Your “This Game’s Gonna Be Great!…Hopefully” Wild Card Tilt Open Thread

GB @ Was: The weather in Washington, UK is 41 degrees but it feels like 34. However I don’t think that it’s going to be an issue for this game. It’s been quite some time since the Slurs hosted a playoff game. This’ll give you an idea:

-Bread was only .25 but you had to slice it yourself.

-Women holding mics on the sidelines were called ‘assistants to someone that matters’ or ‘wanton hussies’.

-The NFL called concussions ‘a figment of everyone’s fevered imaginations’.

-Dan Snyder was in grade school, mixing Lysol and tap water together, labeling it as ‘lemonade’ and selling it for a buck a glass to his classmates.

-speaking of school, Tom Coughlin was walking uphill thru 4 feet of snow to a one-room schoolhouse.

-bananas hadn’t been invented in a Monsanto hothouse yet.

Those were the days, huh? Contrary to what every Packers backer thinks/the expectation of the casual NFL fan/common sense/all that is good and right in the world, Wash has an enormous advantage at the QB spot. Over the last 10 games Rodgers has a 57% completion rate and a 16TD/6INT ratio. Over that same span Cousins’ passes have found their mark 72 percent of the time and his TD/INT ratio is a “am I reading this right?” 23-3! But wait! The Slurs didn’t win a single game against a team that was over .500. Also, of Cousins 11 picks, 7 came against the blitz. There is a team playing today that blitzed the 5th-most this year. I’ll give you a second or two to figure out which one it is. Hint-for this game only the Pack D has named themselves “The Cousins Fuckers”. Now that you’ve got every single relevant bit of data related to this game, well, start with the typing!

 

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fleshwound_NPG

Giada slight nip slip, you’re welcome

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7FI6_3ZU_8

Col. Duke LaCross
WCS

TOO LATE VINEGAR STROKES

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Due to my deteriorating eyesight, I cannot read this.

entropy

Three minutes to kickoff, three minutes til “Breath” ends, then “River of Deceit” to start the game….. I can drunk-plan the shit out of a playlist!!!!

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

http://www.gifsoup.com/webroot/animatedgifs/132268_o.gif

“You know why Carl runs so fast? You can run, but you can’t hide from yo’ true self, Mr. Lewis.”
“Hello, the books has been read and the library’s closed.”

ballsofsteelandfury

Awesome

Doktor Zymm

I should go full on Professor and breed some Atomic Monsters to play sports on teams I support.
http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20071229210713/en.futurama/images/thumb/c/c9/AtomicSupermen.png/500px-AtomicSupermen.png

Gratliff

Holy fuck. Michio Kaku in a commercial. How did that happen?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Astrophysics don’t pay for shit.
Fuck you, Science Channel.

Doktor Zymm

It’s true. Loads of physicists left academia and are data scientists now. Though I would assume Kaku made a packet off his books. I read Hyperspace when I was 13, it was a big part of why I became a physics major.

litre_cola

Irony?
Was kinda bored in between games, had a couple whiskys due to Blax’s dog passing away andlooked at the soon to be Mrs. Cola, said “Wanna do it?” She said yeah, prior to this question she was reading an article on sexless marriages.

theeWeeBabySeamus

NICELY PLAYED!!!!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s…poetry.

Sharkbait

Well done.

...

Just cracked the Half Acre Imperial Stout. I like it much more than the Avery. Let syrupy and sweet and more dry and crisp.

Plus, the bottle art has kitties!

Sharkbait

I’ve got Newcastle or Bulleit. Starting with the beer and we’ll see what happens.

laserguru

I love all of you folks.

I’m going to start some heavy drinking now.

entropy

START?!

laserguru

I did that whole fucking game completely sober.
Why? I have no idea.

Wakezilla

A QB named Cousins, an offensive team name and they have an O-Lineman that has the last name a Nazi General would have in Lichtensteiger?

Washington is clearly Trump’s favorite team

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Right before Walsh shanked that kick I told my wife I had a terrible sinking feeling it would happen.

laserguru

I actually expected him to make it but I thought Seattle would return the kickoff for a touchdown.

Always optimists us Vikings fans.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Couldn’t find a SFW gif. Have a second one of the same scene

http://www1.pictures.zimbio.com/mp/3P6dlw4Sj-sl.jpg

entropy

Chloe don’t know better
Chloe’s just like me
(Only beautiful)

Jesus the singles soundtrack was awesome.

Doktor Zymm

Maybe I should have gone out for this game. The baseless optimism of other Skins fans might distract me from my sense of impending doom. Oh well, too late now.

Shogun Marcus

Cannibal sammich time.

...

The whole Fox studio cast picked the Slurs.

Oh God, they’re fucked.

Doktor Zymm

This was my exact thought.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Howie picked the Packers. Whats his face just got it wrong

Sharkbait

Why is Rob Riggle doing this?

Dunstan

To make the rest of the guys look funny by comparison?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can’t hold down a job at 7-11?

litre_cola

Don’t Americans treat former G.I’s like shit? So he needs the cash for his PTSD disorder.

evilbeaver8

How was Rob Riggle and his sub-Adam Carolla shtick ever on the Daily Show?

John Difool
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Flashback to when David Alan Grier and Marlon Wayans made a Richard Gere gerbil joke during super bowl halftime: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2OKwRsnWO84

ballsofsteelandfury

That was the single greatest halftime show in the history is the NFL.

WCS

Men on Film!

WCS

Hadn’t realized we jumped threads, so again:
http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_manoi8KPyD1rq3b5ko1_r1_500.png

entropy

God bless the cluelessness of celebrities

ballsofsteelandfury

I think she got it. She freaky like that.

...

Considering her reputation, I actually think she knew exactly what it meant.

fleshwound_NPG

perfect.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Me neither.
So I’ll say again….this is Deelightful.

ballsofsteelandfury

That’s awesome! I’m 99% sure she is self-aware enough that she meant that in the right way.

Doktor Zymm

I still credit all the success of this season to the fact that they hired a GM

Glorious Chairman Dan

No question. McCloughan the real MVP

Spur
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Aaron Rodgers just bought a new glass closet apparently.

Doktor Zymm

Oh hell. They have “You Like That” towels. This game is gonna be painful.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“This game is going to be painful.”

– a young woman at a bar, under her breath, as she watches Kellen Clemens approach to hit on her.

entropy

Kill the audio. YouTube channel all the way or you’re gonna be smashing shit by halftime.

Doktor Zymm

I gotta have the audio on. It’s like poking a bruise to see if it still hurts.

Spur

comment image

fleshwound_NPG

I am searching for some home-team sanity in this Wild Card Weekend and my final hope lies with the team owned by Dan Snyder.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s very strange, isn’t it?

JustStopDude

Kirk Cousins is a modern day Dilfer. He needs to be broken before he gets a Superbowl ring. NEVER AGAIN!

Glorious Chairman Dan

Dilfer won on a defense — ours is meh. Our success is “good offense against bad teams”.

evilbeaver8

Dilfer never had a season close to as good as Cousins. Cousins is this season’s Nick Foles.

Spur
evilbeaver8

She is rather fetching.

fleshwound_NPG

60 degrees in January, previous Wild Card game on TV was -2, and Erin rocking the trenchcoat and the turtleneck from hell.

...

Random quasi-sexist hot taek.

I don’t like Erin Andrews. Her voice annoys me, her interview skills suck, she was awful whenever she tried to anchor, and she reminds me of every irritating sorority girl I’ve ever met.

fleshwound_NPG

None of what you said about her is wrong.

ballsofsteelandfury

Very true. On the plus side, her BF has access to a lot of coke.

Doktor Zymm

Over/Under on Cousins turnovers and my subsequent BAC?

entropy

2 TOs, .20 BAC

...

I can’t pick a number, but I’ll confidently say the relationship will not be linear.

King Hippo

Drove my kids to the gym between games with stern warning to be back to the car by 4:45. Like anybody gives a fuck what I say or care about.

entropy

I care! I played river of deceit TWICE because of you!

King Hippo

Huzzah!!

entropy

Third time coming up at kickoff, because, let’s face it, both of these teams chose this shit.

Gratliff

Always good to see a parent who understands what fatherhood is all about.

Doktor Zymm

Imma go put my Kerrigan jersey on. BRB.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Me too”
– Jeff Gillooly

Recovery Whiskey

Strong taek. Lead-pipe strong

LeggoMyRiggo

Rocking #21 Burgundy and Gold!

FRED SMOOT #21-4-EVA!

LeggoMyRiggo

FIRST STEP TO THE SUPER BOAL, COOOOOCH!

evilbeaver8

1000 years from now WASPS will worship Payne Stewart as the second coming of Jeebus.

...

DOK ARE YOU PROPERLY ATTIRED?!

comment image

Sharkbait

I’ll take 2!
-Jerry Lee Lewis

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I can wear the same shirt to meet my friend’s cousin Kirk from Appalachia

laserguru

There is no god.

ballsofsteelandfury

Sorry about that, my friend. That was horrible.

laserguru

Gary Anderson breathes a sigh of relief.

Spanky Datass

You’re right, but still … Walsh can go fuck his-self.

Feel better.

laserguru

We have to come up with a new name for this one.

“The Miss” has been used already.

Recovery Whiskey

Laces Out is probably available

Doktor Zymm

Consolation all around. Y’all shoulda had that game.

laserguru

Thanks.

This fucking team man.

I want to apologize in advance for allowing those assholes the opportunity to keep playing.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The New Zealand Dirty Aborigines are my favorite rugby squad.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Waiting for my over-hyped Skins to blow this game. No way it beats Wounded Knee, but we suck when we’re favored.

entropy

Oh. Oh DAMN.

Doktor Zymm

I was actually kind of grateful for the Bengals fuckup, since the Skins PROBABLY can’t fuck up as bad as that. It’s good to have a “it could be worse” example ready.

JustStopDude
ThePirateSloth

Dok, you staying home?

Doktor Zymm

Yeah, I would have to already be at the Skins bar to get a seat. My TV is way better anyway and I already paid for the booze at my house.

Doktor Zymm

Also, based on the night I had after going out for the last Skins playoff loss, this is probably the safer option.

Sharkbait

Careful, they may take that as a challenge.

entropy

Can a person get in Bourble by themself?

Doktor Zymm

Absolutely.

entropy

Hi, I’m entropy, and I am full on in bourble

(My iPad now recognizes this word. That is probably its own issue).

The Maestro

Absolutely. That happened almost constantly when I was in college.

Senor Weaselo

I’m still not 100% pat on the definition. Is it when the drink gets you in trouble, whether socially or with the S.O.?

entropy

No SO any longer (she was, well, unstable), but I am definitely “20 minutes past dark pissing off the deck” drunk, which has its own stories, so maybe I should slow down some?

Then again, moderation has never worked for me.

FULL STEAM AHEAD!!

nomonkeyfun

I got in bourble with myself last night. Found my glasses in my change jar this morning. Took 30 mins to find them.

fleshwound_NPG

Houston: I suck
Cincinnati: I suck harder
Minnesota: OH, LEMME TRY THIS GAME

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Traci Lords: Everyone clear the fucking field, k?

Shogun Marcus

Jared: gentlemen…BEHOLD!

Recovery Whiskey

Sasha Grey warming up on the sidelines

Doktor Zymm

At least if the fans start throwing trash on the field at Fedex they’ll just be improving the running surface.

JustStopDude
Gratliff

Go Pack Go! /pisses on throwback Eagles hat to get the colors right

ballsofsteelandfury

Sooooo, Washington will win, right? Right?

bourb0nblues

Only if there are some gaping holes in the GB run defense.

http://i.imgur.com/GTRyD.jpg?fb

...

Pictured: Upcoming [*Redacted] s collapse.

Doktor Zymm

Strahan just called the [*Redacted] s “The Hottest Team in the League Right Now”

That’s a kiss of death, isn’t it.

Glorious Chairman Dan

Favored? We’re fucked.

entropy

Into the flood again, same old trip it was back then…..

bourb0nblues

Fucking great song.

entropy

Hells yes, but in a minute, I’m leaving my theme for the Singles soundtrack. Soundgarden “Birth Ritual” FTW!!

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