Greetings, various iced and snowed in Commentist Party members! And those who aren’t part of my East Coast biased world ,, smh.

Let the EPL warm you with three reasonably good 10am Saturday fixtures. 5th place Manure takes on 10th place (but rising!) Soton on NBCSN. The Saints could relegate United to the middle class scrum with a win, and possibly get Louis Van Gaal his long-rumoured pink slip. USA opts for 4th place Spurs and 8th position Palace, both sides mostly running in place and failing to take advantage of opportunities for upward mobility. Foxy Footy (2nd position based on goal differential) and Stoke (7th) should rate as a better match than either of those two on paper, but nobody ever wants to watch fucking Stoke, so Extra Time it is.

City and the Hammers square off at 12:30 on big NBC, in a very meaningful clash for both sides. City have the best goal differential in the League, and could easily be in 1st after the weekend ends. West Ham is in 6th and only 8 points behind, but feels like a couple of classes below in quality, and I suspect that will show up on the pitch.

Sunday will indeed be a fun day, as the EPL limbers up the American sports fan with beloved (but kinda shitty) Toffees taking on the still-reeling-but-at-least-out-of-relegation-zone-for-now Swans at 8:30. Arsenal takes on the side they hate most in Chelski at 11, both matches on NBCSN.

One college basketballing item of note…

Duke at NC State (2:00, CBS)

Look, fellas. This season is over. I get it. The offense is a giant fucking turd and not subject to change. There is no hope of being the fucking Holes on their return visit. But serious, Duke isn’t very good, either. We can at least have this one moment, probably the only time we gets to play on national (broadcast) teevee. Or at the very minimum…don’t embarrass yourselves and the desperate, housebound alumni like myself. OK? Pretty please??