I will speak softly, presuming all are hungover and depressed at the prospects of the pending Clemson/Bama national final. Anyway, these are today’s exhibitions.
Terrible Faux-Australian Steak Bowl – Northwestern vs. Tennessee (Noon, ESPN2)
My general take would be that the Mildcats are less bad than the Vols, but one must admit that the SEC has done significantly better than expected in the exhibition season so far. Maybe it will be entertaining, at least.
Citrus Bowl – Michigan vs. Florida (1:00, ABC)
I don’t know what the line is, but for fuck’s sake, BET THE UNDER.
Fiesta Bowl – Notre Dame vs. Ohio State (1:00, ESPN)
Serious, giant earthquake. If there was ever a time we needed you more, I sure as fuck can’t remember it.
Rose Bowl – Stanford vs. Iowa (5:00, ESPN)
Finally, a game that one can feel good about watching, and perhaps the white knuckle period of your hangovers will at least be over. And NO, I will not call it “the Rose Bowl game” as I don’t give two fucks about your parade. Too bad Stanford couldn’t have been in the semifinals, maybe we could have had one game that didn’t suck hind teat.
Sugar Bowl – Oklahoma State vs. Ole Miss (8:30, ESPN)
The grand finale of your sporting 1 January. There Will Be Offense. And not just because of Johnny Reb’s confederacy-lovin’ supporters. Or those really bizarre orange BDSM paddles the Pokes fans always bring with them.
The Dingleberrry Whatever Bowl is having a Salute To 70s Cartoons halftime show.
Buffalo Wild Wings are terrible.
The popularity of the chain continues to elude me.
FUcking AMEN brother.
I really love how they nickle and dime you for the fucking dressing and celery.
Never had the displeasure.
I hate those places. They are awful.
http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llbr05d4qm1qczlkbo1_500.gif
“Are you single?”
“OMG, yes!”
“Do you want to stop being a total loser?”
“OMG, yes!”
“You should ‘join’ us.”
-Every Dating Website Ad Ever
coach’s son alert level orange
I think I’m gonna book my hotels for my March Vietnam vacation today. I’ll probably spend half time time in Cai Be and the other half in Saigon.
Did I just see an ad on ABC for a show about high school gang rape?
Haven’t been there yet.
I’ll probably go on business in late 2016 and I’ll need some pointers.
^^^ reply fail ^^^
But funny, nonetheless.
When you go to Gangrape HS on business, please do let us know how it goes…won’t you?
The Bourne Legacy is the best of the non-Matthew McConaughey-based Bourne movies.
OK. Need a break, as this thing has decided to get more detailed on me. So, I’m off for Victory Whiskey. Here’s Scruffles thus far:
Where does the saddle go?
You are free to use your imagination. I wouldn’t ride this thing, but hey, each their own.
“Needs More Breasts!”
-Russ Meyer
Why the fuck would you want breasts on a tarantasaurus?!
Why WOULDN’T you?
Look, I imagine and draw some pretty weird shit, but even I have my limits. Anyone with access to MS paint is free to throw some pixelated tits on this poor bastard.
I’m just happy that Jeebus is now sporting some sort of automatic weapon. I always thought Pilate, Caiaphas, Herod, et al woulda thunk twice if the disciples were sporting AR15s.
But like you, my imagination is weird sometimes.
Not Jebus. And that’s a Keltec KSG, semi-decently rendered.
That’s good, bcuz if Scruffles goes rogue, both barrels will be necessary.
http://i.imgur.com/L6w24.jpg
What’s the word on who’s likely to be drafted high next year? Anyone I should be watching in the games today?
Drafted high….like Johnny Fitbaw….amirite?
Johnny Highball:
http://americanpublichousereview.com/cocktails/Highball-002-de1.jpg
I’m convinced the Notre Dame players just stopped caring.
What would this game be like if Hoke and Muschamp were still the coaches?
http://i.imgur.com/HPguOM0.gif
Stupid Florida.
Yeah…you’re gonna have to be more specific.
Hate Harbs, want him to lose.
I was more referring to “Stupid Florida” is a very general statement and could refer to literally millions of different things because….Florida.
I’m with ya.
The rare fumble-then-interception.
Who is the blonde with the red lipstick standing next to Brian Kelly?
I thought that WAS Brian Kelly.
http://www.pride.com/sites/pride.com/files/2015/09/14/dykeandfats.gif
I think the delivery dude was entertained by the fact that I was visibly hungover. He’s probably getting a lot of that today. Greasy food + water + caffiene = feelin a’ight
http://49.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lnq4nxNLz41qeliv2o1_500.gif
I’m torn. I want the Bengals to draft Elliot, but I don’t want to see his career ruined before it begins.
The UM cheerleaders are quite cute.
Give it time.
Aerial coverage of the roof brought to you by Goodyear Tires.
What is a Battlefrog, other than the Nintendo game that traumatized kids by being neigh unwinable?
It’s like Tough Mudder apparently.
What is Tough Mudder?
Extreme obstacle courses for bros having their midlife crisis.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/3b16416bef5fbee73d3f961d2c379179/tumblr_no5sf5ppk31qz6f9yo1_500.jpg
http://41.media.tumblr.com/a66c83882bf1255664b9d029b7de2dc2/tumblr_natxb7dvqx1qed21xo1_500.png
http://41.media.tumblr.com/6572ab1024cbf53bedcfab7dd4d5e680/tumblr_natxb7dvqx1qed21xo2_500.png
Commentariat Call-Out-what is your favourite kind/type of bread?
/I’m in the sourdough camp but it has to be as crusty as Tom Coughlin.
Seedless Jewish Rye…
Its my momma’s blood in me…also explains why I always give a hard 12% on service.
That’s an impossible question to answer for me. All breddz R gud.
This.
So many good ones; depend on the application.
Biscuits.
Sourdough is a close second.
They are opening a new biscuits restaurant within walking distance of my place.
I am intrigued.
Who wants to give me some money for a super interesting photo op with some mud?
Horatio does.
I’m in. Just post your bank account information and I’ll wire it to you.
I’ll also need your Social Security number for authentication purposes.
80s Whore Hair Giada:
http://rbk.h-cdn.co/assets/cm/14/50/5488a39979b94_-_rbk-giada-de-laurentiis-main-1-0211-lgn.jpg
So much like regular Giada.
But Kitaen-ier!
Ohhhh…nice reference. Color me impressed.
http://static.tumblr.com/05692d698f87fefcc77923a6ab5a7ce6/guwxsok/guMmxpzkq/tumblr_static_tumblr_lw2jd9ppxg1r7iyfmo1_250.gif
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-KQgetbw4jT4/UZh586bvntI/AAAAAAAAAyQ/m3UB6_1aGlU/s400/tawny-kitaen-breast-implants.jpg
That story just did not end well.
Billy Joel’s Ex is fun to watch as well
http://cuisineist.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/Katie-lee-joel-kitchen-lg.jpg
I hate that man.
The plot thickens…I fried something last night…but I had nothing in my apartment in the way of food.
What the fuck did I do with that chick I pick up???
Where the Dahmer is she?
JSD: And where the fuck did this 50 gallon drum come from?
When I think of a fiesta, I think of Tostitos, not a frog going off to war
Just think of a bunch of fat, middle-aged guys voluntarily subjecting themselves to deep mud, icy water and electric shocks for no reason.
They probably eat nachos with the beer they get for finishing, so Tostitos!
Electric shocks? Really?
Maybe we’re being too hasty….
That was a good fake punt.
— Chuck Pagano
Just about at the 1/3 point complete, scruffles is taking shape nicely:
Is that the Jeebus with the T-Rex?
Check that, T-Rextula?
That is how I am spending my afternoon, drawing a Tarantasaurus Rex. theeWeeBabySeamus seems to think people should be afraid of Fluffy here.
I think it is Captain Bilbo, about to use his mythical sword Excalibur to slay the mighty tarantasaur named Cronus.
Rexarantula is not as mad as T-rex because he can masturbate.
Eight times, so….yeah.
I take back what I said earlier. He’s not scary at all. In fact, he’s kinda cuddly.
/you like it when I scratch your belly there don’t y….AHHHHH HE BIT MY FUCKING HAND OFF!!!!!
He does NOT like it when you stop.
You’re a goddamned genius.
You’re far too kind.
Fie on Northwestern.
That ad sucked and Ufford went there.
Screw those assholes.
“I think in honour of this game, there oughta be a fight.”
-announcer of Bruins/Habs game
Can a UF fan explain why their team doesn’t have a competent kicker?
“Don’t know what you’re talking about and don’t care. Scram before I lay you out.”
-FU fan
If you’re interested in doing the New Years tradition of black eye peas and cornbread here’s my earlier lima bean recipe. Just substitute black eye peas for the limas and it will work perfectly.
Make yourself some collards and you get your year started perfectly.
Have a great year all y’all!
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/2015/08/30/sunday-gravy-with-yeah-right-lima-beans-ham-hocks-corn-bread-where-you-going-city-boy/
http://45.media.tumblr.com/8d0b70afa339c4f8897d86bc0a86a33f/tumblr_momez9wSFE1qfibyxo1_500.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o_DfrN_pBbs
http://40.media.tumblr.com/7f3965b5d6acd7491b056cbbcc7ed335/tumblr_molu2hj44e1ric2iqo2_1280.jpg
Best description of her show I heard a while back from some ingrate:
“I like to watch her show because it’s directed like softcore porn.”
Food porn + hot cook; a winning combination…. platter.
Are these the ones that like Guy Fieri?
My aunt used to do that meal except for the collard greens; it was always fantastic.
http://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/tom-herman-wife-michelle.jpg
Battlecat is on the hunt right now, and no reusable grocery bag is safe.
http://www.elevenwarriors.com/sites/default/files/c/2015/12/QuinnsSister.jpg.pagespeed.ce.nHFv8ncobA.jpg
“Meh, I’ve seen better.”
-Brent Musberger
Wow. How the hell have OSU and ND only played FIVE times???
Ohio State wouldn’t dare schedule a team that could possibly beat them.
and visa versa.
Notre Dame has an independent schedule and is committed to a lot of rivalries like USC, Navy, Pitt and Michigan, (or MSU, I forget), so they don’t have a lot of room. Still, only 5 times ever is surprising.
Yeah it’s Michigan.
Both, for a while. And Purdue, Boston College, Stanford. I would say some of them are geographical, but ND doesnt ever seem to play Indiana or Illinois.
70 games against MSU, about 40 for Mich, according to wikipedia. A little surprising but-OH I FORGOT I DONT CARE- why am I still looking this stuff up.
I think a little bit of ND arrogance, they’re too good for upstart OSU. And Notre Dame already has a lot of historic rivals, so no room for osu.
But they’re to play and almost to Temple this year. That was when I knew they weren’t any good. Well except for the fact they’re ND.
OSU’s program is older than Notre Dame’s…
Both goalies in the Winter Classic are wearing masks with Patriots art on them.
I am rooting for a meteor to hit Foxboro.
More so than usual I mean.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/e1316266c4b4f3437ddafb71db4b863f/tumblr_nqgz9lrgMu1qhccpao1_1280.jpg
hey guys
Yo.
So…who is ready for the summer Olympics in Brazil?
I hear half the athletes have already gotten seriously sick just trying to practice at the few facilities open.
It’s going to be awful. It’s going to be Sochi, but with hazardous chemicals instead of feral dogs.
But what about the bulldozed houses of families in the way? We need that.
I may watch the sailing events just to see what happens when a high speed sailboat hits a floating couch.
Anything that fucks over Ohio State is fine with me.
http://www.howtowipeyourbutt.com/
“Bathroom tissue”, eh? Should try that some time…
Could flush better than the socks I’ve been using…
Bawk brawk bagawk bawk BAWK!!!!
http://45.media.tumblr.com/b72e5201ac31434c359811ab137cc938/tumblr_nqgkf8uVlY1slbj5no3_540.gif
I spent all day yesterday trying to set Peter King or Michael Silver or someone, anyone, up for a “BOSA DEEZ NUTS” joke on Twitter and it never happened.
welp, gotta do something to keep the game close I guess.
This is fuckin battlefrogs fault
Bosa has been ejected. How soon can he contact an agent?
I’m guessing that’s his first call from the locker room.
Assuming of course he doesn’t already have an agreement with one, which, since he plays for Urban Meyer, is probably the case.
He did it on purpose hoping his draft position will fall so he doesn’t have to go to Cleveland.