Judging by the response folks around here had of the game last night, this Week 4 slate is not football fan-friendly at all. No starters worth their salt/guaranteed contract are going to play for any length of time, if at all. I thought perhaps of running down various position battles up for grabs but fans of that specific team are already in the know and not-fans couldn’t be less interested if the sayyyy….wily veteran manning the left guard spot for The Whomevers is going to hold off the small college 5th round pick.
Look, if we watch at all, it’s to see if there are any injuries that might screw up our team’s chances. Or better yet, severely undermine a hated rival’s chances of being competitive. (Hey, Cowboys Fans!) Week 4 of the the preseason is a lot like NASCAR is all the time. Yuck. So here are tonight’s games-
Giants vs. Pats vs. Jets vs. Eagles vs. Who? vs. Cowboys vs. Jags vs. Falcons vs. Bills vs. Lions vs. Titans vs. Dolphins vs. Colts vs. Bengals vs. Steelers vs. Panthers vs. Browns vs. Bears vs. Ravens vs. Saints vs. Packers vs. Chiefs vs. Rams vs. Vikings vs. Broncos vs. Cards vs. Seahawks vs. Raiders vs. 49ers vs. Chargers.
Now Let’s Go Out There And Tolerate These Sports Matches!
Am I the only one that kind of enjoys it when there is just one single football game on. I mean that way I know exactly what everyone is seeing and I get all the real time references.
You’re not alone. It makes it better.
I LIKE JUST ONE SINGLE.
This Colts-Bengals game, I call it a Virgin Bowl because no one’s scoring.
http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/thefw.com/files/2013/08/Velma.gif
http://fashionablygeek.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/velma1.jpg
Hi! Would you like to come over here and discuss books, or maybe talk about world events, or maybe I could just get you naked and disappoint in a more physical way?
http://img.izismile.com/img/img3/20101206/1000/new_funny_gif_06.gif
I know this girl, actually.
http://i.imgur.com/L6Kh8Xd.jpg
Shit that’s imgur and will go poof…try this one…
Advice for Sharkbait:
Well that’s not good. Perhaps we’ll stay on the resort…
http://media.giphy.com/media/pzHKPwT0Z3ddK/giphy.gif
NFL teams treat the preseason the same way I treated sexual harassment training at my old job: I sort of cared but couldn’t wait to get the first-stringers on the side!
Halftime Madden. The last Madden I bought had Ray Lewis on the cover. I have no idea what im doing now.
MOOSE! Your illustration prize has not been forgotten or abandoned! Here is the work in progress:
FUCK AND YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSS!
Looks more like a moose now, right?
http://oyster.ignimgs.com/wordpress/stg.ign.com/2014/12/giphy2.gif
Guys, Appalachian State may be doing it again.
http://images.rapgenius.com/b5a5e2758d17c9d10e996d11b91c2055.450x269x84.gif
not as much cellulite as expected
I have a soft spot for App. Lotsa friends who are alumni. Very well run program.
You might say they’re looking to “drape their testicles over the head” of the Volunteers?
The CBS affiliate just talked about the sideline reporter’s interaction with an alligator in a studio segment for a good 5 minutes. That’s how lame the Giants Patriots game is right now.
So…lamer than Teddy Bridgewater?
/sorry, had to.
Is it too early to complain about the hard-on the LAMEstream sports media has for the SEC?
Trick question, it doesn’t matter how much you complain they will still end up with a team in the playoff no matter who they lose to opening weekend.
/App State up on Tennessee.
I GOT BILLS/LIONS! WADDA YOU GOT?
/no, I don’t want to hear about your erections
RRRRRREEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDZZZZZZZZZOOOOOOONNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEE
Colts/Bengals and AppSt/Tenn.
Aww man!
Panthers/Steelers and Ravens/Saints
brown bears. Catler better watch where he puts out his cowboy killers or else he’ll have the whole lake on fire
Some Jets/Eagles web stream and like five unfinished illustrations, a 20 bottle of diet dr pepper, some Reese’s miniatures, and I’m eyeyin’ up a leftover chicken breast….
Oh just a brief soiree with some barrel-aged La Fin du Monde with some of my favorite people.
We’re also watching the Sault Ste. Marie Greyhounds 1993 Memorial Cup video!
Apropos of nothing/Northern Ontario, I saw Gretzky play as a Greyhound.
/get off my freshly-Zambonied ice!
Since I’m an idiot and omitted the most important detail of the travel question. : St. Martin. I’m Going to St. Martin
Dutch side or French side?
Staying French, but renting a car.
I haven’t been since I was a kid, but I distinctly remember the Dutch side beaches tended to be topless while the French side beaches tended to be top and bottomless.
Do with that information what you will.
Never been.
The Caribbean Island right?
I went there once. I remembered it being really…REALLY sketchy at night. The traffic was bad. For the life of me, I cannot remember if it was the Dutch or the French side. I was only there for like 5 days, and it was a job assignment…so I was doing work nonstop until I left.
I was also not in a good part.
Since the first time I asked for travel advice from this group worked out, I’ll do it again: Has anyone been there? Recommendations? Going on my honeymoon there in October
Um, where?
Gary, Indiana? Don’t stop at ANYTHING.
Destination: Unknown
Oh, I went there once.
ONCE.
Trust me, dude… don’t go there. Just, don’t go there.
Narrow lead regained.
Now someone need to play the Benny Hill Theme when our secondary takes the field.
And also special teams apparently.
I need to hide my firearms and lock the ammo in the safe.
Or turn your firearms into ploughshares:
http://www.quaker.org
Then I’d be left with only tailpipe CO option when the time comes. And I hate that smell.
😉
So. Many. Industrial. Solvents.
I’ve got a case of expired KCl and syringes as my final backup.
But that’s not a fun way to go.
KCl???
You are the gluttoniest for punishmentest person in history.
I said final backup.
Won’t matter anyway…I won’t be able to hit a vein by the time things get that bad. And I don’t have a heart so IC is not an option.
For me IC is Incision and Curettage, that’s an even tougher way out than KCl.
Yikes…remind me not to trust you with my final destination plans.
😉
WHO IS READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!?
http://memeguy.com/photos/images/to-the-people-arguing-about-what-rock-bottom-looks-like-77901.jpg
“HOLLA.”
That is HILARIOUS.
So all this week, I had a group of electricians, and the engineer in charge of their section of the mill, at our home office receiving training. So in the course of about 40 hours, I explained how their automation works, how the drives are tuned, servicing the equipment, how their motors are supposed to serviced by their vendors, their grounding system and whatever the fuck.
I was only suppose to do one drive type, but I ended up explaining and showing how all their drives from us work. 7pm rolls around and I am packing up and sending them off, and the engineer asks me to go smoke with him one last time. We have to deal with US import/export laws so everyone has to be tracked.
We get outside and start bullshiting…
“So…JSD…what would it take to get you to Alabama?”
“Its $4600 a person. Per simulator rental its another $1000 for shipping and insurance. I typically ask that we limit the class to 20 people. For mill like you guys, I would recommend double 8 hour classes so I can hit up the day and night shifts. If you got an office for me to sleep in, I can basically knock out all your crews in a five day period without affecting your production. I don’t like having your guys come in on their off time as it takes off their focus.”
“What? No…I mean what do you make here? We can make it worth your while to come on board with us.”
“Oh…thanks but no. It would never work out.”
“Come on man. We are one of the largest producers of steel in the US. You don’t think we can sweeten the deal?”
“Nah…I can’t pass a drug test. Whole reason I do training now is because I can’t get cleared to work on medium and high voltage”
“What would it take to get you to Alabama?”
“A few dozen US Marshalls, a hostage situation involving everyone I love, sea levels rising so that the only dry land was in Mobile, three dozen clean and flexible prostitutes, more drugs than the Medellin Cartel ever moved, and four separate acts of god.”
“Soooo… it’s possible?”
After spending 10 months straight being held hostage in the UAE, working on this shit…
http://shipmanagementinternational.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/Crane-Arrival.jpg
And please keep in mind, I am fucking terrified of heights…
I could live and work anywhere….as long as its not a job that requires me to piss clean.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/0f15c81bef1f3be09c43f146e35a0163/tumblr_nxx7cf8fEW1uf51wyo1_1280.jpg
“The Bridgewater injury, Zach Mettenberger going to Pittsburgh, Hackenberg, Romo’s spine being made of solidified airplane glue…. none of these nightmares are *my* doing. Not even I am that cruel.”
That project we discussed is still on the table.
And I’m still in… I was having some issues for a while (why I dropped off the radar for a bit here, too), but I’m getting back into shape for all that stuff. We’ll discuss it further soon.
Glad to hear you’re getting things back together.
Trust me, I know the feeling.
Father, UC Alum who six months removed from a heart attack: “Are the Bearcats playing tonight?”
(losing to a FCS team 0-7 in the 2nd Quarter)
Me: “Uh, I don’t think they’re their playing tonight.”
Father: “Oh, okay.”
Technically, I don’t think I lied.
You mean future Big 12 member Cincinnati Bearcats aren’t playing.
Evening, folks.
Yo.
http://rs202.pbsrc.com/albums/aa226/Tarafied4life/Blair%20gifs/2i9qpsl.gif
Orleans Darkwa needs to show up to a game dressed like this one day:
http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/disney/images/a/a9/DarkwingDuck.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110412005457
Last chance to earn your helmet numbers boys!
http://d2ydh70d4b5xgv.cloudfront.net/images/f/f/full-sized-helmet-number-decals-for-pittsburgh-steelers-helmets-set-of-20-2-a0a50e096a4e3e393e632c5037ae5e22.jpg
Or best case, get a new number because despite getting a number in single-digits, you made the team.
Hippo…if we manage to dick this game up tonight, I seriously might start cutting.
Not as if I’m not already close anyway.
Losing to Bill and Mary is NEVAR a good look. Wasn’t a fine omen for the basketballing squadron, either.
Yeah….go ahead and remind me of that.
Bcuz that helps a lot, thanks.
To be fair, the basketballing squadron got run out of the gym from jump street, so this is at least an improvement. We are totes hanging with them!
Again…thanks.
That helps a lot.
smgdh
Jon Stewart and Mike Tomlin went to Bill And Mary:
http://pictures.ozy.com/pictures/1500xany/2/7/3/49273_Soccer-John-Stewart–copy.jpg
http://a1.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=%2Fphoto%2F2011%2F0202%2Fnfl_e_tomlin1_200.jpg
You need to listen to The Cure’s pre-fame song “Please Don’t Cut (It’s Only Preseason).”
Google it.
Battlebots finale is far superior to whatever alleged football game the team from my town is playing.
There is also two hours of BattleBots finale that the Internet will spoil before I get to watch it. It may be after the aforementioned football. It may be before. It may be during. I don’t know.
Wooo! Go Bronco!
/Notice no “s.” Sorry Hippo. Never gonna happen.
Ah, Preseason Game 4. You gotta love it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TR-bsTkkXVY
“They’re STILL shitty.”
“Hai.”
http://cdn1.sbnation.com/imported_assets/618478/major-league-theyre-shitty_medium.jpg
Coming up on everyone’s favorite time of year…
http://67.media.tumblr.com/3ed82c6c9fb4a233a6adf41028e4442d/tumblr_nwqsl0o6DQ1uf51wyo1_1280.jpg
http://33.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ltvw9vnQ7s1qic1zfo1_500.gif
Sup.
hey
hee hee, I been at that stage WCS. IT GETS BETTER.
/not that much, but still
//there are nice moments that balance out the hellishness, though
‘Sup yourself, Cornholio?
Why aren’t the Giants blitzing the shit out of tom Brady? Goodell’s not going to do shit for him.
http://img.pandawhale.com/post-13610-Emma-Watson-dance-gif-sxvH.gif
http://www.laughaton.com/uploads/thumbs/4554-Still-ginger-150×150.jpg
Mayock on Hackenberg:
“His evaluation was really frustrating, because some of his tape was really good, and a LOT of it was REALLY bad…” So what the hell is the frustrating part? Trying to find a way to fulfill your water-carrying duties for the NFL?
He’s really a piece of shit, even by Jets QB standards.
Yeah, there’s not a whole lot of excitement about this jackhole coming from my neck of the woods. Even the Penn State fans I know make that “yeesh” face when his name comes up.
http://i933.photobucket.com/albums/ad173/deboorah/gifs/random/funny-gifs-ice-cream1.gif
Indianapolis War Paint.
Even gob hates Cam and THE BEN:
http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000693707/article/steelerspanthers-delayed-due-to-weather
BARKEVIOUS UNLEASHED
/then overturned on penalty
watching JV NFL on one laptop, this up on the other, RedZone muted on bedroom teevee box…c’mon, aneurysm, big money
Yeah, I was thinking about a good masturbation session too, glad you already started.
LMAO…you too?
For clarity’s sake, that reply was to Hippo.
My masturbation session won’t happen ’til later.
Yeah, sure, sure.
Old but damn, one of my favorites.
http://i2.asntown.net/9/funny-dance-gif.gif
Marvin Lewis: “Don’t worry sir. All the starters aren’t playing. They’re not even here. They’re watching from a party downtown.”
Mike Brown: “Does that include Vontaze?”
Marvin Lewis: “Yeah, I don’t see a problem with that.”
(later tonight)
Newscaster: “Our top story tonight, 22 Bengals players and the placekicker and punter have been arrested for violating state laws, federal laws, and Article 4 of the Geneva Conventions. NFL Commissioner Goodell has promised that he will throw the book at them.”
THE NOSE IN THE BOOK PENALTY
Colts vs. Bengals vs. Steelers vs. Panthers would make for a pretty sick Battle Royale.
I would put the favorite on the two jungle cats, until the steel worker has had a chance to build projectile weapons.
http://larrybrownsports.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/dallas-braden-rollie-fingers-tattoo.jpg
http://wtftattoos.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/badidea.jpg
The Chargers are doing a “Salute to the Military” for the game tonight, which seems kind of insulting considering that it’s the 4th preseason game, where Kellen fucking Clemens is starting. Plus, isn’t that what November is for, with the whole Salute to Service?
Wait, this is thinly-veiled excuse to pile on Kaepernick, isn’t it Spanos?
Fans, just please don’t boo during the National Anthem tonight… You’re going to, aren’t you?
Ok fellow degenerates feel free to help me brainstorm ideas on what to call my real estate business.
“Smell the Fresh Duchess Oven Cooking”
Nine Circles Property Holdings, LLC
Well Im in Northern Virginia… not Houston.
BAD MUTHAFUCKIN REALTY
Your Mom’s Favorite Realtor
BE/Max
Cintury 21
Keller Williamson
Coldwebb Banker
McDowell’s
Funny thing is my License is with Keller Williams right now
So is mine!
It HAS to be McDowell’s:
http://i0.wp.com/bitcast-a-sm.bitgravity.com/slashfilm/wp/wp-content/images/mcdowells-restaurant-comingtoamerica.jpg
So everyone wants to say that the USA gymnastic team was the best. They obviously have not watched the mental gymnastics this year’s Trump Delegates have been doing trying to keep up with his irrational rants.
Why is Tom Brady playing in Week 4?
cause he wont play till week 5?
Ooh, interesting.
And apparently he’s already thrown a pick!
So I think that in cases where the ballcarrier gets “tackled” and rolls over the body of another player but doesn’t touch his knee down, they should be a lot more liberal about saying that his forward progress had been stopped.
Every time I see the wank motion I think of this
Bryce Petty vs. Chase Daniel? Sign me up!
Who’d ever guess that a man whose core audience is a bunch of white, inbred, mouthbreathing idiots would disclaim the idea that blacks are oppressed?
http://deadspin.com/espns-paul-finebaum-this-country-is-not-oppressing-bl-1786030741
I think this Jets-Eagles game holds the most potential because there’s no guarantee that anybody the Jets start tonight won’t be the Week 1 starter.
Hey hey hey! Just because that’s a completely possible outcome doesn’t mean you have to come out and fuckin SAY it!
Evening everyone.
Sup, chum?
To tWBS…. Jesus, but you were right about that opening scene in last night’s “You’re the Worst.” I was mildly attracted to Aya Cash before, but now… what the everloving fuck. She’s top five these days easy.
Also, relevant:
http://i.imgur.com/lbg9qGv.jpg
Thats sitting on my DVR. That might be second half viewing when this Giants-Pats game turns into a shitshow.
One more person pukes in my house and I’m off to Wichita- fucking shit
What, like, *ever?* Because sooner or later, someone else will puke in your house, and Wichita is really not a place you want to designate as your final destination unless you’re Peter King.
I was planning on waiting until Week 1 to do this, but with Gene Wilder’s passing, I’m going to do it a week early.
Last time on Cincinnati Bengals football:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUifcQ3QO_k