Reporter: “The stakes are pretty high here, aren’t they?”
Coach Reid: [rolls eyes] “Of course they are-three quarters of an inch at the very least!. [enters trance, talks in monotone] And the twice-baked potato must have bacon in it. The salad must have bacon. The roasted asparagus must have bacon. [emerges from reverie] Mmmmm. Uh, next question?”
Oh, there’s a game with Reid coaching and you thought you might get through the intro without a food reference? Really? Okay, Gronk is questionable. Pats fans shout in unison, THE ONLY THING QUESTIONABLE IS YOUR DESIRE! ALL HAIL SAT-, WE MEAN BELICHICK. APOLOGIES, WE MAKE THAT MISTAKE MORE OFTEN THAN WE’D LIKE TO ADMIT. I’m sure that Gronk’s new “personal assistant” is going to whip him up some sort of special milkshake with extra warthog ovaries that will enable him to play. How important is it for Brady that his fave TE plays? His QBR rating drops from 80 down to 31 without him. The Chiefs front can and must get pressure on the Pats QB-Brady’s O-line has given up 38(!) sacks this year. Speaking of questionable, WR Maclin and his high ankle sprain made the trip but he’s iffy-there’s only so much warthog parts to go around. He and TE Kelce combined for 49% of all pass targets this year. Yet Another Injury Note: WR Antonio Brown has been ruled out of this game as well as tomorrow’s tilt against Denver. KC’s O looks to be on QB Smith’s shoulders but he seems to up to the task. Since the winning streak started he’s passing downfield a bit more, has rushed for more first downs than RB West and six out of ten times his QB rating has been above 100. Perhaps this weird Chiefs mojo will continue-wouldn’t that be great?
At this point I’m wondering if everyone on the Chiefs has forgotten that they’re down by more than one TD…
Wow, Wilson, you don’t want to try and score or anything, do you? Jesus fucking Christ what is WRONG with this god damn team?!
EITHER GET INTO THE ENDZONE OR GET OUT OF BOUNDS! HOW FUCKING DIFFICULT IS THIS?!
http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/000/233/062/733.jpg
Chandler Jones “right knee issue” is “withdrawal”
http://56.media.tumblr.com/0b02acff4a7862a2c6b2dd327ac2d2fb/tumblr_nn7tu2woKM1rpy9pbo1_1280.jpg
I will end you.
Right after you cook that for me.
Not again!
HASHBROWNS DEFEAT BREAKFAST POTATOES EVERY DAY
BRB. Going to iron this and then my face.
:large
+ Cat Power <3
That’s right, keep going for short yardage over the middle of the field. Make no effort to conserve time or go for the endzone.
http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/~bgzimmer/charlie-brown-sigh.png
You’d almost think this is an Andy Reid coached team…..
Great catch, Avant, but by all means, saunter back to the line of scrimmage as slowly as you’d like, you’re only down 14.
And that hit by Hightower was fucking legal, Fouts, as much as it pains me to defend any NE player. How was he supposed to stop gravity?
The NFL cares not for gravity.
http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/~bgzimmer/charlie-brown-sigh.png
Does he know they need to score twice?
No.
http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/~bgzimmer/charlie-brown-sigh.png
I guess it’s only a horse collar tackle if you play the Broncos.
Holy shit if Brady was tackled like that it’s 15 extra yards and the defender is out of the game.
Remind me what the fuck a horse collar is if it’s not that.
For the younger folks (so glad I finally get to say this), the horse collar tackle was banned because of injuries to players who went down exactly the same way Alex Smith just did.
As opposed to the way that Bibi Jones went down.
Jason Avant: the only competent Chief
http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/~bgzimmer/charlie-brown-sigh.png
Didn’t help Chief Joseph any.
Those two yard pass plays are gonna win the game for you, Alex, for sure.
http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/~bgzimmer/charlie-brown-sigh.png
http://56.media.tumblr.com/a635a7886f1cc42c994e5715a3aaaf2b/tumblr_nubq6iuwhF1t0k6q7o1_1280.jpg
That’s a real heads up move by the KC receiver, catching the ball on the sideline and then FUCKING TURNING IN AND GETTING TACKLED IN BOUNDS TO KEEP THE CLOCK RUNNING.
I hope KC traveled to Gillette in a convoy of short buses.
TEH SUTPID TI BRUNS
Oh hey. HBO has the new Mad Max. I should get around to seeing that at some point.
Yes, yes you should.
DO IT NOW
If your erection lasts longer than 4 hours, be sure to call a medical professional.
You really should. It’s fucking great.
it’s incredible.
Nice effort to simultaneously gain no extra yardage while making sure the clock keeps running.
This whole game has been making me aneurysm-y
It’s as if Andy Reid is coaching an AFC team……OH WAIT
THESE CHIEFS I CALL THEM THE PEACE PIPE BECAUSE THEY’RE GETTING SMOKED BY A WHITE MAN AND THEIR OWNER IS GOING TO PAY FOR IT DEARLY.
THAT IS SOME GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE….
For those who haven’t seen the other thread HOW THE FUCK YOU DOING BOYS https://twitter.com/packman_jon/status/688514589819060224?s=09
If you weren’t two hours away, I’d come up there, mock your extra-thick people, and probably have one of your state’s women drink me under the table.
Pimp.
Huh, this is not a bad cheap Bordeaux.
Tomorrow I am heading to the Boston area to go to some BBQ place called ‘Red Bones’ that my brother swears is the best.
On the one hand, great BBQ. On the other hand, happy Massholes.
Truly a Sophie’s Choice of epic proportions.
Today is a good reminder of why/how much I truly fucking hate life. Not that I fucking NEEDED a reminder, really.
Only thing that can make this better is belgian waffles
Can’t argue with that:
http://tevanalexander.com/sevenmonths/photos/belgianwaffles.jpg
HOW IS THAT NOT INTENTIONAL GROUNDING
Andy Reid only challenges calls he’s sure to lose.
Can’t challenge intentional grounding for some reason.
Because Brady
Because…..TAWM FUCKING GRITTY
A touching David Bowie tribute from Dee Ford there, introducing Major Tom to Ground Control.
Fuck New England, and fuck the announcers just sucking away on that P*tr**ts cock.
“heh heh heh, even when they lose, they win! Those New England Patriots…. they are incredible.”
FUCK YOU
I’ve popped at least a couple blood vessels listening to these dopey commentators.
I have done my damnedest to ignore them, but I am ready to have an aneurysm now.
And again, fuck the NFL helping NE every which way.
It’s hard to watch certain games, against certain teams and deny that there’s favoritism. I am sober, by the way.
God, the Pats even get bailed out for stupid interceptions.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA YESSSSS
OH GODDAMN IT FUCK THIS FUCKING TEAM
Belichek is going to fine Hayden 50k for that interception.
Sill,
My phone shut down.
I’ like to continue our discussion.
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/index.php/private-dick-jokes/
Oh great, they’re combining their shares and selling us to UPROXX.
Goddammit I knew I should have shorted this one.
About what, specifically?
WHAT A PUNT!!!
Hey, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Pats giving up 30 yards by intercepting that. I’m okay with Denver getting a shot at this team.
Nice punt by Smith.
Yeah, that’s about right.
Shitty punt, Alex.
Why would you idiots want it to be an interception?
Haha welp, ah well
Why the fuck are the Patriots celebrating that?
Booooooooooooooo
What is the worst part of Large Boom Postulation?
I mean, apart form this:
http://cdn3.whatculture.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/bazinga.jpg
Upon seeing this, I almost reflexively punched my computer.
I’m sure that lack of an extra challenge will come into play later on.
“The call on the field is 15 yards for hitting a defenseless receiver who had grabbed the ball and taken one step but had yet to complete the process of the catch by taking a second step and turning in, in triplicate, a notarized essay on the effects of the Gadsden Purchase on Mexican-American relations through the 20th Century and how that may effect future NFL expansion plans in the international realm.
Touchdown Seahawks!”
I’m sure one of the lost books of the bible will identify Patriots fans as one of the original plagues on Egypt. Fuck every last one of them. And fuck that bitch Brady.
I’m packing for a trip to Disney with the Fozz brood, so I’m not in a real cakey mood right now.
Still, fuck New England in the ass with a broken bourbon bottle.
If Flarahduh, I highly advise the Epcot Around The World Beers for your enjoyment…. and sanity.
I have that marked on the Disney app as a “favorite.”
Is puking on Mickey Mouse in front of your family a bad thing – or is it the stuff that memories are made of?
Get a photo and post it, and we’ll let you know.
I vote memory as of now though.
Extra $10 if you punch Cinderella in the tits.
I can’t spend that much money on Stella and Carlsberg.
Bourbon + Bottle = Bourble
Be careful!
Pouring the first bourbon after dinner.
Last night I had a bottle of Flying Dog Breweries’ “Naughty”, which is brewed with habanero peppers. Interesting.
That must shit something fierce the next morning.
All playoffs we’ve seen hits like that be flagged as illegal hits on defenseless receivers. But since its the Patriots….
I think what infuriates me most about Patriots fans is that every time a penalty is called on the Patriots, the reaction is not only negative but has a certain outraged quality to it as if the very idea the Patriots could commit a penalty is unthinkable.
NOONE DENIES THIS
Every flag that hits that turf is like a daggah in owah hahts!