Your “OY! WHO’S UP FOR A HATE-WATCH, THEN?” AFC Championship Open Thread

Why must I be a football fan? It’s not a particularly pleasant hobby to have during this run of Pats dominance. I think this is their fifth straight appearance in this game. OOF! That’s tough to swallow. It’s not hard to envision myself in a simpler time. I can see it now. [screen goes all wavy wavy] Me and my buddies are just back from the hunt, having brought down a noble stag. There’s plenty of mead to be quaffed as we warm our balls by the large fire. It’s damn cold but there are smiles all round.

Soon talk centers on the threat from the East. The land- and power-hungry Quinnzealots have won a number of skirmishes with our neighbouring tribes and will be soon threatening our (The Allthatisgoodnauts) borders. Word has reached us that they are led by a charismatic warrior, Large Teeth. Some say that his successes are due to a shadowy black-robed druid that possesses uncanny powers that cloud the minds of those who oppose him. During battle one does not know where the Quinnzealots will attack from-when they come for you it could be from the left, perhaps the right, sometimes from the trees above, all without warning. Their small yet rabid foot soldiers buzz around one’s ankles so quickly that it is difficult to hit them with your sword. T’will be a difficult task to defeat them-that much is certain.

Well that’s just great. THE PATS DOMINATE MY ALTERNATE HISTORIES AS WELL. On to the game, I guess. The venerable Hippo could break this game down much better than I could so I’ll just toss some nougats (not nuggets!) out there. The Gronk has 6 TD’s in as many games against Denver but it’s something of a boom/bust thing. Three TD’s came in one tilt and he’s been held to as little as 35 yards in another. Brady is 2-6 in Denver over his career which bodes well for the Orange Horsies. Denver led the league with 52 sacks but in order to be successful they must get pressure from the middle of the line and not the edge because Brady lets go of the ball in just over two seconds on those quick hitters to the Amendolas and Edelmans of the receiving corps. Hochuli is the ref and we are blessed with Jim “Prominent Masters apologist and serial philanderer” Nance and Phil “safe to say Morehouse State didn’t have an Elocution elective” Seems. THERE IS GLORY IN TYPING…SO TYPE!!!

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Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Oh, I’M the bad luck guy. Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit.

Fronkenshteen

[rips out own eyeballs]

Smithchez

It’s not perfect coverage if he catches the fucking ball, Phil.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I hate every one of you.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
WCS

🙁

Mother Puncher

Pushdown!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You gotta be shitting me.

makeitsnowondem

oh well good thing there’s no offensive interference

King Hippo

FUCK EVERYTHING IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING WORLD OF MONKEYSHIT

Thundergun

But who I will get the Lamar hunt trophy?!?

Gratliff

AHAHAHAHAHA fucking shit

Sill Bimmons

crap

The Maestro

YEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Beastmode Ate My Baby

You are fucking kidding me

American Pie Story

Goddamn Gronk

King Hippo

SOUND IS OFF. I TOLD MY ASSHOLE CHEFS FAN FRIEND TO SHIT THE FUCK UP VIA TEXT

Doktor Zymm

You know, I would probably really like Gronk if he played for a less hateable team.

Romonobyl

Soooooo very true.

Darkest Timeline Zack Morris

Hey guys, sorry I’m late – had a bad reaction between sinus meds and booze last night and my shit is NOT together. How y’all doing?

Old School Zero

Slightly worse now

Doktor Zymm

You got here just in time for the collective heart attack

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Angry

Romonobyl

If Gronk gets a TD I’ll be shopping for a new teevee.

Romonobyl

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spur

Start shopping

Redshirt

Pictures or it didn’t happen

litre_cola

Head over to Walmart and get the latest Sorny or Magnetbox brand.

Old School Zero

ARI/CAR better not be a nail biter OR ELSE I WON’T HAVE ANY FINGERS

Fronkenshteen

Pleasegodthisisnthappening

makeitsnowondem

New England basically has to score on consecutive plays here.

King Hippo

ONE LAST TIME, ARISE DONKS!!!!

Sill Bimmons

DRAMA

Senor Weaselo

NARRATIVE

American Pie Story

YAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Romonobyl

Edelman is pretty good at making cuts.

ThePirateSloth

Ware might need to be inducted into the KSK/DFO/dick joke blog Cock Ring if Honor, next to Pollard

Redshirt

What the fuck?

Gratliff

Oh, right. Gronk.

American Pie Story

Big dumb game ruining sex idiot.

makeitsnowondem

fuckin’ backup safeties

litre_cola

Holy fuck.

Senor Weaselo

If a team goes for it on 4th down three times in a quarter it’s usually a blowout or on one drive. Way to close it out Peyton.

King Hippo

GODFUCKINGDAMNIT

The Maestro

YEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

ThursdaySkyGoddess

FUCK. ALL. THAT.

hippofant

Receivers be falling all over the field and I don’t know why.

Romonobyl

FUCK!!!!!

WCS

Of. Fucking. Course.

Old School Zero

sonuva

Doktor Zymm

Oh fucking hell.

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

Demarcus ware: Still unstoppable

Old School Zero

If intentional grounding isn’t meant for shit like that, what is it meant for?

Senor Weaselo

Shit like that, but by other quarterbacks.

Gratliff

Holy shit, this D.

makeitsnowondem

Is that not “in the grasp”?

King Hippo

ONE MOAR PLAY!!!!!

The Maestro

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

Defensive Back Mike Wallace

As smooth as a walking time bomb?!?
What the fuck is wrong with you CBS?