Your Primary & Caucus Free Wednesday Open Thread

Super Tuesday is next week. As a Canadian, I expect all of you Americans to get out and vote multiple times, so John Scott and Kobe Bryant can emerge as the nominees, because I assume the party nomination system runs akin to All Star voting.

Well, nothing new on the Peyton front (today). Thank god. Luckily, on NFL Network, your home of unbiased, accurate coverage, it’s Combine! COMBINE!! COMBINE!11!1 Plus, “A Football Life” with Terrell Davis, and “Top 10 Draft Steals”. Really, it’s appointment television. Peyton who? #OhLookOverThere

Wanna feel old? With details announced Monday,  there’s apparently a “Ferris Fest” in Chicago the weekend of May 20-22, to mark the 30th anniversary of the movie. They’re planning a tour of all the sites featured in the movie, a Q&A with his movie parents – who married in real life after the film! – and finishing with a “Twist & Shout” parade re-creation. Three-day passes are available for $300.

Looking at what’s available tonight, here’s the only programming synopsis you need:

“Charlie Catches a Leprechaun” is the eighth episode of the eleventh season of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

Dennis tries to create an innovative mobile Paddy’s pub experience but runs into trouble when customers refuse to cooperate, while Charlie and Mac attempt to catch a thieving leprechaun.

The games of interest: (all times eastern)

NHL:

  • Montreal – Washington (7:00)
  • Pittsburgh – Boston (7:30)
  • San Jose – Colorado (10:00)

NBA:

  • Timberwolves – Heat (7:30)
  • Warriors – Heat (7:30)
  • Thunder – Mavericks (8:30)
  • Spurs – Kings (10:30)

NCAA:

  • #1 Villanova – #5 Xavier (7:00)
  • #11 Louisville – Pitt (8:00)
  • #7 UNC – NC State (8:00)
  • OSU – #3 Oklahoma (9:00)
  • Wisconsin – #8 Iowa (9:00)

I hope every NC State fan has a sign asking Roy Williams how that Duke loss tasted. ONWARD & UPWARD!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Doktor Zymm

Sometimes I find Amazon’s recommendations weirdly amusing. These are apparently the top three recommendations for me in women’s apparel.
http://s9.postimg.org/rmfki480v/arec.jpg

entropy

This seems like one of those weird “customers save X when buying all three!” sales.

Unsurprised

Amazon fucking hates you.

entropy

She should probably ask Alexa why Amazon hates her.

...

That should go over well.

ballsofsteelandfury

They probably read your story about the uninvited anal probing.

entropy

Whichever one of you magnificent bastards posted that Phosphorescent song a few weeks ago in DFO Radio, well done. You have successfully eaten up at least 3-4 hours of my time replaying that goddamn song.

King Hippo

you’re welcome!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

Caption: While he appreciated her throwing motion and arm strength, little Suzie’s father just knew he was never getting his car keys back from that pond.

...

This reminds me of how humans are lucky we’re social animals with intelligence because if not our young would be such easy meat.

entropy

Yeah, but the intelligence factor is why our young are such easy meat. Born with the capacity for intelligence cuts back on the instinct to avoid big, scaly objects with sharp teeth THAT HAVE NOT FUCKING EVOLVED FOR EONS.

Unsurprised

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Unsurprised

Well then.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I can’t 100% be sure this is Paget, and have no idea what it is from, but it is from a page of Paget pics. I will trust the person who posted 30 gifs in one tumblr post

http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ludmgegTZK1qfx17i.gif

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Another Paget Brewster. Like 5 more tops and then I will move on. Sorry

http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ludm0w5Blc1qfx17i.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I thought I had posted every image of her by now

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I don’t remember you posting this one, could have. If so, worth a relookieloo.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I meant congrats on finding a new one

Doktor Zymm

I’ve been thinking of creating an unaccredited online university so idiots who want fraudulent degrees to impress other idiots will have to give me money before they go out and make the world a horrible place. What BS things should I give meaningless degrees in? I was thinking ‘Numberlytics’ sounds pretty pseudoscientific.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

A BS in Scientology?

Doktor Zymm

I wonder how many Spacestar Ordering degrees I could grant before someone caught on to the joke.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/fff57d53e3201a367b03314658a5c707/tumblr_mvguq0QGDh1rv3w77o7_r1_250.gif

entropy

I read that as “whiskey thinking” at first and got kind of excited.

entropy

Meteoromancy.

Also, any two-word combination of big words would fleece a fair amount of idiots for at least a BA:

Speculative Abstinence
Theological Indeterminism
Primitive Mathology

And, of course, Typewriter Repair.

Doktor Zymm

I think it would be pretty easy to write simple, picture based multiple choice quizzes for Speculative Abstinence.

entropy

I thought the whole point of this was less effort to make money.

Doktor Zymm

There has to be some content, so they feel like they’ve “earned” their degree. And this would probably be pretty fun to make.

Doktor Zymm

Also, I would own their responses and could sell their data, so it’s worth getting something to profile them with.

ballsofsteelandfury

I feel this should be a post.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

I’m gonna use SO MANY stock photos.
http://thumbs.dreamstime.com/t/graduation-23428923.jpg

entropy

Looking at the doppler radar above my town is like staring into a goddamn brush fire…. the outer edges are green and rapidly being overtaken by yellow, orange, and a very angry red.

Unsurprised

No one would know or care about Erin Andrews if that guy hadn’t posted that video of her.

Unsurprised

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WCS

That’s some funky dichromacy there.

Unsurprised

I didn’t notice.

Doktor Zymm

2 days and 4 hours before I hop on a plane to Vietnam. I don’t know why everyone in Chicago doesn’t take their vacations at the end of February. Maybe they don’t like dragonfruit as much as I do?
http://www.4utours.com/Content/Data/tourimages/d8ffade2-318c-86c5-ea94-08d1786e2c86.jpg

entropy

Could be worse. They could all be getting on the plane with you.

...

Probably because they’re afraid of days like this where 1000+ flights are cancelled.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

More Paget. I think the lady does protest to much

http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ludlerdHZw1qfx17i.gif

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

too* I am sorry, most people would ignore it but it bugs me

...

Telling* not spelling.

*In this case the telling is about whoring.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

We had some Paget Brewster stuff before, I feel like adding to it

http://38.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ludkqdQj4G1qfx17i.gif

WhyEaglesWhy

More Paget Brewster is always better.

entropy

I’ll bring Mia Kirshner back, too:

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King Hippo

The Paget Brewster reading James Joyce randy love letters made everything much better as I turned off the abortion of a basketball contest.

scotchnaut

I’m not the smartest bird in the room but does Always Sunny’s dialogue tendencies owe the corpse of Robert Altman more than a few doubloons?

WCS

Shut up, bird.

King Hippo

Lead gone before the 5 minute mark of the HALF. Godfuckingdamnit

entropy

OF COURSE a thunderstorm in February, in Eastern PA, is perfectly normal. Why would you think any differently?

King Hippo

North Cakalaky had tornadoes! I slept right through ’em. Love storm naps.

entropy

I will say this: I’d rather the goddamn rain, because this has got to be close to 2″ of rain and that would be a fuckload of snow.

WhyEaglesWhy

I can’t decide if I want Xavier to beat Villanova, or if I want Villanova riding as high as possible before the tournament so the fall is that much better.

WCS

Somebody went to Temple…

King Hippo

I hear they really pack ’em in

WhyEaglesWhy

Nope. Double whammy of growing up in the Philly area knowing all the Nova jerks, and being a Syracuse alum.

The Maestro

I’ve been awake all day but just in a total fog for whatever reason.

What things have happened in the world today?

WCS

Skynet gained sentience, and we’ve only hours to live. Also, our cat had kittens.

King Hippo

MAZEL TOV!!!

entropy

Skynet’s not Jewish!

The Maestro

Some of the Trump supporters would beg to differ.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Nothing really, and I was refreshing news and sports sites all day out of boredom. I did get drunk by 7:30, but you know the old saying. “It’s always 3pm somewhere”

King Hippo

that’s the nice thing about pills, not really any social stigma about popping whenevs the mood strikes.

/the mood always strikes

entropy

Yeah, you can pop a pill all day, but crush one up on your boss’s desk and snort it and everyone gets all pissy.

Unsurprised

Let’s not ever do that again.

Unsurprised

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King Hippo

wolven sort up 23-12. Cat Barber with 16 points in 8 minutes.

Gonna leave a mark when we fuck it up.

Sill Bimmons

Domino’s has a new fleet of Daewoo Matizes with built-in ovens:

http://icdn2.digitaltrends.com/image/dominos-dxp-chevrolet-spark-pizza-delivery-car-1-970×647-c.jpg

The car and the pizza are quality mirrors.

entropy

“But the ovens are top-notch!”

(also a quote from any concentration camp guard from 1942-1945)

American Pie Story

oh this is actually real
I was convinced it was a parody

entropy

Nuke it from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

makeitsnowondem

This election is testing my commitment to not voting.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

My dad who is a Northwestern grad in Mechanical/(Whatever space shit is called I forget for the moment) Engineer and in general a pretty smart guy is now on board with Trump. Like fully in, had at least a 2 hour convo today about how he is wrong. (He is older and is racist and sexist and xenophobic unless it involves bombing them)

...

This reminds me that Intelligence =/= Education =/= Self-Awareness.

makeitsnowondem

I’d say something, but I’m also a Northwestern grad and an idiot.

King Hippo

I bet even George Carlin would vote against Trump

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Is it weird that based on a clip that was posted about a show I referenced, that I watched like 10 clips of it and now will be doing a rewatch of the whole series? It is happening either way

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY0vMZl8vUY

scotchnaut

Both the boys love Heart’s covers of Zeppelin’s tunes but have no use for anything from Paul’s Boutique. My question to you-when do I strangle them in the bathtub? Separately? Together? At night? First thing in the morning? Little help here, commentariat…

entropy

I was going to take the high road and say let them mature a little, maybe their taste will improve as the age, but fuck ’em. Pelt the little bastards with truck batteries as they sleep.

entropy

The comments around here are definitely showing a severe lack of Perry Farrel:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=57kHFXElTVI

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

That was a close call!

entropy

Paget Brewster reads James Joyce’s Love Letters:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WN50t8khXMI

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

fuck yes.

entropy

I’ve watched it twice; I’m dying of laughter over here. Holy shit this is hilarious, both for content and delivery.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yes, it is not even that weird of a boner…..

http://i.imgur.com/adE9d.gif

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WCS

Sill Bimmons

Jesus.

How come we don’t call it the “Dublin Steamer?”

entropy

Or a Ulysses Special?

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I did track down that ep of Drunk History with Paget Brewster, I have to say Her? (Alia Shawcat) stole the show

WCS

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

So fucking disturbing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s fair; will remove from the “romantic category.”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

Now THIS belongs in the Romance category.

Sill Bimmons

I’m really not very fond of the Bostons.

entropy

The band is playing my local music festival in August. I guess I can you put down as a firm “no” on attending?

makeitsnowondem

It’s been a day. I think I’m going to pour myself a mezcal and an IPA.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
King Hippo

Dear 45 seconds of dumb Fox show that precedes Brooklyn Nine-Nine on my DVR: It will NEVAR stop pissing me off that you sully the lovely, elegant Paget Brewster with that hack John Stamos.

FIE, I SAY. FIE!!!!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
entropy

I went to a Fourth of July…. thing… in Philly back in the 90s; the Beach Boys played a free concert by the Art Museum and then there were fireworks and drinking and a very attractive friend of mine lived very close by, and we were having a wonderful time.

UNTIL.

JOHN FUCKING STAMOS was announced on drums. Ruined the whole goddamn day.

American Pie Story

Careful, there’s still a whole lot of middle aged ladies of the midwest that still love Uncle Jesse, ppl forget that

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I might go immediately find that episode

King Hippo

I gets to early vote for HillyBob on Thursday, March 3! WOO!!!!!!!!!!!

American Pie Story

get their sooper early!! make us proud

entropy

Vote early, vote often! IT’S THE CHICAGO WAY!

King Hippo

Best way to honor our dearest NOBUMMER ,, ppl forget that

entropy

I have a soft spot in my heart for Richard J Daley, last of the Old Political Machine Monsters, so he’s who I think of when I read that slogan.

...

Plus, he loved a good a race riot!

entropy

I have liberal tendencies, but anyone with the balls to tell his cops to “shoot to kill arsonists, shoot to maim looters,” and then FUCKING ADMIT TO IT, is OK in my book.

entropy

All the French I know comes from this song (not Lady Marmalade):

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXeCLVsA5PQ

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Finally got to last nights Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Is Rafi gonna become a regular on the show? I am for sure on board if he is

King Hippo

oh snap, I am gonna bail on Nova/Xavier for that now

American Pie Story

Alcohol and family do not mix.

WCS

Or, in Indiana, family and gravy don’t mix.

American Pie Story

but what if my family is gravy?

WCS

Then I assume you all spend most of the time trying to consume each other.

Sill Bimmons

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Sill Bimmons

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entropy

Really? I find the only way I can tolerate all of mine together at once is with copious amounts of alcohol. In smaller groups, I can do sober, but man…. get more than two of them (or ANY number of nieces/nephews) and it’s time to pollute the bloodstream.

Alternate joke: perhaps you need to use something other than family as a mixer.

American Pie Story

We’re a special bunch.

entropy

All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.

King Hippo

You just haven;t had QUITE enough alcohol ,, imo

entropy

BRING FORTH THE SIX FOOT OPIATE.

King Hippo

This is always the answer, or you are asking the wrong questions.

entropy

One of those mailing lists I’m on sent along a mid-week update and I read it today. Among all the random nonsense in the email, he included a link to an 800-song Spotify 90s playlist, in chronological order. It’s 55 hours long, and separated out into three handy chunks of music.

Jesus wept, I forgot about a lot of this stuff.

Brick Meathook

Have we ever solved the Imgur image posting problem here? I’m convinced it is a DFO problem, not Imgur or WordPress. I’ve got a ton of stuff on Imgur, and some of it is slightly interesting. Tumblr sucks. I hope this can this get solved; there might be a small reward involved.

I’d love to rant some more but I have to get back to my cell for the 4 o’clock head count.

entropy

That’s a late count for most prisons.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Those were both imgur images; let’s see how they hold up…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Poorly it seems.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

While A Football Life: Terrell Davis is on TV, I’ll just leave this reminder that Brian Griese killed his career.
http://a.espncdn.com/nfl/news/1999/1003/95042.html

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Just an hour left of work and then I’ll be free! As much as I enjoy this job, I dream of the sweet release of starting my own business and not having to answer to incompetent people. It’s seriously staggering how terrible my boss is.

Sill Bimmons

I own my own business and trust me, you still have to answer to incompetent people.

They’re called customers.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

Gah, that is true. Customers tend to be the most incompetent of all. I work alone in a tiny room and I still have to deal with orders from stupid people I’ve never even met.

Brick Meathook

I’m the CEO of a California S-Corporation. I’m also the sole stock holder and the janitor.

I’m also the stupidest fucking employee I’ve ever had and I’d fire my lazy ass in a second except that I’ve also won employee of the year every year since the company was founded. It’s all politics. If I wasn’t such an incompetent director of HR I’d somehow figure out a way offshore my job to Vietnam or Bangladesh or some other cheap-ass slave labor shit hole. Then I’d just lean back in my executive chair from Staples and smoke $100 bills and laugh maniacally! Or I might organize myself and call a crippling and violent wildcat strike against my tyrannical management ways. Lot of options here.

Unsurprised

Your scab workers are just those times you pick at scabs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’m having a very strange day where I’m sufficiently absorbed by my work that I have skipped eating properly and will probably work late.

scotchnaut

I’ve got my own business thing going. The best advice I can give you is make it work at all costs because you’ll never be able to work for someone else again once you’ve taken hold of the rudder.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

I think I have a decent chance at success. I’ve been quietly buying equipment bit by bit and I’m close to having a fully functional shop. I have two friends involved in the project; one has experience in record keeping/tax work and the other is a pretty top-notch salesperson. I know being successful is nothing but an uphill battle but I see some of the shit my boss does and I’m like there’s NO WAY I can be that bad. Seriously. How do you buy a garment for $5.60 and sell it for $5.50?

scotchnaut

As far as supposed “incompetent” folks are concerned, they pay your bills. You can’t afford to label them that way.

Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

That’s true. I do respect him for building this place up from nothing. He just is still living in the 80s and hasn’t quite caught up with the times.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Like Tom Friedman did!

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I still have no idea what that first gif is from Horatio. Apparently her name is Mia Kirshner though

http://45.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_maj132D2Z41qhtpoqo1_500.gif

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Kirschner*

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I just saw it spelled the first way again, undo my edit

Lothar of the Hill People

Forget about Trump or Cruz likely getting the GOP nomination and the no-lube fucking the party is going to do to itself as a result.

I’m amazed that Mitch McConnell and the rest of the GOP Senate leadership is so willing to trash their ability to hold the Senate in November. As if they think they’ll really get a GOP President to give them a better nominee next year? Signing that condescending letter, they’ve given campaign fodder to all their vulnerable incumbents’ opponents, and so even on the off chance Trump pulls off the improbable win, he could very well have a Democratic Senate that would do unto him what the GOP did unto Obama.

Seriously, the GOP is making All The Stupid Moves. To what end? In hopes of firing up the conservative base that will be turned off by a Trump candidacy? As if that would counteract the firing-up of the Democratic base that would turn out in droves if the GOP obstructs Obama’s nominee?

Jebus, even Bobby Jindal said the GOP needed to stop being the “Party of Stupid.”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t know, man, every two years I hear the whole “The GOP is completely destroying itself” and yet here we are, with them still in control the Senate and the House of Representatives.

Sill Bimmons

Needing to stop being stupid and actually stopping being stupid are apparently not the same thing.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I went to do a Mia Sara search, this wrongly ended up in the results. I liked it

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m447n7RpWx1rse1s6o1_500.gif

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

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Horatio Cornblower

I need to know what that’s from. For me. So I can masturbate to it.

Sill Bimmons

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Circular firing squads are the best firing squads!

“I’m really struck in thinking about what a Donald Trump nomination would actually mean,” GOP strategist Amanda Carpenter said. “I really think it’s the end of the Republican Party.”

She continued, “It’s a natural effect. We’ve watched what’s happened by a lot of people who have wanted to save power so badly they didn’t listen, didn’t listen, didn’t listen to the grassroots. They didn’t listen in 2010, they didn’t listen in 2014 even though we won those midterm elections. Nothing changed.”

“And the voters still want change. They are desperate for somebody who will go in and shake up Washington,” Carpenter concluded.

A tinge of bitterness entered her voice as she reminisced about the Jeb-Rubio dustups, saying, “So many times the party elders were trying to eat and defeat the party’s young, and now we have Donald Trump.”

BUT TEH PARTY YOUNG ARE TEH MOAST DELISHUS

http://images.politico.com/global/2013/03/07/young_republicans_ap_328.jpg

WCS

This is what happens when you let Birch Barlow and Rich Texan call the shots for too long.
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/simpsons/images/3/36/Republican_Party.jpg

Horatio Cornblower

No one who wears a bow tie is to be trusted and anyone who wears a bow tie at that age deserves to be beaten with a sock full of quarters.

Sill Bimmons

Even his hero Tucker eventually gave up the 1920s haberdashery:

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Unsurprised

Mmmmm. Virginal white meat.

entropy

Mia Sara. Jesus Christ she was unreal in Ferris Bueller and Legend.

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMjE5ODQ2MjM5NV5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwNDUzOTI2OQ@@._V1_SX640_SY720_.jpg

WCS

She was mind-asplodingly gorgeous in Legend.

entropy

The movie was… not great… but the production design was out of this world, and they picked the right young actress for the role.

ThePirateSloth

I was absolutely in love with her as a kid.

Lothar of the Hill People

Sadly, she didn’t age as well as you would’ve thought.

http://img.thesun.co.uk/aidemitlum/archive/01819/SARA_-MIA_1819610a.jpg

She actually looks better in that picture than she did in a “Hey, Remember the 80’s?” VH1 special a decade or so ago.

Lothar of the Hill People

This is closer to what I remember from the early aughts.

http://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/henson-alternative/images/e/e6/Mia-Sara.jpg

Horatio Cornblower

Time is a goddamn monster to all of you.

Not me. I age like fine wine. Meaning I’m encased in glass and kept in a dark basement.

Lothar of the Hill People

Jane Seymour, Hellen Mirren, Halle Berry, and Alyssa Milano, have all done pretty well despite the years. And until the last decade or so, Racquel Welch looked like she had sold her soul to the devil, too.

WCS

Didn’t know you could get a locker made of glass.

Sill Bimmons
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