It’s Here! It’s Here! Your Very First DFO Playoff Game Open Thread

A cynic (myself) might say that this game doesn’t look very good but we’re in “PLAYOFF MODE” now. LOSER GOES HOME…JUST LIKE THE WINNER! Okay, I’m sure you know what I mean because we all type English here. We’ve endured some weird crap over the course of the season and now it’s win or you’re gone time.

KC @ HOU: Does anyone remember the 1-5 Chiefs? They were without not only hope but also J.C. and were looking at the likes of Spencer “Who?” Ware and Charcandrick “Huh?” West to right the ship running game-wise. And umm, WOW! they did it. That actually happened. The even more surprising occurrence was the transformation of QB Smith from a “Spaghetti-Armed Game Manager” into a “Spaghetti-Armed Slight Difference-Maker”! Wonders will simply not cease to exist no matter how much I want them to… This has to be HC Reid’s best coaching job, don’t you think? Speaking of thinking, methinks the only way for the Texans to get out of this with a win is for their two most dominant players to go nuts, right? If DE Watt collapses his side of the line on an on-going basis and WR Hopkins catches 12+ balls things have a chance of going Houston’s way. If either becomes a non-factor the odds of a W drop to very close to nil. DE Clowney was held out of practice, was in on Thursday and was out again on Friday. He and his willingness to play hard on every down are listed as questionable.

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King Hippo

A cat came onto the pitch during the Everton FA Cup match today. Maybe Houston should try that.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Cutler would be an upgrade, you’re right.

Kungjitsu

Brain Hoyer is the best!

ThursdaySkyGoddess

GODDAMN!

Sill Bimmons

RUNNNG OUT OF LAUGHTER

entropy

Holy shit, I was right.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

THIS HOUSTON TEAM I CALL THEM THE SUBMARINE KURSK BECAUSE THINGS ARE BLOWING UP AND THEY’RE CRUMBLING UNDER PRESSURE.

Doktor Zymm

Excellent.

ballsofsteelandfury

Doopy time!

Doktor Zymm

He’s not a Decepticon…he and INTERCEPTICON!

WCS

Even as an avid golf fan (COME AT ME SHITCOCKS), fuck off with the Masters shit, ESPN.

King Hippo

Ha ha, you like watching flies fuck!

Brocky

So I’ve only been sporadically paying attention to this game, and I legitimately don’t know who the Houston qb is.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

From what I payed attention to, JJ Watt

...

Trick question. There is no such as a “quarterback” on this team.

Doktor Zymm

The QB turnover/TD ratio for this game is INFINITY.

And that’s actually true, not even hyperbole!

...

I LOVE THIS GIF

...

“What if I told all of you that you don’t know shit about cars?”

Spur

“No way, it’s a Chevy!”
“It’s a Malibu?”
“I want one.”
Great acting.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I know it’s supposed to be an ad for Chevy, but it also serves as an ad for class warfare.

Brick Meathook

DON’T BE CAUGHT ON THE WRONG SIDE

BUY A CHEVY TODAY

King Hippo

I assume they are just running out the clock now. Must need time to warm up his extra special Dooping Pantz.

entropy

Down 13-0 with just over two minutes to go in the first half, Houston wisely decides to run the ball, try and get some time off the clock before Hoyer’s next turnover.

Spur

How many 1st downs does Houston get before they turn it over again? I say 2.

...

By the way, what fucking dimwit in the Texans front office thought signing QBs too shitty for the Cleveland Browns would be a good idea?

fleshwound_NPG

“You ain’t seen nuthin yet! YEEE HAAAWWWWW!!!!”

– Jerrah

ThePirateSloth

comment image

I see this commercial and logo all I can think is “BATTLETOADS FUCK THAT GAME IT WAS SO DAMN HARD”

MikeWallaceAndGromit

I couldn’t even beat that shit using a Game Genie.

Brocky

I used to accidentally kill my brother so much on that game

WCS

Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hide and Battletoads are the only NES games the Angry Video Game Nerd has never beaten.

Brocky

Really? I thought it was more than that. Jesus Christ I never knew it was that hard

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

36000 feet above Moab Utah, taken about ten minutes ago.

http://i.imgur.com/TwMafln.jpg

By the way, what’s the score?

WCS

13-0 Ribs

...

Chiefs 13, Screaming Watts 0

Sill Bimmons

132-131 Chiefs.

Spanky Datass

Houston(?): 0 — Milana Vayntrub: Eleventy billion.

Sill Bimmons

yo

Spanky Datass

sup

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

That’s balls

– Barry Zuckercorn

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
indieguy

Once a browns always a browns. Because the water seeps into your dna you see

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

And then it catches on fire.

Sill Bimmons

And then it gives you syphilis.

Doktor Zymm

HAHAHAHAHAHA

Can someone who lives in WIP broadcast rage please write a post tomorrow about Eagle fan reaction to Andy Reid’s performance in this game?

Sill Bimmons

Everyone is in WIP’s broadcast rage.

Senor Weaselo

I assume you meant broadcast range but what you wrote makes as much if not more sense.

Doktor Zymm

It’s the best typo I’ve made in a while!

WCS

Either of these teams are going to get soooooo cornholed by New England.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

Pretty much

Brocky

But for that to happen that means that the Bengals would… ah i see. Only one playoff drought can end today right?

entropy

Keep celebrating, JJ. Score’s still 13-0, and you are -2 yards rushing, asshole.

Senor Weaselo

Whitney Mercilus has a great last name.

King Hippo

Almost makes up for, you know. WHITNEY.

Senor Weaselo

The keyword was last.

Doktor Zymm

If a team loses in an empty stadium, does it make a noise?

Senor Weaselo

It’s the sound of no hands clapping.

litre_cola

I believe the Falcons proved last year that no, they do not.

fleshwound_NPG
tundrajim

How do we know that wasn’t a designed interception by the Texans to get their defense back on the field?

Claymaker

I live in Houston, and I think I heard the giant simultaneous orgasm that exploded when Watt took that snap.

Spur

Brian Hoyer isn’t actually blind is he?

King Hippo

WE WANT DOOP! WE WANT DOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Redshirt

How’s the game?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kinda funny.

King Hippo

oh Jesus. Your shitdicks have A LOT to live down to in order to top this chicanery.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

It’s a good thing the Texans don’t have any fans, otherwise, this could be really upsetting to someone.

Doktor Zymm

What is the sound of no Texans fans crying?

Sill Bimmons

Bees?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

What happened to LastTexansFan? Did he never make it over here?

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

I was thinking of them as I wrote it.

WCS

He succumbed to full WRASSLIN Fever back in 2013.

WCS

He and TH went full-WRASSLIN about the same time.

Spur

comment image

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Oops. Copy and paste didn’t work

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

Yes it did

entropy

PK makes a note:

“I would have left Watt in, let him try to lose two more yards, rather than make this mistake with Hoyer.”

WCS

I need my 15 Lortab 10/325s a day to keep me higher than a flag on the Fourth of July, but now I can’t shit. WHAT DO I DO?!

ballsofsteelandfury

Taco Bel

Romonobyl

Somewhere in Dallas, Tony Romo just had a wicked bout of deja-vu.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I don’t trust the Texans to get near a TD again. Pic I had for if they had scored a TD

http://heightandweights.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/934_minka-kelly-1195814235.jpg

King Hippo

Bill O’Brien gets what Bill O’Brien deserves. This ain’t a bowl game you fucking jackass.

Senor Weaselo

Well it’s their last game of the year, can’t hold anything back.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

When did Hoyer Country get annexed by North Korea?

Sill Bimmons

(uncontrollable laughter)

entropy

HOYERCEPTION III: SECRET OF BILL O’BRIEN’S GOLD

...

That HOYERCEPTION was so satisfying.

Spur

Hoyer you shit head

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