A relatively slow day, given that the draft hangover should have cleared everyone’s head about now. (Irsay family excepted.) So, there’s very little by way of FOOTBAW news & notes:
- Clearly delusional Broncos QB Mark Sanchez says it’s a “vote of confidence” that the Broncos drafted a QB rather than signing a veteran to compete with him.
- The same article notes that Sanchez is the only QB on the roster to have thrown a “professional” pass, so I guess it’s good Von Miller got cut from Dancing With the Stars, because he’s going to need the study time if he wants the Broncos to finish above .500.
- Hoo boy, Dana Stubblefield.
- Nothing new on the Raiders to Las Vegas front, aside from a whole bunch of terrible puns masquerading as headlines.
- One side effect of the debate, however, seems to be increasing the pressure on San Diego to approve the downtown stadium proposal.
- Peyton Manning has decided NOT to seek a broadcasting job for the 2016 season, choosing instead to continue focusing on providing mid-grade pizza and #UpForWhatever to the legal marijuana community in Colorado. ♫″Nationwide says pack-that-bowl.”♫
Today’s Open Thread contains a lot of hockey, and some politics, because there’s more of that on than football news today. Feel free to scroll down to the bottle of scotch if this fails to interest you.
If you are not watching the Pens-Caps series, you are missing what is essentially both a Stanley Cup final and the Bulldogs-Chiefs game from “Slap Shot”. There’s been some trash talking,
rough stuff in front of the net,
cheap shots in open ice
some goalie interference,
and general intimidation of each bench.
What the movie lacked was outright head shots, so the modern day players had to step up their game.
This is from Game 2:
This is from Game 3:
Both players didn’t have the puck when they got hit, and stopped being part of the active play. Orpik’s hit looks far-more dangerous, but at least he was following through on his man. Letang had to go find Marcus Johansson. If Letang isn’t suspended, expect Washington – if they get up a couple or down by a bunch – to go looking for payback. This is the kind of series the NHL wants, but is also afraid might get out of control and become a spectacle. The Blues & Stars are almost at this level, so if they can keep it clean, the NHL might fail their way into some ratings. I trust Gary Bettman to make the wrong decisions.
Politics: Did you know there’s a primary today in Indiana? Ted Cruz sure does, because he’s doing everything he can to ensure he loses. From calling the hoop a “basketball ring” to announcing failed CEO Carly Fiorina as his running mate, he’s sure trying to hand victory to Trump while plaintively arguing he’s the best candidate available. This afternoon, in response to Trump’s insinuations that Cruz’s father was associated with Lee Harvey Oswald (WAKE UP SHEEPLE!), he called Trump a “pathological liar,” “utterly amoral,” “a narcissist at a level I don’t think this country’s ever seen” and “a serial philanderer.” Trump’s eventual response will be, “So?”
Meanwhile, the Democrats are still fighting their internecine battle, oblivious to the fact that their mutual political suicide is the only way Trump could actually win.
I wanted to make fun of Indiana in this post, so I googled “gravy museum”. Sadly, no such thing exists, but I did discover that the “National Mustard Museum” is located in Middleton, WI. Because it was near lunch time, I then tried to find a hot dog museum. The “hot dog” museum is apparently at “O’Bettys Red Hot” in Athens, OH, while Tony Packo‘s in Toldeo has a “hot dog bun” museum, which is more of an autographed wall of hot dog buns than a museum dedicated to cooked meat holders.
I totally forgot to visit there when I stopped in for a Mud Hens game. To be fair, at the time I was more concerned about going drinking with my acquaintance, Hens manager Leon Durham. I’ll take “drinks with athletes” over “famous hot dog” any time, if only for the quality of lady that visits you in such establishments and looks at your weiner.
Concerts: so you know what your parents & grandparents are talking about.
Malt of the Month:
Your Whisky Exchange “Malt of the Month” is the Lagavulin 1998 Distillers Edition. It’s an Islay, so if you like the taste of peat, this is the beverage for you – every sentence in the tasting guide references the peaty aroma. It sounds like an alcohol that tastes like the forest floor.
The games!
NHL:
- Lightning @ Islanders – 7:00 (Series tied 1-1)
- Sharks @ Predators – 9:00 (Ducks lead 2-0)
- Stars @ Blues – 9:30 (Series tied 1-1)
NBA:
- Miami @ Toronto – 8:00 – Game 1
- Portland @ Golden State – 10:30 – Game 2
Kate Upton is engaged to Justin Verlander. SHE’S GOT SOMETHING OF HIS ON HER HAND!
http://www.numerama.com/content/uploads/2016/02/archer.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/69954bde3c17ea7a5dbbd6150456081e/tumblr_o6d8wdgqfD1s01qkyo1_400.gif
Alestorm – “Drink”. The finest in pirate-themed metal.
http://assets.blabbermouth.net.s3.amazonaws.com/media/alestormsunsetcd.jpg
https://youtu.be/f55CqLc6IR0
http://67.media.tumblr.com/c8783e4ee3de552ebae6d439fe6d22eb/tumblr_o6f0ueri561s01qkyo1_r1_400.gif
That’s more like the GSW score I like to fuckin’ see!
http://media.giphy.com/media/7v0sNgEAhUQTe/giphy.gif
“Oo. Rocket luanchers…Y’all, y’all. My vehicle seems to be slowing down for some reason. I think I’ve run out of carburetor”
http://c.photoshelter.com/img-get/I00006hcDScmU9as/s/850/850/Dingo-MDIN013.jpg
I’m watching FD on Youtube.
HOT TAEK: I love Frisky Dingo waaaaaay more than Archer
YOU TAKE THAT BACK!!!!
Don’t make me turn this car around!
http://cdn1.bloguin.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/26/2016/02/back-to-winnipeg-o.gif
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ma5knvbxks1qefwl8o4_400.gif
It is similar humor… sort of.
http://images.wikia.com/archer/images/d/d8/Cheryl2837492.jpg
Agreed.
In that it uses the exact same jokes? Indeed.
Maybe it’s not for you then.
I’m not complaining.
Damn it!
http://assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/dancing/kathie_lee_dance.gif
I’ve never seen Frisky Dingo before.
Get. The. Fuck. Out!
We can never go back to Arizona! Must see all around.
I’m with CB on this one.
Find it and watch it. Preferably really really high (but that’s just good sense).
http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/4497768/master-cylinder-o.gif
“Well… not a whole tall boy”
http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lekdz38FZ21qdcdmpo1_500.png
You should check it out.
http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvyok3Ffgl1r7k7dmo1_500.gif
http://media.gq.com/photos/558289f21177d66d68d5221c/16:9/pass/blogs-the-feed-tumblr_mvawzzCHxW1sfw3q3o2_500.gif
Game 4: St Louis vs Dallas
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-UEsOZm1q3LM/VpVAPCVqm-I/AAAAAAAABxw/VqD-sxJwe_Y/s320/slapshot-fight-o.gif
OLD TIME HOCKEY!!!!!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/25b20cc8e6ec73384569238778ed9e9b/tumblr_n1fq15a3Jm1rwq85xo1_400.gif
Maybe Niemi sucks less this time? Maybe he remembers his days as a Shark and recalls that he can never be a clutch player?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FeRW7SXSQA8&list=RDFeRW7SXSQA8#t=115
http://66.media.tumblr.com/476eb6e514f1653213d55c0f0b73a2af/tumblr_npqkqwOm1L1t33d6lo1_500.gif
Yay for Polka Dotted Shirley
Garbage – I Think I’m Paranoid
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0f7hlW1sXm8
http://i211.photobucket.com/albums/bb88/triciagalore/jaws.gif
I’m gonna get some shut-eye, I’m still wanted for a 9 AM run-through.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mp0ZISBYidI
Night-night!
http://66.media.tumblr.com/57aefb91b842414828c8e466e47b337d/tumblr_o4bnqpHqMv1rbhnqko1_500.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yI2oS2hoL0k
http://67.media.tumblr.com/77a5628115f4cc8ad25fcf3b967c2291/tumblr_n5kowdS7bj1tbwj7go2_r1_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d89579060f03d91158c3dd750db3dcb6/tumblr_n5kowdS7bj1tbwj7go1_r1_1280.jpg
http://media2.popsugar-assets.com/files/2014/08/21/852/n/1922283/d65676fc1c8c8306_tumblr_n16aw3FXAm1qzi80do2_r2_500RAXwyj.xxxlarge/i/he-does-stand-deep-thoughts-tense-situations.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/53f4f157eeaa9f0d26f60c350db87aee/tumblr_o4ii2zufGN1qdezf9o1_500.gif
Steve Kerr may start murdering the Warriors in the locker room.
Until he gets to Antonio Banderas.
That joke was a reach.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/67bb2af6687538bd0277d9624faa2979/tumblr_o5wdduWasQ1rvnq7zo1_400.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/85f15ddb14a6bed86158d363ad0f254b/tumblr_o5jxt5ouqz1u2602to2_500.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/87e95ed644e84a478f2e1a2b26c37b14/tumblr_nvlojx8UcB1s207suo3_250.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/9e7b98ba05324fa04acf4a4acb48b9d9/tumblr_o4gxi9HEiw1r1ad86o2_250.gif
http://i289.photobucket.com/albums/ll237/simon-91/Fight-Club.gif
Marie Antoinette?
Yes it is.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/d30015cddb1ff1933288219c201bc0f1/tumblr_o5e11kttmO1v49r65o1_1280.jpg
http://i1221.photobucket.com/albums/dd464/bigsexyirishboy/animated/Carmen_Electra_Meet_The_Sparta4.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/1d58bbad67505b83d2ebfd3c231f5506/tumblr_o5ynousqCT1qzsq0xo2_500.gif
http://65.media.tumblr.com/64a6eb51e41a929a1267eac088a4a7ed/tumblr_nvmo89ANhl1s6u7eho1_1280.png
When Gilda is brought back to Argentina by Tom, she slaps Johnny hard across both sides of his face. In reality, Rita Hayworth’s smacks broke two of Glenn Ford’s teeth. He held his place until the take was finished. (Gilda, 1946)
http://67.media.tumblr.com/0a4459e2676ff44db94d867dcc250f3e/tumblr_nn70jwHdpt1s2gm3jo1_500.gif
http://www.sobaditsgreat.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Jon-Lovitz-ACTING_t380.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/2629633f4174440cc44af4b217679a8e/tumblr_o429eu3NYv1te6usvo2_540.gif
http://i52.tinypic.com/2n8q2gw.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/ad271ab8d56130bd2ca16d10b1eb93c8/tumblr_o6i9kdCJ561tbcweeo1_400.gif
http://45.media.tumblr.com/f44932568a01142c41b674942e00b1f7/tumblr_o2zl73ur2d1ui4t69o1_500.gif
what is this one from?
Fight Club
I fucking knew it. I just don’t know why I doubted myself.
The first rule of doubting yourself is not talking about doubting yourself.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PamLPnXk2ic
I really, really wish I could participate in the La Batt “Undomesticated” Games
Do I stay up to make sure the Blues don’t give up 4 goals in 18 minutes, or do I just go to bed?
http://65.media.tumblr.com/21a4f5e2d2a3c756bcf09aae9e64879e/tumblr_o1trpafy2Y1rw2zhko1_1280.jpg
Still at it, I swear.
Charles Mingus – Haitian Fight Song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5j4dou8osU
http://cdn.chud.com/9/98/900x900px-LL-9812f9bd_GifAlyssaMilano34-9.gif
http://funkyimg.com/i/22Ps5.gif
My humor is missing the mark tonight obviously.
http://img.ifcdn.com/images/1ef401ccad8a5f9e5d269b2a75061237243d450d9e61dd96305f752fc8d578b7_1.gif
So….. that’s why it’s best of 7, eh?
Eh… more like, best of six.
Just accept it, and move on. It’s an even-numbered year, your San Fran Giants will win another World Series.
I’m almost sad that the Pens can’t close out the Caps tomorrow night and just get that shit over with too.
I still have a tiny hope for the Caps.
Define “tiny”.
No, wait…that’s probably not a good idea.
Shut it! One year we may not choke before the final! One fucking year!
http://www4.pictures.zimbio.com/mp/HKbRcN84_R1x.gif
So I googled “Mila Kunis gif” and this came up.
Now I am NOT saying I know who she is (I know nothing), but she is not Mila Kunis.
http://cdn28.us1.fansshare.com/photograph/dillionharper/dillion-harper-shared-photo-uk-2019282005.jpg
Hydrocephaly?
Maybe from repeated blows to the head….so to speak.
That’s Dillion Harper
This is TOTALLY NEW INFORMATION TO ME!!!!
And who is this Dillion Harper of whom you speak? Is she a singer?
/yeah, I’m probably overdoing it, huh?
Yep, Dillion Harper. Former nudie model turned hard core “actress”.
I really need to watch more porn. I originally thought she was a handi-capable girl someone tried to make look sexy for a charity photoshoot.
Great, now I am focused on the forehead, welp that’ll clear up some space on the drive.
http://moejackson.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/dillion-harper-062214-2.jpg
Dammit fuck dammit! Well, okay. 4 minutes left. San Jose can make up the three-point deficit.
Well, you say that…
Yeah, that’s kinda how I felt last night.
I suspect you’ll have the same empty “want to break things” feeling I did in about…
/looks at watch
….four minutes.
Aww… no. I’m drinking, kitten! Aside from the heartburn, I will be sleeping this shit off.
Get your shit together second half GSW! Please give me something to hang my drinky hat on tonight!
Well if anyone needs me I’ll be lying in bed staring at the ceiling listening to “The Smile Song” on repeat.
if anyone needs me I’ll be lying in bed
I tried that line in college but it never worked.
APPROVE
“Headshots for Everyone!”
Especially Heidi Cruz:
Where’s Lee Harvey Oswald when you need him?
“He’s about to be transferred…”
– Dallas Police
Rams are gone, Cards are under .500.
IT’S ALL ON YOU, BLUES
Cardinals are under .500? Is that even possible?!
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Jay-Sprays-Manny-With-Water-Bottle-Modern-Family.gif
Parenting 305, also Cat Ownership 101
A Sanchez who won’t let you down:
http://115.imagebam.com/download/nFkbSG6DrquBOQrBMwv01A/48132/481310355/carolina%20sanchez%20-002.jpg
My favorite part about that picture may be the vintage Canucks t-shirt. I may have problems.
I hope Wakezilla approves.
http://116.imagebam.com/download/g3Fy6XsOyp8Uqid80MGysA/48121/481205326/Alison-Brie-2.gif
What’s this?
An Alison Brie gif I haven’t seen posted on no less than 4 occasions?
Built out of six Alison Brie gifs of mediocre quality.
I just made it last night.
I’m not complaining. Good Hustle.
*slaps unsurprised on the ass. HARD
Rowsdower vs. Dave Ryder. WHO YA GOT?
http://suptg.thisisnotatrueending.com/archive/30834186/images/1394833312468.jpg
http://static.fjcdn.com/gifs/Oh+man+i+m+trippin+balls+man_b9a8ce_3951148.gif
My life experience with the ladies:
evening balls. how are you
http://31.media.tumblr.com/98bd6c433b499323f11a1d02d6006a31/tumblr_n2wuw0XeyH1tw9gyko1_250.gif
Doing well!
Fuck you, Jesus.
http://i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/736/626/097.gif
I’m not quite certain that accurately reflects physics.
http://31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lxci4hZ15e1qzjyfpo1_1280.jpg
I generally avoid u***x like the rest of you, but Vince published his long-form article on Bourbon, and it’s pretty interesting.
I also just attended a networking event and I feel really good having had a chance to talk to people in the legal community and just people in general.
Regarding the news of Kate Upton’s upcoming (PHRASING!) nuptials:
Cute or not, unless you can afford that 84 carat diamond from Snatch, I don’t think you’re going to change her mind.
Damn I miss MST3K
Just Like You – Three Days Grace
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gxbPhDdxEp0
Evening all!
Sadder old guy: Jon Bon Jovi on the DirecTV commercial, or Anthony Michael Hall on the AT&T commercial?
So Sanders won Indiana
Grace, Too
This Fire Burns – Killswitch Engage
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpzfdkTuiC4
Nice
And Ryback completed the CM Punk homage by going home due to dispute with management.
Offspring – Want You Bad
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_g19fCJotPc
http://i.imgur.com/3ipa60L.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/164be7b8d00b66960a631bfec53deb6d/tumblr_nz7y7fKn4a1tr51nfo1_400.gif
http://i.imgur.com/Cov7CH1.gif