I will speak softly, presuming all are hungover and depressed at the prospects of the pending Clemson/Bama national final. Anyway, these are today’s exhibitions.
Terrible Faux-Australian Steak Bowl – Northwestern vs. Tennessee (Noon, ESPN2)
My general take would be that the Mildcats are less bad than the Vols, but one must admit that the SEC has done significantly better than expected in the exhibition season so far. Maybe it will be entertaining, at least.
Citrus Bowl – Michigan vs. Florida (1:00, ABC)
I don’t know what the line is, but for fuck’s sake, BET THE UNDER.
Fiesta Bowl – Notre Dame vs. Ohio State (1:00, ESPN)
Serious, giant earthquake. If there was ever a time we needed you more, I sure as fuck can’t remember it.
Rose Bowl – Stanford vs. Iowa (5:00, ESPN)
Finally, a game that one can feel good about watching, and perhaps the white knuckle period of your hangovers will at least be over. And NO, I will not call it “the Rose Bowl game” as I don’t give two fucks about your parade. Too bad Stanford couldn’t have been in the semifinals, maybe we could have had one game that didn’t suck hind teat.
Sugar Bowl – Oklahoma State vs. Ole Miss (8:30, ESPN)
The grand finale of your sporting 1 January. There Will Be Offense. And not just because of Johnny Reb’s confederacy-lovin’ supporters. Or those really bizarre orange BDSM paddles the Pokes fans always bring with them.
The Sunny season premiere (THIS Wednesday) is titled “Chardee MacDennis 2: Electric Boogaloo”
Something to look forward to, indeed.
So uh… that just happened.
If this keeps up, Fek’s gonna nuke Pasadena with photon torpedoes.
Oh fuck this noise….
http://i.imgur.com/ymhdrfp.gifv
Andrew Luck’s summer job?
Witness “Well, he did have a fairly distinctive tattoo…..”
http://cdn.acidcow.com/pics/20131129/bizarre_mugshots_08.jpg
http://gfycat.com/SizzlingImmaculateCockatoo
https://fat.gfycat.com/SizzlingImmaculateCockatoo.webm
welp
http://cdn1.divorcedmoms.com/cm-dm-imgupload/635655228484436888suckometer.jpg
This white Stanford RB isn’t like all the other white Stanford RBs. He totes has black guy ability! He even likes Reggie Bush!!!
All games must be ass blastings. Tis the curse of Ryan Seacrest.
http://i.imgur.com/4qWJcv4.png
http://41.media.tumblr.com/071a6a216d84cf61a47577bb1d186004/tumblr_mhgf8jaMjb1qbogbgo1_500.jpg
Mello Smellos. Yep.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/f73f2491043a6874235b51c2751ec3c1/tumblr_nzgnyn83LI1qk7scno1_540.gif
Seriously…fucking A…I just want a close game…
If it will do that when you fall down, I will buy one.
For those pics, was BJ told…
“BJ baby…we need you to look as douchy as possible…and slightly rapey….perfect!”
“Act like a guy who goes by the initials ‘BJ’ aaaaaaaaannnddd…we got it!”
“Okay then…that was quicker than expect…I need to go shower the disgust off my skin.”
Well gee, that wasn’t a great start…
Peter King is going have the biggest raging clue for Christian McCaffery.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/808add64f93c2d755654ab13f242247d/tumblr_inline_mu6hxiKiT51soun67.jpg
Whelp…that was quick…Iowa…try covering him next time…
That didn’t take long.
http://i.imgur.com/FS75Pmx.gifv
Whoever made that Ken Burns wax model should be fired cause it don’t look like him at all…
Hey look, it’s the Stillers…oh wait, nope.
Makes it easier to pull for them.
Plus Stanford is a goddamn cesspool.
Never root for the team wearing red with the big S on teh helmet…’twill only cause pain and suffering.
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/517-9IQyzQL._SY355_.jpg
Nissan…cause it will score you pussy…or dick…whatever you want…NISSAN!!!!
“I totally wasn’t gonna sleep with that dude, until I saw his sweet Nissan”
-No woman ever
Inorite? She knows what I’m talking ’bout.
O RLY
http://pictures.topspeed.com/IMG/crop/201502/2015-nissan-gt-r—driven-3_600x0w.jpg
Yeah, everyone drives THAT Nissan.
My dad has this awesome set of tools…I can fix it.
http://newstimes.augusta.com/sites/default/files/imagecache/superphoto/appling%20truck%20wreck.jpg
O RLY
http://imganuncios.mitula.net/1977_datsun_280z_in_marshallberg_nc_4350131449875091460.jpg
O RLY
http://st.motortrend.com/uploads/sites/5/2014/04/1971-Nissan-Skyline-2000-GT-R-front-three-quarters-in-motion.jpg
Yeah, everyone drives ALL those Nissans.
They are sweet Nissans.
I do believe that was the only prerequisite.
I drive a Nissan and I ain’t got no dick….errrr I mean pussy, heh heh….from it YET!!!!!
Fuck your meaningless salute to America.
You want the terrorists to win.
B-2 OF FREEANCE AND DEMOCRITUDE
Cheapest meal after just leaving home edition:
Big ass bag of white rice
Big ass bag of pinto beans
Leftover take out hot sauce.
I could only do the beans a couple of days on a row due to digestive reasons.
Cook a batch of rice and add a container of hot sauce. Surprisingly tasty.
On payday buy a package of hot dogs and some buns and eat like a king.
Did this for about a year.
Taco Bell takes a surprisingly liberal attitude regarding excess sauce appropriation.
We have no kids tonight so taking the wife out to dinner. I am looking forward to some high-powered soda and a greasy burger. This is the first time I’ve gone out drinking, woken up without a hangover but with what I thought was a cold, then had the cold sort of morph back into what feels like the remains of a hangover.
I don’t like it.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/379dc1e131d0ed267bc8c3517738f392/tumblr_nq8bvmlPiV1qa71fyo4_250.gif
Delayed hangover is a very disappointing phenomenon.
Go Iowa.
Still can’t believe that Pitt was a 58-yard FG away from beating them.
Ken Burns makes good TeeVee…but he is one scary sumbitch to look at.
Is Ken Burns TRYING to look like Yoko Ono with short hair???
Cheapest meal ever, NYC edition. Dumpstered bagels, doughnuts and pizza. One time we found an entire bag of Krispy Kreme doughnuts, 12 of us couldn’t finish em.
Years ago, I had a friend that worked at a convenience store. Every night, the local bakery would come in and replace the doughnuts, and the old ones were supposed to be tossed in the dumpster.
Some of them didn’t make it.
Back when I was really bad off, I was slumming around and would hit up the grocery stores around the neighborhood I was squatting in, for food.
I mean its kind of gross I guess, but holy shit you could get plenty of good food. But holy shit the cops and the grocery workers were dicks about it. I get it if we were like tearing the place apart and shit, but it was basically me and a couple of other homeless cats just trying to get by.
Was this after you got out of the Navy? That sounds like a damn rough road.
Before.
That is a tough place to be, glad you got out.
I used to manage a Wawa deli store etc when I lived in Jersey and you would be amazed at some of the deli meats we had to weigh up and mark as loss once the package had been opened. It was still prefect for eating but company regs said we couldn’t sell it. The whole crew used to take home pounds of deli meats every week.
Mmmm nitrates.
And Wanda who worked there? Rumor has it that the whole crew also pounded the meat every week.
Her name was actually Barbara, we called her Babs.
Cheapest meal ever….Navy edition…
I had to pay for each one of my meals out to sea. Six dollars were taken from my paycheck, each day. $1.50 for breakfast, $1.50 for lunch, $2.00 for dinner, and $1.00 for mid-rats.
To save money, the navy would purchase the meat that the army and airforce had rejected for being on the shelf too long. So yup…all our meat would be stamped “USDA Grade D: Institutional and Animal Use ONLY”.
Needless to say, this started my descent into vegetarianism….
They really charge you for your meals in the military? That does not seem right.
Another win for ‘Murrica.
Yup. They also charge us for our uniforms. Your first couple of paychecks in the military are basically negative amounts because you start off in the hole for all your gear.
Do they charge officers for all their shit too?
They charge you for everything in the military.
It’s like being in prison with more freedom of movement.
They say that in the navy….
They pay is might fine…
They give you a hundred dollars….
And take back ninety-nine….
Whooo oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh! HEY!
Oh so you want to take MY tax dollars and use them to stuff some government contractors wallets just to feed some doughboys caviar and filet mignon? #SupportTheTroops
Is how I imagine that conversation went.
What decade were you in the Navy? Because my experience in the early ’90s Air Force was very different.
2000-2006.
Come vith me if you vant to frizz.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/1164bd0829ca35b3b781bd17ab34684d/tumblr_nmjz06oicJ1qgapm9o1_500.gif
Always like the irony that “Ginger” looks like Mary Ann with a pad perm.
WUT?
The character, Ginger (future victim skank), looks like Mary Ann from Gilligan’s Island, but with a bad hair don’t.
Oh, thought you meant something else, as in Ginger from G.I. As with Justin; they look very different to me except for some general characteristics.
Justin? Justin who? I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about.
(but the Terminated Mary Ann thing is something I weirdly noticed the first time I ever saw the movie…back when my eyesight didn’t suck…..I mean I don’t know what you’re talking about….yeah)
Same chick btw
http://i.huffpost.com/gen/3113432/thumbs/o-GILLIGANS-ISLAND-570.jpg
Yep, they both have dark brown hair.
LMFAO. Give me something Moose!!!!!!
You fuck, you. 😀
Take solace in the fact that you are much better than the vast majority of eye witnesses. MUCH better.
Cheapest meal ever-just out of university edition-
Cook off .79 package of spaghetti and make sauce from room mate’s mustard, relish and ketchup bottles.
Sounds delicious; will you make a post?
http://45.media.tumblr.com/f9fba38cb5632608e59c9a7e0fed595f/tumblr_nwy26t2eSx1r54qfqo1_500.gif
I’m thinking of pulling all my money out of my 401k and going all in on bitcoin.
Think again.
I am pleasantly surprised that my tofu tacos came out. I find tofu fucking hard as shit to cook with other than frying the shit out of it to get some texture to it.
I always get extra firm. Or that pre-fried stuff from the Asian store.
Gotta press it dry with cheesecloth or paper towels:
http://www.nasoya.com/tofu-u/deans-list/do-i-really-need-press-my-tofu
Never thought to try that…
I fully admit, I am completely ignorant of cooking techniques. I can’t stand watching cooking shows. I usually just grab random shit off the shelf and go with it.
The really pathetic thing is that I’ve had this job for 3 years, been living in the same apartment, and I still have just the two pots and cutlery set I had in the navy.
Find your local Cutco scam artist and sign up.
You get a really nice set of the world’s best knives for like $200.
Notre Dame sure looks like poop, huh?
http://www.mydestination.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/7708851288_8cc00b634f_o.jpg
They really don’t understand the whole sex thing, do they?
It’s amazing they’ve lasted this long as a species.
They survive only because people think they’re cute. Otherwise we’d have just let them die by now.
I mean, Scruffles isn’t cute. People will just let his species die when they see him.
They did fine for the previous 20 million years or so.
Hey, Gaterrz…
http://cdn.smosh.com/sites/default/files/bloguploads/catroon-network-edd-slap.gif
Harbaugh Montage making me a sad panda.
This is impressive…
https://gfycat .com/UnsungLightheartedBoutu
remove the space to go to the link.
Disturbing….
At least.
Related…
http://i.imgur .com/uk3UFDQ.gif
Well, that does explain the burns and lack of pubic hair.
Festive!
Cheapest meal ever:
2 boxes of Ellio’s frozen “pizza”
2 lbs ground beef
2 28 oz cans crushed tomatoes
1 tbsp onion powder
1 tbsp garlic powder
1 tbsp oregano
1 tbsp salt
1 tbsp black pepper
1 package shredded mozzarella
SAUCE: Brown beef, drain. Add spices, stir-fry for 2-3 mins. Add tomatoes, simmer 1-2 hours. Let cool, preferably overnight.
“LASAGNA:” Add a layer of sauce to bottom of lasagna pan. Layer two frozen Ellio’s 3-slice thingys alternating with layers of sauce, finishing with sauce on top. Bake at 325 for 1 hour. Add mozzarella cheese to the top, broil 5-7 mins. Serves 6-8, cost $15.
Think about you at your brokest. You’d have eaten that in a heartbeat.
Fucking money bags here….
Plus you should have enough sauce left over for another pasta meal.
THAT’S GOOD EATIN’
Add 1 tbsp chili powder and substitute cheddar for mozzarella to make it Mexicish!
After careful consideration and a thorough mental evaluation I have declared myself hangover free and am ready to get after it all over again.
Wee!
Hmmm…apparently I had playing at some time last night, the MST3k episode “Space Mutiny”…
Sounds like it would have been helpful to have been wearing a gopro or similar last night.
That’s a spectacular idea. I should affix a gopro atop my William Holden drinking helmet.
Bob Johnson!…no, wait…
i get a Maurice Clarett vibe from Zeke Elliott.
Fuck the SEC.
Cousins everywhere agree.
Ms. Scotch: Why are you de-frosting all that ground beef/veal/pork? You’re not making chili AGAIN are you?”
Me: “Nah, I was thinking about upping my lasagna game.”
Ms. Scotch: “Cool. I know it’ll taste great!”
Me: [makes chili yet again]
http://30.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_loa82ja2M01qeqja8o1_400.gif
My ‘stache game is weak.
Need the goat to fill things out.
Mine looks too much like Henne, so I go full beard for the winter.
I don’t bother having a girlfriend in the summer, it really makes Fire Island awkward.