Your “Ugh – Talk To My Family?!” Tuesday Open Thread

NFL Tidbits:

  • Fletcher Cox & the Eagles agreed to a 6-year, $103 million extension. Unrelated, Von Miller stares at his 50 Ring and licks his lips.
  • Run-DMC had elbow surgery after “an accident in his home” and will be out a couple of months at least.
    • Whether he ever sees the field this year is another question.

      Just imagine this dynamic.
  • Not sure if trolling or clickbaiting, but Florio has clips of a Dallas Morning News interview with Stephen Jones on the 20th anniversary of the Cowboys last Super Bowl win in 1996. Among the takeaways,
    • Jerry Jones almost bought the Chargers in 1966? Damn.
    • There has been a generation that has grown up without viewing the Cowboys as “champions”.
      • No word on killing that “America’s Team” garbage, though.
    • They are worried they are losing the older generations that only remember the glory days. (Isn’t that most Cowboys fans?)
    • Since their last visit to the NFC championship game in 1995, only three NFC teams haven’t played in that game: Dallas, Detroit & Washington.
  • The Seahawks are giving former UW Husky and NBA point guard Nate Robinson a tryout at defensive back. At 32, it seems more like a publicity stunt, but he did start for the football Huskies, so it’s not Billy Crystal playing Spring Training for the Yankees.
  • The Packers are using something called dual X-ray absorptiometry (DXA), a method that uses two X-ray beams to measure the muscle, fat and bone mass in a person’s body, to gauge the fitness of returning players, not just Eddie Lacy.
    • The logic is sound, and from what I could follow uses the same technology and science as a bone-density scan. (Sill?)
    • Using this is based off the premise that BMI uses too-simple measures that declare otherwise-healthy people obese, like JJ Watt, Eddie Lacy. and Phil Kessel.
      • resulting in a more-accurate measure of where fat is, not how fat you are, for example:
      • Reading the in-depth story made me feel better about my gut, because the rest of me is trim. Ugly, however, still can’t be fixed.

Finally, si.com is reporting that Fan Duel and DraftKings are discussing a possible merger, with Reuters saying it would be Fan Duel acquiring DraftKings. Either way, nothing much will happen until all state lawsuits have been resolved, and restrictions on operations have been removed.  Back in my day, we only trusted Greeks with our sports books.

And they broke it down right.

Two separate SI covers this week, both hockey related. (SI will only allow partial covers to be clipped.)

The National Cover has the Pens Stanley Cup win

The “Regional” cover is for Michigan and Canada, and stars – for the last time – Gordie Howe.

Kinda sad it can’t be both, but next week guarantees they will have the NBA champs on the cover, so I understand the decision even though I don’t like it.


Wrapping up the Stanley Cup playoffs, Game 6 barely beat the Tony Awards in terms of ratings, 1.9 vs 1.6. That rating works out to about 5.7 million viewers, and takes into account the 35 share the game had in the Pittsburgh viewing area, and the 9.2 share in the Bay Area. The Tony Awards’ audience was the highest since 2003, and is being attributed to the popularity of “Hamilton”. Also, news coverage of the tragedy in Orlando gave news networks and shows higher Nielsen ratings.

Overall, these were the lowest-rated Finals since the Oilers-Hurricanes final in 2006. Total 2016 Playoffs viewership was down 18% in Canada; it actually improved for the Cup finals. US viewership was down 14% from 2015, but the slim victory for the NHL is that it was the highest-rated Finals not involving two Original-6 teams.

In comparison, Monday’s Game 5 of the NBA Finals had a 14.2 rating, equaling 17.5 million viewers, and Sunday’s “Game of Thrones” episode had a 3.9 rating, or about 8 million viewers.

Conclusion: Gary Bettman is ratings poison, possibly actual poison.


I was too late to get in on the discussion about tattoos this afternoon, so I present my salient facts here.

https://vimeo.com/69310297


Because there’s only baseball and Copa tonight,

  • Copa America:
    • Chile vs Panama – 8:00 – Lincoln Financial Field, Philadelphia
    • Argentina vs Bolivia – 10:00 – Century Link Field, Seattle

and sweet-fuck-all otherwise on the TV, here’s a few discussion topics to intersperse amongst tonight’s gifs, tangents, and jiggly pics, because who wants to talk to people:

Led Zeppelin is being sued again for “copyright infringement” again, this time over Stairway to Heaven. It’s by the estate of the songwriter they allegedly lifted from, and is for a percentage of royalties since its release in 1971.

The Russians have been threatened with disqualification if there is more fan violence at the Euro. The most complete collection of photos & video can be found at the Daily Mail. No one’s talking about taking their World Cup away, so consider this a preview for 2018.

The NHL has settled on Las Vegas as its sole expansion team, with play to begin in the 2017-18 season. The expansion fee is $500 million USD, which is what scared off Quebec City. The official announcement will mostly likely be made at the NHL awards June 24th in Las Vegas. Hilariously, this may impact whether the Raiders move.

Finally, my – and your – hero for the Euro is Gábor Király, the 40 year-old keeper for Hungary who is wearing honest-to-God sweatpants while playing net. Deadspin has his pants history covered.

By starting today, he became the oldest-ever participant in the tournament, passing German great Lothar Matthäus. The BBC radio broadcast said the ensemble was because his regular black kit got misplaced once, so he wore the grays during a match. They won, so he kept wearing them. They are now a part of his “look” and are even sold as “Király Bottoms” in the 1860 Munich team store. This afternoon, he was tested 28 seconds in and made a diving save

backstopping Hungary to a 2-0 upset victory over Austria. DAD PANTS FOREVER!

 

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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theeWeeBabySeamus

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Unsurprised

Why is he not dead?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cubs win!

Duchess

Washington even sucks at being good at baseball.

Sill Bimmons

Gretchen Carlson breaks with the gun-humpers on assault rifles:

“Do we need AR-15s to hunt and kill deer? Do we need them to protect our families?” she asked. “I’m in favor of people being able to carry. I think some of these mass shooting would have been less deadly if that were the case.”

“But I’m also with the majority today, taking a stand,” Carlson said of the assault weapons ban. “Can’t we hold true the sanctity of the Second Amendment while still having common sense?”

Now if we could somehow get Megyn Kelly that would be over half the average FOX viewer’s spank bank publicly shaming their surrogate penises.

packman_jon

Oddly enough, I’ve always grown up with the idea of guns being associated with hunting, not with these #2A types that want to fuck the gun, but that’s because of the general interest of hunting and fishing in this state rather than self defense

Duchess

So fun thing just happened…

The bought some candles cause women be like shopping for candles yo. And wanted to keep the candle jar. So I googled how to remove the wax the easiest way. Well, it said to freeze the candle and scrap it away when it’s harder.

Yup, the dull knife i used to scrap the jar broke through the bottom of the mason jar and I sliced my finger open. FUN!!

montythisseemsstrangetome

Why, that doesn’t sound fun at all.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good thing it wasn’t Frank’s toe knife. You’d need amputation.
http://i1046.photobucket.com/albums/b469/dryedmangoezsunny/five/sunny509-00004.jpg

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
Covalent Blonde

And who doesn’t love blood-scented candles?

King Hippo

So…Chile finally clinched this mofo, eh?

Doktor Zymm

There’s a place near me that does those scans, I tried one a few years ago cause I like random shit like that and it wasn’t too expensive. It’s creepy seeing the actual scan graphic. I could pick out where my lungs are.

Sill Bimmons

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Sill Bimmons

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That looks like the beginning of a Robot Chicken clip.

Duchess

Didn’t that scare people who ate that ate the black burger… Like it made their shit black

Sill Bimmons
BrettFavresColonoscopy
Sill Bimmons

3 — 2

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Duchess

so what is everyone watching?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Episode 2 of The Expanse.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I enjoyed S1 more than I expected.
Once I figured out the interplanetary politics to some degree at least.
Looking forward to seeing where they take it.

Sill Bimmons

Fútbol just got interesting.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Watching baseball here while getting some busywork done.
Os 3 – 2 Bosox going to 9th (yay).

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

TECHNICIAN: Doctor, you need to look at these dual X-ray absorptiometry results immediately.
DOCTOR: [astonished] I…I’ve never seen anything like this before. What did you say the patient’s name was?
TECHNICIAN:: Baca. Jeff Baca.

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Defensive Back Mike Wallace

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9VoNgLnjzVg
I’ll go see this movie, but not because of Seth Rogan.
It will be for Todd Demong.
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Sill Bimmons

3 — 1

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rockingdog
rockingdog

evening! Drinking?
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Kungjitsu

All Riiiiight!!! A dude I went to high school with is posting a play-by-play on Facebook of him getting dentures. How is this even possible? Dude’s like 46. Brush and floss, asshole.

Sill Bimmons

Never had a single cavity.

Get sealants for yourselves, your kids, and everyone you know:

http://macdental.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/sealants.jpg

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Steve Bartman is not near as bad as this guy:
http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/funny-sports-gifs-sports-fan-throw-fail.gif
A FULL FUCKING BEER!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

GOALS LIKE RAIN

Sill Bimmons

PELIGROSO

Sill Bimmons

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
theeWeeBabySeamus

That was rather impressive.
But I feel badly now because I’m disappointed he didn’t fuck it up.

herodotus450

Counts as kissing, will masturbate to later.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons

KANG-AROO

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sill Bimmons

TRACK MEET

Covalent Blonde

I had no idea the frequency with which “bog butter” could be found

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Plus “bog butter” can be one of the greatest euphemisms EVER!

packman_jon

CSB: I forgot the last time I was here regularly, so basically here’s what has been going on-

TEN THINGS I THINK I HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT MY LIFE NOW

1. Met a woman in Tinder in January 2015, entered a relationship the month later, and fell in love about two-three months later
b. Moved to Milwaukee in July
c) WEIRD
IV. I think
5. My relationship started consuming a lot of my personal life towards the end of the year. I was pretty much blinded by my feelings for her kind of let any long term issues to the side
VI) Yeah, those issues? Long story short the relationship fell apart. We’re still on good terms. Haven’t spent any time together
00110111. Since then I’ve been basically focused on your typical post-relationship stuff, with a big focus on well, having a social life. It’s hard as hell not having too many close friends in MKE and being worse being on the goddamn autism spectrum
8. No, Jenny, I’m not autistic and it was from genetics not fucking vaccines. I was originally diagnosed with symptoms of Asperger’s, but that’s been adapted into being part of the autism spectrum
hex 39): I’ve also focused on living with ADD, which is why I’m not working on, well, work – it’s a long week with a important deadline
ten: I’ll be moving up to Shorewood in July because my place on the east side was too small and shitty. It will be so goddamn nice too because it’s a little quieter and a real garage for my car.
ten plus one: fuck moving

herodotus450

Since you specify hex on one entry but no base for the rest, I must (MUST!) assume that they are all in base negative pi.

Covalent Blonde

Things sound… good? Goodish? What’s the least enthusiastic “not shitty” you can come up with?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sorry to hear about the relationship falling apart, but happy you’re back.

Sill Bimmons

That was quick!

Sill Bimmons

The x-ray thingy makes sense.

I don’t know much about that kind of biometry but it seems like it would be pretty easy to assign average densities to tissue types and compute mass percentages.

Sill Bimmons

Things may be up or down for your particular hockey club at the moment, but at least you’re not a Kings or Stars fan:

Kings–Dustin Brown, six years left at $5.875 million AAV
Stars–Kari Lehtonen two years left at $5.9 million AAV, Antti Niemi two years left at $4.5 million AAV

Kungjitsu

Led Zeppelin is the Barry Bonds of rock bands. Yeah, they lied and cheated, but they were still the best thing any of us had ever seen.

Covalent Blonde

Whoa, whoa! There is no metric in this world that wouldn’t have a thing or two to say about Phil Kessel’s everyman’s-BMI. That face! That fat smarmy face! I am not a cannibal, but if it comes down to it, I would eat that man’s jowls. I am guessing it would be HEAVILY marbled…. like wagyu beef or fat back bacon.

Covalent Blonde

I might still be bitter about having to wear long-sleeves during a hot desert summer to hide my wrists after the last Finals game.

No. On second thought, even rational people hate Kessel’s prednisone-powered, moon-pie mug.

Sill Bimmons

It would taste like hog jowl, AKA guanciale:

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Teddy's Bridge Over Troubled Water

My buddy has a dad that has spent his entire life in a tiny little farming town in Bumfuck Nowhere, Minnesota. He lives and dies by the Cowboys despite never having left the state. That team is a curse.

scotchnaut

“Been there. Done that. Although I did it in a Speedo.”

-Karch Kiraly

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh