Your “Only 48 More Hours” Tuesday Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Warm up the Meme Machine, because Mark Sanchez has been named the starter for the Broncos first pre-season game.
  • On the topic of lame arms, apparently Tebow is going to try his hand at baseball. Uh huh.
  • Lane Johnson (who?) is facing a 10-game suspension for PED use. That’s a nice look going into the first year of a 6-year, $66 million contract.
  • They’ll never say it out loud, but John Elway and Von Miller should thank Brock Ostweiler for getting pissy and signing with Houston.
  • Tell your girlfriend: Adele is rumoured to be this year’s Super Bowl halftime performer.

Lo, and it was deemed that Troy Vincent shall be the noble warrior from League headquarters who will fall upon the sword of scorn resulting from the cancellation of last Sunday’s pivotal Hall of Fame contest betwixt the Packers & Colts.

Finally, nfl.com has their “Power Ranking” numbers out. It’s Carolina, Arizona & Green Bay on top, with the Titans, 49ers and Browns scraping the bottom. Feel free to debate in the comments, because rankings based on no games played yet are clearly the most accurate. Not to be outdone, cbssports.com has a ranking of fan bases and finds the Cowboys have the most supportive fans. They continue to stick with them despite the 20+ year drought in Super Bowl victories. One might even say that Cowboys fans are huge athletic supporters.

So much quality. America’s team.


Speaking of America’s Team, I caught these bros at the Women’s Beach Volleyball match on the TV last night.

MERIKA

If you ever wondered what foreigners picture when they think “Americans”, this is that image and those are the people. I believe these Trump voters might be the new TAWMMYS FROM QUINZEE! Feel free to come up with names for RioBros Connor and Dylan here.

Remember – we are 48 hours from the first actual pre-season games. The NFL can’t cancel them all! Here’s the schedule.


Tonight’s sports: non-Olympic list

  • Little League World Series – US Regional Qualifiers (ESPN)
    • Southwest Region – 8:00
  • U.S. Open Cup Soccer – 8:00 (ESPN2)
    • New England vs. Chicago
  • Smackdown LIVE! – 8:00 (USA)

Tonight’s sports: Olympic list

  • 2016 Summer Olympics Primetime – 8:00 (NBC – Live east; Tape-delay West) (CBC – live)
    • Women’s diving; women’s gymnastics; swimming
      • Phelps goes for Gold #20 in the 200m Butterfly final
      • more from the US-Russia swimming Cold War
  • Volleyball – Brazil vs Canada – 9:30 (NBCSN/TSN)

The US & Russia are using the Games to settle geo-political issues. Plus, China is mad an Australian swimmer said they’re all cheats, and they want an apology. Australia’s official response was, “no”. THE 80s ARE BACK, BABY!

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Subscribe
Notify of
168 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Col. Duke LaCross

Wow, Fisher cut a player because his girlfriend stopped by to drop something off before curfew after the first day of conditioning. Captain 8-8 makes Philbin look like Mr. Charisma!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BOLD move showing integrity and discipline as a priority by out right cutting a player.

Who had no chance of making the final roster.

Gratliff

http://lparchive.org/Destiny-of-an-Emperor/Update%2018/36-Destiny_of_an_Emperor-512.png

Dynasty Warriors used to be different. I need to go to bed before I get sucked into retro gaming hell.

packman_jon

Hey guys. Gotta say I love the new website layout. I think. Maybe.

Sill Bimmons

WEIRD

Gratliff

All this retroness has me wanting to play an olde tyme platform RPG thing. Which of the following should I die horribly in first?
-Faxanadu
-Milon’s Secret Castle
-Legacy of the Wizard
-Ironsword: Wizards & Warriors II

Sill Bimmons

comment image

Gratliff

I was more thinking along the lines of the old NES “Dark Souls is for spoiled millennials” torture machines.

WCS

I’m replaying Shining in the Darkness, because being a new dad means sleep is a myth.

Gratliff

My uncle had hand drawn maps of that fucking game. What a beautiful, brutal game that was. Even better that it tied into the Shining Force series.

/Goes down stairs
//Runs into recolor of housefly from upstairs
///Dies in 1 turn

laserguru

Holy shit, I unintentionally talked Jeff Fisher into channeling his inner Coach Zimmer with a trip to the woods just before the start of training camp.

I’ve never been more proud.

Hard Knocks has started which means, FOOTBALL HAS STARTED!

WOO!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shut up Skyler. You always did annoy the shit out me anyway.
http://uproxx.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/otoh.gif?w=650

Sill Bimmons

Yeah!

Not wanting to aid and abet a psychopathic murderer any more than she needs to keep from getting murdered!

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m78iz09Efv1qkmo3to1_500.jpg

Gratliff

It’s been 3 years. Is it time for a ridiculous marathon re-watching? I feel like it is.

Sill Bimmons
theeWeeBabySeamus

Sorry for the white boy (aka Cracker) playlist tonight.
I’ll be over it soon enough.
Maybe.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_LxyhCJpsM

Gratliff

Whatever you think of them now, they can make a catchy-ass song.

ALXMAC
laserguru

Love this fucking song!

ballsofsteelandfury

I just did a thing. I think you guys will enjoy:

https://storify.com/doorfliesopen/make-it-snow-s-oregon-trail-livetweet-2016

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nice.
/links booby gif
//feels totally not redeemed

Sharkbait

Seeing Oregon Trail 5 for the first time in years, It totally is a shopping simulatior.

http://www.reactiongifs.com/r/2013/10/tim-and-eric-mind-blown.gif

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Amazing. It deserves its own post with original art in paint.

ballsofsteelandfury

I was trying to figure out how to do that, but I’m not that smart. Maybe someone can assist?

Mr. Ayo

You lost more bacon on that trip than I’ve eaten in my entire life.

Sill Bimmons

I would livetweet my current Ultima III campaign but it’s going to take until 2018 to finish.

http://www.regeeken.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/U3_Combat.jpg

Gratliff

Fuck yes, Ultima. I really wish they had the graphic overhauls they did for the NES. I played the fuck out of Exodus and Avatar on the NES.

“A beggar on the side of the road asks you for silver so he may feed his dying wife. What do you do?”
WHATEVER GIVES ME THE WARRIOR. GAWD. LET’S GO ALREADY.

Sill Bimmons

comment image

Unsurprised

My first computer.

Gratliff

comment image

Gratliff

Lord British was an ass

Sill Bimmons

FUCKING BANNER QUOTE RIGHT THERE

Col. Duke LaCross

Mine as well. I actually hooked it up a good ten years after its obsolescence to print off a paper I’d written in ninth grade so I could turn it in again for another class in college. And I got an A.

/shitty student

Sharkbait

This is us looks like a big pile of shit.

Sill Bimmons
Col. Duke LaCross

Don’t spit in that cop’s burger.

theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

WCS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Michael Phelps’ baby is named Boomer.

BOOOOOOOOOOOO

Sill Bimmons

I WASNT SAYING BOOOOOOURNS

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Which Boomer looks more punchable?

http://www.catster.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Boomer-Esiason-kitten-01.jpg

Or

comment image

(Don’t ask Steve Smith)

Mr. Ayo

This one

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yep, it’s about that time.
And how much do I fucking love the WCS doesn’t have to embed for me anymore?
/that sounds dirtier than expected
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jsECwrbFJw

ALXMAC
theeWeeBabySeamus

comment image

ALXMAC

FU@K!! So yer one of the lizard people too now? Help me tWBS, you’re my 1st hope…

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow, if I’m a hope, I sadly must inform you….
Yer screwed.

I can’t even keep my own shit straight. I’m lucky to not be incarcerated at the moment
/thank you Lumberton NC Correctional Facility for allowing me to leave your facility under my own volition and not in cuffs

Sharkbait

Bigger meathead: Gronk, Ryan Lochte, David Ryder?

WCS

Bold Bigflank by an AU.

Shogun Marcus

Yes.

Sill Bimmons

Damn.

That lady’s never going to have to call ahead for the legendary Truffle-Marzipan Gundel Torte in her life.

http://www.gundel.hu/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/4-Tr%C3%BCffel-marcip%C3%A1n-Gundel-torta-760×768.jpg

WCS

comment image
The man’s never drank a Duff in his life.

Mr. Ayo

Who’s a good boy? Are you a good boy? Good boy!

Sharkbait

I have a goal to work an olympics on site for a TV network. My new goal is to get into NBC and start cutting down on the god damn ads.

Close 2nd is to work SNF and get Al Michaels to reference a door flying open

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

If you could get Costas to “walk onto a door,” I think it would also be a noble goal.

blaxabbath

Isn’t there a riff between DP and one of those SNF jokers where he gives them something to shoehorn into the broadcast?

blaxabbath

SLURS at preseason 11? Seems to high considering, you know, they suck.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Wow. Earliest flip in evar? Or just a short circuit of the new layout?
I didn’t even have time to search “bouncy boob” gif yet.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Welp, I found out I didn’t get the job… Fuck, this is exhausting.

At least I can revel in some Comcast schadenfreude.

http://www.wired.com/2016/08/comcast-facing-100-million-lawsuit-service-plan/

Also beer.

Sharkbait

The correct way to react to not getting a job.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit dude, I’m really sorry to hear that.
Hang in there.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Thanks man. It’s appreciated.

Back to the drawing board this weekend…

WCS

Sorry, bud. Here’s Sweet Dee concussing herself:

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Strangely…always therapeutic.
Then again, I’m a huge dick.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sorry to hear that. On the bright side, booze.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Always booze.

Alwaus, always booze.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

She’s nice too.

Don T

Their loss, I’m sure of that. Keep grinding, and
comment image

Croooow

Anyone else catch the Buffalo Bills flag behind Ryan Seacrest?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I always thought the potential game winning goal(s) caromed off the pipes on the right side. You know, just WIDE of the 2 hole (phrasing).

Sill Bimmons
Gratliff

At least it was only the Sabres.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck Those Dicks
– State of Minnesota

Don T

“I wrote my PhD dissertation on the social function of humor…”

Translation: Who are you to question my If A Then B arguments? My conclusion is also totes agreeable too, you dolt!

https://storify.com/5thCircAppeals/on-trump-just-joking

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Actually, I wrote my thesis on the social function of humor…”

comment image

Don T

I should’ve dropped out of Life Experience.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

HAWT TAEK incoming:

As you know (or didn’t care about), the ladyfriend and I are in Maine this week with…I guess, other white people. Everyone keeps talking about how “Holy Donut” is amazing/life changing. My view: meh. They’re potato donuts, which means they’re heavy as shit and not as sweet. I don’t need more weight with shittier pastries! These donuts are underwhelming and do not warrant the long lines.

/yes I still finished eating them
//not proud but not ashamed either
///still fat

Sharkbait

I’ve been to Maine a bunch of times, never had a potato donut. No idea they existed.

WCS

comment image
“Donut”? What’s a “donut”?

Sill Bimmons

So basically potato rolls

comment image

but donuts?

http://www.mykitchenintherockies.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/071+a1.jpg

Yes please.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That was my going in assumption.

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ARJNmFqgx_c/U2m4lUz0uAI/AAAAAAAACgI/60cClGmfHOs/s1600/The+holy+donut-3.jpg

Yet I was less than fully whelmed.

Sill Bimmons

Laterally whelmed?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I need to get back up there at some point. Beautiful country.
But yeah, not much pigment up there fo’ sho’.

Spur

Phelps and Lochdouche coming up soon

theeWeeBabySeamus

What’s up shitstains? I seem to not be able help myself from channeling my inner Heisenberg.
And I don’t even get the benefit of the cash or the rush from some good blue meth.
comment image

Spur

Joey Bosa is a Cowboy in 2 years. Cowboys give a spare lineman and next year’s 1st rounder. No one has seen Bosa play at this level yet. What;s to lose?

Spur

Brian William: “Michael Phelps is coming back to swimming, I was there, he told me.

Did he toss your daughters salad to Brian?

Sill Bimmons

Or come out of that Afghan chopper crash firing the SAW and screaming ALLAHU FUCK YOU BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

JustStopDude

The skill of gymnastics…and the thrill of karate…

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m surprised capoeira wasn’t included in the Olympics

comment image

JustStopDude

Roller Sports….which dear god I hope means roller derby, applied to be added to the games…

http://www.liquid-blue.com/photos/celebrities/images/ScottTBirdTeam.jpg

Sill Bimmons

This was on the other day:

comment image

Sill Bimmons

REALLY wasn’t a fan of Stranger Things.

It should have been way more about the kids, and they should have gotten better actors for pretty much every role.

Seriously, the acting was terrible. Almost as bad as the effects. Which were almost as bad as the story.

I was still in until the last ten minutes of Ep. 5, then it was like “Oh, we’re doing this again.”

Then I just had to see how it ended, which was exactly how it looked like it would end at the end of Ep. 5.

I don’t get any of the hype.

It’s the Blair Witch Project of the Net Teevee Era.

http://gygo.weebly.com/uploads/2/1/9/6/21969694/4999510_orig.jpg

Spur

But Barb died!

Sill Bimmons

Barb is the Season 8 Harrison Morgan of the show: a completely undeveloped peripheral character you care nothing about (unless you hate it) whose well-being is clumsily sacrificed to keep the stupid plot moving.

The whole Nancy C-plot was pointless filler.

They should have eliminated it entirely and focused on the missing kid and the kids searching for him.

Spur

How many condoms do you think are used every day in the Olympic Village?

ballsofsteelandfury

All of them

Sharkbait

Cool it on the overblown nationalism Christoph Waltz. We all know what you Germans do when you get all prideful…

WCS

comment image

Spur

Opening of The Dark Knight is great.

Sharkbait

Good to see the Chinese are still taking the “barely legal” approach to gymnastics.

Spur

Fuck you China and your clearly 12-year-old athletes.

ballsofsteelandfury

– R Kelly

JustStopDude

The Chinese spotter leaves a lot to be desired…

JustStopDude

So who is going to be shittier….Tim Tebow at baseball or Mark Sanchez at football?

Sill Bimmons

Tim Tebow at being a US senator.

Spur

Tebow will be Prez.

Sill Bimmons

Nah, too many cynical liberal types (hi, everybody) hate him for circumventing the meritocracy and being famous simply for being a pious asshole.

Also ,everybody else in the SEC hates him, eliminating a lot of his fundie support.

Also, he’s gay.

Sharkbait

Dont give him any ideas.

JustStopDude

comment image

JustStopDude

The only thing better than seeing Hope “Sucker Punch” Solo letting up two goals is following the old twitter during the match.

Near as I can tell, Americans have no fucking clue what off sides, free kick, corner kick, penalty, or half time is in regards to a soccer match.

Spur

Why is nbc showing me the team gymnastics final? I can already see the results on Google that the USA won. Why aren’t they showing me live events?

WCS

Because NBC is the Buffalo Bills of broadcasting; finding ways to screw up since 1999.

ballsofsteelandfury

Because they suck?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

NBC/Viacom/Xfinity/Sheinhart Wig Company believes it’s still 1994 and they can dictate what you watch when. NOW BACK TO LILEHAMMER.

Don T

Well OF COURSE ‘Boys fans are the best. What is it about the Internet gets me so fucking angry at inane factless abstract edicts?
/sigh
My bullshit rankings:
-Cowboys #1 fanbase -??
They’re everywhere, OK. When they’re above .600
-All NFC East teams in top 13 – ????? Makes me wonder if “best” means “hysterically dramatic” or “overwrought self-importance”. /pukes
-LA Rams 32 – whatever; it’s obviously pretextual for
-Titans 31 – those condescending assholes can go to fucking hell. I hope they fall head first on top of the Barstool bros.

Spur

Anyone else read the AVClub post about 1996 Nickelodeon?
http://www.avclub.com/article/nickelodeon-grew-and-blew-1996-240472

Pete and Pete was the last show I ever watched in that channel.

Croooow

Double Dare was the best.

Sill Bimmons

Double Dare was developed at WHYY Philadelphia, and my middle school was on the show multiple times because the principal knew Marc Summers somehow.

I was in the audience a couple times but never made it onto the show.

Sharkbait

Gentlemen.

Don T

Where?
/spits on hand, runs it through hair

Spur

Go Cowboys!!!!!!!….what??? Don’t judge me. I was raised this way. I don’t know any different.

Sill Bimmons

AND THE PRESSURE TELLS

2 — 2

comment image

ballsofsteelandfury

Based on my extensive experience with Australian social media, I believe the Aussie actually said, “Chinese cheating cunts can’t compete for shit without cheating!”

scotchnaut

You know what I like? New formats.

herodotus450

.doc is pretty dope but .xlsx is the dopest