NFL late-Friday News Dump:
- The Cardinals have extended Fitty through 2017 and Carson Palmer through 2018.
- Mike McCarthy vows to never give up play calling again. So get ready for more Packer field goals from the three.
- Brandon Marshall threw a punch at Darrelle Revis in practice Friday. Looks like the Jets are in mid-season form.
- Third-year Titan’s safety has been suspended for opening day for violating the League’s substance abuse policy.
- Aaron Rodgers is expected to miss the Hall of Fame Game Sunday. Because, reasons.
- Maybe they can get Brett Favre to play. Some idiot at the NFL Network asked him whether he’d like to get paid to back up Tony Romo. Fortunately, he implied no, which is more truthful than when he says no.
Finally, with Gisele out of the country for the Olympics, Tommy was free to say some things about his suspension.
Since the video won’t embed, here’s a brief transcription from For The Win:
“I think it’s just personal, and I try to move on from it. I try to, like I said, focus on the positive and being here with my teammates and getting better. You know, you don’t want to go out and do anything besides being a great example for your teammates, and we’ve got a lot of competitive guys that have been out here on the practice field. And I think that’s where the focus needs to be.”
I wanted to go further down the delusion rabbit hole, but Barstool Sports made me want to remove my eyes with a stick. This shot at right from their Patriots page should give you an idea. I can’t wait for Peter King on Monday.
It’s Hall of Fame weekend. In honour of that, here’s Brett Favre’s final pass as a Packer, from the seat I watched it from.
Nothing worse than sitting in that cold only to watch the Giants win because of some Hall of Fame stupidity. Which he totally didn’t commit again in Minnesota three years later.
Enjoy the coat, Gunslinger.
As a Canadian, whenever an Olympics comes around I’m expected to recount the few good times and the plenty of bad this quadrennial festival brings to the fore. Canada has hosted two Winter Olympics – Vancouver & Calgary – and the Montreal Summer Olympics. The Winter Olympics were great successes, if you overlook the winning-no-gold in Calgary and the oops-a-luge-guy-died from Vancouver. But if Rio turns out to be a shitshow, all Canadian news will focus on is how it will have been the worst Summer games since Montreal.
Montreal was the gold standard for boondoggles. The Olympics were awarded to Montreal after the 1967 Centennial, when the Montreal Expo gave visions of Canada competing on the world stage with more-traditional powers. What they hadn’t counted on were the corrupt nature of Quebec politics and the heavy hands of Quebec’s labour associations & unions. The federal & provincial governments gave money to the Montreal committee with no oversight, until in 1975 the upper levels finally forced the city to accept their control. Major contracts were given to construction companies with ‘alleged’ mafia ties, and unions held up construction until the were forced to be paid overtime to ensure completion. The Guardian recounts that out of a total of 530 potential working days between December 1974 and April 1976, the workers would be on strike for 155 days – 30% of the work time available. They didn’t finish building the Olympic Stadium until the morning of the opening ceremony, and rumours still abound that they were installing seats during the March of Athletes.
Speaking of athletes, there was a boycott by most African countries, because New Zealand was allowed to attend Montreal despite violating the international sporting ban on travelling to South Africa by going there on a rugby tour.
Here’s what it came down to, and is one more reason the IOC continues to anger Sill by not having full-15 in the Olympics.
They didn’t finish paying off the stadium until 2006. Adjusted for inflation, the cost of “The Big Owe” was $1.6 billion. BEAT THAT, NFL OWNERS!
This month’s “Malt of the Month” is Cardhu Distilling’s 12 Year-Old with Two-glass pack. Hmm…let’s see what your transcript says:
- APPEARANCE: Golden honey.
- NOSE: At full strength, heady, nose prickle, pear drops and tightly integrated heather, resin and sweet honey-nut notes. Enticing. Intriguing. With a little water, still harmonious but less pronounced, allowing some malt-cereal, soft, spicy wood, moorland and faint traces of wood-smoke to appear.
- BODY: Soft, pleasing, medium.
- PALATE: Palate Well balanced, smooth mouthfeel; short punch, sweet and fresh, then a pronounced drying effect. Enjoyable at any time, with little or no water.
- FINISH: Quite short. Some lingering sweet smoke in the attractive, drying aftertaste.
Brief research on Wikipedia tells me Cardhu is “a Speyside distillery near Archiestown, Moray, Scotland, founded by the whisky smuggler John Cumming in 1824. The distillery is currently run by Diageo and the distillery’s Scotch whisky makes up an important part of the famous Johnnie Walker blended whiskies. The word “Cardhu” derives from the Scots Gaelic Carn Dubh, meaning “Black Rock”.”
Well, that rules me out. Not a Speyside fan.
Tonight’s sports:
- Olympics: Opening Ceremonies
- NBC: 7:30 EDT, 6:30 CDT, 7:30 PDT (tape-delay)
- CBC: 7:00 EDT, 4:00 PDT (tape-delay)
- TSN: 6:30 EDT, 3:30 PDT (live)
- Boxing: Premier Boxing Champions – 9:00 (ESPN)
- Benavidez-Douglin (light heavyweights)
- TEH KITTEZ: Kitten Summer Games – 8:00 (Hallmark)
Remember that even though the Hall of Fame Game is terrible, terrible football, it IS football, and it’s just four short weeks until the regular season. WE CAN DO THIS!
Ginobobli has a smile that says, “we are going to get our fucking asses kicked by the USA.”
You will see that look from a lot of basketball players tonight. It’s my favorite olympic tradition.
Manu is the truth
Googling for that Syrian chick
NSA tracking…..
South American Russell Brand representing Algeria tonight….
Jesus Serbia…Oh my that Serbian flag bearer.
“I’m the son of rage and love…the Jesus of Serbia.”
I cannot tell you how happy that I’m not the only one that occurred to.
I’m trying to keep up, watch The Matrix on Amazon Prime, and finish today’s WYTS (Boy, the Giants really do suck). Being sober isn’t helping.
Holy shit can someone make a gif of that Polish athlete winking at the camera??
Someone will. I’d need a video, although I assume there is probably a video I can download of the parade if I look. (I’m not looking)
Just for the record, I don’t think Nicki Minaj’s ass is fake. That’s not that unusual, in this sort of pose.
http://www.billboard.com/files/media/bestof2014-nicki-minaj-year-in-ass-650.jpg
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_mak0njZBul1qi6jbho1_r1_250.gif
I like that Andorra got the voice of Bob’s Burgers daughter to hold her flag.
Former Detroit Lion? What a loser.
“Lot of German support here in Brazil. It seems many of their scientists have set up lives in the host country since the completion of World War 2.”
Show Poland again in slow motion.
http://www.thewolfpacksociety.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/katee-owen-bounce-gif-2.gif
So Cubs fandom was shitting itself going into the All-Star Break largely convinced the team was shit and couldn’t be fixed and that the Cardinals were charging hard to catch them.
Meanwhile, the Cubs have come out of the break 13-6, not lost a single series, and are currently thumping the A’s in the Al Davis Memorial Toilet Bowl (which I’ve been to!) and will have a 9 1/2 game lead if they win tonight.
What I’m saying is that I really fucking hate Cubs fans.
I enjoy your self-hate. But still, ughthtshghgh.
October is coming and I’ll just get worse.
You know, they make a wearable for this. Just set it to shock you every time you type the word “cubs”
http://pavlok.com/hello.php
If you’re going to break me of this terrible affliction, you need both stick and carrot. Make me into a Yankees fan or something.
Isn’t the idea to make you less annoying? Ideally, it wouldn’t be baseball at all. Second choice, Oriole’s fan.
Ha. Yes. Make me into a Blackhawks fan.
da Fuq did you just say?
Won’t help in the post-season.
Southsiders taking it on the chin tonight courtesy of my lesser ratbirds.
So….at least there’s that consolation.
/looks at TV
//Oh shit, shrunken lead
Hawk was whining that the White Sox fell apart because they had too few off days in April and May. No, your team is the epitome of a .500 team that had to hope for overachievement and the AL Central being an aggregate mediocrity (Cleveland decided to go and finally be good to fuck over that plan). Plus, they only get attention for the absolute dumbest controversies.
These Samoan women could certainly kick my ass.
Pumpkin pie, baby…
http://s2.quickmeme.com/img/69/69c314b6b99c139576a6a9a395184aabc734e186c41b764594f8a053c852eb6f.jpg
Something tells me that the Greek guy limping through the opening ceremonies isn’t going to bring home any medals.
Ah, Samoa. Better known as WWE: The Country.
Funny story
Damn, first Poland and now Russia, I need to make a trip to Europe
No way would I mess with a Russian girl.
Been there, done that, not quite smart enough to commit to not doing it again.
Tbh, me saying I wouldn’t mess with a Russian woman is like saying I’m not messing around with time travel.
Fucking A. Just discovered the Super Rugby final from New Zealand will be shown LIVE! on TSN tonight at 12:30 AM Pacific.
http://www.sarugbymag.co.za/images/made/64d7aef4bf40f817/Super_Rugby_trophy_Getty_Images_620_395_s_c1_top_top.png
http://www.sanzarrugby.com/sanzar/assets/File/Screen%20Shot%202016-02-09%20at%202_25_23%20pm.png
I’d like to play her bass
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ufk-XzvKcts
Oh, this needs the Patriots treatment.
I like olympic gymnastics because it’s the only sport that I get an acceptable response when I yell at the screen, “DO A FLIP!”
You should watch some Jack Evans.
http://static1.squarespace.com/static/522a2049e4b0a0ce717e990c/56bf32147c65e425549686e3/56bf3236d210b8a835eb12e4/1455370819477/flipddt.gif
Its raining Octopi!!
Japanese delegation jack off on pikachu doll.
Highlight of tonight so far is the Polish girls.
kyrgyzstan, the #1 country that I’m still not convinced actually exists.
You can’t tell me the Olympics aren’t trying to troll me
No Country can be a country with only one and a half vowels in their name
I’ve been there! I even kommented from there!
I suppose I better feed Dok first this time. She appears to be impatient….
I’m on Polish food now. No way I beat my grandma, (who was apparently hot enough that men pursued her across borders), but imma gonna try to make a good borscht for Thanksgiving.
http://www.wellnesstraveljournal.com/uploads/7/2/1/6/7216110/1416879385.png
You just cant beet a good borscht. We used to have a russian lunch place in downtown sacramento that had a super fine borscht, but they closed up. Got nuthin now
The trick is to thicken it with egg yolks. There’s a pretty good place near me, but they’re mainly pierogis. It’s an 8/10 borscht. And those 2 points matter.
And here’s your Kyrgyzstan shout-out.
THE TRUE KOREA!!
Here it comes…Supreme leader time.
Puerto Rico looking solid. Also, did i just see a girl with purple hair because if so holy shit!
POLAND’S SKIRTS.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Polish women are very attractive.
http://114.imagebam.com/download/DhUZwHestYvXEuB3rHQjUg/47440/474396230/aMqotuR.jpg
Ah, Polish girls. Makes me homesick. Wilmington, DE, had a ton of Polish immigrants. And Polish food.
I know I like hot cabbage dumplings.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_koVqpw2OuKQ/S2-hp8fwDoI/AAAAAAAAESk/BBnBacvIYWs/s400/Golumpki+3b.jpg
Oh god, yes.
If watching this gif has taught me anything. It’s that there’s an asurd number of atttactile athletes:
http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Michelle-Jenneke-Dance-Before-Race.gif
She’s just having fun out there!
Girls just wanna have fun
Disappointed that Lorde was not the flag bearer for the New Zealand delegation. Like seriously…what…the…fuck…
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/southpark/images/8/83/Lorde_AKA_Randy.png
I want to bang Norwegian girls even the ugly ones.
I fooled around with a Norwegian girl one time. That is a pleasant memory.
I’d be fine with a few Swedes.
Equal time for Dok, of course…
http://data3.whicdn.com/images/22831360/large.gif
retroactive apology.
http://farm4.staticflickr.com/3714/9127578415_48c6dff71f.jpg
Ummmm…apology accepted.
I remember watching some segment on Michael Phelps that talked about how his physical features were naturally disposed to being a good swimmer: large feet, longer than average arms, etc. As I watched the of features I pretty much realized almost all of them applied to me and chuckled at the fact I’m an absolutely terrible swimmer.
The penis may get in the way…
That explains it.
Mine is like a rudder. Which is why I always end up swimming at an angle and leaving my lane….
Inorite?
http://giantgag.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/funny-swimming-pool-camera-pose-fail-gif-01.gif
I don’t know what to think of people making assumptions about my dong but I’ll just step back and let everyone believe whatever makes me look good.
10,000 hours in the pool helps.
Okay, after finding the list of feature I realized I don’t have as many as I thought.
On the plus side, I don’t have his goofy looking face, so take THAT Olympian.
http://www.sentientdevelopments.com/2008/08/michael-phelps-natural-transhuman.html
Fuck it. Olympics and el Beisbol are boring. Time for skin.
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oZ7a5HI_A0Q/Tqb6Jy3S_jI/AAAAAAAAjSM/iPz7XjF44Yk/s640/Animated+0270.gif
Okay, I can do skin! Hey baby!
http://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/knuxforum/images/f/f6/Fat-guy-speedo.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20140704014721
You couldn’t just fucking wait could you?
I provided for you above, but you just HAD to go and fuck it up.
What kind of swimmer dude has a gigantic beard?
I hear Aaron Rodgers likes to swim…….Thought of my own retort.
NICE
http://img.pandawhale.com/post-34700-psych-gus-you-know-thats-right-t3wZ.gif
I think I’m moving to Montenegro …
http://cdn4.gurl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Santana_Loves_Girls_3x07_1.gif
Pictured: How the rest of the world sees the US
http://static.deathandtaxesmag.com/uploads/2013/01/zabka.png
Daniel was a puck. He picked all those fights.
That image is from Just One Of The Guys.
But most people still wrongly consider the cheater and bully Daniel to be the hero in The Karate Kid, so …
Bring it on you dweebs!
This torch lighting is pretty meh. Watching Gretzky in Vancouver was pretty cool and all (yes, the bias is showing)… But nothing topped the flaming arrow in Atlanta ’96. That was sick.
That was Barcelona 1992.
Ali lit the torch in Atlanta.
http://i.makeagif.com/media/8-04-2015/zwk_gn.gif
Ah fuck. You’re right. I was a baby in ’92, hence the misremembering.
/secret’s out, folks
The athlete taking the pledge about competing clean and not taking drugs should finish the pledge by pointing at the Russians and saying, “We’re talking about YOU!”
Hello Mexico, my distant cousins….Stay the fuck away,
I think these beers are giving me a headache.
Remember, Rikki, drink THROUGH the pain.
Beer cannot cause pain. I saw it in a scientific peer reviewed journal that I cannot remember the name of now
ProTip: You need to premedicate with opiates and water.
Mostly opiates.
No, no, no. The beer goes in the MOUTH, not the EYE.
I’m drinking ro dull the pain in my gums
My gums hurt because I keep drinking.
It’s a vicious cycle
Speaking of Iceland defeating England
http://116.imagebam.com/download/18AOILpWFWbqq4CKr8QOcA/49227/492267665/sadness1.gif
I hope this gif lives on forever.
hell’s bells
Dat mauritian badminton girl.Brown sugar indeed.
Small sample size, but they’re my favorite so far
Malta is one of the coolest places in the world.
Major Neolithic monuments
and creepy prehistoric art
http://s3.amazonaws.com/presspublisher-do/upload/2697/maltafigF.jpg
No one has a lock on prehistoric art.
http://www.barakatgallery.com/Auction/ItemImgs/Pf1883
Fun fact: Malta is the cheapest EU country for a US citizen to get permanent residence for retirement, at $250,000 moved into the country, it’s half the price of Spain or Portugal!
Gonna head for the Isle Of Jersey myself.
Depending on the market, I’m going Ecuador or Guam.
Every other country’s Olympic outfits are way cooler than the ones America has to offer.