Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

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makeitsnowondem

oh god demaryius

ballsofsteelandfury

I thought Hope Solo was in jail, not on a shitty CBS show.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

There’s a difference?

Bloody Lethal

Rimshot!

litre_cola

Dear Kubiak, now is not the time to try and bleed the clock.

ballsofsteelandfury

– Us, in the third quarter.

King Hippo

NOW, PeyPey. The defense is spent. The secondary is injured. YOU FUCKED UP LAST TIME.

Your job is to play keep away for 5.5 minutes. This you can and will still do.

Moonbatting Average

Holy shit holy shit

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I still fear the Pats will come out with a win, but at least we got Brady basically crying after getting hit after a week of people accusing him of doing that

Senor Weaselo

Shh!

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Leaving Miller unblocked seems like a poor decision.

Cuntler

FACK YOU JEWKAH!

Redshirt

5:56, people. We can do this!

Kungjitsu

LOOOOOOOZZZZZZEEEE

theeWeeBabySeamus

There it is.
Eat shit, fucktahds.

jjfozz

Just called Edelman a faggot in front of my kids. Jesus I suck as a parent and human being.

But in my defense, I hate that guy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d be worried if you didn’t.

Bloody Lethal

They need to know.

Doktor Zymm

Just tell them you were using the term its sense meaning “a bundle of sticks”

Romonobyl

Or a European cigarette.

blaxabbath

Better your kids learn about it in a safe environment like whatever bar you’ve taken them to.

WCS

hurrah!

Gratliff

Denver’s D doesn’t suck, you guys.

Smithchez

AND Brady got hit? That’s like a perfect play!

King Hippo

THANK FUCK THEY WENT FOR IT

ThursdaySkyGoddess

W00T!! Thank you Denver defense.

Brocky

So who do you think spends more time with their shirt off: gronk or the guy from twilight who plays the werewolf

blaxabbath

Edelman needs to show more awareness there and got to the first down marker.

Senor Weaselo

Woo!

Sill Bimmons

yes good good

ballsofsteelandfury

Nice job!

Fronkenshteen

TACKLE GODDAMMIT !!!

The Maestro

DAMNIT

makeitsnowondem

One enormous homer to another: I’m sorry you have to deal with an entire liveblog of people rooting against your team. I don’t know if I could do it.

The Maestro

I have a fuckload of alcohol here and an empty house full of soft objects to punch. Somehow, some way, I’ll manage.

Romonobyl

SPLOOOSH!!!!!

makeitsnowondem

YES

fleshwound_NPG

fuck yea

Doktor Zymm

HAH SHORT!

Old School Zero

Favre: /pouts

Romonobyl

Hey!! The average size is only…oh, that. Nevermind…

Old School Zero

NOPE

Smithchez

Make a fucking tackle. Jesus.

blaxabbath

Brady needs to put that ball where his receiver can catch it.

ThePirateSloth

I just found out a buddy of mine from Kauai, who is a RAIDAHS fan, is at this game cheering for the Pats.

Poor poor bastard must be freezing, but legal weed must balance his shit out.

King Hippo

HOW IS A SAFETY ON THAT FUCKER???

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“The WR should have dislocated his shoulders to catch that perfectly-thrown ball.”
-Giselle

hippofant

That was a running back, GISELE.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

“I have no idea what a ‘running’ back is.”
-Giselle

Old School Zero

Can someone just slice about six minutes from the clock? We don’t really need those six minutes, I promise.

Smithchez

Andy Reid? That you?

Old School Zero

/tries to hide the bbq finger smears and mustard stains on his shirt

Senor Weaselo

-The 2015 New York Giants

makeitsnowondem

I will say that one thing I’m enjoying is the occasional use of Von Miller as a nose tackle.

Doktor Zymm

I can see where this is going and I do NOT approve.

ballsofsteelandfury

Noooooo

Senor Weaselo

When did they add the neigh to the “In-com-plete” chant? Because it somehow makes it more annoying.

Sill Bimmons

fiddlesticks

Fronkenshteen

Whew

King Hippo

wide open, just missed it

Gratliff

I am legitimiately happy that 30 second timeout didn’t mean 2 minutes of commercials. I am an abused viewer.

King Hippo

this game is the worst

Romonobyl

Because Brady is still up on his hind legs?

WCS

That was Andy Reid-ian.

makeitsnowondem

I’m on my third Bigfoot. My nerves can’t take this.

Cuntler

Dumbass. You should be drinking yeti!

Smithchez

Here comes the implosion.

jjfozz

You can bullshit me all day long with the millions of possibilities granted to us by technology. In the end, we’re just gonna use it for porn anyway.

ballsofsteelandfury

Porn possibilities!

makeitsnowondem

I’m not saying Denver’s fucked if TJ Ward’s out, but they’re going to need another fucking touchdown.

King Hippo

or a drive that ENDS THE GAME with a FG (or runs out the clock if the 2-pointer fails).

Fronkenshteen

Twinkletoes

makeitsnowondem

Brady with the can-can.

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