Your “A Bauer of Hours Until The Draft” Wednesday Open Thread

I assume the face most GMs see in their dreams the night before the draft is Jack Bauer.

It is a nightmare, naturally, as the GM slogs through the dank, polluted streets of their town, running uphill through mud, having to take the stairs since the elevators just don’t work, trying to beat the clock and get their pick in to a cackling ginger demon.

“Chi-town is draft town!”

The whole while, a rabid fanbase is getting ever closer, screaming for blood and demanding that all the franchise’s historic wrongs be righted on this one day. They hunger, be it for championships or mediocrity, but they are always demanding and pressing for more.

FAAAACCCKKK YOUUUUU!!!

He runs as fast as he can, barely staying ahead of the slavering mob. Always running; heart racing; never out of range. Just when he turns a corner and thinks he’s safe – there’s Jack.

Gun in hand, he screams, “WHO IS IT?!”, ‘WHO MADE THE CALL?!”, and “WHERE’S MENDOZA?!!”, because even in dreams Jack Bauer is always on the hunt. When the GM doesn’t answer right away, Jack has to use a little persuasion

“I’LL FEED YOU TO THEM!” Jack screams, pointing at the fanbase, which has somehow slowed down yet gotten closer. “WHO’S THE PICK?!”

Chris Weinke?

“I don’t know…” the GM weeps, “it’s not up to me. It’s whatever the owner’s 8-ball says”.

“8-ball?”

“LIAR!” screams Bauer, as he grabs the GM and hurls him out the window.

Waking up just before he hits the ground, covered in sweat, the GM realizes that his future, and his family’s, rests on the decisions that will be made today.

Except in Cleveland. They always hit the ground in Cleveland.

His wife, having left the bedroom earlier in the night due to the screaming, returns with a smile and a cup of coffee. She worries about him – wondering when the stroke will come, has the will be updated, and will she be in the passenger seat? “Don’t worry, honey”, she purrs, “it’ll all be over tonight. Why don’t you watch the news?” She turns on the TV and leaves the room, the Xanax finally taking effect. The GM turns to the screen, hoping to catch the basketball highlights, when the screen suddenly becomes his nightmare…

And it ends…

Liveblog tomorrow! Get your picks in!

Until then, the games!

NHL:

  • Islanders @ Lightning – 7:00 – Round 2 Game 1
  • Predators @ Ducks – 10:00 – Round 1 Game 7

NBA: (all are Game 5)

  • Hornets @ Heat – 8:00
  • Blazers @ Clippers – 10:00
  • Rockets @ Warriors – 10:30

Sweet dreams, Trent Baalke.

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Ribs are delicious and Elisha Cutbert is too. One more ribs pic

http://45.media.tumblr.com/cd3c0127d6ce60b94f5a0060d898bfdb/tumblr_mo6d8fio771rhbxsco8_250.gif

Unsurprised

Good advice.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Andy Reid was terribly disappointed when he learned what Sean Avery actually meant by the term “sloppy seconds”.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Among the things I plan on doing with my day off tomorrow, I apparently need to call AT&T and ask them “Why the fuck is my internet so slow? Poor tWBS’ avatar won’t even load on DFO!”

theeWeeBabySeamus

WHAT???????????????
GIMME DEY NUMBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

May you have better luck than me – it took five separate visits before they could fucking fix it.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You can’t see me avatar neitherer?
Goddammit Obama!!!! I told you not to pull this shit again.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

They came out 2 weeks ago and put in a new “Gateway” (router) which dramatically increased the WIFI range, but that apparently did nothing to resolve the CRIPPLING SLOWNESS.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s actually a tiny bit scary how much that cat resembles my own bitch of a cat.

Unsurprised

I ain’t got time to read.

Brocky

Evening gents, I had a peter king-esque thought earlier, assuming the predators win:

Of the 4 NHL teams from last year’s conference finals, only 1 remains, with 3 eliminated the first round. Weird

theeWeeBabySeamus
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Unsurprised

10/10

theeWeeBabySeamus

Agreed. 10/10…would lick BBQ sauce from her fingers. Among other places.

Unsurprised

I’m even forgiving that she’s eating beef ribs, which are pretty lousy.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So you’re saying that you’d rather she ordered….
[sunglasses]
…the Pork?
comment image

Unsurprised

Yes, I’d pork her.

Unsurprised

This was perfect.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep. Indeed it was.

WCS

Flying V’s score on a power play; 2-1 Ice Titans with 17:40 left.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Elisha being a really hot narcissistic biyatch…sadly familiar.
Weezer – Perfect Situation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwv-iRvyDZg

WCS

The Ice Titans leading Gordon Bombay’s group 2-0, start of the third in Game 7.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I honestly forgotten the draft was tomorrow, had a weird day and I forgot about what was happening . I do like the Elisha Cuthbert tag though. Hoping for a last minute trade that gets MW to the Bears

http://science-all.com/images/elisha-cuthbert/elisha-cuthbert-08.jpg

Brocky

Holy shit it is tomorrow!

WCS

Just a reminder for those of us with donkey brains, and while not allowed to drink booze due to currently taking antibiotics, who may or may not be addled on codeine cough syrup and Xanax:

1st round is four and a half hours long tomorrow night.
2nd and 3rd rounds are Friday, right?
4-7 Saturday

I can’t recall if Day Three is the third though seventh rounds.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Last time I checked, 2-3 are on Fridays.

This has been another installment of: Low Commander briefly checks his phone while in the bathroom.

theeWeeBabySeamus

D2 is 2,3
D3 is 4-7
I’m ashamed that I know this.
http://cdn.rsvlts.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Alison-Brie-GIF-042.gif

WCS

PEAK ’80’s ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

Unsurprised
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

Hippo would be displeased greatly.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

The Flash is turning into shit and Arrow is actually making alright eps other than having Barry have his powers back before he gets them back on his own show. What is happening? Is The Flash just gonna suck for a year and a half now like Arrow did season 3-(4 part 1)

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuckin’ Marsupials, man.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Oh, no; we’re just roommates.”

Fosters, Australian for beer.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So I missed tonight and lazily scrolled through the comments. What is the story on all the naked men?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Occasionally there is a woman or two present.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I saw Zymm was here and was gonna find one or two for her but it was a group effort tonight. Nice work gentleman

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fine. I guess I gotta be the one to break out the chick photos meself…
(oh baby)
http://www.activityvillage.co.uk/sites/default/files/images/images2/chicks_for_kids_320.jpg

JustStopDude
Unsurprised

Still less likely to get CTE than …….. Fuck, I forgot.

Duchess

So what are the chances that Ted Cruz is lying about making Carly his running mate?

Those two deserve each other.

JustStopDude

http://i.imgur.com/uSipcXm.gif

I’d holla back!

Unsurprised

If I work at it the rest of my life, I’ll never have the swagger he does.

JustStopDude

I love the fact that this movie is “based” on a “true” story by a “martial artist”.

In reality, Frank Dux was literally selling “Kill someone with the Death Touch! Send $5 for instruction!” from the back of comic books and they made him into a movie.

Duchess
Unsurprised

Suggestive.

JustStopDude

comment image

White people…seriously…why are you always doing crazy shit?

JustStopDude

Y’all need to do more shit like this…

http://i.imgur.com/46zj66W.gif

No broken bones…

Unsurprised

Oh, fuck him.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I feel like I should be offended.
But I only do stupid shit….not crazy shit.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Is Balls around? Anyone ever heard of Tommy John underwear? I got some as a gift, and the relaxed fit is a little…formfitting for my taste.

ballsofsteelandfury

Present!

Too tight, eh? Yeah, it’s tough to find good undies!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Long and clingy in the legs, too. The “relaxed fit” are very much boxer briefs.

ballsofsteelandfury

Yeah, I just looked them up. I do not think they know what the word “relaxed” means…

Doktor Zymm

My beer is empty, my pizza eaten. Thus I bid y’all adieu.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nite Dok
(ok guys…break out the chick photos again!!!!!!!!)

Doktor Zymm
Duchess

IDK… Texas just threw the book at the other kid who suffered from Affluenza.

WCS

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

C’mon Dude….even with a body like that, a little manscaping never hurt anybody. You gotta keep the shrubbery trimmed if you expect to have curb appeal…..
comment image

Doktor Zymm

No one wants that shit getting stuck in their teeth. Just sayin’

theeWeeBabySeamus

Anything I might say could be used against me. But I understand the point you’re making.

Duchess

But dentists recommending you floss daily

Duchess

WHo gives their junk a pencil thin mustache?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dunno about the pencil thin mustache scenario.
But it is a fact that most ladies are more apt to seek out the mighty oak if they don’t have to wade thru a thicket of overgrowth to get there.

Wow….this thread has gone awry. I take my share of the blame FWIW.

JustStopDude

I prefer my men to have a fast putting green if you get my drift.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gremlin!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!

Duchess

Ok must say, Season on of Mr. Robot is probably in the top 3 shows from 2015

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Easily IMO. Good for so many reasons.

Duchess

Up there with Better Call Saul and Fargo

Doktor Zymm

This is kinda hilarious. I’m pretty sure both people in this photo are supposed to be sexy lookin..but damn if they don’t just look goofy.
comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Oh dear lord….the tuck in cartoon form. So wrong.

Doktor Zymm

Oh crap, that’s what that is. Mangina is everywhere.

theeWeeBabySeamus

He looks like a sexual predator.
She’s….acceptable.

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know, he just looks insanely happy to be near a woman with more than just her ankles exposed. I imagine him growing up Amish.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Interesting counter point.
/still would not allow him near children unsupervised

Doktor Zymm

It’s probably for the best.

Doktor Zymm
Horatio Cornblower

What are they dressed as? A heterosexual couple?

Doktor Zymm

Damned if I know. People who buy their underwear from the same website?

theeWeeBabySeamus

She is…him not so much.

Duchess

he’s in total “Gay-Shape”

JustStopDude

They look more like siblings to me…

Duchess

Too much Smylex

MikeWallaceAndGromit

Motherfucker. Rumor has it my bar is discontinuing my favorite beer as a regular feature. This shit is worthy of starting a petition.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m sure you can get Bud Light somewhere else; most bars are#upforwhatever.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURN!

Duchess

it was either that or the “International Women’s Day” scene from Deadpool with Ryan Reynolds.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Equal time time, for Dok (and CB if she ever arrives).
comment image

Redshirt

I’m a heterosexual, my internet history proves that much. But in a hypothetical situation, “HOT DAMN! I CAN WASH MY CLOTHES OFF HIS ABS!!!”

Hypothetically speaking, of course.

Doktor Zymm

Bad thing about the Cubs being good this year : There are way more drunk and insufferably hopeful Cubs fans around my neighborhood
Good thing about the Cubs being good this year : The neighborhood is on track for record high robbery rates, and Cubs fans are easier prey than me

WCS

Ice Titans 1-0

theeWeeBabySeamus

One of my favorite episodes.
Also one of my favorite actors.
I think he won (or was at least nominated) for an Emmy for that one.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Just googled it…yep, he won it for that one.
But jeez alou (nod to Frank Barone), that was 20 freaking years ago. I’m old.

Doktor Zymm

Hehe, that’s some amusing censorship

Doktor Zymm

Good thing about the Blackhawks being out : I can now unreservedly root for the Caps
Bad thing about the Blackhawks being out : There are now only 2.6 other people in the whole of Chicago who are watching hockey

Doktor Zymm

That is SO TRUE

Doktor Zymm

And I just suddenly remembered something….be right back

Horatio Cornblower

Aww, piggly XIX!