Mia/Sea-Arian Foster has looked fantastic in pre-season for the Dolphs but the Seahawks will be interlocking their arms for peace? justice? hope? I don’t think it’s been thought through-how the hell can anyone catch a fish that’s thrown their way as happens on a regular basis in that city? Prediction? Miami and new coach Adam Gase get throttled and leave the environs with their fins between their legs. There’s an enormous talent gap between these teams.
Det/Indy-Detroit’s inevitable 5-win season begins with a road loss to the Colts. Guys like Ameer Abdullah, Theo Riddick and Eric Ebron don’t inspire much confidence. Wr Tate should take some time adjusting to being doubled so I’m thinking that wr Jones on the other side is a good bet to put up solid numbers all year long. As per usual Chunky von Butterscotch will be heaving the ball for the Lions. Hmmm…after doing a bit of homework I’ve discovered that Indy’s lousy D will be missing up to 4 starters. They’ll also be starting rooks at lb and safety and cb Cromartie has been with the team all of 3 weeks. Last one with the ball wins.
Giants/’Boys– Today a nation (or two) learns the phrase Dak! Slurping. Yeah, the youngster out of Mississippi State got the bandwagon Cowboys fans hearts a-fluttering with his “can-do attitude” and his “stats” and his “enthusiasm” and such. Makes me sick how far the guy is going to fall when Dallas backers figure out he’s not white. In “Holy Hell” news, the Giants don’t have a single player of note on the injury list! And they only had to spend 200 million in free agency to make it happen! Wait, I don’t think those two things are connected…
Just got home. Did I miss anything?
Jets Jets’d, Keenan Allen’s knee exploded in a blown 24-3 lead and loss in OT.
Several bad teams disguised themselves as good teams, completely then shit themselves.
In all the years LA didn’t have a football team, how did Miami KEEP theirs?
It would really piss off all the retired Jets fans if they left
Tannenhill is gon kill that muthafucka
If Ryan Tannehill was a murderer he would be Ryan Tannekill…
the TannyFanny Killa!!!
When he’s trying to get you to buy into his pyramid scheme he’s Ryan Tanneshill
Apparently I think he’s related to Biff Tannen. He must hate manure.
LMFAO. Stills.
Stills with frying pans for hands.
I really wanted that Seattle crowd silenced. Damnit!!
Nothing will silence the 12s!
Well, Warren Jeffs tried.
Dallas Defense didn’t shit itself! Yay
it is indeed a good elephant
https://twitter.com/jon_bois/status/775072615140564992
Need a gif of Garrett mouthing “Motherfucker!” Stat
Did Jason Garrett just say “motherfucker”?
Was he on the phone to Grumblelord?
Dallas Defense on the field
Taking Viagra as you get to the airport seems like an awfully terrible idea.
At least you’ll have something from keeping the fat fuck in front of you from fully reclining his seat back for at least four hours.
yeah, a “boner piss” in an airplane toilet is damned nigh impossible
Hat Guy begs to differ.
https://xkcd.com/779/
You think people actually EAT those Sbarro strombolis?
Fat Hump D still god awful. Glorious.
I’d like to call the 2016 Lions season The Chronicles of (Theo) Riddick.
Let’s see how twitter’s handling the Dolphins kneeling during the anthem.
http://www.jamaicaobserver.com/assets/10861840/dump-fire-3.jpg
“Yeah! Fuck these guys for exercising their first amendment rights”!
Twitter, probably. I’m not giving myself ocular cancer by even reading a single tweet
So… you’re saying there are some taeks?
Twitter cannot wait to see which (black) guys have the temerity to not stand.
Weirdly enough, doesn’t kneeling seem more solemn than standing? Almost more reverent.
“STAND FOR THE ANTHEM THE WHOLE TIME, EVERY TIME!”
-Me, sitting in my La-Z-Boy, playing with my phone while I wait for the pregame bullshit to fuck off.
Is Romo at the game?
Yes, he’s re-enacting Caligula in Jerral’s bus.
Now time to see how the Dallas D plays
Lose the star WR to injury early in the game, then give up a 21-3 halftime lead to lose in OT (after distinctly playing for OT at the end of the game). Your 2016 Chargers season is off to a very typical start.
Feel the Bolt!
It’s hard to have a worse opening week than THAT. Even with a win, the season was kinda fucked. Now, it’s uber-fucked.
Also, the Chefs are just fucking unbearable.
At least my one hour of optimism is over early this year. Now I’m free to watch whatever football games actually look like good match ups!
Being a Chargers fan really sucks right now.
I’m surprised the Spanos family doesn’t have a porn company, because they’re goddamn superstars at fucking a lot of people in the ass.
Stuffed Dolphin!
Well that Beasley drop kept the Boys out of the endzone. Shame that drive didn’t end better.
Listening to Dan Fouts causes me to want to murder people.
Seconded.
So apparently the Giants still don’t have a defense.
Alex Smith Tiny-hands GRITDOWN to win it in OT?
Holy damn, Chargers.
THESE CHARGERS I CALL THEM JOHNNY 5 BECAUSE THEY JUST SHORT CIRCIUTED.
Beasley needs to hold that Dak.
Suck it.
http://cdn.fansided.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/229/files/2013/07/chrisdavisadamjones.gif
You are still going baseball. It is obvious you aren’t drinking fast enough
I’m doing the best I can.
Check in later, I’ll be FUBAR and ruining my own life.
‘Tis a sight to behold, I promise.
What’s the significance of the Seahawks thing? Is this just them patting themselves on the back?
Marmalard Suicide Watch Week 1
He needs to stay alive to feed his 17 children
Only 17? Did he get tired?
I assume there’s a funeral every time Lady Laserface menstruates.
GODDAMMIT…I’M TRYNNA BE PISSED AND HATEFUL AND SHIT.
STOP THAT.
LMFAO
Nah. Tis a sin that suicide. Now if he lets his tribe crawl around a room of untrigger-locked guns and there’s an opposite-kablooey, that’s different.
Let’s go Cowboys! Just run the ball.
Mario Williams is still in the league?
that was Wolfpack on Wolfpack action right there! Leading to a Wolfpack kicker FG.
I’m still amazed by Super Mario. Dude was a major freak.
Oh they brought out the big guns for this game-Erin Andrews.
Good for the Raiders. Fuck Dree Brees.
I am gonna go with Mia/Sea for my late game. I will pretend I never learned about Russell Wilson having a idiot personality and instead remember him as the WI QB. I will also forget about the few years before that. I can root for the Seahawks this way
Did we mention Roger Goodell is a national disgrace regarding the cleats yet?
I thought it was implied for reasons.
That’s why I had to be specific.
Something must be wrong with my eyes-all I see are stars…and stripes.
There is no one on earth who I want to hear talk about 9/11 less than george the idiot wonder boy
End this game. I need to see the Cowboys.
Hate country? Me too mostly. But Miranda Lambert could make me do very bad things.
Very, VERY bad things.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB7ONnfIjaI
There is no one on earth who I want to heat talk about 9/11 george the idiot wonder boy
heat talk
FOR ALL THE HOT TAEKS!!!!
That’s a bold strategy Cot… HOLY SHIT IT WORKED.
And many other suicide pool entries just screamed out in agony
Hey look, geoarge w. bush no where near new york on 9/11
Let me guess, he’s not spending it in Baghdad or Kabul either?
BUT HE WOULD HAVE BEEN IN BENGHAZI!!!!
STAHP WITH THE POLITICAL ADS!
RedZone?
STAHP WITH THE POLITICAL ADS!
Yay: I get to miss the Dak slurpage
Nay: The game I get? Fat Humps
Yeah it’s an odd conflicted feeling.
Fuck indys blackout policy.
Fucking chicago has played every indy game possible since the 1990s. Shit they show greenbay if they can.
I think we’re only getting here because Detroit. Which I’m actually ok with. Got shit to do.
BASEBALL!!!!! Football is a lie. Just say no.
Someone either cut off tWBS’s alcohol or force feed him a lot more
Lots more…is the best choice.
Just saying.
(mostly sober….hate still spewing)
repost of the other pahe, bear with me
The entire nfc north is facing the entire afc south.
The 3 afc teams that did not make playoffs will likely lose their matchups, and the nfc teams will get no mention of an easy schedule.
The bears losing against the one playoff team, will be met with a non stop uttering of the phrase “you can’t make excuses”
I know it’s a ran. But for fucks sake. It’s shit like this makes a trump presidency seem plausible
Arian Foster took a knee during the National Anthem.
That puts him at -1 knee.
Wow. I hate every team playing in the afternoon games. Well I guess Miami is just someone I forget about
The fuck is that not a fumble?