Your “One Of These Teams Has To Not-Win? NUTCAKES!” NFC Championship Open Thread

I like both these teams. Both will perform very well in the last game of the year against either AFC champion. (What? Did you think that as of [checks pocket watch] 3:32 EST I know who won the AFC thingy?) Rivera and Arians both deserve all the kudos for taking formerly moribund programs to the top. And it just seems like it’s the NFC’s year this year, doesn’t it?

Stats Time: Them Panthers led the league in scoring and the Cards were second. If the Cards depend on the blitz to bring pressure they are fooked. QB Newton completes 59% of his passes, has an 80.4 QBR and has a ridiculous 80.4 QBR when the other team brings the house. As far as rushing is concerned, the Panthers attack as a team averages 4.1 yards per carry. GOSTKOWSKI SUCKS! (just saw the missed extra point)

Okay down to brass tacks (whatever that means) I sorta lucked out last week by identifying DT Short as a difference-maker. This reminds me-GM of the Panthers Gettleman drafted two DT’s back to back in the ’13 draft. Lotulelei went in the first and Short went in the second. BAM! INTERIOR D IS TAKEN CARE OF FOR A HALF-DOZEN YEARS. As far as feel-good stories are concerned the weakest narrative going is QB Palmer’s quest for a Super Bowl ring. He wasn’t that  great a story in Cincy so why all the lovin’ now? Now, WR Fitz is legitimate. THIS GUY-copyright Jon Gruden-is a tried and true big game performer with stats up the whatzizz. On t’udder side of the ball I would love to see a nation of older, pale sports writers back pedal en masse  from their “here comes Vince Young 2.0” interior monologues if QB Cam wins. It’s okay fellas, you’ll always have JaMarcus Russell. What say you persons? Let me know who you like below. TYPE LIKE YOU’VE NEVER TYPED BEFORE, WASTRELS!

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CBQUE

Seriously what the fuck was Fells thinking on that leap. He could’ve fumbled or hurt himself.

John Difool

I HAVEN’T SEEN A JOHNSON POUND A KITTY LIKE THIS SINCE…..

Dunstan

That unfortunate leak of Michael Dukakis’ homemade porn?

Romonobyl

Military Grade!!!! That means the military has purchased aluminum at some point during it’s existence.

Disengenuous Fake Smile

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO J-STEW

ThePirateSloth

Fuck, I loved those tshirts

Romonobyl

Takes me back…

Doktor Zymm

The 80s were a golden era for mildly dirty T-shirts

King Hippo

It’s almost like one should de-emphasize Carson Palmer and get the fucking ball to one’s real playmaker.

David Johnson is the best RB in the league, and they had him buried third string.

WCS

RE: Blax
comment image

blaxabbath

::error::

ThePirateSloth

WHOOOOOOO

My terrible VJ Day joke is no longer valid. Thank Jeebus, I’m less slightly destined for hell.

litre_cola

I know most of you want the Newton v Peter King explosion, I decided to go down to Phx in 2 weeks to see my mother. I would enjoy being there for the Super Bowl if they are in it. God knows all the locals will be asleep by 5 pm so I will have the place to myself.

The Maestro

Hey they did a thing!

Horatio Cornblower

David Johnson is 6’1″ and 224.

I am 6’1″ and 218.

What do you want to bet that we look NOTHING alike?

Old School Zero

You’re probably much shorter than he is.

Senor Weaselo

Joe Buck is right for once, the Cardinals are going to ride Johnson as hard and as long as they can.

/Hey, it actually was a dick joke!

blaxabbath

Johnson scores and returns the ball TO THE REF. Does it the right way.

WCS

Well, well… P’raps a game?

Sharkbait

comment image

ThursdaySkyGoddess

JOHNSONDOWN!!

Doktor Zymm

Here we go, this is getting a bit more interesting.

blaxabbath

It doesn’t matter.

Romonobyl

SCORE-CHANGING SCORE!!!!

hippofant

That was a dumbass move by Fells that can only get someone injured….

blaxabbath

Great — ARI has struggled inside the 5 all sseason…..

CBQUE

You were saying?

blaxabbath

It’ll get called back somehow. GOODELL HATES US!

Senor Weaselo

And Davis has a broken wrist/arm/hand.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Roman harper’s out? Just when you thought the panthers d couldn’t get any better…

CBQUE

Looking at both games it’s nice to see that defense can still be played in the NFL

Horatio Cornblower

Denver’s D was a freaking monster today.

makeitsnowondem

The Browns are, at this very moment, conducting tryouts for both of David Johnson’s sisters.

Old School Zero

Johnson AND Johnson?

blaxabbath

Yeah! Keep ’em dropping! Fill their gatorade jugs with Flynt water!

Doktor Zymm

Oh ouch. That looks broken.

makeitsnowondem

What are you, some kind of doctor?

blaxabbath

Fells with just a big not-hurdle.

Horatio Cornblower

David Johnson is a goddamn beast.

King Hippo

HEY, it the OTHER Digital Underground song!

Shogun Marcus

He’s the one that sang “just grab em in the biscuits!”

King Hippo

INDEED he was

John Difool

THESE ARIZONA CARDINALS I CALL ‘EM JENA MALONE ‘CAUSE THAT’S THE LAST TIME I’VE SEEN SOME BASTARDS DOWN IN CAROLINA GETTING MOLESTED THIS HARD

Old School Zero

Wow, that’s a deep cut right there.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Wow. I haven’t seen a Johnson getting so little accomplished since the last time I was single.

CBQUE

Okay Larry we need you go to nuts.

Brocky

Is it racist that I still think of Darren Sharper when I hear roman harper.

I know roman hasn’t raped anybody, but similar names, and they played the same position on the same team

ThePirateSloth

Honest Pirate Time: I seriously just tied a terrible Pats lost joke to Victory in Europe Day, with a Panthers win akin to a Victory in Japan joke.

I’m gonna refrain from saying anything else for the rest of the day, because that shit was terrible. And funny, but terrible.

makeitsnowondem

You know I have to know what this joke is. You know this. You can PM me if you have to, but I must know.

Brocky

I concur, I feel I must know this joke

Horatio Cornblower

Thirded. Spill it fucker.

Romonobyl

Remind me, someone here predicted the investigation and death of DraftKings and the like. Whoever it was, well done and thank Jeebus.

CBQUE

Coming up tonight after The NFC Title game Fox will try and revive a show that peaked after season two. it’s The X-Files, shit next is a reboot of 21 Jump Street.

Senor Weaselo

Uh…

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

The black chick from the ford mustang: how hot is she?

ThePirateSloth

Hot enough to bang on the back of that Stang

The Maestro

Is Joe Webb the special-teamer the same Joe Webb who once started a playoff game for the Vikings at quarterback??

Col. Duke LaCross

Indeed.

WCS

I believe so.

The Maestro

How the mighty(?) have fallen.

Disengenuous Fake Smile

Yes. Signed as a 3rd string QB when Cam was out from his ankle surgery last year; kept as a ST Swiss army knife.

Spur

Question, what does everyone pay for internet and cable/satellite?

Romonobyl

Too damned much.

makeitsnowondem

FOR THE HORDE

Old School Zero

Coming next summer… HALF LIFE 3! ONLY IN THEATERS!

Senor Weaselo

I’m pretty sure it hasn’t come out even in New School Zero’s time.

blaxabbath

What a week to not dress Matt Barkley…..

Porky Prime

“Beg pardon?”

Aaron Rodgers

Old School Zero

Whoops, forgot to set my playoff challenge line up. ENJOY THAT MONEY, EVENTUAL WINNER!

King Hippo

I will have the 4x multiplier for CJ Anderson. BOW BEFORE ME, MERE MORTALS!!!

blaxabbath

So committing 11 guys to Stewart every play maybe isn’t the key?

Horatio Cornblower

“Hey, if the Devil decided to quit where do you think he would go?”

My first guess would be the Fox announcing booth. Oops, he appears to already be there.

Porky Prime

Beezlebuck.

CBQUE

Hey guys. Great first game. it appears that Carson Palmer has decided to go full Bengal.

WCS

This is like Raiders Carson.

CBQUE

He wasn’t there long enough for me to remember. Still he’s stinking up the joint

King Hippo

blowing his Daywalker advantage to play like a full-blooded Ginger ,, smgdh

King Hippo

a’ight, stop whatcha doin’

Shogun Marcus

Cuz I’m about to ruin the image and the style that you’re used to.

blaxabbath

Fucking Cam isn’t even wearing a mouth piece.

Disengenuous Fake Smile

He never does because he needs to flash his perfect grin like a me-first GLORY BOY

Spur

Classless thug

makeitsnowondem

The ruling was announced by Vinovich so I’m assuming it’s wrong.

John Difool

Arizona starting to turn into an episode of Benny Hill
http://cdn.meme.am/instances/58350861.jpg

John Difool