is near the end when the extra girl comes in and has to “redirect” the action. If I had a nickel…
This is mesmerizing.
I watched the whole thing just to find out who won. I am ashamed of myself.
Looks to me like everyone who plays is a winner.
And is anyone surprised that all the males had their phones out recording?
I also never gets tired of this. Digable Planets had some smooth shit.
Habs are starting a goalie against the Bruins who is the son of an Irish policeman from the Boston area. He’s wearing a mask with Brady and Belichick. He went to Princeton. He’s a sports reporter’s wet dream personified.
The Bruins fans must be son confused.
I can’t remember the saying…
Is it good or bad luck to be pissing blood on New Years Day…I want to say its good luck for the year…
Good luck for sure-now if you’re still doing it by January 14th I may have to re-think my position.
Missed extra points are not at all my shit.
Shouldn’t be Evanston be, like, full of suburban soccer player types? You shouldn’t hurt for placekicker options.
I don’t know, man. It has always been a huge problem. I hate it.
some schools also just don’t prioritize it in recruiting, almost like a “manhood” thing, which is fucking insane. Bowden eventually learned his lesson.
Headliner, I challenge you to a game of horseshoes. A GAME OF HORSESHOES!!
This really does hold up, at least to my old honky ears.
Thorson is raw as hell, but watching him just run past defenders is one of football’s greatest joys.
BATTLEFROG!
The holiday capture thing doesn’t seem to have worked out very well for ESPN.
I think I’ll do the outdoor hockey game and not-cheer for Notre Dame.
/look at me rhyming!
Now this….this is a giant spider I can get behind (and very well groomed I’d suspect)
http://freebeacon.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/black-widow-iron-man-2.gif
I’ll draw her next, if you want, but there are laws against chaining up people and keeping them in pens (unless you’re the government, and we’re not one…. yet).
http://41.media.tumblr.com/e8b8de82f5f8ff93485cddbb69e032e0/tumblr_nwjdf4AXlc1qz73n3o1_1280.jpg
smgdh at the team with the shitty kicker
Rumor has it that there may be a breakfast bagel with egg, cheese, ham and hash browns for breakfast.
I’m sending in an away team to investigate.
Tennessee is as awful as their shade of orange.
Worse color, the Vols orange or the Longhorns burnt whateverthefuck?
Discuss.
Tennessee’s is worse in the abstract, Texas’ is worse in combination with their faux cowboy fringe they have their band, etc. wear.
Drinking Sorry Not Sorry IPA out of my 25oz mug this morning. My New Year’s resolution was to turn down, and I am already failing.
I’ve always wondered why the idea was to start resolutions hungover. Doesn’t really seem like a recipe for success. Just start on the 2nd.
“I am already failing”
You spelled “winning” wrong.
So, in order to make sure I wasn’t copying anyone else’s idea, I typed “tarantasaurus rex” into the ol’ Google and found that NO ONE has made this thing yet, which can only mean one thing:
We have a mascot.
Does an eight legged carnivorous dinosaur NOT scare anyone else?
His name is “Scruffles.” How can you be scared of someone named “Sruffles?”
EIGHT LEGGED CARNIVOROUS DINOSAUR!!!!!!
HELLO???????
Oh. I forgot to mention…. 35 foot tall tarantasaurus rex. Hairy as fuck. I get it. You’re just afraid of the vacuuming. No worries. We will hire someone.
Hairy as fuck? Perhaps he’d be less scary and have more friends if he did a little arachno-scaping. Just a thought.
Runway, right?
He’s EVERYONE’s pet, Seamus! I know, when we got him, you were all, “I’ll walk him and clean him and even make sure he gets a fresh goat every week,” but now, here he is, full grown, significantly less cute, and no one wants to take care of him any more….. no goats, his pen’s full of shit and half-eaten carcasses, there’s webs every fucking where…
WOOOOOOO
I’m hungry. I need to cook something.
So, I take it everyone’s assholes were only invaded by friendly/invited fingers last night?
I’m proud, not proud? to report there was no invasion.
The border force held strong.
Too early in the proceedings to gauge level of hangover. Today was made for black eye peas and ham, fried taters and corn bread.
I may hit up the redbox and rent Mad Max Fury Road based on the power of suggestion.
Why is my tongue sticking to the roof of my mouth?
I always, ALWAYS read that as “FURRY Road”
Would be a better movie ,, imo godbless
I prefer a well-trimmed road, but to each his own I always say.
Fury Road is fun as hell.
I’m gonna finish up Assassin’s Creed before watching any of this.
While contemplating the ordering of shitty hangover pizza, I started looking over my budget spreadsheets at the first few things I bought at the beginning of the last few years. The first year I have records for is 2013, and one of the first charges is my bar tab for the last time the Skins lost a playoff game to the Seatruthers. Also, the Indian restaurant I went to afterwards with a bunch of people from Glasgow I randomly met while drinking in memoriam RG3’s knee.
The following years weren’t as interesting, though both years I did get a beer at the same overpriced airport restaurant!
I paid cash at the bar last night, so I have to decide if I want my first on-record charge for the year to be shitty pizza. Decisions, decisions….
Perhaps Thai might be the way to go?
Ooohh…that’s not a bad idea
motherfucker, now I want Thai food. And you know how I feel about leaving the house.
/does not live in a real city where such things are brought to you
//shit, the Thai places here probably not even open
Yep, I’ve got Thai food stuck in my head now too. Red curry, pad see ew and shrimp delight.
OK I’m getting up now.
Hippo’s old skool hangover cure: Vicodin and Red Bull
/your friendly neighbourhood quack
Monster Lo-Carb and Tramadol here, but I like the way you’re thinking.
Into the moderation bin again. I must be dangerous.
There’s always the time-honored tradition of grabbing whatev’s in the medicine cabinet and seeing what happens.
None of these games seem fun. I think I’m gonna spend my afternoon drawing a Tarantasaurus Rex.
Like a tarantula T-Rex? Neat.
Exactly like that. Things pop into my head, and I have decided againts questioning where they come from any longer. Seems like a bad road to go down.
New Year’s Resolution #2….Moar Golf.
?w=720&h=405
So, I guess all of us, even the wolven sort will be rooting against Alabama, right?
I mean the lesser of two evils and all.
It’s gonna be hard, but yeah….probably so.
undecided. The Jeebus Camp element is hard to swallow. Rampant evangelicalism vs. run-of-the-mill evil.
I’m a whole lotta meh. Last year I could root for the rapist making an ass of himself, which he did but still got drafted first. This year….I’m so not invested in college sports. Go….team!
No hangover today but I seem to have picked up a cold. I’d rather have the hangover; at least I can Gatorade-aspirin-nap those into submission in a couple of hours.
The Rose Bowl Parade Queen (TM) is so white David Duke couldn’t handle the glare.
Oh, and Brent Musberger is already pissing me off.
I’ve decided to try and go vegan. I can’t wait to tell all of you all about it over the next few weeks and months. I’m sure there will be many challenges but I think I’m up to it.
KIDDING!
No hangover today-best to get back to the drink as quickly as possible.
Agreed. Considering how little vodka (and other assorted beverages as well) is left in the bottle, and how frigging late I went to bed….I feel surprisingly refreshed and smell surprisingly good.
You really had me there for a bit.
I was hoping you were serious so that I could respond with a running commentary of my Cross-Fit work-outs.
If a vegan started doing Cross-Fit which would they not shut up about first?
Trick question!!!!!
They’re still talking about how great their Prius is for the environment.
They talk about their cargo bike they use to transport the dog, kids, groceries etc.
Totally green.
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