Your “I Wish Coughlin Was Coaching One Of These Teams” Wild Card Game Open Thread

csb/ When I was at university I would go back home for holidays, spring break and the summer and sling milk for my dad so that I could have spending money. Pere had the expectation that when I was finished schooling I would join him in the business. One morning during Xmas break I was on my way to make a delivery at a grocery store and the announcer on the radio said, “Congratulations folks, today [insert hometown] is the coldest place in Canada!” Shortly thereafter I decided that the cow liquid business was not for me…

Sea @ Min: TAKE THE UNDER! The Weather Network tells me that by game time it’ll be 1 degree but will feel like -11. This would be a good spot for Peyton because he’s accustomed to not having any feelings in his fingers. But this is the NFL and we can’t have nice things. Sigh. Pundits (that have completely forgotten that Minny has been a dome team for 32 of the last 34 years) think that this will give the Vikes an advantage. Coping with the weather? No. Given these D’s I wouldn’t think that this was going to be a high-scoring game under any circumstance. Seattle did blow the Vikes balls off in wk. 13 but the former was cracking on all 24 cylinders and the latter was missing a couple of safeties, LB Barr and DT Joseph. I give Minny a puncher’s chance here-they’ve got to win the turnover and special teams games. That said, I’m making Seahawks Tyler Lockett my game MVP. Now, START YOUR TYPING FINGERS!

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Spur

Russell Wilson always looks half asleep to me.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Well, Pete Carroll is constantly telling him to WAKE UP

Bortleback

Not available on the newly redesigned Passat: An apology for fucking the environment and hiding it.

Sharkbait

I thought Germans already apologized for trying to kill people with poisonous gas

Brocky

ermaged, did you guys know that the foo fighters are from seattle?

...

Russell Wilson is not my goddamned hero.

Shogun Marcus

But are they? Nbc is reaching. No Prince yet though.

entropy

But they’re not. That first album was all Grohl, and he’s from DC/Virginia. It was recorded in Seattle, but so what? Yield was recorded in New Orleans (I think, one of Pearl Jam’s albums was, anyway), does that make PJ a New Orleans band?

theeWeeBabySeamus

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Doktor Zymm

The first time I ever felt old was when I met some kid who didn’t know that.

King Hippo

holy fuckballs, a forward offensive play!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

He knows Al like gaping holes….but only CLEAN gaping holes.

litre_cola

Dok, How drunk are you going to be for the Redacteds game? Are you heading out for it? I imagine in Chicago you would have support due to the hatred of the Pack.

Doktor Zymm

I was gonna go out, but I’m not really feeling it. How drunk will depend on how derp, most likely. There is some good Packer hate in Chicago, but there are also a lot of Wisconsin transplants, so I dare say there will be a good amount of cheeseheads around and about.

Spur

This daughter needs to learn some manners

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Secondary guy” is how DeMarco Murray often describes himself.

entropy

If your ball is hard, you should go see a doctor immediately, Al.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tom Brady likes this +1

ThePirateSloth

So inspiring

Spur

Watching this game has me second guessing my move to Reno in March.

litre_cola

This game is what is making you second guess?

Spur

The cold. A Reno winter is nowhere near a Minnesota winter but fuck that.

Recovery Whiskey

I would think the deciding factor is Reno. Hobo capital of the USA

King Hippo

You just want to be able to wear shorts with your cop uniform, whatever the human cost, huh?

JustStopDude

Fucking Dora the Explorer selling out to shill for insurance…

There are no heroes left…

Shogun Marcus

Right? I mean, I expect that kinda crap from Doc McStuffins, but Dora?

Shogun Marcus

Zero…appropes.

Gratliff

Oh god. Eagles just interviewed Doug Pederson, like it wasn’t terrible the first go-around.

Doktor Zymm

All signs point to the NFC East being even worse next year.

entropy

Please please please let the Eagles and Giants just trade coaches. That would be hilarious.

litre_cola

Who do you want Grat? I thought Gase would get it and I was pleased, I do not want Coughlin or another retread. We lived through Pederson as a QB, I imagine his head coaching would be the same.

Shogun Marcus

He was a top-notch clipboard and beer holder for Britt when he was here.

Redshirt

Is that Long Snapper trying to get that Punter killed?

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It would be really funny if Jon Ryan accidentally punted the ball into his own nose.

Spur

Everything’s out but the ball

King Hippo

I hope he had his fizzy water this morning ,, smh

Doktor Zymm

So much stuff flew off him. Russell Wilson is like a pinata!

fleshwound_NPG
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

pics or it didn’t happen

John Difool

It’s so cold if Mike Shanahan were the coach of one of these teams you could fry bacon on his face.

litre_cola

Eggs on Tom Coughlins for a lovely brunch.

tundrajim

All this talk about gaping holes, penetration, and big D has made me all hot and bothered. Which means I’m not in Minnesota.

Spur

The refs seem pissed off. Zebras hate the cold.

fleshwound_NPG

Petey with his Lovie Smith tribute.

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Morning boys and girls, I see we’ve already had some bloodshed, so the NFL is picking up right where we left off last night.

Redshirt

Who put the Vikings’ new stadium in the microwave?

Spur

GE Stadium

King Hippo

They should make that an unreviewable play, to protect coaches from themselves

Doktor Zymm

They would just try to challenge it anyway and screw themselves over even more.

Spur

Morning! What I miss?

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

derp punter and nothing else

entropy

I have magic powers.

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Gaping holes.

entropy

Al. We get it, long dry spell, enough with the gaping holes.

bourb0nblues

Another gaping hole?

Sharkbait

Al loving the phrase “Gaping hole” today.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Everyday is a good day for a gaping hole.

ThePirateSloth

I see Zimmer has taken tanning advice from Shanahan.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

So he’s taking an axe to Teddy Bridgewater’s knee?

Doktor Zymm

Just the tip of the ball needs to cross the line. Just the tip.

entropy

Every frat boy’s favorite game!

...
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You know it’s bad when Mike Zimmer is the ashiest guy on the field.

...

Mike Zimmer’s red face isn’t from the cold, it’s just because while throwing the red flag, he’s yelling at the refs “I WANT IT NOW!!”

Recovery Whiskey

Gene Simmons must have cashed a check

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wifey get’s new bewbs!!!!!

Shogun Marcus

Peter criss can eat for another week.

entropy

The “we’re behind on commercials, throw a pointless challenge flag” break.

Romonobyl

Can’t play with a bloody nose?!?!? C’mom, Jason Witten played with a torn spleen. Tony Romo played while dating Jessica Simpson. DEAL WITH THE PAIN BOY!!!!

Doktor Zymm

If Zimmer loses the challenge flag he could just throw his face on the field

John Difool

Nice

Romonobyl

That already cost a punter.

...

THIS MIKE ZIMMER, I CALL HIM VERUCA SALT BECAUSE HE’S TURNING COLORS WHEN HE DOESN’T GET WHAT HE WANTS.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Vikings can’t freeze steel.

JustStopDude

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Christ, I laughed too hard at this.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s so cold….
(How cold is it?)
It’s so cold that Russell Wilson is looking whiter than normal.

Bortleback

+1 cornball

John Difool

CHARM-CICLE !

King Hippo

so cold that Mike Zimmer turned into Lovie Smith!!

Sharkbait

Questionable with a nose injury describes most everyone in the 80s.

JustStopDude

I just got off the phone with a coworker. He is moving to work in the US with us, and is bringing his wife and son. He is from Malaysia and we worked a lot together overseas.

Anyway, he called because he is terrified that he and his family will show up and get arrested for being Muslim or his kid won’t be allowed to go to school. Its because everyone overseas thinks that Trump is a shoe in to win the Presidency and his views represents that of most Americans.

This shit is so fucking depressing when it starts affecting people you know.

litre_cola

Just tell him that his son is under no circumstances allowed to build an alarm clock.

I hope he isn’t moving to a redneck state cuz sadly that sucks.

In Vancouver 2 days ago Syrian refugees were pepper sprayed after a welcome dinner. Fucking brutal

Bortleback

As a non-American I can say with certainty that if Trump actually gets the republican nomination your country will be a laughing stock. It’s like someone looked at Sarah Palin and said “we need someone who’s even less credible……”

entropy

If this is really a frozen tundra, I now want some real polar bears to track and kill Cris Collinsworth.

tundrajim

A Corona commercial seems inappropriate for this game.

Doktor Zymm

Agreed. York Peppermint Patty would be better.

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Beautiful

Doktor Zymm
King Hippo

Downward facing Truther

ThePirateSloth

That’s some quality hustle

...

I can steal from Twitter with the best of them!

Romonobyl

I don’t think Santa would approve of his fleet at a lemon party.

Sharkbait

Farmers: Trust us. We’ve seen some shit.