345 Park Avenue, New York
[Roger Goodell is sitting alone in his office in a massive black leather desk chair, humming the NFL Red Zone theme music as he fills out paperwork. For once, the curtains are open and the sun shines brightly into the usually gloomy, marble-columned office. The intercom buzzes.]
Molly: Commissioner, Brent from Procurement is here to see you.
Goodell: Send him in.
[The doors creek open and a young man holding a clipboard enters. He stands opposite from Goodell at the end of the desk, and begins to speak with a slight tremble in his voice.]
Brent: Go-good morning, Commissioner.
Goodell: And what a good morning it is! Free Agency continues to put The Shield at the forefront of the news! The Draft is not far away, and plans to our domination continue unfettered! Now, what can I do for you today, Brett, was it?
Brent: Uh, yes, Commissioner. I have the latest report for you on obtaining the “tape” from Peyton Manning’s post Super Bowl party with Papa John. The voyeur is attending the “Re-education Camp” in Wichita, but his wife seems to have secured the tape in a vault of some ki–
[Goodell’s computer lights up.]
Goodell: Excuse me a moment, Brett, I have urgent business to attend to.
Brent: Yes, of course, Commissioner.
[Brent’s eyes wander around the office as Goodell reads his notification. As he continues, his smile disappears and he begins to slowly look more and more outraged. Upon completion, he turns the monitor around and begins to breathe heavily while speaking.]
Goodell: Would you mind… telling me… about, THIS!?
Brent: [Surprised] Uhh, it seems like the NFLPA is trying to strip you of your ability to discipline players for off-field behavior. Wait, that can’t be…
Goodell: [Now standing, he slams his fist down onto the desk] SILENCE! THERE WILL BE NO NEGOTIATIONS WITH THESE TRAITORS! THE ONLY STRIPPING I HAVE APPROVED OF TAKES PLACE AT SAPPHIRE’S (the official gentleman’s club of the NFL) IN MIDTOWN! WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED OF THIS SOONER?!
Brent: [Now visibly shaking] Th-that’s not my department! I did as you asked about the tape though! It’s all in my re-report!
[Brent tries to hand Goodell the clipboard, but he slaps it out of his hand.]
Goodell: BEGONE!
[Goodell presses a button on his desk and the carpet below Brent’s feet violently jerks upward, sending him airborne. The office doors fly open and then slam shut as Brent continues traveling down the long hallway.]
Goodell: So what if MY punishments seem “arbitrary?” They worked for ME!
[A dull thud is heard from behind the doors as Goodell begins to pace behind his desk.]
Goodell: If that rat DeMaurice didn’t like it, he shouldn’t have agreed to the CBA in the first place! He’s so damned power hungry! Blinded by his own desire for control! I should have included terms for punishing HIM in there as well!
[Goodell continues grumbling for a moment, then stops, sighs and presses the button on his intercom.]
Goodell: Molly, I have too much pent up energy to work today.
Molly: Shall I send in the clones then, Commissioner?
Goodell: Yes… That will do nicely
[DOOR FLIES OPEN]
Warning: Nightmare fuel ahead
[showhide type=”horror” more_text=”Show The Horror (%s More Horror)” less_text=”Show Less Horror (%s Less Horror)”]PK Clone #1: Oh, Commissioner, what do you have in store for us today?
Goodell: Punishment is on my mind…
PK Clone #2: Oh boy!
[Banner image via][/showhide]
http://57.media.tumblr.com/b2979bc591bad353ebcd6b4c7ffc1b35/tumblr_mxcwyiZVZ41t24zrpo1_500.gif
I feel like the Browns have cleared the Colts #SuckForLuck approach and are looking to now trademark #SuckForEver
http://24.media.tumblr.com/13260c195f97d88d222cee9004dd3c67/tumblr_ml7dkkVctY1rgam01o1_500.gif
/hears ruckus in clubhouse, peeks in, sees everyone nekkid and punching each other in the dick
//eases door closed quietly, heads to store for astroglide
GET IN HERE AND BUTTER UP YOUR BUTT!!
No way I’m clicking that at work. My comment will have to wait until this afternoon.
Well, it is not that bad if someone sees it from a distance, but you will not get anything else done today, and will have a throw up taste in your mouth.
Just saw it. You described it perfectly.
I think we all need to calm down with these words from a man so alcohol soaked/fueled he got kicked OUT of Metallica
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GD6gKjtpkFM
That calmed me right-the-fuck down.
You know that moment when you clean your glasses after ignoring them slowly growing opaque for the last week?
http://24.media.tumblr.com/12bc08549501b16c8a319f79e13dbf4b/tumblr_mhwr1rLqdc1r7fcswo1_500.gif
That was when I found out Madeleine Albright was not all that hot.
So none of you find power sexy?!
http://i2.cdn.turner.com/money/dam/assets/160202113706-madeleine-albright-780×439.jpg
FOUND A COMPROMISE:
http://i.huffpost.com/gen/1356051/thumbs/o-MADELEINE-570.jpg
WOULD COMPROMISE BANG!
No pregnancy risk; WOULD BANG!
No erection risk.
Can’t bang.
GET IN THERE AND EAT THAT DANK AND MUSTY PUSSY, YOU PUSSY!
Oh my.
Kelvin Beachum and Steve McLendon have bid aloha to the Confluence.
As if my dreams weren’t fucked up enough.
So much news happening right now:
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/jared-fogle-suffers-bloody-nose-colorado-prison-fight-article-1.2566171
http://thebiglead.com/2016/03/16/tony-siragusa-out-at-fox-sports/
Balls, where are you to update the scroll?
Damn it! I’m all for eye candy but Goose was a great sideline guy. Oh well, looking forward to Fox searching for their next Erin Andrews clone….NOT!
“It’s really loud down here guys!” – Siragusa
“I HAD MEATBALLS AGAIN FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING YOU GUYS HAR” — also Siragusa
Sorry! Work. But I’m glad someone did it.
Work? WORK?!?!
Having just watched Bridge of Spies last night, I think I can appreciate the potential value of traitors.
Whistleblowers will go to jail!!
Fucking traitors!
http://overpassesforamerica.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/edward-snowden-traitor.jpg
Fuck that guy. He should be in jail or worse.
Absolutely goddamn right!
Does Mark Felt belong in jail or worse?
What about Daniel Ellsberg?
Or Peter Buxtun?
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/b0/b07fb3fccfebfbb6c292b444c6ae4d22f2adce17332db6a74e4a4b2b986523e2.jpg
Mark Felt is dead. So sticking him in jail is probably not going to satisfy anyone.
The perfect escaped goat.
Nope; he exposed illegal activities being done by the government. Whistleblowers are not traitors.
http://silencedfilm.com/
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2827908/
There is no evidence that anybody was compromised by what was released.
As much information was released to Hollywood so they could make Zero Dark Thirty and brag about it and be chummy and star struck.
There’s a protocol for whistleblowing. He didn’t come close to following it. More importantly, he went beyond the pale when he shared sources and methods. He is the opposite of a hero. Fuck that guy.
A protocol for whistle blowing? WTF? Anybody not in lockstep is being prosecuted. The methods were fucking shared with Hollywood, officially. The sources he shared/ exposed are dubious at best. He exposed illegal behavior by the government that certain part just took advantage of panic after 9/11 and then proceeded to do what they wanted to. The US would be outraged if other countries did the same thing (except for the IDF). While not a hero, he did what he should have done. Several things are against the law and he’ll have to do jail time for them.
That’s not what sources and methods means.
That is what he should serve jail time for apparently.
Rereading that I phrased and put that point completely incoherently, My bad. I’m not even day drinking.
OK, I phrased it very poorly; but I assume this is what you meant:
http://fas.org/irp/offdocs/nscid11.htm
If this information and means of obtaining it are illegal by law, it makes it a complicated issue. At this point a government agency can simply declare some activity secret, legal or not, to cover those actions up.
http://www.memecreator.org/static/images/memes/3881707.jpg
YEAH POLICE STATE! AS LONG AS IT DOESN’T AFFECT ME THEY CAN DO WHAT THEY WANT TO ANYBODY AND ANY THING WITH MY TAX DEBT! I JUST WANT MY MTV!
Right, that information compromised the lives of people, you stupid arrogant fuckhole.
People doing illegal things during an undeclared war.
There is no evidence that anyone was compromised. A side note; if people were so adamant about being compromised Dick Cheney would be in jail for exposing Valerie Plame Wilson just for political smearing motives.
Compromising the lives of people — also known as a typical Baltimore arrest.
I’m with old man Fozz here. Still love you, Moose, but
http://36.media.tumblr.com/5062194390e83df1836bf8b9f0293ab9/tumblr_njzhnm2xa41qet9hvo1_1280.png
Doesn’t matter what we say anyway; the three letter acronyms will fuck over anybody who doesn’t follow what they want at the time. We have no say in the matter, there is little or no control.
http://www.searchenginepeople.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/clip_image005.gif
blaxabbath; OBVIOUS TRAITOR!
If I don’t comment for a while I’ll be in Extraordinary Rendition.
I can’t be traiting if I never claimed to like the place* in first place!
*place = government
Well, this all depends on your stance with regards to…………. Thin Mints and NY v. Chicago pizza. We’ll get to Pho later.
http://cdn.foodbeast.com.s3.amazonaws.com/content/uploads/2014/02/Pho-Shizzle.jpg
Thin Mints are ok but tagalongs are the best, however, I pass on both because I don’t care for the way the Girl Scouts partner with the likes of Nestle (Thin Mint Coffee Mate) but then tell me they need my $6 or whatever for a box of like 14 cookies. If I cared about women, I’d just make a donation.
re Pizza: I’ve had little exposure to Chicago (deep dish) pizza but, when I did have it, the good stuff was REALLY good and the not-good stuff was horrible. New York, on the other hand, seems pretty consistent.
Love Pho. Call it “Foe”. Get pissed when it’s more than $6 a bowl.
This position white paper may cause a rift in the board of Comentists that could cascade down to even Comentists’ families and friends. Maybe we should stamp it “Level 5 Security Clearance Required” after the fact.
Ounly Trevour was crazy enouugh tou coume ouut against phou, and he’s goune.
http://vn-tours.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/pho-3.jpg
THAT is the closest DFO has ever come to a 50/50 political issue!
(and I can see both sides and have no strong opinion whatsoever)
We will waterboard a fucking opinion out of you, bastard.
*ACTUALLY WE’LL BEERBOARD (TM) YOU INTO OUR WAY OF THINKING!!!
So many choices…
Fucking Hippo will be run under all those taps.
Hey I know that place!
Any Pizza Port in a storm!
Hippo’s thought:
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/df/df1a536c46e7aeccc536212426c90ae2a37f3555e78be5419850b3d0f0149d45.jpg
Is this thread what it’s like when your parents who are doves cry/fight with each other?
YOU CAN ONLY TRUST THE GOVERNMENT PART THAT KILLS PEOPLE! LIBTARD GOVERNMENT CAN’T BE TRUSTED!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CFl5PwEK_h8
This is what it sounds like, when doves cry.
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view1/1805801/when-doves-cry-2-o.gif
Brent was supposed to be using a Microsoft Surface Pro, the official tablet of the National Football League, but a clipboard is more functional.
A clipboard can’t be jammed by the devices found in Gillette Stadium.
Oh, I think Bill has a plan for that too….
http://kramersapartment.com/wp-content/uploads/darren-the-intern-6.jpg
http://i57.tinypic.com/34q0oqu.jpg
I imagine that chair to look like something like this:
http://img.designswan.com/2014/11/chair/2.jpg
Criminally underrated movie
The raters should be in jail….. or worse!
It’s nice to see that SOMEONE appreciates how discipline is good for you ,, smgdh