Your “One Of These Teams Has To Not-Win? NUTCAKES!” NFC Championship Open Thread

I like both these teams. Both will perform very well in the last game of the year against either AFC champion. (What? Did you think that as of [checks pocket watch] 3:32 EST I know who won the AFC thingy?) Rivera and Arians both deserve all the kudos for taking formerly moribund programs to the top. And it just seems like it’s the NFC’s year this year, doesn’t it?

Stats Time: Them Panthers led the league in scoring and the Cards were second. If the Cards depend on the blitz to bring pressure they are fooked. QB Newton completes 59% of his passes, has an 80.4 QBR and has a ridiculous 80.4 QBR when the other team brings the house. As far as rushing is concerned, the Panthers attack as a team averages 4.1 yards per carry. GOSTKOWSKI SUCKS! (just saw the missed extra point)

Okay down to brass tacks (whatever that means) I sorta lucked out last week by identifying DT Short as a difference-maker. This reminds me-GM of the Panthers Gettleman drafted two DT’s back to back in the ’13 draft. Lotulelei went in the first and Short went in the second. BAM! INTERIOR D IS TAKEN CARE OF FOR A HALF-DOZEN YEARS. As far as feel-good stories are concerned the weakest narrative going is QB Palmer’s quest for a Super Bowl ring. He wasn’t that  great a story in Cincy so why all the lovin’ now? Now, WR Fitz is legitimate. THIS GUY-copyright Jon Gruden-is a tried and true big game performer with stats up the whatzizz. On t’udder side of the ball I would love to see a nation of older, pale sports writers back pedal en masse  from their “here comes Vince Young 2.0” interior monologues if QB Cam wins. It’s okay fellas, you’ll always have JaMarcus Russell. What say you persons? Let me know who you like below. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE, WASTRELS!

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WCS

WELP

blaxabbath

This game is over. Arizona should have just tanked the season to at least have a high draft pick.

Col. Duke LaCross

And these guys get Kelvin Benjamin back next year.

fleshwound_NPG

Yards per play CAR 6.9

nice

Redshirt

This is the Carson Palmer I knew and loved

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

To paraphrase Drew Magary: FUCK THE WILDCAT!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

One more USWNT pic (Ali Krieger)

comment image?w=1000&h=1298

Kungjitsu

Hey! How are you? I love soccer and have no communicable disease.

King Hippo

I still have the most lust in my heart for the Canadia WNT

King Hippo
Gratliff

You can really feel the sweetness in the smile.

King Hippo

when she came onto the pitch I would get all verklempt

fleshwound_NPG

Hot athletic women will never not be hot.

King Hippo

dem calf muscles

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

So this Visa guy is a fucking idiot right?

Brocky

I can’t blame that guy. attractive female patriots fan? I’d do some things I’m not proud of.

Duchess

“I agree Obama is literally the Anti-Christ”

-Duchess to hot blonde in Greenville SC circa 2008

I haven’t always been a Patriots fan
A Tale of 95% of Patriots fana.

fleshwound_NPG

It is amazing how close we were to Roll Tide/Fackin Pahhts titles just months apart.

Brocky

Peter King: The fact that Cam couldn’t throw a touchdown there shows his lack of leadership

WCS

Unlike Peyton Manning, who’s command and leadership has the Broncos in the Super Bowl.

Romonobyl

A clear genetic shortcoming!

Smithchez

If Cam beats Peyton in the Super Bowl PK might actually die.

Old School Zero

HOORAY

MAY DR Z OUTLIVE PK

Romonobyl

fingers crossed….

Doktor Zymm

At least a stroke.

Redshirt

FOX should have a live feed to the Broncos locker room to show their reactions to the Panthers.

Romonobyl

So who asked for a Zoolander 2?

Redshirt

Ben Stiller’s accountant

Duchess

Cam Newton is making everyone’s racist Facebook friends write strong taeks… and making every racist asshole you know in North Carolina defend him.

King Hippo

Jesse Helms rolls over in his grave, knowing that North Cakalaky’s two most popular citizens are Cam Newton and Ron Rivera.

King Hippo

Hippo Bowl…nearing…reality

Gratliff

I can’t wait to see Eli joyfully accept a game ball from Cam at the Super Bowl.

Kungjitsu

Sint a duzen chapas when one shapa will do

The Maestro

The whole “Ted Ginn is a competent receiver” thing is probably the weirdest storyline in the NFL this year.

King Hippo

and if you go waaaaayyyyyy back into the DFO archives….Hippo recommended picking him up for $1 at your auction.

That’s why you assdicks pay the big bucks for our fantasy analysis.

blaxabbath

Time for BA to start calling some gutsy shots to Cam/Ted/Olsen’s heads.

makeitsnowondem

hmm well

WCS

Slightly inauspicious start, Blax.

Moonbatting Average

12524199_10103364432457323_5869557404215758284_n.jpg

Duchess

look at that shameless thug running into the endzone with his WR…. act like you’ve been there before!

blaxabbath

Christ – it’s one thing to get defeated by a tougher team. Don’t get fucking outsmarted by these guys though.

Romonobyl

That just happened…

ThursdaySkyGoddess

GINNDOWN!!!

King Hippo

GinnDOWN WOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

Holy Crap Ted Ginn

Old School Zero

Wow

blaxabbath

Ice tub connection!

blaxabbath

Refs seem to have no issues with Carolina loading up on cheap shots against ARI.

Brocky

So I took a small intermission, have they said why carolina is wearing white at home?

blaxabbath

They bragged that Richardson had a say in it last week (seriously).

Romonobyl

My cat and dog are having a stare-down. Now THAT’S a contest of wills!

Horatio Cornblower

My money’s on the cat.

Romonobyl

He’s a rescue with very sharp claws, the dog has had a snoot-full from those paws more than once.

Duchess

That isn’t the first time a group of wannabe actors got tricked into Malibu

John Difool

THIS CARSON PALMER I CALL HIM LAURA PALMER FROM TWIN PEAKS ‘CAUSE THAT’S THE LAST TIME I’VE SEEN A PALMER GETTING MURDERED LIKE THIS

Old School Zero

WRAAAAPED IN PLAAASTIC

Romonobyl

Only because Robert Palmer died of natural causes.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

One more Sydney Leroux during this commercial break.

http://a1.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=/photo/2013/0708/SL_2_newcoversep.jpg

The Maestro

Sydney Leroux is a secret Canadian, but I’m actually ok with her playing for the US because personally, I don’t find her attractive. I don’t know why… I can’t explain it.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Well, you are a Patriots fan

Redshirt

You can take the QB out of the Bengals, but you can’t take the Bengals out of the QB.

The Maestro

And now the Massholes are gonna start the whole “HOCHULI CONSPIRACY” thing on WEEI and it is gonna be fucking terrible.

WCS

PITCHAS AHN CAHTCHAS REPART IN A MONTH

Sill Bimmons

Simmons has been stoking those idiots for weeks.

blaxabbath

I can’t believe anyone is still using “game changer”.

blaxabbath

Ted Ginn burned the Cardinals when he signed his 2014 contract to take 16 weeks worth of fair catches.

laserguru

Now New England can officially go fuck itself.
First time I dropped a shit load of cash on them and they fuck themselves.
You know what?
I’m still happy they lost.
Woo-hoo.

Sill Bimmons

BUTLER SMASH

The Maestro

I think part of the angst is knowing that it was Belichick and Brady’s fault this time. You make those passes and you choose to go for the field goals on the fourth downs there, you don’t end up in a situation where you have to go for two.

fleshwound_NPG

All Darth Hoodie. Brady did kinda okay against the defense from hell. Kick those FGs.

Fronkenshteen

Supe 50: “I’ll have the under, please!”

Sill Bimmons

Poor Pats fans.

No one of color to blame anything on.

Romonobyl

Wasn’t there a black official?

Kungjitsu

Yeah, Ed Hochuli! #FightThePower

blaxabbath

First down!

Now we’re checking off the boxes…