Your Olympics Day 1 (Technically 3) Saturday Open Thread

ballsofsteelandfury -
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Fuck, it’s early on the West Coast and yet we already have our first Gold medal and it’s

 

USA USA USA!

Virginia Thrasher from the USA in Air Rifle.  You know, if you can’t make a good school shooting joke out of that, I don’t think I know you.

Lots of events on today with medals being handed out in Archery

Road Cycling, Fencing, Judo, Shooting (more American medals, y’all!), Swimming, and Weightlifting.

I propose a DFO Drinking Game/Posting Challenge:  Every Gold medal winner gets a shot of the most common liquor from that country and a picture of a model from that country (could be male or female, no discrimination here) posted on this thread.

What say you?

BALLS’ TIP O’ THE DAY:  The best way to watch the Olympics is to be in a country other than the US.  If, for some reason, that is not possible, get a VPN and pretend you’re Canadian.  They really have the best coverage and there is no nationalistic bent to the coverage.  THANKS CANADIA!

Have at it!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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ALXMAC

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Unsurprised

Oh, dude, yeah, right …

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Unsurprised

yeah right.

Sorry for the comma splice. Force of habit.

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Unsurprised

Another reason why Michelle Monaghan is awesome
http://67.media.tumblr.com/3a4b40d9f960d796d02acf405db1ffbd/tumblr_oaxicr96Rp1v5wx7qo1_500.gif

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ALXMAC

While I agree that Michelle Monaghan is awesome, 5 yo 1 that this is not her ass.

https://youtu.be/bS8CP1A6OCQ

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Unsurprised

DOOONNNNNNNNN’TTTTTTTTT CAAAAAAAAAAARRRRREEEEE

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Brick Meathook

OLYMPIC BOXLOADING

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Brick Meathook

I CAN SING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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laserguru

I’m going live with Sunday Gravy.

Please keep this party rolling on, I’m still good for a couple of more drinks.

I promise everyone is going to drool.
Everyone is going to hate me.
Everyone is going to love me.

Read at your own leisure.
3…
2..
1.

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JerBear50

Fucking killing me.

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Unsurprised

Bottleneck
h
ttp://i.imgur.com/73dLtnL.gif

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ALXMAC

FOOT ON THE LINE; 2/10 WOULD NOT BANG

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Unsurprised

Wow.

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Brick Meathook

OLYMPIC RIFLERY

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Unsurprised

Ah. Children’s entertainment.

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Unsurprised

Then let it fall. Let it all fall down.

“‘You must be doing something right to get them creating a law to stop other organizing,’ said Ellington. ‘You can’t keep ripping at the pocket of the working class … the bottom holds up the top. Eventually, we’re gonna tumble, if this movement doesn’t continue to happen across the country.'”
https://www.jacobinmag.com/2016/08/rnc-2016-donald-trump-cleveland-republican-convention/

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ALXMAC

Good Christian Rap?? Good Christian Rap!!

Grits – They All Fall Down

https://youtu.be/NzzhpM1HWeQ

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Brick Meathook

THREE HOURS AGO, EASTERN DFOers WERE MAKING TOM BROKAW JOKES

HERE ON THE WEST COAST, I’M FINALLY GETTING THEM

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I really liked this movie as a kid.

http://67.media.tumblr.com/31b5399f4baa143f3db80d90ba08f530/tumblr_o9qyi2wIi41sqf5tdo1_400.gif

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laserguru

Shit.

Almost had it.

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laserguru

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WCS

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S_zk9wAv_Pg

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ALXMAC

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Brick Meathook

OLYMPIC CAT VS ROOSTER BOXING

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

How are the Canadians doing?

http://67.media.tumblr.com/87353d8eb020ee28e087af1c46ac6ee2/tumblr_o9nduqOhRa1sqf5tdo3_400.gif

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Brick Meathook

notice that the rooster is winning on points

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ALXMAC

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Brick Meathook

SHE INVENTED PROXIMITY FUSES AND HAD NICE TITS

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Porky Prime

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Brick Meathook

BRONZE MEDALIST, OLYMPIC WATERSLIDE COMPETITION
2003 GAMES, ACTION PARK NEW JERSEY
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Got a growler of experimental IPA that is pushing 14%…. yes, we saw it.

Holy fucking mary ellen shit it is god damned strong.

http://livingthedreambrewing.com/

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JerBear50

My girlfriend loves ballet. There’s really only one thing that makes it tolerable to sit through and I think your gif pretty much nails it.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Congratulations.

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laserguru

My oldest granddaughter does ballet.

I’ve seen the Nutcracker for 6 straight years.

IT NEVER CHANGES!

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JerBear50

She was in it when she was a kid which is why she still loves it so much. I’ve gotten tickets and taken her to a couple of them. I think feigning interest is harder than actually sitting through it.

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laserguru

If I may interject for just a moment, the knob of tissue right behind her right knee looks like a Baker’s cyst.

This occurs when the knee is injured, usually meniscus but hopefully nothing ligament wise.

The knee senses that’s it’s injured and activates it’s only known defense by creating and forcing lubrication into the knee.

The swelling can last months but usually goes away on it’s own.

Sorry about your erections.

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laserguru

There ya go!

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Yeah, just make sure you drink it before it gets flat. Sure go ahead.”

http://67.media.tumblr.com/3b9a5b84d2e2bc10882b2825e4c05d21/tumblr_oa2uybL2qZ1sqf5tdo1_1280.jpg

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laserguru

As a West Coast resident, if you don’t DVR these games they are unwatchable.

In the last 2 hours I’ve seen 22 minutes of competition.

And No, I’m still not buying a Chevy truck or drinking a fucking Pepsi or eating at McDonalds.

Fuck right off!

There’s the fucking off spot right over there!

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laserguru

The ZANTIS!

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Porky Prime

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laserguru

Watching men’s distance swimming is the equivalent of watching me peddle for 20 minutes on the stationary bike.

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JerBear50

If I’m gonna watch someone peddle their ass you’re probably not gonna be my first choice.

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laserguru

Shit.

I was looking to build a cottage audience.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

http://www.olympicgifs.com/wp-content/uploads/putin.gif

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Brick Meathook

Does that turtleneck say BIONIC ?

He’s barry from archer

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Unsurprised

Barry has warmer blood.

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Unsurprised

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyjsn2NWnA1qc6jtyo1_500.gif

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Brick Meathook

ME LOVE YOU LONG TIME

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WCS

BIKE BIKE BIKE BIKE BIKE BIKE BIKE

http://cdn0.vox-cdn.com/assets/4313085/turner.gif

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Porky Prime

“That’s the Space Way!”

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Very few people remember that movie.

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Porky Prime

They used to show it a LOT on local TV when I was a kid in SoCal.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

errrrr saw it in the theater.

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laserguru

I took my kids.

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Porky Prime

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WCS

Apparently, she’s the only thing worthwhile in the entirety of that movie.

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Sill Bimmons

Didn’t we know that going in?

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Porky Prime

It’s worth seeing just for her, Amanda Waller, El Diablo and Dead shot, but it’s pretty frustrating how quickly it falls into blockbuster cliché. The soundtrack alone is like Michael Bay 101. Just because you can afford all the classic rock hits doesn’t mean you need to use them all.

I think it is helped greatly by not being three goddamn hours long like the last two Superman movies.

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Unsurprised

I liked Vince calling it a throwback to 2002. The problem of course is that 2002 fucking sucked and everything associated with that time period should be fired off into the sun.

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Porky Prime

If you subtract the more interesting characters, you get the broadcast TV version of Deadpool with the ending from Ghostbusters tacked on. But Harley really saved that movie and I’m on board for more Leto Joker as long as I don’t have to see any more horseshit stories about how method he is.

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Brick Meathook

OH MY GOD

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Porky Prime

If you told me that was a Photoshop of Taylor Swift I’d believe you.

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Brick Meathook

THAT’S STELLAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Brick Meathook

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Sill Bimmons

It’s NEVER not about the cat.

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JerBear50

Pretty much the theme that dominates my life.

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Beerguyrob

Saw the new Bourne movie this afternoon. Not worth full price, but a good half price matinee or wait until streaming.

Review: tries to tie up loose ends that had already been tied, and creates new ones in case they want to make another. Lots of that jerky camera work doesn’t help. Tommy Lee Jones is solid.

There was a preview for the new Jack Reacher. It looked good.

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Unsurprised

I will never watch another Paul Greengrass movie until that dickhead buys a tripod.

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litre_cola

I was disappointed when I went, love Ludlum books and the Bourne movies have been greeat. I do NOT count the Renner movie as part of the series. It was rubbish.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I training all my conscience life for this!

….oh fuck.

http://images.wildammo.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/stephan-feck-dive-olympics-gif.gif

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Genital Issimo

Consolation award – Nice splash!

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WCS

The Russians still gave him a 9.5.

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Genital Issimo

Jesus H. Christ – that is fucking fantastic

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nailed it is an understatement.

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Mr. Ayo

She looks a bit young for that

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Unsurprised

^^^^^^^^

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sorry, shouldn’t have linked that. I was a good pun.

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Mr. Ayo

Well it’s not like you can post the pictures here anyway.

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Brick Meathook

I CAN DO THAT

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Genital Issimo

Mme. Boogie gets so incensed by the women’s beach volleyball outfits. I remind her how she comments on the NFL guys’ butts when I watch football. STALEMATE!

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I undercut my argument about women’s volleyball outfits by masturbating during the match.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey, that has NOTHING to do with the data!

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WCS

Mrs. WCS did not appreciate my comments on the same outfits. However, I had to remind her how enthralled she was with the male gymnasts earlier. She called it even.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I may be going out on a limb here (many of you wish I’d go out on a high small one)…. but some people say, and this is hearsay mind you, but that young top 5% athletes wearing appropriate clothing for an extremely active sport ….. are….. I not so sure…. pure speculation… att…. attractive?

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If she’s turned on by boxing….. watch your shorts, my fren!

http://darkroom.baltimoresun.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/boxing.gif

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If she likes driving just go ahead with your O-face.

http://darkroom.baltimoresun.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/divers.gif

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laserguru

While watching the men’s gymnastics, pommel horse, the comment guy said that in order to improve his score he needed to “Enter the horse in a different way.”

I’m glad I recorded some boxing earlier.

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WCS

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Unsurprised

I went to law school with Trent Dimas (He was a 1L when I was a 3L the first time) since he’s also from Albuquerque. Nice guy. Tiny.
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Genital Issimo

Nice alternate career!

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Brick Meathook

“MEMBERS OF THE JURY: DO YOU SEE THOSE TWO RINGS HANGING FROM THE CEILING OF THIS COURTROOM? IF YOU WILL FIND MY CLIENT ‘NOT GUILTY’ I WILL STRIP OFF MY SHIRT AND DO SOME INCREDIBLE SHIT ON THOSE. RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. THANK YOU. THE DEFENSE RESTS, YOUR HONOR.”

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Unsurprised

People are too stupid for democracy, which is why we have a republic. However, when the people elected in the republic are too stupid to do the job, then we’re just fucked.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shit, I only have one non-fiction book on my kindle for this vacation. Any rapid fire fiction suggestions before I leave tomorrow?

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Genital Issimo

The Journey – by Caputo. Good summer read

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laserguru

The Book Thief by Markus Zusac if you haven’t already then maybe Last Night in Twisted River by John Irving.

Lovecraft Country by Matt Ruff is also extremely entertaining.

I’m a fiction kind of guy.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ve read the Book Thief, agree that it’s excellent. Will check out the other two.

Anyone read Drew’s new book yet?

/expects him to show up in the thread to shill

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laserguru

Not yet but I’ll probably group that with an order of the…

/looks around

New Harry Potter book.

//runs screaming from the hail of gunfire.

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Unsurprised

Dude. I’ve written for tabletop RPG books. No judgments here.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

The ladyfriend may not be as enthused about that type of vacation…

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Genital Issimo

LOVE SHACK!

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Brick Meathook

“CATCH 22” BY JOSEPH HELLER

“ADVENTURES OF HUCKLEBERRY FINN” BY MARK TWAIN

“TREASURE ISLAND” BY ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON

My three favorite fiction books of all time. I didn’t read the second two until I was in my thirties. If you are an adult who has never read “Treasure Island,” you are in for a treat. It isn’t long, and once you read the first page you will not put it down.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Those have all been checked off the list. Keep em coming!

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laserguru

I’ll be damned.

Read them all too.

But read this first.

Like right fucking now.

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Brick Meathook

“Confessions of a Dangerous Mind: The Unauthorized Autobiography of Chuck Barris” by Chuck Barris

Chuck Barris, the game-show producer and creator/host of “The Gong Show” claims in his unauthorized autobiography that while he was producer of “The Newlywed Game” that he was also a CIA assassin who killed 33 people all over the world, and that being a game show host was just a cover.

It was made into a movie in 2002 but it is truly an unfilmable novel. You have to READ it. It’s brilliant. If you like the humor on this site you will like it.

Despite being an unauthorized autobiography, it’s copyright notice and ISBN number indicate that it is a work of fiction.

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JerBear50

If you want something a little easier reading for vacation, I just read a couple John LeCarre books for the first time. The Spy Who Came in From the Cold was a really good, quick read.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Unpopular opinion: John LeCarre eats donkey balls

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’d rather read virtually any of Ian Rankin’s Inspector Rebus books than read another LeCarre novel.

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JerBear50

I’m not familiar with Rankin. LeCarre was honestly my first time reading any kind of espionage novels since I was a kid. His stuff definitely has an air of British UMC about it, but I thought it was decent enough.

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JerBear50

Don’t know Rankin but I’ve read a few of Phillip Kerr who is also a Scottish crime writer, though he sets his books around WW2-era Germany. Some of his are good but he goes overboard with the schticky, wisecracking noir-detective routine.

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laserguru

Catch 22 is still in my top 5 all fucking time.

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Sill Bimmons

http://d.gr-assets.com/books/1320400635l/310900.jpg

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Porky Prime

The Sea Wolf. It’s free.

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laserguru

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An amazing read.

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laserguru

Changed my life.

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No damn cat.
No damn cradle.

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Genital Issimo

Vonnegut set me on a new course too. Breakfast of Champions, baby!

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laserguru

I love that fucking book.

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Sill Bimmons

No damn breakfast.
No damn champions.

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JerBear50

I just finished Bluebeard this week. I’ve read several of his.

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Porky Prime

Where God Went Wrong by Oolon Colluphid
Some More of God’s Greatest Mistakes by Oolon Colluphid
Who Is This God Person Anyway? by Oolon Colluphid
Well That About Wraps It Up for God by Oolon Colluphid

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

For traditional sci-fi try “Fire Upon the Deep” by Vernon Vinge or “House of Suns” by Alastair Reynolds

For cyberpunk go with Neuromancer/Snow Crash/Altered Carbon in that order.

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laserguru

Neuromancer was fun as all hell.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

There’s a great moment in Snow Crash where the protagonist (Hiro Protagonist) realizes that he just met the most badass motherfucker on the planet and was VERY lucky to survive the encounter.

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Unsurprised

I loved Snow Crash. And for being a fan of and even writing cyberpunk fiction, I just can’t get into much of it. Especially Gibson. I don’t like Gibson.

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Brick Meathook

THE ILIAD

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Brick Meathook

aww shit was trying to reply below. my bad

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Unsurprised

A worthwhile recommendation

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laserguru

Yep. Read that too.

Those stupid gods really pissed me off.

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Unsurprised

Is every modern nonfiction book just pretentious bullshit or glorification of our very own Forever War, or am I just being an asshole?

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Brick Meathook

THE ILIAD

(there that’s better)

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why aren’t any events being broadcasted right now? I want this to be like the Jerry Lewis Telethon, but you know, entertaining.

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Unsurprised

Because fucking Comcast owns fucking NBC so their incompetence and interest in satisfying their audience is now magnitudes apart from even a few years ago. But let’s be honest – it always sucked. It’s always sucked. And stupid people will still take what they’re given and the rest of you will just stream it anyway and they don’t give a fuck because the people who’d stream it aren’t people they want watching because those people won’t watch the ads won’t buy into the bullshit consumerism, and so you’re the fucking enemy as far as they’re concerned.

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Unsurprised

No money –> no booze.

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Genital Issimo

Not true – bread crusts and fruit peels in a plastic bag make a nice bag o’ ETOH. You dont need cash for that!

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Unsurprised

The bums around here outclass me in any fight I’d pick over peels

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Unsurprised

Also, I’m too lazy.

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Unsurprised

Last Chance U got super real in episode 6.

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Doktor Zymm

Drink, Drank, Drunk.
–Accurate portayal of my night
Or just fan service, you pick.
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Brick Meathook

I live in the Pacific time zone.

To you DFOers in the East: In three hours I will be making weightlifting jokes.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He will be here all week, folks!

Please be generous with your hardworking servers and bartenders.

Thank you for coming out tonight.

Enjoy the show.

http://66.media.tumblr.com/230ea1e6722c94ad6240ac3917bffa99/tumblr_obd40g98L21sqf5tdo1_400.gif

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Genital Issimo

He said ‘coming out’

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