Your “Finally! The Damn Exhibition Season Is About To Come To An End!” Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Judging by the response folks around here had of the game last night, this Week 4 slate is not football fan-friendly at all. No starters worth their salt/guaranteed contract are going to play for any length of time, if at all. I thought perhaps of running down various position battles up for grabs but fans of that specific team are already in the know and not-fans couldn’t be less interested if the sayyyy….wily veteran manning the left guard spot for The Whomevers is going to hold off the small college 5th round pick.

Look, if we watch at all, it’s to see if there are any injuries that might screw up our team’s chances. Or better yet, severely undermine a hated rival’s chances of being competitive. (Hey, Cowboys Fans!) Week 4 of the the preseason is a lot like NASCAR is all the time. Yuck. So here are tonight’s games-

Giants vs. Pats vs. Jets vs. Eagles vs. Who? vs. Cowboys vs. Jags vs. Falcons vs. Bills vs. Lions vs. Titans vs. Dolphins vs. Colts vs. Bengals vs. Steelers vs. Panthers vs. Browns vs. Bears vs. Ravens vs. Saints vs. Packers vs. Chiefs vs. Rams vs. Vikings vs. Broncos vs. Cards vs. Seahawks vs. Raiders vs. 49ers vs. Chargers.

Now Let’s Go Out There And Tolerate These Sports Matches!

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Old School ZeroMarc Trestmans Windowless VanUnsurprisedMoose -The End Is Well NighWCS Recent comment authors
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Spur
Spur

Good job Tennessee, you beat a top sun belt.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Wait, what?”

– Junior Galette

Old School Zero

Becherovka and tonic may be my new default cocktail.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
Old School Zero

It’s the tonic for dealing with Bercovici, should the O-line let Rivers get crushed one too many times.

sunrisesunrise

I’m never around so I had to respond to this. The fact that he beat out Mr. Selfie after throwing 3 ints is ridiculous.

Old School Zero

Zelfieberger really really sucks.

Sill Bimmons
Sill Bimmons
Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Marotti tweeted again and someone came up with the perfect response.

https://twitter.com/BMcCarthy32/status/771542539492995072

Sharkbait

Watching you’re the worst. Damn. Just Stop Dude. We need to cast Ayla Cash in as many of these pilots as possible.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Aya Cash has a sister?!?!

Sharkbait

Well I obviously fail at typing this evening. But still, the point stands.

Spur
Spur

You can’t fumble it forward! Right?!

herodotus450
herodotus450

Must only be an NFL rule. Or a non-SEC rule.

sunrisesunrise

In the MWC championship game last year, Air Force fumbled on 3rd (I think) and forever and it got knocked/batted forward about 40 yards. Air Force recovered and went on to score a few plays later. SDSU still won the game thankfully.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Back later…
I have a drum throne to put together and mute pads to fit. Then I can beat off to my heart’s content without disturbing the neighborhood.

Wait, let me rephrase that.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Just turn the fan on, no one will suspect a thing.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Oh I call mute pads tube socks.

blackroseMD1

“2nd and 19? Run up the gut!” – Whiz channeling his inner Frank Reich

Old School Zero

But was it a scatback shotgun draw like Norval?!

blackroseMD1

It was not, thank the FSM. The last thing I need tonight is Turkey Neck flashbacks.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s still preseason. He won’t do it next week. Is what I keep telling .myself.

http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lx9jb1SPMr1qdrpdr.gif

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Cubs with a one-run lead heading into the 9th and everyone’s favorite skinny, hard-throwing reliever Carl Edwards, Jr. is up for the save.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

YESSSSSS. Fucking A, Carl.

Spur
Spur

Sucks to be App State’s kicker. He’s the reason App State hasn’t already won.

herodotus450
herodotus450

The fuck happened to App State? Did they even try a field goal? Did they think the rule change about being able to take time outs with you went into effect already?

Old School Zero

Poor CHOX backup QB. The RAAIIIIIIDAAHHHHHHS are Raiding his backfield.

Old School Zero

More Deltron: “Brothers be buggin’ like ‘He from Oakland?!'”

sunrisesunrise

One of the best albums ever! Event II was such a letdown in comparison.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude
Brocky
litre_cola

1st Draft night. I work all year 2 jobs, to scream at my computer and I love it.

Brocky

Evening all. Feeling sentimental tonight

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

TV and Movie Scripts!

We are going to re-invent fucking television. Do your pitch…NOW!

Brocky

A family dog is very elderly, and doesn’t have very much time left.

With the dog providing an internal narration, we get a glimpse into the troubled life of an average American family, and how caring for the dog has strained their lives.

I’m thinking john cusack.

Call it

High fetchdelity

Spur
Spur

Does Andy Reid coach App State?

King Hippo

Andy Reid has a non-dead son working clock management foar Happy Appy?

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Unsurprised…what is your background and are you willing to move for work…like extensively…all the time?

King Hippo

Vandy and the Chickens. There Will Be Punts.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Any football team with someone named Deltron should never lose.

Old School Zero

Brymar College?

Upgrade your gray matter, ’cause one day it may matter!

herodotus450
herodotus450
Old School Zero

herodotus450
herodotus450
Spur
Spur
Spur
Spur

Tennessee’s D Line doesn’t even care right now

King Hippo

yeah, get in FG range and see what that does ya, dipshits

Spur
Spur

love the band playing the Game of Thrones theme

BrettFavresColonoscopy
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

Kaepernick Sheikh Muhammad

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Seriously…Rosa Parks would get her shit maced today. I realize its not a popular thing to even want to discuss and I don’t mean to be a fucking downer here, but its utterly fucking insane that collected data from the department of education, the Federal Prisons, US Census, and countless statistical analysis can be fucking ignored.

Don’t even get me started about the Baltimore Riots, where the Police claimed that the Black Guerrilla Family, the Crips, and the Bloods put out a bounty on cops.

THERE WERE ZERO SHOOTINGS DURING THE RIOTS BECAUSE THE SUBURBAN DRUG TRADE STOPPED!

They wanted things calmed down because it fucked up business. And the fucking media just ran with this crap.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I am doing a shit job in defining my strengths and applying for jobs with a modicum of confidence and it’s killing me.

Old School Zero

WE BELIEVE IN YOU

comment image

Sharkbait

I always found writing cover letters as being the worst part about job hunting.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Cover letters are the bane of my existence.

And Dean Spanos owns my football team.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tell ’em your strength is you’re capable of shooting the place up if they don’t hire you.

Spur
Spur

App State can’t catch a break right now

King Hippo

Hey, this shitty Happy Appy kicker went to my kids’ high school!

Spur
Spur

Cox knows how to hold onto his balls.

Beastmode Ate My Baby
jjfozz

Watched The Revenant, so Leo gets an Oscar for crawling around for almost three hours?

I do crawl to my wife, kids, and boss for 8 hours a day, and nobody gives me anything.

Sharkbait

The bear rape sealed the deal

jjfozz

That bear fucked his shit UP!

Otherwise, a yawn fest.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

From The Onion, many years ago:

Bear Attacks, Rapes Zookeeper
Here’s a little dog-bites-man tale I couldn’t resist! Except replace “dog” with “850-pound black bear”! And “bites” with “anally violate”!
Yes, last Saturday a zookeeper at the Metropolitan Zoo had “claws” for alarm when he was attacked and raped by the same black bear he had raised from a cub! Geez, talk about gratitude!
“It was horrible, just horrible, ” sobbed an eyewitness. Guess she sure got an eyeful!
The bear, named “Barry”, ” attacked zookeeper Ron Gilks as Gilks entered the cage to give him dinner. Barry lunged at his throat, goring him with his huge claws and razor-sharp teeth. Some of the claw marks were three-quarters of an inch deep. Ouch!
Then, astonished onlookers could “bearly” believe what happened next–Barry began to brutally rape zookeeper Gilks!
Frantic zookeepers rushed for rifles as others tried to divert the bear. But there was no stopping Barry! This bear kept “bearing down, ” and Gilks just had to grin and “bear” it! Maybe Barry was mistaking him for his “honey”!
Barry’s 27-inch phallus, armed with guard hairs as sharp as red-hot needles, shot through Gilks’ rectum, shattered his lower spine and skewered his colon, causing his entire lower torso to “cave” in! Yikes! Bet that wasn’t the type of “cave” you had in mind when you took up zookeeping, Mr. Gilks!
And can you imagine Gilks’ surprise when Barry’s putrid ursine semen flooded his ruptured chest cavity? (By the way, Mr. Gilks, whatever cologne you’ve been wearing, where can the public get some?)
Finally, zookeeper Eric Pulliam shot Barry with a tranquilizer gun and pulled Gilks from the cage. The unconscious bear was later destroyed. Hey, this “Yogi” made a major “Boo-Boo”!
“I have worked with dangerous animals before, ” zoo director Kate Donegal said. “But never have I seen any animal sexually assault a human being.” “Barry”? Try “Scary”!
Meanwhile, Gilks was pronounced dead at an area hospital–but at least he died grinning and bearing it! No doubt, this episode gives new meaning to the term, “Do not feed the bears!”

King Hippo

Christ, I cannot like this enthusiastically enough.

Old School Zero

That’s one of my top three favorite Onion articles.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

We give you a lot of grief, so there’s that.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LMAO.

(incidentally, two weekends from now is concrete barring a family tragedy…because I’d be in jail more than likely as the tragedy would likely be at my own hands….Two tix purchased for O’s/Rays Sat 17th if you can swing that…upper deck, sec 342…I realize you might not be able to and that’s cool, but the 2nd one is yours if you want it….I’ll likely be staying at Holiday inn express just outside the beltway on 40 in catonsville…I’ll get up with you privately in the next week or so and we’ll figure it out if that’s cool)

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Leo…always plays “Leo doing a character”. He isn’t as bad as Tom Cruise….but I find it so hard to enjoy a movie he is in.

Except for basketball diaries.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I suddenly understand so much.

I feel like we’ve reached the Zen of Fozz.

Old School Zero
Spur
Spur

Why the fuck is Tennessee running the ball!?

Croooow
Croooow

I know why they do them, but I sometimes think it’s pathetic when highly ranked school schedules a hapless cupcake that gives them next to no challenge. Louisville is currently beating Charlotte 70-14.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The saddest part is the bad teams take them because it makes them a relative shit ton of money compared to other revenue sources.

Then again, this also dovetails into the discussion of how unprofitable 90% of D-1 teams are, and given the sheer amount of money those programs still cost it’s rather gross that the costs are passed to students via fees (that aren’t covered as “tuition” because … reasons).

Beastmode Ate My Baby

WOO!
HRTN: Done
Drank time: Initiated

jjfozz

This commercial for Dell featuring this shitty stupid yuppie couple who travel for a living makes me want to punch the world. Buncha fucking twats.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

JJFozz, artists conception:

comment image

Spur
Spur

Tennessee chanting “he’s a pussy”.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I still keep laughing at the Deadspin comment about how Portland could never have an NFL team because it’s illegal to be black here.

Old School Zero

It’s an absolutely perfect comment.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Btw, very surprised there wasn’t any Hitler feedback on my preview post today. Guess it wasn’t as unexpected as I’d thought.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

Pitch #3 (By the way, if you guys are sick of this, just say something…also special kudos to Brick Meathook for inspiring this)…

HM1 Angel “Caca” Rubacava (E. J. Aguado, Jr.) is a not only a veteran, but a first generation American. He has fought for the country, with numerous “on the ground” missions with the Marines in Afghanistan. But now…he faces his toughest mission yet.

He finally lands a shore duty…as a recruiter…in Maricopa County, AZ. Can Caca make his quota? Tune in for the hi-jinks as he deals with shithead teenagers who can’t stay out of trouble. He must deal with his high maintenance wife (whoever this lady iscomment image) as she deals with living in the desert…having grown up pampered in LA.

A comedy with a heart, and sometimes dealing with serious issues like PTSD, Caca must put up with a crusty old HTC Johnson (Gary Busey) who may have taken too many pipes to the head, and a YN3 who has never seen the fleet, let alone combat (DJ Qualls).

herodotus450
herodotus450

You’d probably recognize her with glasses on, hair up.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’d recognize her with a bag on her head personally. Voice of Carol/Cheryl/Cherlene man. Judy Greer.

And I like that idea as long as someone murders Joe Arpaio slowly and painfully in one of the episode. I’d even be OK with killing every episode a la South Park Kenny.

“OMG, you killed Joey. Oh thank god!!!!!”

herodotus450
herodotus450
BrettFavresColonoscopy

comment image

Sharkbait

Keep em coming. I’m trying to think of more pitches but you’re killing it so far.

JustStopDude
JustStopDude

I got friends from the military that ended up working hollywood. Not good shit, but like camera operators and whatnot. I do know a guy that does ghostwriting for biographies but he also drives a taxi in Kentucky.

So its not like I have this idealized version of Hollywood. I know it sucks…but the utter lack of risk taking or creativity is just…killing me of late.

I cannot fathom that a remake of “Ben-Hur” green lit. It makes zero fucking sense. This is the high water mark of everything wrong with movies right now.

Sharkbait

The shit that gets green lit now amazes me.

Pitch-Drama about a group of friends trying to write something original in LA while maintaining relationships and jobs. Cast TBD

Spur
Spur

I bought new bed sheets this week. They feel amazing.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Apparently Peyton Manning made a horse joke about Ann Coulter at the Rob Lowe roast, and I couldn’t help thinking of Artie Lang’s joke about set design for his DirecTV show and asking for a portrait of OJ Simpson and Peyton (Denver edition) with the caption: OJ Simpson and a Slow White Bronco.

Spur
Spur

Will Tennessee rush the field if they win this game?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Nah. They’ll just drag their balls across it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And then maybe drag its name through the mud.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

There’s no maybe about it.

jjfozz

I am watching My 600 Pound Life and now I have a craving for fried cheese

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m not certain, but you might be missing the point of the show.

indieguy
indieguy

I had a fried cheese burger that was topped with onion rings and buffalo sauce once. I was the closest thing to heaven I think i’ll ever be.

Spur
Spur

Well it was fun while it lasted.

Redshirt

Kneel down, Bengals. Take the loss.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!
Buddy Cole's Halftime Show!

I see they’re honoring Joe Paterno’s 50th anniversary of the first game he coached.

To start the game, they will have 40 years worth of moments of silence.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I hope there’s a Hell so that I know he’s burning in it for eternity.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Banner quote.

Spur
Spur

Yikes, does Josh Dobbs have Benjamin Button Disease?

Spur
Spur
herodotus450
herodotus450

Football Name Alert!:
App State punter is named Bentlee Critcher.
That is all.

Redshirt

I’m calling it.
Current Score: 10-6 Bengals.
Colts score a touchdown, 12-10 Colts.
Bengals block PAT and return it for a 2pt conversion, 12-12 tie.

Overtime