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"This site goes down so often we oughta change the name to “Dating Nancy Reagan”" – Horatio
It’s frickin’ cold in this neck of the woods, let me tell you. It’ll be -20 Fair-Un-Height tonight and I’m already bundled up. Quickly, TO THE GAMES!
There are no games whatsoever in the NBA tonight because (of my) criteria. The NH of L brings us LA/NYI, COL/OTT, WASH/MIN and DAL/CHI. The college gives us #4 IOWAY/19-5 INDY, #11 OREGON/15-8 CAL but the game of the evening features a couple of ACC strugglers-16-7 FLA STATE against 16-8 SYRACUSE. AWAY WE GO!
I wish there was an easy way to view my Instagram favorites. I’ve favorited so many models based off my brother’s and his friends’ likes.
They might be blind, but they sure can dig.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/1042febff5658f504e0442c7bc982e31/tumblr_mhuxcr3Qgh1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
The weird thing about all of this, there are a ton of people who hate Hillary because she is a woman. But that’s dumb as fuck, not just because bias in general is dumb, but the people who think that are generally the sort of people who would be huge fans of Margaret Thatcher….a female. Hillary is not our version of the Iron Lady, but Maggie kinda implies you should come up with a better argument than OMG HER EMAIL BY WHICH I MEAN HER VAGINA!!!
Racism, sexism, it’s all ignorance. “Why do you hate ObamaCare when it’s pretty much RomneyCare?” “Uh, SOSHELISM AND AMURICA!”
Vagina? Email?
Vmail?
I would love to vote for the first woman president. Warren in the mix I am all for her. I just hate Hillary and her expecting it to be her while ignoring everything her party wants until she gets called on it and then magically changes her position. Also the being funded by the 1% and at least selling herself out behind closed doors turns me off
She’s a long term politician, which is distasteful for sure, but at a minimum she can get some shit done in Congress. Hell, if I thought it would matter I would vote for Elanor Holmes Norton. She’s an awesome lady.
I think the fact since 92 she has been running for president has turned me off. Among many other things
I don’t give a shit if she gets things done if the things she gets done suck.
HIllary’s outfit looks like a gospel singer’s outfit fucked a mustard bottle.
I vote you take over every Red Carpet event from now until you are unable to say shit this funny.
Is it weird that now I have a semi?
Not really. Mustard is meant to be squirted on tubed meat.
New Belgium IPA just kinda squirted thru my nostrils. Bastard.
Read back through the superb owl comments a few days ago, and I’m sorry I can’t remember who said it but holy shit:
“Edger Winters’ version of the Star Spangled Banner was stupendous!”
I paraphrase, but it was fucking +1.
MONKEY KNIFE FIGHT THURSDAY IS GO!
There’s a GOP debate tonight, too?
Oh dear god I just remembered there will be actual campaign debates later this year. Fucking hell.
Does anybody remember who said that?
I think it was Buddy Cole
Teddy Roosevelt anti-trust reference!
I fucking hate my parents and people like them because everyone is a hypocrite. I don’t hate my brother in the army that hates Obama, he is just racist and sexist as hell. He is my brother, I will always try to change him
That was supposed to be attached to something, but fuck you, cig time
Take my word for it with my brother: you can’t fix painfully stupid.
With a sharp enough knife, you can fix ANYTHING.
More Phineas Gage references?
Anyone here know who Downset is/was?
Do I dare turn on the Democratic debate?
Is that Mac Tonight’s evil twin?
Communist cousin.
Wear sunglass or adjust your settings for black and white. I can still see Cinton’s whatever-the-hell-that-is when I blink.
Is Clinton actually wearing that yellow thing or are they making CNN highlight her?
She’s sponsored by Highlighter.
If she wasn’t moving out in two weeks, I would drill a hole in the edge of my floor and she would have a pietzo buzzer hooked up to a 9V in the ceiling of her bedroom.
Sounds like you have being a prick to people down to an art.
I rarely implement….but it’s probably not a good idea to piss me off too much, I put to much thought into my retaliations.
Never piss off Fraulein Doktor
Joe Bob Briggs was awesome.
Joe Bob Briggs kicks ass at this.
It’s really hard to run a primary campaign with this simple, direct message, but it’s true – this is a single issue campaign. The Supreme Court. Whoever controls the next few vacancies will have the ability to effect a seismic shift, either back to sanity, or Bible-belt dystopia.
But always twirling, twirling towards corporate plutocracy.
The falcon cannot hear the falconer?
Actually with Roberts, I think you guys have the majority.
On the other end, its either a return to Protecting the Constitution or Hard Left Turn.
On the other end, its either a return to Protecting the Constitution or Hard Right Turn.
Protect the Constitution!
By the way, Tomorrowland seems to suck. I am done with that shit.
Yeah, ever since they got rid of America Sings, I spend my time in New Orleans Square.
It’s no easy mission, holding on to how I think of you. (<—- me, to the Democratic party)
A Perfect Circle, By and Down.
How many manhattans is a normal amount to get drunk on?
Keep in mind, I’m a fat guy.
1, 2, Many, Lots?
So many questions. How are these mixed? How large are they? How much do you normally drink? How fast are you drinking?
Two normal ones the bartender made, then I had a duchesse, then I made two aggressive ones at home. Still sober as a bird. Looking to change that.
Oh. Well, unless you’ve got starch in your stomach or have been drinking slowly, I would recommend one more quick Manhattan, then drink something carbonated, preferably beer, but soda works too, and make it quick.
THIS. Some of the best advice I got on one of my drunken Sundays was Dok telling me about the carbonation effect.
I’ve found that unless I know the bartender, it takes a LOT of bar drinks to even get me buzzing, because really, who wants a big fuckin drunk guy in the bar? Now, that you’re home, should only take about 3 to get you moving in the right direction.
Last time I got drunk at a bar it took ten PBRs, and I swear I was never actually drunk. A classmate disagreed, however.
Six
Buff Drinkslots!
I’m drinking now and since it’s just a few beers that aren’t over 9% ABV, I have zero chance of getting drunk.
Which reminds me that I need to get whisky tomorrow. Being fat sucks.
Shit. The amount of hustle in a porn star’s calendar makes me embarrassed to look at my own.
Gotta be scared of sex. It’s only 2016.
To add to that, an acquaintance who is friends with a couple of porn actresses made a rather blunt declaration to me: If these women are willing to get blasted in the face on camera in order to go after their goals and dreams, what the fuck is my excuse for not fighting for what I want?
“If Congress doesn’t do the right thing, then I’ll do Executive Orders.”
That’s not a Democracy, Bernie. That’s an Autocracy.
If Congress is bought and 80% of the people agree with him, No, that is Checks and Balances.
I have to admit not sure what you are talking about. Just estimated on what people think about his ideas
Just don’t like what George W. Bush started with his Signing Statements that say, “I’m signing this but I choose how to enforce it.” This is simply the next evolution of it.
King of signing statements to fuck his people, No other president did what he did
Agreed. I still remember walking by the White House in DC hearing about a signing statement and just turning my head towards the Executive Mansion going “…the fuck?”
Andrew Jackson did tell the Supreme Court that if they wanted him to follow their orders they better raise their own goddamn army.
Executive Orders bother the hell out of me. Seems like a petulant child’s way to get around the lack of “Line Item Veto” in new laws and such. If Congress doesn’t do the right thing, then by fucking God we need to elect better Congresscritters, not what 38% of the popilation thinks is a nifty guy who says some cool shit before taking office.
I agree, in the letter of the Constitution it seems weird. I kind of want to find out what Washington’s, Adams’s, Jefferson’s, etc. executive orders were, because there are obviously reasons to use it when necessary.
It’s apparently Teddy Roosevelt’s fault why there are so many nowadays, he was the first to have over 1000.
Well, that’s the problem with legislation directing trillions of dollars to various programs. The sheer amount of discretion the President and everyone below him has to various means of enforcement and spending requires either intense micro-management by a bunch of know-nothing simpletons in Congress or delegation to the bureaucracy. It’s not like that money isn’t going to be spent. And even if they don’t have the money, they can still incur debt without consequence.
Agreed. Although this is something that is rarely touched upon, save for various times the GOP wants to smash the endowment for the arts or some other perennial punching bag in the budget. No one ever asks where the rest of the budget goes, but somehow it gets spent, and expenditures on actual welfare of the citizens (y’know, YOUR PRIMARY PURPOSE FOR FUCKING EXISTING, GOVERNMENT) and science and such are a very, very small percentage of said budgets.
Indeed.
Entitlements are fucking absurd. Defense spending is absurd. No one is going to reduce the size of government without making massive cuts to both. While I’m okay even if they just make across the board reductions, it’s a hard sell for the uninformed masses.
Failiens?
The fact you have to win some county in the most obscure way to win a primary manner is the worst. The fact we let republicans decide those lines so they always will have congress is somehow worse
Nothing Bernie could ever say or do would ever, ever convince the populations of West Virginia, Kentucky, and southern Ohio to vote for him. I have no idea why Hillary is stressing the need for coal; those areas were going to vote for her or Trump, regardless.
I might not vote. I think she is just in the tank as much as him and if we are gonna die, fuck it
Sorry, that is a lie, will vote for her. I assume we will all still die because every policy is a way to kill people other than abortion
Me: “I don’t support his “Kill the Bengals” proposal, but I do support the “Kill the Browns” proposal.”
Redshirt votes for Sanders.
The Browns do fine job of killing themselves anyway.
Vote Bernie. Republicans oppose assisted suicide.
My girlfriend just took the remote and changed the channel from the debate to Police Academy.
This could work.
Yeah, but now you’re gonna yell questions at the TV, like, “GUTENBERG! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED TO YOUR CAREER?!” and “WHY WASN’T TACKLEBERRY MADE THE LEAD IN THE SLEDGE HAMMER TV SHOW?!”
Clinton trying extra hard to pull in Obama voters. Her tune has drastically changed since 08.
Obama definitely wants her as his successor. And it’s funny, my ex-wife the die-hard HillyBob ’08 voter is in the Bernie camp, whilst I am an Obama-to-HillyBob voter.
I’m tempted to inch the volume up again, though if I do that I probably shouldn’t drink, as neighbor is probably crazy enough to come after me with a knife. I should be on my toes for that.
You do know you aren’t required to open the door when she knocks, right? And not even when the cops show up at like midnight and you’ve been playing Underdog songs at top volume for two hours?
Yeah, I just have trouble being a total dick to people. It’s a problem. My life is worse for it.
PREACH IT, sister.
I’m not saying be awful to her, just that if she comes knocking, you are under no social obligation to answer. Provided the volume is reasonable, she’s the one causing the disturbance, not you.
I guess it’s moot since she’s apparently moving out soon, but I would generally like to have a good relationship with my neighbors. Seeing as I bought this place, and thus will be living here for a while, I don’t want a feud. But fuck her. Everyone else likes me.
Back to the Future Part IV proposal:
Doc Brown and Marty travels back to 1776 to see Washington and his troops cross the Delaware River. Marty drops his iPod and George Washington finds it and watches the last Democratic and Republican Debates. Doc and Marty travel back to the present to find that its now British North America. A quick look at Wikipedia reveals that Washington betrayed the colonies and helps the British win the Revolutionary War.
Doc and Marty must travel back in time to convince George Washington to let America happen.
Biff’s ancestor is Benedict Arnold.
Zymm, I always will love you but I hate you so much for now for buying into that. He gives specific tax cuts that Hillary will never agree w. Hillary is on board with whatever the news tells her that day (for a comment like 20 down but again, worst internet in the world and we don’t give a shit because they pay for Hillary and her “right” to be prez)
/I would vote for a woman, no problem, not her if I have a better choice
I’m not saying I agree with everything Hillary says, I’m saying she’s the most moderate candidate. I’ve gone through Bernie’s economic policies and they just don’t really make sense. I give him props for trying to address issues that other candidates aren’t touching, but he’s not practical. He would have a harder time with Congress than Hillary, and that shit is backed up enough as is.
The beauty of being a Californian (June primary) is that I don’t have to decide, and can just take either one in November. I like them for different reasons, but would step in front of a bullet if it means either of them beating the Republican idiot.
Clinton is dancing around question about Albright’s statement about there being a special place in hell for women who don’t support other women. At least she can spot a trap when she sees one. Howevah, Clinton laughed alongside Albright when she said this, so yes, I’d say she has no issue with this villains fucked up statement.
Believing in limited government = Misogynistic Dudebro that wants to move women’s rights back to the 1790s.
I did not know that about myself.
You learn something new every day.
I don’t know what it says that I understand that argument.
Is Hillary drinking an alcoholic beverage? Who drinks their water from a straw?
[looks around nervously]
[[slowly moves cup of water out of sight]]
I know, right?
Sounds like she needs some Sensodine
Ugh, I need to stop yelling at the tv
I thought the Bears season was over?
I spent the last ten years in politics, so sometimes this is worse. Sometimes Bernie makes John Shoop like a brilliant planner.
Rumors of my death have been greatly exaggerated…much to my chagrine.
My head cold has subsided and has now moved to my stomach which feels like its on fire. I don’t know what I got, but I got it.
Why I don’t like Hillary Clinton:
Bernie Sanders talks about America.
Hillary Clinton talks about herself.
Eh, my thing with Bernie, sure he talks about issues people care about, but his attempted solutions are total BS. Even if he could get any of them passed by Congress, they’re just band-aids and don’t really address the problems he’s making headway by talking about. Hilary is the most centrist candidate there is, also a woman and been in politics for ages, so she’ll get all the shit associated with that, but still, the most centrist candidate.
That’s everyone trying to get elected right now; everyone just says whatever random shit gets the base out to vote and then all the media acts shocked when people are upset campaign “promises” are broken. Its aggravating and kind of insulting.
I remember back when it was Obama’s first campaign, and I was like, “Yea, he’s likable, but I have no idea what his actual position is, and I bet it won’t be as changey as everyone wants and everyone will be sad” and I was totally right, but still, no political newspapers are knocking down my door for interviews. Bernie is full of shit, knows crap about economics, and there is no candidate that has a real solution to income inequality. The only feasible solution in the short term is mandatory civil service, either in the military or other qualified roles. And that ain’t gonna be on any Dem platform, and no Repubs are gonna talk about income inequality.
Everyone knows that you cannot change the system in four, or even eight, years, because it was purposely built to resist change. People who don’t know that are either willfully ignorant or delusional.
If I wanted a centrist, I’d write in Mike Bloomberg.
Her husband was a great Republican president, but I want someone who’s not going to approach every negotiation with the GOP bent over with their pants around their ankles.
I take that back. Hillary would be wearing the biggest strap-on. Americans would be the ones taking it in the ass.
I take that back. Hillary would be wearing the biggest strap-on. Americans would be the ones taking it in the ass.
I mean, she’s not even trying to cover up her bullshit lies and it’s seriously bothering me. She’s doing it in such a way that I just see Trump with tits.
Trump only talks about himself.
Rubio only talks about Obama.
Cruz only talks in weird, rather creepy sentences.
Jim Gilmore only talks like Sparano’s football.
This reminds me. I did have the original Sparano’s Football account on Uproxx. Should I go back and … every thread, or fuck em and the clicks?
Take a screencap of it, so if you ever want to read it again, you don’t give them money.
Just received a text from my sister, reminding me why I’m a terrible person:
“Do you remember watching a room full of deaf kids playing musical chairs and asking Mom, ‘is this some kind of fuckin joke?’ My BF doesn’t believe either of those things happened.”
That’s excellent.
My little sister’s pretty awesome.
Hearing impairment runs in my family (including myself) and I think I’ve heard of ways to play that with deaf people.
Oh, these were family members playing. My brother and sister have hearing loss, my sister-in-law has significant hearing loss, and her sister was a former Miss Deaf Pennsylvania, which was apparently a thing. My nephews have hearing impairment and all that.
I did say it made me a terrible person, did I not?
That doesn’t make you a terrible person.
Ovech-chuk scored his second on the night to make it 2-0 Ice Redacteds. I do not approve Kuznetsov not playing with Ovie. However, I have Holtby in net in my fantasy hockey pool, so, it this game ends 2-0, that would be good for me.
So, horrible neighbor just knocked on my door. Apparently she has a HORRIBLE headache, and is moving out in two weeks and blah blah. She’s also apparently knocked on my door many times (nope, unless I wasn’t home this is the first time she’s knocked on my door) and she’s even bitchier than I could have imagined from the emails. WOW. I’m not going to be SO HORRIBLE and keep playing music at a reasonable volume at 8 pm, but damn. She’s also like “I’m also paying rent” when she knows damn well she’s the only renter in the building, so no honey, I’m not paying rent, I’m paying a mortgage, and I’ve heard from everyone else in the building how you’ve been a total dick to everyone else who lives here. While I do hope you don’t have brain cancer that is causing your HORRIBLE headaches and unending shit as out of a prolific asshole, I do hope you become less of a canker sore on society by whatever means, even if that’s just you being happier.
Wait. She actually knocked on the door to ask you to turn down your music? At 8 PM?
Yuuup. And it wasn’t even on my main stereo system, it was just an Amazon Echo playing.
Wow. You’re a lot nicer than I am. I would have cranked the volume in front of her as she watched.
She clearly has some pretty severe mental problems. I could take her, but I don’t need to be explaining to police how my neighbor jumped me and I threw her down the stairs.
One of my oldest friends lived next to door to me when I moved in, but sold his place soon after. I am so, so glad my new neighbors are cool people. I cant stand bad neighbors.
I really hope she wasn’t lying about moving out in 2 weeks. And I quote “You’ll be getting rid of me!” as if I knew her, or cared about her.
You wont have crazy neighbor lady to kick around any more!!!
I’ll just have to kick nothing…damn. Oh wait, that’s basically the Charleston, I do that anyway! NO CHANGE!
Way to live up to the ubiquitous “never change!” in everyone’s high school yearbook.
Also, you dance the acharleston
And asking is a nice way of putting it. It was hysterical yelling.
Well the Radioactive Man episode of The Simpsons was just on, so I watched that. Unfortunately now it’s newer, crappy Simpsons episodes, so what else is on?
Tomorrowland just started on Stars. I’m gonna give that a shot.
The Democratic debate is on.
I’ve kind of taken to watching the new and interesting ways Sen Clinton implodes her campaign, all the while Sen Sanders promises countless things that neither the GOP of the Dem’s in Congress would ever allow him to do.
After Hilary fails to get any traction with POC, I would not be surprised if she breaks down and cries on national TV until every voter promises to vote for her so she’ll stop.
Its somehow the Republicans fault that Hillary is losing to a Socialist. Don’t forget that.
I refuse to tell Scotchy the weather out here.
It would be cruel.
It was 81 and sunny today!
I’m gonna pretend this 3-day weekend is Memorial Day weekend and grill the fuck out of shit.
I can take it!
/can’t take it
Just made myself a Manhattan to sit down and see how long I last watching the democratic debate. Over/under is 11 minutes. Whaddya got?
Under. Way under. Don’t do that to yourself.
When are you Yanks going to decide who the representatives for each party are? There’s nothing left to know about these people.
Super Tuesday is next month.
Rodney Purvis just double-dribbled with 15 second left to cost UCONN a chance to tie. UCONN outscored 21-4 and lost by 5.
Pretty sure they don’t belong in March, although this is the first time I’ve watched an entire game this season.
I take great pleasure in that because St. John’s probably won’t win another game this year. (Home against DePaul? Maybe?)
On behalf of NC State folk everywhere…sorry for dumping that shithead on ya
Ice Eskimos are playing the Ice Argos tonight in the Toilet Bowl (aka: Tank for Auston Matthews). I still contend a single game elimination tournament or have the best team points wise to miss the playoffs have the best percentage to win the #1 pick.That’d give teams incentive to not tank the way about 4 teams are doing right now. Also, I know it’s shady, but I would not complain if Bettmen were to rig the draft lottery this year to ensure the Ice Eskimos don’t win another first overall pick.
The Vermont Teddy Beer commercial is creepy as hell, and somehow all iver the MLB network.
I just saw the new and final Batman vs Superman trailer. It looks like it’s a midlife crises meets a Viagra commercial meets Frank Miller’s Batman fan fic. . . which is not very good.
Hap & Leonard series starting March 2nd on Sundance, starring Michael K Williams as Leonard.
Hell fuck yes.
Leonard Hamilton in his former life…
http://animated-gifs.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/american-dad-003.gif
I like the ‘Cuse matchup zone.
Wish a certain team from Rawlee could figure that shit out.
what is this de-fense of which you speak??
(Watches “Zoe Ever After” on BET for a minute)
I didn’t think it was possible for BET to find a worse show than “Real Husbands of Hollywood”, but they did.
http://33.media.tumblr.com/d09580c03e5d61aba5e9accb3f2df3a5/tumblr_na7sope3KV1tzqospo1_500.gif
What is a “Zoe Ever After?”
You ever see “The Parkers”? “The Game”? “Eve”?
Yes?
Congrats, you know what “Zoe Ever After” is!
Go anthropamorphic orange! For not being the semen holes!
Got a good feeling about this game which beggars a bad result.
Finally finished reading that ESPN piece on LA relocation that Sill posted earlier today. I think this quote sums up Goodell’s tenure as commissioner:
Goodell privately expressed frustration about all three owners — if they were elite, they wouldn’t be trying to relocate in the first place, he told a friend — but in the end, the commissioner supported their efforts to leave.
First up: time for “elite” to die out. It’s a field of 32. You’re all pretty fucking elite, and rather exclusive. You want to become a stratified system? Allow more markets and tiers of play. Give me a league in goddamn Nebraska, Iowa, the Dakotas, and every other hellhole no sane person moves to unless they’re out of options. Throw a legit “farm team” system into local markets. Then you can say shit like “elite” about pro teams and make it meaningful.
Next: Goodell is basically the NFL equivalent of puppet regime who thought he was independent and got slapped back to reality. That poor bastard is going to go down as the worst commissioner in football.
Dude could fuck up a glass of water.
Roger Goodell is the mayor of Flint?
Goodell would deny there was a problem, then sell bottles of Official Flint Water to people wanting to “own a piece of history”, with a “Do Not Drink” warning label.
Apparently, the water in Allentown (yes, THAT Allentown) is twice as bad as the water in Flint, and yet no one is really doing much about it.
This is news only to people in positions of authority, as pretty much everyone else already knew the water quality was shit.
People still live in Allentown?
I wouldn’t call them people. Now they’re mutants.
Fun facts about Allentown :
1 they have a yearly bet with Reading over the number of homicides
2 finally beat Erie for title of 3rd largest city in PA.
3 somehow managed to build a six story office building on land declared unsuable after a sinkhole trashed the first attempt
at building a triple A hockey arena
4 the mayor was once dosed with acid at a barbecue held at my neighbor’s house. Do not ask how I know this.
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