For those of you not bothering to be productive before 4:20 (420!) let’s go over the offerings, shall we?
Man U/Sheffield: What happens here is that fit dudes try to advance the ball towards the opponents net. You wanted details? Uh, Hippo?
NBA: Cha/Clippers-What happens here is that the regular season is not very interesting.
NHL: NYI/Phi is on but Was/NYR features Ovie looking for his 500th tally (he’s three goals away).
CBC Radio: Quirks and Quarks is on at noon but The Debaters is good stuff at 1pm.
College Ball: Tons of games today to make up for the dross of last night. Ranked teams playing in the early afternoon include Duke, TAMU, WVU, MD, UVA, Dayton, SCAR and ISU.
Football: So maybe you’re desperate to watch something, ANYTHING football-related. Well, the FCS (Field Competence Series?) Championship features North Dakota State vs. Jacksonville State. I know that many of our commenters from the Dakotas will be annoying in the comments but what are you going to do?
So there you have it-a complete summary of EVERYTHING that might be somewhat entertaining this afternoon. HAVE AT IT, TIGERS!
If there are any readers in the area of North Platte, Nebraska: run outside right now and look up. See that Delta Airlines 757-200? Yep that’s me in seat 1A. Dewars neat and a cold salmon salad in front of me.
No home…… homo….
http://57.media.tumblr.com/5d53b1705046cdf0f48d710f267ac867/tumblr_nztpscZ8VY1u8qr43o1_1280.gif
http://57.media.tumblr.com/2a03f506508b6f403eb1a8ab34466020/tumblr_nzmx5aY1G01sqf5tdo1_400.gif
Can we have a banner gif? Because this should be our banner gif.
http://57.media.tumblr.com/5b7742d8c7fab4c957db5a14fedb7f12/tumblr_ncrsmx1P0s1s2wio8o1_500.gif
5.7 seconds? Driiiiiink.
Unfortunately I only have unopened wine. And I don’t even drink red.
And then Ovechin wins it in overtime.
http://img01.deviantart.net/3658/i/2015/256/4/6/fuck_everything_by_skreenname-d2ihv9u.png
http://49.media.tumblr.com/128a77ec89f34c9bbbd774e528841b69/tumblr_ngsb1cQrV31s2wio8o1_500.gif
Dear Lord, there’s a lot of SPROTS today. WVU already routed the OSU Cowboys, akin to the latter’s Sugar Bowl performance last week.
Pens and Stillers play at the same time.
Even Penn gets to be embarrassed on national television, playing Princeton [Sideshow Bob shudder] on FS1 in an hour.
Hey, the Ice Giants are pulling a potential victory until another inevitable last-second goal from the jaws of defeat against the Ice Redacteds. So that’s something.
Did Ovechkin score?
Only once. On a power-play. With 2 seconds left in the 1st. I would have drank but the only alcohol at the barber shop is aftershave.
If Ice Giants = Rangers
and Ice Jets = Islanders
what are the Devils?
Ice Generals?
That was the USFL side, yes?
I like it.
For whatever stupid reason, I decided to stop by the Steam forums for Rise of The Tomb Raider to gauge reactions to it. There are multiple threads and comments about the size of Laura’s boobs and why is a bikini not an unlockable outfit.
This is why the rest of the world hates us.
So, I’m at a Starbucks (don’t judge me, their breakfast sandwiches are awesome) and there is a group of kids, each with a hoverboard.
Is it wrong that I want a massive fire to break out?
They call it a hoverboard although it has wheels and you can basically walk faster than the thing goes…. unless you’re 80.
Todays human race is on the threshold of the movie Idiocracy irl
I saw a kid on an it’s-not-a-hoverboard-god-dammit-it-neither-hovers-nor-is-it-a-board the other day. On his cell phone. Crossing the street. I decided against vehicular assault.
I see the NDSU Bison (Or as they pronounce it: “Bizon”) is going to win yet another FCS title.
Is that Richard Dreyfuss as Madoff? They should just call that movie Let It Ride 2!
On the bright side, at least I get to watch Coughlin die on the Eagles sideline next year.
I believe we will hire a battery collector to use if his pacemaker dies.
If I were to take a weekend trip to Canada, where should I go visit? I’ve been to Toronto and Montreal, which are probably the closest cities to me…Vancouver would probably be a bit far for a weekend trip…hmmm
I just went to Vancouver this summer and I absolutely adored it. I think you would like it.
I hear Chilliwack is nice this time of year.
Quebec City maybe? I’ve heard positive things about it.
Zymm, if you can’t make it out west (Stampede in Calgary is nuts) then hit Quebec City, it is like a little European city in North America.
Newfoundland is interesting. The folks there are the friendliest you could ever imagine. If you’re absolutely desperate, I could give you a guided tour of Sudbury, Ontario.
/don’t go to Sudbury
Sudbury? The big nickel?
Yes.
I’m kind of tempted to go out and watch the games, but I’m going out tomorrow, and y’all are way more fun to drink with than random-ass people at some bar. Also it’s snow raining and there’s the whole pants thing to consider.
I have the same dilemma.
No pants, drink with internets dick joke makers, and annoy the roommates with loud sounds of football… OR … Pants, possibly drink with fans of [insert teams] who may or may not enjoy witty commentary on the state of their teams, and no annoying the roommate with loud sounds of football.
Mainly, it all boils down to: do I want to cook awesome food to sober up? Or have a bartender make fried food to sober up?
Afternoon, folks. After three days laid up because my buddy’s pug took me down three stairs (I keep forgetting how far away the ground is these days), I am back. I’ve read Moose’s request for his drawing, and his rather touching statement that my drawing will be enough that he’s foregoing his $200 prize toward a DFO get-together of some sort, so I’m feeling some pressure but hey, that’s what whiskey’s for, right?
Anyway. How’s things round here?
If you can pull off the Debbie Harry/Lynda Carter / Moose combo he requested, that drawing will be worth way more than $200.
I have an idea, and I spent some of the morning sketching it out. I think I can get it somewhat the way he wants (my original idea was to do the Frazetta Death Dealer with an armored moose and Wonder Woman, but that would have left out Debbie Harry, so back to the drawing board I went).
Wait, wait, wait….
You got beat up by a pug?
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mag6m2HaN51raz9d6o1_500.jpg
Little fucker ran down the stairs behind me, I stepped on him, he moved, off in the distance, I heard a plaintive, “TIMBER,” and that was my Wednesday night.
I own a pug, and he is quicker than he looks.
Come on, come on, come on!
It’s a shame we see the “Bloodbath and Beyond” sign for only a second.
After seeing the forecast for Sunday in Minny, is Beef Moe the world’s smartest man?
Yes. Yes, he is.
“Wow, who on earth would have forecast that Minny would be frigid this weekend? Me, that’s who.”
– Mickey
That’s only because she’s fucking Goofy.
Oh, that’s good.
I’m actually sitting in Minneapolis airport right now. It’s 7 degrees F outside. I am not outside. I am in the bar by the gate.
What was it like standing, just standing, outside?
I was there a couple of years ago for a Vikings game and it was 5 when we landed. Granted I did live in the Midwest when I was younger so I’ve got some experience but it’s different when you get older. It basically takes your breath away. I was a smoker at the time so I had to go outside to smoke. When the wind blows you can feel your kind start to freeze when you breathe in. The corners of your eyes freeze and the inside of your nose too.
Motherfuckers can die in that shit.
http://treehousebrew.com/
So one of my friends went here over New Years. And then went back because he liked the beer so much. Calls me today because I had helped him with some legal stuff and he’s tapping a growler down at my other friend’s workshop. Who also drinks beer.
The problem with sampling beers at 1:00 pm is that you want more of them and now I’m off the the gym with a pretty decent buzz, (my wife’s driving), and then I’m going back to the workshop with more beer to watch the games and ooh boy am I in bourble today.
BOURBLE ALERT! BOURBLE ALERT! BOURBLE ALERT!
This picture may be better.
http://getrealweird.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/dasfasdf.jpg
I don’t have to see her nipples to know that they’re erect.
/it’s like a sixth sense
Wait…what’s erect?
[peers behind monitor]
You, silly!
You DO have a sixth sense!!!!
I know I’m supposed to enjoy this photo, but all I can think about is how painful a frostbitten vulva must be.
Clinically that’s called an “ice box”.
HEYOOOOO!
I used to work with a guy who loved to tell the story about he went “skinny-skiing” in the Sierra Nevadas on a beautiful clear and crisp winter day with a bright sun illuminating the white snow beneath a deep blue cloudless sky.
That evening, he started feel itching, pain, and discomfort in his crotch.
The reflection of the bright sun off of the snow had sunburned the bottom of his balls.
He said the next 3 or 4 days were a living hell.
The Eagles aren’t so much “interviewing” Coughlin as much as they are just playing along with his senile ramblings until the retirement home people arrive and give him a big bowl of calming applesauce.
Does AARP have a “Senior’s Wish” program?
Not sure. But I can say the Eagles front office was exasperated when Coughlin insisted next year’s Christmas party end no later than 5:30 p.m.
http://www.thelostogle.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/09/oldpeopleeating.jpg
To get us ready for tomorrow’s game:
http://swns.com/wp-content/themes/wp-clear/scripts/timthumb.php?src=http://swns.com/wp-content/uploads/620-e1358863209272.jpg&w=599&h=560&zc=1
Athletically-Average White Guy/Life Ain’t Fair Lament/Rant-
Who does this Ben Simmons think he is? He’s a preternaturally-gifted basketball player from goddamn Australia of all places? I was still working hard at my skills at the age of 36 (jump shot, jump hook, wrong hand, free throws, running, lifting weights, etc.) just so I could play pick up and rec league to the best of my ability against dumbass kids. Talent-wise I don’t deserve to be within a thousand miles of that fella and I think I squeezed every last bit of talent out of my body. Kids, if you were ever told you can be anything you want to be, just know that it’s a bald-faced lie.
Athletically average? Way to make about 97% of Glorious Commentist Party resentful.
One of the big story lines coming into today was all four home teams were underdogs. The lines have adjusted and now Cincy, Washington and at some books even Houston are favorites.
What I’m saying is give me K.C. and the under.
I’m sure there is no way I would regret that.
I’ll take the under on the Minnesota game. Even if it’s single digits.
I wish that was the Saturday night fixture. Fuckers would die. Especially the belly painters.
Imagine that you are a linebacker or safety and your job is to tackle Peterson after he breaks loose in that weather.
I’m looking for a new job at that point.
That’s a good call.
Blair Walsh for MVP.
I thought about picking him or Hauschka, but it will be like kicking a fucking cinder block out there.
Going to watch the games with friends. Will check in from time to time to gloat or cry.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMSryJWCLxE
http://49.media.tumblr.com/6658e084f3c1dfa8a585586736d64955/tumblr_o0m5m0zjAP1sqf5tdo2_400.gif
Kind of a dick move to gloat about having friends.
I had a friend once…good times.
Our anthem!
Good luck! As a Steelers fan, I obviously hope your team loses, but I will gladly congratulate you and wish you luck if the Bengals win. May we get a good game and no one hurt for the next round!
Morrissey would be a Bengals fan, wouldn’t he??
Factory of Sadness I would think. From a shithole in the UK, same same with Cleveland no? Dreary, no jobs, pollution.
http://57.media.tumblr.com/5bad5d10742eb6dc07ddbefe5af46207/tumblr_o0adacSrQf1sqf5tdo1_400.gif
That’s a Gremlin alright.
Curses!
Dagenham & Redfern have let me down again!
Barcelona did beat Granada 4-0.
/ducks
http://56.media.tumblr.com/91a3f33b81a929150dbf35ecb8c9d31a/tumblr_mxe4znS3u81s2wio8o1_500.png
BAD TOUCH!
http://57.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7sidcbtjJ1qg39ewo1_500.gif
http://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/vulture/2013/02/13/13-archer-2.w529.h352.jpg
TV options are so bad, and I am rationing my opiates…I am thinking about doing some fucking work instead (since I had a shitty migraine and brain was more useless than normal yesterday).
I bet you were pissed at me for blowing up your phone with blow by blow Americans/Deadwood commentary then.
Too fucking bad!!!!!
no way man, gave me a good chuckle when I woke up from my extended release muscle relaxer Friday night old man coma sleep
http://40.media.tumblr.com/5b510e6ef519e765a8909f6a30188296/tumblr_o0aeb12F0x1ultu3qo1_1280.jpg
But but but…. I don’t want an antidote from Batgirl!!! She can infect me anytime, if you know what I’m sayin
/raises eyebrows
This is FA Cup, not Prem smh. So I didn’t preview it.
Everton beat some pub side I never heard of, and yes I listened to BBC Radio Merseyside (once I finally found a stream that would work for the Ugly American listener).
2-nil, rested almost all starters WOO
Penguin juice.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/83bb8bf6b65fce7cd800c1f90dd1c9fd/tumblr_mvib0fuzJy1s2wio8o1_500.gif
http://2static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Cincinnati+bengals+playoff+fever+big+catch+it+big+small+for+a+limited+time+only+small_e72811_5793564.jpg
Just enjoy the ride, man
http://49.media.tumblr.com/526ee9d6c2799df245f81eba386208e3/tumblr_nztnxns7x81scaq4yo1_500.gif
Aw dammit. Drank more last night than I thought.
Gotta hit the booze store it looks like.
/Might as well buy some food while I’m out
Oh, man, love the afterglow.
http://57.media.tumblr.com/60b4e9e94f3f0b997854fa1b4553cdc8/tumblr_o06ciwglFn1s2wio8o1_500.gif
http://56.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltgpmvXsBB1r5o011o1_400.jpg
Oh, man love….the afterglow.
http://45.media.tumblr.com/cc1e40fd9b34b8084741448e5b1a689d/tumblr_nzzl7lFisV1s2wio8o2_500.gif
Dad can go to the bar to watch the games!
http://56.media.tumblr.com/83d23d07128cb06b4d12a9a7e20facfa/tumblr_ndymsb7lzp1rsxqqio1_1280.jpg
http://40.media.tumblr.com/664d1a707d1c3dbcdce331477e28d40c/tumblr_n3wazmCIuD1rhp4nco1_1280.jpg
Love the warning…
Available in any size, shape, color, or FLAVOR!
It will inevitably taste like fish.
/probably
Sandpaper?
Not recommended, no matter how much you like it.
http://www.spoon-tamago.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/kanna.gif
I saw a giant version of this hanging inside a brewpub in Seattle. I didn’t notice the Cool Whip part though.
http://g02.a.alicdn.com/kf/HTB1u6wAHVXXXXa_XXXXq6xXFXXXa/New-Adult-Women-font-b-Sexy-b-font-2pc-font-b-Tiger-b-font-Romper-font.jpg
Mom can watch the games too.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/08efe6ac08389a0a4e2ef01ea6fed4fb/tumblr_o00m27iMbC1uu4f9zo1_400.png
Tigers? We already covered that in the mail bag.
http://57.media.tumblr.com/59d61de57379f249e63d9793f9a08030/tumblr_nwxew30Z6T1s2wio8o6_500.gif