So, I mentioned to some of you a couple months ago that I was going to a technology vendor conference in Las Vegas, at which the keynote speaker was none other than reigning Super Bowl Champion quarterback Peyton Manning. That conference is now, I am currently in Las Vegas, and Peyton’s speech was yesterday.

First, the vendor hosting this conference has been social media-ing the hell out of this appearance from Peyton. Rightly so, the guy obviously knows how to push product. And who knows what they paid him to appear, so they may as well get their money’s worth.

But we open the conference with 90-plus minutes of the CEO talking about all the money he recently spent on a Tesla (among other less interesting topics). We get it, Mr. CEO, you have a lot of money, and you’re really, REALLY proud of the products your company offers. But you’re not Peyton Manning.

So finally Mr. CEO finishes and tells us there’s a 20-minute break before the main keynote speaker. Good, because I have to go to the bathroom, right? No, I’m actually good right now because I got up and went during your speech. I’m a customer of this vendor and I don’t really have to sit there and listen if I don’t want to. Wait for the scheduled potty break? Nah, I’m just going now. Not right here on the floor, I at least left the ballroom and used the restroom. I’m a customer, but I’m not an animal.

T-minus five minutes before Peyton-launch, and a voice from above tells us we should begin to take our seats. Music starts, as if an important experience is about to happen. The five minutes tick away, the house lights go down, the stage lights go on, and the moment is upon us. But first, the company’s CMO gets to come on and introduce Peyton. We get a highlight package on the big screen, which includes single-season TD records, all-time TD records, all-time yardage records, that one time he ran a bootleg for a touchdown against Dallas, and of course the two Super Bowl wins.

NOW, the moment is here. Oh, one more “housekeeping” item from the CMO… please no photography or video recording during the speech. Really? I wonder about this. Is it because it happens so frequently that it can get very distracting, or is it a “any rebroadcast of the accounts and depiction of Peyton Manning without the express written consent of Peyton Manning is strictly prohibited” kind of thing? I hope it’s the former but I suspect it’s the latter.

NOW, Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Peyton Manning.

The reception is warm and genuine. It wasn’t outrageous but it was very nice. The first things I noticed about Peyton were that he was carrying a small portfolio, and that he was not smiling. He shakes the CMO’s hand and moves to the podium. From the beginning it is obvious he is reading this speech. He didn’t even try to hide it. He starts with some obligatory Papa John’s and Nationwide jokes.

“I don’t have any Papa John’s stories, but I am a co-owner of about 30 franchises there in Denver. Now I’m not going to give anyone investment advice, but I will say that due to some recent law changes in the state of Colorado, pizza business is booming.” (cue audience laughter) “Lot of late night orders going on there.” We do get a bit of a smile from Peyton on that one.

The Nationwide story is about a film review session where the coaches were getting after Peyton for throwing into double coverage, and Demariyus Thomas sings on cue “Number eighteen screwed it up.” Except he didn’t say “screwed”. More audience laughter.

The rest of the speech is really quite banal. A lot of cliches and platitudes. A lot of forced football analogies being applied to business. Teamwork. Leadership. He actually did make this face a lot:

All of it being read from his portfolio, like he was reading the news on television back in the days before teleprompters. I mean, he looked up and made eye contact with the crowd and obviously knew his speech, but there was still no attempt to even pretend that he wasn’t reading it. Occasionally he would tell a story about Tennessee, or Indianapolis, or Denver, and during those stories he became more conversational, more real, more like the media darling he was for the past 18 years. But then it was back to the cliches and the written speech.

The speech itself lasted maybe 40 minutes. The ovation from the audience was again warm, but still reserved. Afterwards there was a Q&A where Mr. CEO Who Just Bought A Tesla came back out and got to ask Peyton some questions that I’m sure had been pre-approved by Peyton’s handlers (the word “phenomenal” must have been used 10 times by Mr. CEO). He actually seemed much more at ease during this session. I don’t know how scripted it was, but it didn’t come across that way and we saw more of the humor and personality he is known for. He was asked who hit him the hardest in his career and he answered Ray Lewis. He was asked about his coaches and gave kudos in particular to Tony Dungy and Phillip Fullmer. He talked about the second half of the 2015 season and what he did when he was injured or on the bench. He did not utter the name “Brock Osweiler” once.

When asked about the future, Peyton gave very vague answers about “taking some time” and “seeing what the next chapter is”. He did joke that when he told his 5-year-old daughter that he was going to retire, she asked if that meant they had to move into one of those homes. He also mentioned that he liked doing this (speeches). I have to tell you, Peyton, if you want to keep doing speeches you’re going to have to get rid of the written notes, engage with the audience more, tell more of the stories.

Oh, there was one other funny moment. He was asked about “Omaha” and he started talking about how one of the reasons it became such a well-known thing was because the sideline microphones at NFL games have been turned up the past few years so the TV broadcasts can catch more of the on-field sound. He didn’t like those mics because it let the defenses review the previous week’s TV broadcast to try and figure out the Broncos’ offensive signals. He said he had an idea for how he could get the mics turned back down, by going up to the huddle and starting to call out “Ready, hut one… ROGER GOODELL IS A NO-GOOD SON-OF-A…” That line probably got the biggest laugh of the day.

When the Q&A was over (maybe 15 minutes), he received a standing ovation from the audience as he departed the stage.

Overall I’d give him 3/10. Would not bang.