Your “Thanks For Asking” Wednesday Open Thread

NFL pre-Week 3 preseason games notes:

  • on the heels of his practice fight with the Bears last week comes news the Patriots are cutting Center Brian Stork. [UPDATE: traded to the [*Redacted] s for a 7th Round pick.]
  • PFT is alleging that the Browns denied wanting to trade Josh Gordon in order to see if there’s interest from other teams in trading for Josh Gordon. It’s always sad to see a dealer turn on a loyal customer.
  • good times at Seahawks practice – Doug Baldwin & Richard Sherman went at it after Baldwin scorched Sherman on a route.
  • speaking of trips with Beastmode, the real Beastmode is with Cal in Australia for the start of the Pac-12 season. He even took some practice squad reps, because fuck yeah why not?!
“Make enough money, and you can say whatever you want. Be ’bout that action.”
  • A merging of douche Venns.

    In the “For Fuck’s Sake!” department, ESPN & PFT are ‘reporting’ that up to “20 teams” will attend Tebow’s tryout day next Tuesday.

    Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson, who played two seasons of minor league baseball in the Colorado Rockies organization, was recently asked by TheMMQB.com whether he had any advice for Tebow.

    “Hope he can hit a curveball,” Wilson said, adding that “baseball’s pretty hard.”

    • If that limp-armed virgin somehow gets signed, I’m dusting off the blocker and showing up to Canucks camp.

Finally, for a second day in a row, ESPN The Magazine has an excellent long-form article for your reading pleasure. This one is about the rise & fall of daily fantasy sites like FanDuel & Draft Kings. The interesting thing I got from it was that anti-online gambling laws actually facilitated the swift rise. I mean – I’d heard the stories, but the article spells it out nicely for a layman like me.

As you read the article, have a chuckle at recalling how many times JB pimped the site on “FOX NFL Sunday”.

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I got this in my mail today:

The hook? “Don’t miss a minute of the action in Smashville as the Predators seek to return to the Stanley Cup Playoffs again in 2017 as part of the NHL’s elite Central Division.” Well, they’ve got me there, because I’m stuck with the Oilers, Flames & Coyotes in the Pacific.

Over-enthusiastic? You bet! Promo Code: ROCKOUT

This. This should be your selling point.

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In respect of a comment in last night’s Open Thread, time to pour one for a Law & Order classic who aged pretty well.

Steven Hill – this guy

Aged 94. According to IMDb, he was “born in Seattle, Washington, in 1922, as Solomon Krakovsky, to Russian Jewish immigrants.” His first big role was starring alongside Hedy Lamarr in “A Lady Without Passport”.

He was also on the original “Mission: Impossible” TV show, but was fired because he refused to work on the Sabbath; he was replaced by Peter Graves. Pretty good career. I hope he and Jerry Orbach are hunting down perps in the afterlife.

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Tonight’s sports:

  • Little League World Series: U.S. winners-bracket game – 7:30PM | ESPN
  • 2016 College Football Preview – 8:00 | ESPNU
  • MLB Baseball: Giants at Dodgers – 10:00PM | ESPN

Tonight’s paucity of genuine Open Thread quality and sports entertainment is replaced tomorrow by Scotchy & games with actual starters playing about a half. I’LL TAKE IT!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Sill Bimmons

HE DOES IT THANKS SCUMBAG TEACHER AND ASKS FOAR ANOTHER THEN THANKS SCUMBAG TEACHER FOAR TEH PRIVILEGE

Brick Meathook

SKIPPER?????
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Here’s one that the Hippo inadvertently reintroduced me to a few nights ago.
Haven’t been able to stop hearing it my tiny brain ever since.
Thanks Hippoz….you giant penis.
😉
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYgo78JfMLU

Sill Bimmons

So my story keeps getting funnier not funnier.

My Uber driver, an awesome dude from Ghana who I’d gladly accept as my granddad since both my real ones have been dead since 1979, goes to unreasonably awesome lengths to get me my phone back.

This includes missing my neighborhood by a street, parking his car, and knocking on the door of the house number he thought was mine. He asked if the people there knew me, they said “No,” and he turned around to find not one, not two, but THREE squad cars full of Monmouth County’s finest wondering just what the hell this random large African man was doing in this neck of the woods at this hour.

If I hadn’t been actively messaging him they probably would have arrested him for getting lost trying to return my stupid fucking phone.

Even in New Jersey things suck horrifically if you’re not white, but at least the cops here generally don’t shoot on sight.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Great use of resources by the department.

Sill Bimmons

smgdmfh

Sill Bimmons

I think I’m going to get in touch with my driver and take this to the Asbury Park Press.

My anger about this continues to exponentially explode.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK….since Scully is giving me the eye (sadly, not the brown eye, call me when you’re ready Dana, I’ll be gentle)…let’s stop before it goes off the rails. A little more mainstream…maybe too mainstream….probably. Still good tho.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ruI54SJzes

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brocky

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They shot it up alright; you just can’t tell without an ultraviolet light…….

Brick Meathook

HELLO? NO, I’M NOT BUSY…
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theeWeeBabySeamus

Gives a whole new meaning to “adjusting the trim”.
(Yes, I AM way too proud of that one.)

litre_cola

Very good live these last 10 years. Tons of energy in any venue.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Never have seen them live. Hope to one day.

litre_cola

In their infancy as they are from up here they were in the cities once a year. 6 years ago their tour with Alexisonfire was excellent.

theeWeeBabySeamus

One just for the fun of it…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jC9AUR-iTo0

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
BrettFavresColonoscopy

They opened for Bush at the first real rock show I ever attended.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Was that meant for Seamus’ trim comment below?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Can never watch this vid without it bringing tears.
/might be a pussy at times
//definitely a pussy at times
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NU9JoFKlaZ0

entropy

Agreed, and I think of myself as a manly man who is manly.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup. Ditto.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

So that’s when your team is already out of contention for the playoffs?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Those are tears of anger and shame. Totes different thing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Don’t worry…not gonna annoy ya’s all night. I gots important teevee to go watch…eventually.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrZ4sMRYimw

Brick Meathook

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That color brings out her….eyes.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, so?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I thought those were my good qualities.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

She says it like it’s a bad thing…….

Brick Meathook

I AGREE COMPLETELY.

(Famous line from the best movie you’ve probably never seen. “The Black Narcissus,” (1947), written & directed by Michael Powell & Emerich Pressburger, photographed by Jack Cardiff.)

Shogun Marcus

You’re right, but go fuck yourself.

Brick Meathook

BLAST FROM THE PAST

Brocky

http://cdn.funnyisms.com/8cd3a8f5-f01f-423b-b084-eb7f26d561e7.jpg

house is finally clean, chores are done, lets get crazy and light some shit on fire.

Also, That banner quote by cuntler, my hands off to ya bub.

Redshirt

If I was on that ship, I would’ve made a raft out of beds, doors and walls and launched as soon as the bow submerged. Women and Children can have the lifeboats. I’ll take my chances on the S.S. Saving My Own Ass.

Brocky
Brick Meathook

This horse could fuckin’ TALK. That’s amazing.
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Brick Meathook

BRONCOS FAN

theeWeeBabySeamus

That was one stylin’ equine fo’ sho’.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cliche? Overplayed? Yes…but fuck off anyway.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mr_uHJPUlO8

Brocky

I fucking lost it at King Kai

Sill Bimmons

Did everybody hear about the Great Philly Sparts Radiah Conflagration?

http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/real-time/Josh-Innes-is-out-at-941-Sportsradio-WIP.html

All the fucktardery of all the douchenozzles who have ever hosted or ever called, or will ever host or ever call Philly Sports radio cannot equal the fucktardery of a single Josh Innes.

That guy makes Colin Cowherd sound like Nelson Mandela.

Brick Meathook

GET ME MY UNIFORM!!!!!
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Brick Meathook

DON’T JUST EAT A HAMBURGER
EAT THE HELL OUT OF IT
-BOB
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theeWeeBabySeamus

LMFAO…so romantic.

Sill Bimmons

The wifi on the fucking NE Regional sucked balls for three fucking hours, I left my fucking phone in the Uber, my laptop is doing the three beeps of fucking death, and the fucking Pirates lost again.

NO THANK YOU FOAR ASKING

litre_cola

But were in the quiet car with good coffee or an Allegash?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dyson is teh shit, no?

Sill Bimmons

I’m wearing this as we speak (sort of)!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Now I’m sad.

Sill Bimmons

Why? It’s Bath Rugby, dude! Member since 2003!

Spanky Datass

Listening to a replay of an interview of Peter King by the DFW sparts radio jokers. He sounds like he’s dropping nutmegey-nuggets via a flip phone on a freight elevator in Bangladesh. Just the worst.

Brick Meathook

Oh yeah? Well you can go FUCK YOURSELF. In fact, I’m coming over to that little shit-box you call a “home” and make sure you do it, with your own severed arm! And furthermore, I’m gonna…

Oh wait. I’m so sorry. I’m posting this on the completely wrong website. This is my bad. I like all of you guys.

I thought I was posting on the “Food Network” site.

My apologies once again.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Bring it then muddafukka!!!!
No idea why you’re angry at food, just trying to playing along.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I too masturbated to that BBQ special.

Unsurprised

Well-marinated breasts

Shogun Marcus

That was BBQ?
/thought it was something completely different
//has just admitted more than intended
///use your imagination
////keeps typing anyway
/////I like this.

Sill Bimmons

Dank Memehook

theeWeeBabySeamus

Hey Dusty Baker…suck it you fucktard.

Redshirt

I may be the only person that liked RoboCop 2014, but I think we all agree that a Samuel L. Jackson show is an interesting idea.

litre_cola

Phone rang, stopped surfing, stopped on TLC. So clearly I am ignorant as
“Pageants are just like a sport, they have to focus and you need to push.” So Toddlers and Tiaras are a thing. I am so confused.

theeWeeBabySeamus
litre_cola

The Learning Channel. Good lord I am learning so much. WHo knew you should feed your 4 year old with energy drinks and sugar sticks?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I long ago stopped even looking at that channel.
Shows about people being proud to overpopulate the planet was the last straw.

...

Do people legitimately like watching the Little League World Series? I can’t deal with the ridiculously sloppy baseball.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Sometimes yes. But taken with a grain, no doubt.
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Redshirt

Yes, because child predators are funny.

The Maestro

So looks like “HaHaClintonDixOut4Harambe” is gonna be dominating my college-buddies fantasy league this year. CAN’T WAIT.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Regarding hockey whooors…err models, above….
I’d like to hit ’em in the five hole.
So to speak.

Unsurprised

Oh, damn it. I GISed that photo and fell down a Pinterest hole into Alyssa, from the TB Lightning Girls

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http://img-s-msn-com.akamaized.net/tenant/amp/entityid/BBrVvPw.img

theeWeeBabySeamus
Unsurprised
theeWeeBabySeamus

As a Baltimore native, lemme stop you right there….

Unsurprised

Yeah, like, where’s the old bay seasoning?

theeWeeBabySeamus

In my motherfucking spice cabinet.
And also……shut up.

JustStopDude

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Unsurprised

So it’s the precursor to those SAD headlamps?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Defensive Back Mike Wallace

I’ve missed you.

...

I enjoy this movie simply for the fact a character had “Welcome Aboard” tattooed on his penis.

Redshirt

A completely underrated movie.

JustStopDude

There is no way that Tebow doesn’t get signed by some bush league, semi-pro, minor baseball team. Especially in the South as he would be a perpetual free T-shirt night without the potential head injuries from the air gun.

http://i.imgur.com/hgnRWzV.gif

Defensive Back Mike Wallace
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I will tip one for District Attorney Adam Schiff. Well done.

King Hippo

I just KNOW you muthaflippas want to see my breakdown of the 2016 NC State JV NFL schedule…

http://www.statefansnation.com/2016/08/football-schedule-analysis/

Hey, it’s either this or I gush about El Gallo’s brilliance in the Cards/Mets fixture. Pick yo poison.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Redshirt

What’s wrong with Optimus?

Unsurprised

I haven’t done anything all day (my day off, first of three) and I feel like a piece of shit.

scotchnaut

“You feel like a piece of shit? Come join our party!”

-any member of the Giants running back corps