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Your “Finally! The Damn Exhibition Season Is About To Come To An End!” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

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Judging by the response folks around here had of the game last night, this Week 4 slate is not football fan-friendly at all. No starters worth their salt/guaranteed contract are going to play for any length of time, if at all. I thought perhaps of running down various position battles up for grabs but fans of that specific team are already in the know and not-fans couldn’t be less interested if the sayyyy….wily veteran manning the left guard spot for The Whomevers is going to hold off the small college 5th round pick.

Look, if we watch at all, it’s to see if there are any injuries that might screw up our team’s chances. Or better yet, severely undermine a hated rival’s chances of being competitive. (Hey, Cowboys Fans!) Week 4 of the the preseason is a lot like NASCAR is all the time. Yuck. So here are tonight’s games-

Giants vs. Pats vs. Jets vs. Eagles vs. Who? vs. Cowboys vs. Jags vs. Falcons vs. Bills vs. Lions vs. Titans vs. Dolphins vs. Colts vs. Bengals vs. Steelers vs. Panthers vs. Browns vs. Bears vs. Ravens vs. Saints vs. Packers vs. Chiefs vs. Rams vs. Vikings vs. Broncos vs. Cards vs. Seahawks vs. Raiders vs. 49ers vs. Chargers.

Now Let’s Go Out There And Tolerate These Sports Matches!

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Spur

App State shooting themselves in the foot

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Via Rich Cimini:

“Jets rookie QB Christian Hackenberg has 26 attempts and 33 passing yards. Don’t know if I’ve ever seen that before.”

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Unsurprised

I feel like a piece of shit.

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Spur

Butch Jones is a combination of Houston Nutt and Ed Orgeron.

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Redshirt

I still haven’t forgiven him for leaving UC before a bowl game. I can understand Brian Kelly leaving early for Notre Dame; its a once in a lifetime job. But Jones leaving early for Tennessee was a weasel move.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?
– L. Kiffin

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Brick Meathook

The sailor singing the anthem at the Chargers game was clearly a Petty Officer First Class, not a Chief Petty Officer First Class (on the stadium P.A.) or a Chief Petty Officer (on NFL Network).

#inoticethisstuff

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You’d think people would actually care to notice the difference during Military Application Night.

Unless of course, it’s just blatent lip service that means nothing.

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Unsurprised

Pffft. Lip service from The Shield? Never

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I thought he was a Richard Petty Lieutenant

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Brick Meathook

Tom Petty Officer (Ret)

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Brick Meathook

Man, if you can’t get that right on Military Appreciation Night at a stadium in a city that is basically a huge military base during the most watched National Anthem of the week, it makes me wonder what else the NFL fucks up.

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JustStopDude

Only movie to ever get the Navy right is “The Last Detail”

http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQDumpzcpoq4xEZa0Fpiqg_VpSUiRuBlurLvFXQaKHquPxmb_-B

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Redshirt

Kap: “I wore wear my pig cop socks before I sat down for the Anthem.”

Oh, well then that’s entirely different.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m just glad the fans didn’t boo during the anthem like I expected.

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...

I hope he continues trolling everyone all season. He has a special ability to piss people off and I hope he doesn’t waste it.

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Unsurprised

This is what disappoints me so much about Cam Newton. White people, especially old dickhead sports writers, already despise him for being black. He was also doing a great job of not giving a fuck or outright antagonizing them until the SB loss broke him. Then he goes All Lives Matter and I am one of those people who sees no value in it. They’ll never not hate him, so why give in even an inch?

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...

I’m thinking it’s an endorsement deal thing.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

/suddenly becomes Donks fan

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Unsurprised

/passes out from gasping in the thinner air at a mile high altitude

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Spur

“Great ball handling”

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Redshirt

YES! TOUCHDOWN! NO OVERTIME! PRESEASON IS ALMOST OVER!

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...

Considering the contempt we hold for the NFL, just imagine the NFL if it did all the same shady shit it does (ignore its players’ criminal activity, diverted resources away from the public to fund stadiums, etc.) but decided not to pay its players anyone and you pretty much have NCAA football.

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King Hippo

yeah, the chucklefucks that run that are criminal almost beyond imagination

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Spur

That missed PAT from App State could be costly.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well missed pats at Penn State proved really costly.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Immediately after photo she went to the same surgeon that “fixed” JPP’s hand.

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JustStopDude

Pitch #2- Everyone loves “Murder She Wrote”. Its a wonderful procedural with a fantastic leading lady. Helen Mirren, plays “Gloria Jacobs”…as the international best selling murder mystery author who solves crimes in her spare time. Wherever Gloria goes, a murder goes down…and the smart lady beats all the odds by routinely solving the mystery and putting the bad guy away.

Halfway through season two, Special Agent Bobby James (Forest Whitaker) arrives in the small Maine coastal town that Gloria calls home. To the minor annoyance of Maine locals, and local bumbling sheriff (John Goodman) who depends on Gloria solving these crimes, Special Agent James starts asking questions.

The second to last episode of the second season climaxes with the Sheriff discovering Gloria in the mist of brutally disposing of the body of Special Agent James. It turns out that Gloria knew exactly who the killer was the entire time…and it…was…her.

At the local jail, Gloria proceeds to explain how each and every murder was performed. How each and every one was a thing of beauty. Each one a careful, complex setup to make sure that no one would every expect the same woman was always around countless murders. And she explains this…the same way you or I discuss unclogging a toilet. Pure…unadulterated…and complete inhuman description. We see flash backs and relive each murder throughout the season.

The last episode deals with the massive fallout. Countless innocent victims are being released. We see Gloria, in a “Hannibal Lector” mask being led away to a mental hospital.

The final shows ends with the sheriff completely destroyed. Everything he knows is gone. Right and wrong mean nothing. Unknowingly, he was part of this monstrous, destructive cycle with numerous victims. He sits in bed, he wife trying to show support when the phone rings. He holds it to his ear for a moment…and just slowly lets it hit the bed.

“Honey….what is it?”

“Gloria…she….um…she escaped”

/Fade to black.

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Redshirt

Uh… wow. Copywrite that now. That may be worth some money.

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JustStopDude

It would never work. It requires an amazing set of writing and a commitment from a studio. Great actors. Basically everything that “Breaking Bad” had…but there is no initial kick. You have to hope you land a good procedural with no one having any idea where it will go.

And Helen Mirren is fucking required. I would literally crawl across glass just to have a sit down with her at an cafe in Rome and just pick her brain.

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Unsurprised

He did as soon as he posted it.

(This is your IP law nugget of the day)

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Redshirt

Alright, Bengals. Don’t kick a field goal. Touchdown or loss. No OT!

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Spur

I know its the SEC network, but can the announcers continue to suck UT off some more?

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You’re watching the Sucking Everyone’s Cock network too? I thought you had to pay extra for that!

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King Hippo

Jared Goff also looks like a piece of shit, but in his defense it’s probably pretty hard to quarterback when you can’t really breathe

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Spur

Butch Jones at the half: “This is the thanks I get for keeping you assholes out of jail!”

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King Hippo

Boy howdy, does that SEC East look like a bag of shit…AGAIN

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jjfozz

Today I saw a pickup truck with a huge confederate flag in the back. I wanted to follow that truck, pull that racist, piece of shit, redneck, dickcheese, peckerwood, asshole out of the car by his greasy mullet and pound his fucking face into the gravel.

I didn’t do that. But I wished hateful shit on him. Fucking asshole.

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Sharkbait

He’s flying a flag used in an ACTUAL REBELLION against the United States. He probably thinks not standing for the anthem is a sign of treason.

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King Hippo

Hey, my country RIGHT OR WRONG, unless, you know, they go around saying I can’t own black ppl

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jjfozz

I’ve seen him around town twice already and it fills me with hateful rage. Like I’m running low on that.

If I ever seen that truck parked, I’m slashing the tires. Fuck it, I can afford a lawyer.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Come visit here for a few days. Your head would explode.

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Redshirt

The only place a Confederate Flag is needed is:

– in a museum.
– Confederate Veteran Memorial
– a Confederate Veteran’s grave

1st is obvious. 2nd and 3rd is for respect for the dead and those who forget about history will be doomed to repeat it.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

4. My Robert E. Lee themed orgies.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Battle of Appobuttoxx always is popular.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Can I be Jefferson Davis next time?
Call me 🙂

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

I usually play Sherman so watch the fuck out.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Fire in the hole?

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

That’s every weekend regardless.

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Spur

Nice pick. Let’s go…three and out.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I believe the 49ers player who wears #69 has the last name of “Cherry.”

The jokes write themselves, folks!

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You really do want CB to kick your ass don’t you?
smgdh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

She’s not afraid of me.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

That’s kinda my point. LMAO.

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Redshirt

Wow, #69 really got popped on that hit!

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Unsurprised

Nice

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Spur

This is Tennessee’s defense? Their veteran team?

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Spur

Tennessee looks like the Sun Belt team right now.

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Redshirt

TV Idea:

Survivor: Rednecks vs. Hippies

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Spur

Rednecks all day

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Shogun Marcus

Hippies: “This is a test of our souls against mother earth.”
Rednecks: “Sheeit. This is Tuesday. Now where’s that mother?”

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Redshirt

Bengals Play-by-Play Commentator: “Here comes Adam Vinatieri for this field goal try?”
Bengals Color Commentator: “Oh, I hope his misses this sucker.”

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jjfozz

“I’m tired of this bullshit with your hormones.”

47 years on this earth. two sisters. a mother. my father was an OBGYN. married for 15 years.

You’d think I would learn.

Surprise, I have not.

Bourbon by the bucket for this evening, my stalwart friends.

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WCS

Bourble Mode: Engaged

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Interesting. I made a statement earlier about every person in my life who contains estrogen was a huge pain in my ass. I then got yelled at in stereo, but I was laughing my ass off and didn’t actually hear what was being yelled.

Ah, good times.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Ah yes, the new KFC “Daddy’s Had Enough” meal.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

You made your mark, now you have Maker’s Mark

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Spur

I figured the Tennessee hype train was too far ahead of itself but I didn’t expect this

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blackroseMD1

Tuned in just in time to see the Vols fumble a snap.

Hopefully this means it won’t be my Hogs losing to a team they have no business losing to this year.

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JustStopDude

TV Show Pitch 1:

Reality TV is still sort of hot. Pros- Super cheap as long as the lawyers make good release forms and everyone signs them.

We have an island. Cameras everywhere. Little or no interaction with the outside world.

Its nothing but people from Reddit. Its /r/redditisland…in real life. Will it be a libertarian paradise? How will 200 neckbeards function as a coherent social group?

As corporate tie ins, participants must complete challenges for cheetos, slimjims, and 15 minute blocks of internet access.

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The Maestro

Gotta get Mountain Dew and DragonDildos.com in on this, then.

(I’m ashamed that I know about this. I haven’t visited it though, I swear.)

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Sharkbait

Challenge #1: See which person can go the longest without mentioning Hitler in a political debate.

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Apparently JJ Watt from University of Texas – Houston is going to play in their season opener.

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Redshirt

No, bad Colts! Bad! Don’t go into Field Goal range.

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Spur

Did you guys know app st beat michigan in 2007?

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Sharkbait

No way! Next thing you know a guy like Jimmy Graham played basketball

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Redshirt

Are you kidding? I remember where I was when I heard it.

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King Hippo

yeah, Spurrier definitely retired at a convenient time. They shitty.

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Redshirt

Apparently the Bengals 3rd Team O-line is trying to get the 3rd String QB killed.

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Spur

Appalachian State is hot hot hot!

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scotchnaut

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HjO6FDCPIzA

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JustStopDude

You know…everyone gives Penn State shit for the Joe Pa crap…but the Ravens are still employing Sandusky as a play by play guy…

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Spur

Folks!

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Sill Bimmons

You!

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Shogun Marcus

Boot attachment!

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Please care about people.

https://twitter.com/NonWhiteHat/status/771503026049806338

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...

Holy shit.

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JustStopDude

I think it was regular shit.

Everyone likes to hate on lawyers. Some of the most amazing, caring, and dedicated people I have met where lawyers.

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...

I think it’s like most professions: you’ll find decent people if you look hard enough and shitty people if you look hard enough.

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can we monetize the shit out of this website so none of us ever have to work again? I’d be up for whatever if we can make that happen.

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Redshirt

Apps and ownership will do it. Most of us don’t have the latter and hopefully the site won’t have the former.

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Redshirt

Or Ads. Maybe charge people for use of an edit button.

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JustStopDude

We have at least three good prime time TV shows and a decent movie script from the lot of us.

There is NO WAY we are shittier than NBC at writing TV programs.

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Redshirt

My Life Sucks: The Redshirt Story

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Or ABC… Or CBS…

Fuck, I watched the first episode of Brain Dead. I could’ve made a better show with a handicam and a wig.

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Sharkbait

Thats it. Let’s get writing.

http://big.assets.huffingtonpost.com/seinfeldnothingsupercutgif.gif

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I say we post original nudity and charge subscription fees. I’ll volunteer some nudes of myself first just get things started.

/blog shuts down within minutes

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Redshirt

No, let’s reverse this. Give me five bucks or I’ll start stripping.

Five days later:

http://25.media.tumblr.com/7747602ffb00f8bca26d2ecef35a682b/tumblr_mslx9kWDn11rkumvuo1_400.gif

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entropy

While I don’t get paid much of anything for my scribbling, I will gladly donate some of what I laughingly call “artwork” to make that happen.

Actually, if we know anyone who can make a mobile phone app, we could probably make a decent one out of a few of the dumbshit characters we’ve created here. Just a quick “change the names to protect the guilty” thing and we’re golden.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I really want to say “Draw me like one of your French girls”.

But I won’t.

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entropy

And yet… somehow you have.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Inorite?
I’m a clever sumbitch sometimes.

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Redshirt

Oh, please Colts. Don’t get a field goal. I don’t want a 3-3 game going into OT.

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scotchnaut

“Oh Great. My ears are burning AGAIN!”

-Mike Vanderjagt

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shouldn’t have let that Thai ladyboy hooker fuck him in the ear.

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JustStopDude

Anyone think that Kenny Florian is smart enough to recognize that reference of the Brazilian BattleBot team as the “Boys from Brazil”

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Shogun Marcus

Doubtful. Hopeful, but doubtful.

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Sharkbait

D..Dicks out?

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King Hippo

Liek they was ever in ,, smh

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scotchnaut

When RAUNCH finally went all in and showed Bessie The Walrus in that see-through negligee… Well, I’ll just say that was the day little scotchnaut became (a very close resemblance to) a man.

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Redshirt

The state of football in 2016: the definition of a catch is so confusing, that the ball clearly hit the turf and it required a five minutes review to confirm it.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes I laughed.
But only because a 3 TD lead in Raleigh has me in a decidedly better mood now.

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Shogun Marcus

Flipped to pack/chefs. I am missing nothing. Robot smashy smashy has been far more satisfying.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

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entropy

I tried listening to that Tomi Lahren Kapernick diatribe that Deadspin posted, and I made it maybe halfway, just about to the point where she decided to misunderstand that “oppression” doesn’t always mean someone drags you out behind a barn and shoots you, before I had to shut it down.

Listening to this entitled airhead should be a new drinking game.

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The Maestro

Good lord, I listened to it and needed to wash my ears out with turpentine. It’s a shame that someone that hateful also turned out to be so goddamn hot. She’s on the short list of 2016’s most terrible people for sure.

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JustStopDude

I’ve tried to explain this to friends and colleagues…in a lot of ways, I prefer people to be open and racist as shit. Let me know exactly where you stand and I will do the same.

Its the people that try to make it palatable that I cannot stand.

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entropy

Oh, I fully understand your stance, and support it. I don;’t care if she’s racist as shit, she’s just shrill and stupid. I don’t need to hear any more of her dumb shit.

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Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

“Pssst… Tomi, hey Tomi? You are aware the police has been pretty crappy to all races recently?”

I will be honest, I record every interaction I have with the cops when I get pulled over (Yes, I do look like my avatar racially) partially because I am an asshole libertarian, but if you think blacks are the only people who have issues with policing you are dreaming.

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...

She’s incredible. The Ann Coulter cloning/genetic engineering experiments have turned out even better than anyone could have imagined.

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JustStopDude

I flipped over to BattleBots real quick and saw some image of the seeding.

It makes no sense. They have top seeds facing top seeds right away. Who is running this fake league? The NBA?

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Shogun Marcus

It’s the finals. Was 32.

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JustStopDude

By why don’t they re-seed?

Or is this like college football and the seeding before the first game of the year? Where it means fuck all.

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Shogun Marcus

The latter.

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