As an Evertonian, I’m up early today mostly to boo. Plus I have to wake up kids and drive them around for various school-related shit. Parenting is hard, even half-assed single Dad parenting.
Yes, our dear friends at Leicester City only need 3 points out of 9 (or Spurs to drop 3 of 9, or some combo thereof), thanks to Spurs bottling an easy Monday Night Footy fixture after sitting on a 1-nil lead for a long fucking time. We’uns in 90-95% territory now, and that’s probably an understatement.
Don’t get up TOO EARLY, as there’s nothing before the 10:00 window on Saturday. Which is full of shit matches anyway, with NBCSN and USA both showing dull matches with relegation-fighting sides. I will boo Everton (Tim Howard will play for the first time in months), as will most of the home crowd, since the Board is too lazy/cheap to fire Roberto Martinez ahead of the match against the Cherries. Hate watch on Extra Time!
Even the 12:30 on big NBC is a relegation match (Norwich/Arsenal), plus it cuts into THE DRAFT. Fuck that noise. There are punters to be selected.
The real action is Sunday Funay, with Foxy Footy possibly clinching the title at Old Trafford (9:05, NBCSN). What a perfect “Barbarians at the Gate” setting that would be, yes? Plus it would spare me seeing them clinch against Everton at home the following week, though their fans really deserve to see that moment at home. But I bet they’d be fine with not waiting. If you haven’t seen one footy match all season, watch this one.
Soton and City square off next (11:30, NBCSN), which has meaning in the mildly interesting race for 3rd place between City and Arsenal (City currently leads on goal differential). It’s not totally out of the question that City could catch Spurs if they totally fell apart once the title race ended. But bloody unlikely.
Monday Night Footy is Spurs yet again, this time against Chelski at Stamford Bridge (3:00, NBCSN). Chelski’s run of improved form has gone wobbly of late, but I’m sure they will be up to play spoiler here, as all the London clubs hate for any of the other to succeed. A game to watch if the Foxes leave the door cracked.
How hard is this cat having to focus to keep from thanking Hitler right now??
I’m not watching NFLN, did they just have Chip Kelly on?
http://img.humorsharing.com/media/images/1202/i_1379_hitler-cat–001.jpg
Founders Sumatra Mountain Brown now. Love me some Founders coffee beers.
Sudfeld looks like Doug Flutie trapped in Joe Flacco’s body.
Oh yeah, that’s a much better pick than Prescott.
Did your scouting department and film review tell you that?
How did I know that would get a rise out of you?
Must have been my scouting department and film study.
😉
http://40.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_loibotQgis1qzfsnio1_1280.jpg
And honestly, I really do like the Reynolds pick.
Kid’s a bit undersized, but he’s a gamer.
And yes, I’ve watched him frequently.
Pisses me off he’s a Raven. Navy grad, tough runner, smart as hell… he’s going to be an exceptional officer. And now, he’s a fucking Ratbird.
We were thisclose to moving to Annapolis instead back to Yinzburgh three years ago, and would have been living in the shadow of the Academy.
Annapolis is awesome.
And all those reasons you just listed are why I like the pick.
Plus they invited an old white man to their draft party.
DIVERSITY IN MD, BY GOD.
I’m sure your analytical skills are second to none.
I wanted a scouting department, and now I think I should have went that way instead of a 401k.
Yeah Moose, I’ve got a crack (giggity) team here in my personal war room. They just told me you were gonna piss and moan no matter what I reply, so I figured what the hell?
Sorry if my (and others’) admittedly non-expert opinions have offended your sensibilities. Speaking only for myself, I’ll try to be more considerate from here on out.
Way to take my calling your expertness out poorly. None of us know shit about 99% of these guys and I’m just giving you shit for acting like you do. But, please, go on and tell us about the measurables.
Yeah, bcuz THAT’S what I said. Never claimed to be an expert. Nor did anyone else here as far as I know.
I’m disengaging now. Enjoy your funk.
I can’t give you shit for a fourth round pick? ‘OK.
Of course you were right about this one.
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/jets-fans-react-to-geno-smith-draft-nfl-fan-gifs.gif
Moose, I love you man, but I don’t know what fun there is in watching the third day of the draft if we can’t make ill-founded and meaningless snap judgments about players we watched for between zero and thirty seconds last year. Deep down, we all know we’ll be wrong about most everything. It’s still fun to play armchair analyst for a few days.
Sorry if I came off as this bad; it was meant to give you shit about being experts.
Maybe this is it:
http://www.quickmeme.com/img/46/46f1ed6c3627606b70e80945dc232f67ae32bd7efe53ef507a11dd0a84349bc3.jpg
At least I’m not narcissistic.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/47628d831da9dbae1e2c7a9968287211/tumblr_o59so9HQKd1r38eolo1_1280.jpg
My coronary arteries just exploded just from looking at that.
/would still eat it as I bleed out
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/3465511/homer-gurgle-noise-o.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/e1866627141109abb2d2671e378e2626/tumblr_mlosrqAE8s1ric2iqo1_500.jpg
Undrafted.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/bc02945b10a3cd5126a4eb9ee8d87eae/tumblr_nxnrz7x0Qh1uhyibpo1_500.jpg
“Parenting is hard, even half-assed single Dad parenting.”
/obligatory
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZooKCOngg-4
On an unrelated note, Sup Arizona Cardinals NFL Network Spanish chick that introduced the flag football team.I’d like to eat her pupusa.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/f34b45bb6b22f8e6be15c418460e6a7c/tumblr_nxrdyyxPL81uhyibpo1_500.jpg
I finally got off my lazy internet ass (PHRASING!) and found the tumblr that these come from and its amazing!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/43fcc882b509364605ab3d0f023c1207/tumblr_o60ffgMVZT1uhyibpo1_500.jpg
Wonder Woman was on the Love Boat?
http://67.media.tumblr.com/dd17e38aa3b8858c413758c1f590934f/tumblr_nxnlhdRgyW1uhyibpo1_500.jpg
It was invisible that week so don’t beat yourself up.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/144c9d10442c7aa926895ccf3206fc72/tumblr_nxnlioZDJm1uhyibpo1_500.jpg
Nope. Just some wonderfully twisted dude’s tumblr. http://tmv.proto.jp/#!/loveboatinsanity
http://40.media.tumblr.com/45075ed06513bb0bdb76f66322f01a7c/tumblr_nxhc91xDLV1uhyibpo1_500.jpg
Still snowing/ raining here.
http://40.media.tumblr.com/e2b171a1c763c1979e397605b92470c8/tumblr_o4zlpslP7j1rwuuvro5_1280.jpg
Mostly sunny, 69 (PHRASING!) with a refreshing north breeze here. The dreck you are dealing with is supposed to roll in on Sunday evening.
http://65.media.tumblr.com/4e6e037ed4eaa441f07182be95154484/tumblr_o478zmtIhd1r5568mo1_500.jpg
Not really complaining, just thinking it could slide to the week days…. no, OK.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/8f0330d8df8176978324af666c67c84c/tumblr_o6942cWtjy1ric2iqo1_1280.jpg
Every once in a weird old while a guy like Moritz comes along and doesn’t know the scripted answers.
The Vikings drafted an O-lineman from Western Michigan named Willie Beavers. I hope he chooses Jared Allen’s old #69 jersey number.
Marketing!
I wonder what his sister’s name is……
Frieda
Sharon
Eda.
“I’ll need a receipt for my expense report.”
http://41.media.tumblr.com/fadafdaad1bb76071191b8ca1dfacf93/tumblr_o6c11iCDyS1uqn756o1_500.jpg
I said NO ANCHOVIES!!!!
Oh wait, never mind.
Delivery Man: “Wait, what about my tip?”
Naked Woman: “WHAT? What kind of woman do you think I am?”
http://www.thehealthygamer.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/sterling-archer-meme-generator-just-the-tip-10e54b.jpg
The bizarrely amazing amount of WVU players taken in this draft both delights and frightens me.
Rebuilding year in Morgantown?
With more meth labs.
Actually, we should be pretty solid. Lots of returning talent on offense, less said about defense the better. The schedule is friendly this season, with OU, K-State, TCU, and Baylor in Morganhole.
LOTS of meth labs.
/Bitches long and loud about how draft “experts” are inaccurate, don’t know what they’re talking about, etc.
// completely takes “experts” opinion on player and bitches long and loud about a team’s pick and how stupid an entire scouting department and analysis throughout an established and proven personnel department is.
///forgets entire draft the following season.
http://41.media.tumblr.com/d33bee3674e4668e6c4ac3056cd365d5/tumblr_o68742peqp1uvb28co3_1280.jpg
I think that’s the part that that annoys me. These draft experts have NEVER had to put their money where their mouth is but are eager to trash people who must. You think you’re good? Run a fucking draft room, then.
True, I was speaking of your common fan, but yes; the video and mock drafts exist.
Oh man, the common fan is even WORSE.
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/jets-fans-react-to-geno-smith-draft-nfl-fan-gifs.gif
You’re justified in being concerned about a draft pick if ESPN starts by showing tape of the player’s father.
-Dez Bryant.
[makes series of Verizon ads]
[cashes in several large cheques]
[cashes in his credibility]
-Ricky Gervais
How is he any different from most other comedians now?
I’m not sure.
A shittonne (metric) have turned to shilling, and it is fucking depressing.
[blows smoke in your face]
-Doug Stanhope
He bemoans it too.
Well, he’s a pitchman, but he’s the edgiest pitchman.
http://lybio.net/wp-content/uploads/Shock-Top-Super-Bowl-2016-Unfiltered-Talk-With-T.J-Miller-Extended-Cut-Commercial.jpg
At least it was for beer, although he does voice over and other ones too.
Still better than Mike Rowe.
What credibility?
Anyway, I like how David Cross explained why he did Alvin & the chipmunks 3. “I found a nice house in upstate New York.”
The Booker pick is good.
How do you know?
I can’t reveal my sources.
Just what I thought.
I was at my daughter’s choral concert, and I had to stifle a squeal of joy. He was my favourite 3-down back in the draft. I saw lots of Team Secular Big Love JV footy, and I liked him a lot.
“Sir, your order of orangutans is here.”
http://45.media.tumblr.com/348ea126adc65c98fe819993c79a4a29/tumblr_o2fg6faUu61qhzi2jo1_r1_500.gif
All I see is some wheelbarrow owner with a great rack.
“Franz Klammer reference!”
-no NFL fan ever
http://36.media.tumblr.com/6dc81923d1769efaa2639fbc8b52d8b7/tumblr_njsvyoIiPn1qcf707o1_1280.jpg
I hope Lincoln Kennedy doesn’t eat the cute little Hispanic girl.
He doesn’t seem like a big oral sex guy, but hey, who knows?
*more phrasing.
I’ll always be a Cardale fan because of what he did in the National Champeenship game. And I’m not a fan of Ohio State.
The story was great… 3rd stringer comes in and just wrecks shit. Hell he is probably still 2nd best QB on the Bills right now.
Second best? Did Rex hire Sanchez again?
Started the day off right with Clown Shoes The Barista Breakfast Brown. Can’t wait for them to barrel age this one.
Now drinking Jolly Pumpkin/Evil Twin/Leelenau Innovator Man, and oh boy, this this is intense. Maybe a little too chemical, but I like the sour/bitter thing it’s got going on. Plus, strawberries.
I’m intrigued.
A breakfast brown for breakfast.
I’m still a few hours away from getting after it. Things to do and all.
Revolution has a nice coffee brown ale I snared a sixer of today. Not sure if it’ll be as tasty as their Bean Gene porter, though.
Does that Seahawks father knows they didn’t win the super bowl?
Plummer could probably still start for the Broncos right now if he wanted.
Plummah is total amatuah at da butt fumble.
http://s3.amazonaws.com/br-cdn/temp_images/2013/11/22/Butfummble.gif
I realize the buttfumble is hilarious and all, he is 4-2 in the playoffs with a good defense.
And no, you can’t play after that long of a time off.
His stats for two years in Chips offense were better than than both Bronco’s QBs last season…. and they won a couple of nice games.
Booker is Lispy’s 2nd rated RB?
Cowboys get the steal of the draft.
Dammit.
We’ll find out in five years or so.
I think sooner. It ain’t like Romo is gonna stay healthy.
All except the very bast take 3 to 5 years to figure it out.
As a general rule I totally agree.
I really think Prescott is special tho. Was really wishing the Ravens would grab him up since they had basically HALF THE GODDAMNED FOURTH ROUND TO THEMSELVES AND COULD HAVE EASILY DONE IT.
/fuck you ozzie
With Ozzie’s history I’d trust him substantially more than your feeling.
http://49.media.tumblr.com/0e52ae5d092539232021b6dd8567f460/tumblr_n94bg7IG2c1qe8pkxo4_r1_500.gif
“The Packers “war room” looks as though it hasn’t been updated since 1975.”
-Interior decorator’s take on the draft
Haven’t seen so much air time for Peyton’s Balls since he teabagged the team manager.
Somebody is angling for a banner quote!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d41724e6ea784e8c69bc5f307f45b2af/tumblr_o012xwKYNj1uap0hno1_1280.jpg
Great joke, unfortunately his sexual assault didn’t get near enough air time.
Sorry; ALLEGED.
I had to argue with people who thought “Boys will be boys”
http://49.media.tumblr.com/71f179c52332bc002a358130674b5e46/tumblr_nyotu1fmrT1sotwrfo1_500.gif
I’ve got another quick rant.
Mother’s Day.
I get the sentiment. I really do. Ma died 13 years ago, breast cancer and I don’t need to be reminded of it annually.
Last year I’m doing my regular weekly grocery store run and the cashier, a still very sweet girl, asked me if I had called my mother for Mother’s Day.
I told her that I hadn’t because I was worried about roaming charges.
Be careful around people. Some of them get edgy.
I’m not too much worried about Mother’s Day because I’m estranged from her unrelentingly negative passive-aggressive racist ass.*
*perhaps I’ve said Sill Bimmons**
**too much
You shoulda gone full Batman on her….
OK, maybe not, but still
This is one of those situations where, if you’ve made peace with your mom’s death, just casually drop that she’s dead and that you miss her.
Gentlemen.
Where?
This never gets old.
dear lord Chicago stop bringing out kids. Guess what those kids don’t want to be there they want to be at home playing call of duty.
Why did the NFLN guys lose their shit over the Bush pick?
24 hour sports news cycle needs hot takes.
Maybe they are all Miami (OH) fans.
apparently they were giggling about Bushes… cause Rich Eisen said if the nxt pick is a Johnson he’s out of there.
You know what sounds good? A soft scrambled egg and cheese sandwich.
I like to sprinkle my eggs with some black truffle salt and freshly ground black pepper.
OK I’m getting up now.
Needs oregano, crushed red pepper, onions, garlic. …. IMO.
It’s a fairly nice day out there but I’m in the mood to listen to (mostly) white guys salivate over genetic anomalies.
Hey Bengals show me the baby don’t tell me about the birth assholes.
Im pretty sure that kid just chanted “G-E-T-S, Jets, Jets Jets”
“Me Fail English thats unpossible”
-Rasheed Davis
I hope the Bucs’ mascot rapes Vitale after he announces the pick.
I turn on the circus….errr Draft, only to be hit square in the earholes by Dick Vitale schtick.
/turns off tv
//smashes remote just in case
Reason #12548 to hate the face book.
My Auntie died over a year ago, I went back to Texas for the funeral and gave my love to the rest of the family and still miss her.
I have a face book notification today telling me to wish my dear auntie a happy birthday.
You sick fucks.
Belated condolences….and a Happy Heavenly B-day to Auntie.
And, fb is all teh suck.
I hate facebook as much as the next guy, and I’m sure this is not what facebook had in mind when they programmed the function which checks the date and notifies you of friends’ birfdays, but maybe it can be a good thing; a reminder of that person; you’ll never forget her birthday even now.
That’s a nice way to look at it and it did make me remember her.
It also made me want some Texas brisket.
Great, now I want barbecue.
I’m not usually that optimistic; a unsettling sign that I’ve sobered up. At least I’m getting my money’s worth out of my semicolon key today though.
Anyone else think the Cook pick was just Mark Davis fucking with JJ for messing up his LA move?
The Chargers drafted Boltman in the first round
Connor Cook to teh Black Hole. Cardale to Double J is WRITTEN IN THE STARS.
MSNBC is interviewing folks at the Indianapolis Comic Con about politics.
Are they arguing about who would REALLY win in real life yet? Superman or Batman?
/because it’s totally Batman
The Ginger Hammer doesn’t have one ounce of charisma in his gingery non-soul. He’s like a malfunctioning robot.
I really wish I had put $20 on Leicester in August.
Convalescing is a hell of a thing.
I despise slovenly-ness yet it’s not only being encouraged I’m being basically forced into it.
Fuck it, I’m still doing Sunday Gravy.
They can’t stop me!
We’re gonna have some late arrivals today.
Did you see how late those crazy kids stayed up on the draft thread last night/this morning?
I feel positively old in comparison.
Although I was the first to suggest music.
Good morning Commentist Party!
Everton are still shit. Highlight of the half was the loud bi-plane flying a “Martinez Time To Go NSNO” banner, which the TV broadcast even showed!
That banner pic is nauseating.
don’t be all jelly
He’s all fucking jelly.