Your Sunday Late Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Sea/LA-Pity the poor Rams. (but not their ownership or coach) They were blasted by the Niners on Monday night and now come back “home” to meet up with the Seahawks. Wr Austin was rated by Football Outsiders as the worst at his position last week. How does one go about accomplishing this? Well, what you need to do is catch a mere 4 of 12 targets for 13 yards. And he’s their #1 guy! Not much hope in Ramsville. BTW, qb Wilson’s high ankle sprain will play.

TB/Ari-Wr Evans, he of 99 yards/1 TD last week gets cb Peterson this week. On the other side wr Fitz gets cb Grimes. The former is not at the height of his powers any longer but his stat line of 8/81/2 begs to differ. Tampa lb Alexander has his eyes set squarely on rb Johnson. I really like both these youngsters-they’ll both be super productive for the next decade.

Jax/SD-Here is another Battle Royale of 0-1 teams. The Jags young D did quite well against a talented Pack team and despite the loss I bet they are coming to realize what they are capable of. Rb Gordon is the Bolts leading rusher with [is tapped on shoulder] Uh, hold on. Woodhead is leading the team? Really? C’mon! I’d just like to add that recently signed first-rounder Bosa is nowhere near game shape.

Atl/Oak-The Falcons leading rusher is Coleman with 22 yds. Yeah, as a matter of fact they did lose last week. I get the feeling that Atlanta’s small window of relevance is closing very fast. Qb Carr and co. found a way to beat the Saints in the Dome last week which should serve them well this week. Wr Jones will of course get his but on the other side Cooper should do the same.

Indy/Den-If you drafted qb Luck as your guy in fantasy, congrats on your 1-0 record! Today he’s up again a whole ‘nother kettle of horses in the Denver D. The Colts tissue-paper D ensures that qb Siemian will improve on last week’s pedestrian numbers. Look for the Colts to play catch-up all game long.

[tips hat] LET’S DO THIS, FOLKS!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Sill Bimmons

GRITKNEESPLOSION

His Right Honorable Lord Lordship the Lordly

I need 5 ccs of dirt stat!

fleshwound_NPG

Is is my tv or did Tracey hit the spraytan like a junkie?

Kungjitsu

Fuck Blake Bortles

Old School Zero

SD Defense did a good? Who knew!

Sill Bimmons

Bortles tho…

Old School Zero

At this point I’ll take what I can get.

Sill Bimmons

Those seats under the flags may as well be on Mars.

Sill Bimmons

Could’ve used that Kearsedown.

ThePirateSloth

I never thought I’d say this, but I’m actually looking forward to the new season of Gotham. The last half of season two got damned good. Plus BD Wong as a villain if fantastic.

King Hippo

I think the rest of the offense will soon rise as one and kill Trevor Siemian.

Don T

Why, they should just send 0-2 teams to the SEC or whatever. That putridity is unacceptable.
/throws scarf aside
//dies like Isadora Duncan

blaxabbath

Cooper just picked Rapey Jameis. He’s been on the team less than a week.

King Hippo

GIVE US THE GIRAFFE

blaxabbath

Fun fact: Glennon is often discussed as the next QB ARI should get to start when Palmer retires/dies.

fleshwound_NPG

Fat Humps D, started by 0.00000000001% of fantasy owners*

*not sure anybody has ever drafted them

Brocky

Well you have to understand, the average colts fan can’t name a single player on their defense, so it checks out

blaxabbath

FREENY!

Flags for the Flag God!

Moonbatting Average

Already the end of the 1st in AZ? Is this a daylight savings thing or what?

blaxabbath

ARI is running it a lot.

And giving up a bunch of passes.

So not a lot of stoppages.

litre_cola

Good thing we have you watching that one blax.

blaxabbath

Hey, these are rosters with fantasy implications.

herodotus450

And one of the early games is still going on. WEIRD.

Doktor Zymm

I should make cookies. I can make them in the shape of footballs and eat one every time there is a touchdown or an interception. I could eat one right now!

ThePirateSloth

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Doktor Zymm

That’s actually some really impressive cookie decorating.

Gratliff

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Lord Joe Don Looney

Are these going to be the Colorado style of cookie or the Chicago deep dish kind?

Sharkbait
Sill Bimmons

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The Maestro

After 4 days in the woods leading high school students on a leadership development program, I finally got home about a half hour ago. Shat, showered, cracked a beer, and sat my ass down on the couch to RedZone. Fuck, am I relieved to not be sleeping on a tiny little foam pad tonight.

God bless football.

blaxabbath

Some kids are just not leaders.

The Maestro

You’re not wrong. Fortunately this group was actually a pretty nice bunch. Not really any behavioural things to attend to since we worked them like dogs for the whole damn trip. Think I hiked probably 10 miles, mountain biked about 15, and trail ran another 8, which for me, compacted down into such a short time frame, is the most physical activity I think I’ve done in a weekend in a couple years, likely.

blaxabbath

I hope someone listened to my preview and picked up Fitz as a WR1.

fleshwound_NPG

Vinateri is pretty good for a 62 year old

Sill Bimmons

That’s only 434 in dog years.

LemonJello

The oil painting hidden in his cellar isn’t holding up so well.

Gratliff

So who are they going to bring in next to be Not Colin Kaepernick?

Sharkbait

Wilson with a Brady-esque BLERGH!

Sill Bimmons

gabbert smgdh

blaxabbath

See? I knew BAL would beat CLE.

Suck that, Fozz! You guys won!

Doktor Zymm

Larry, son of Anglo-Norman Gerald, catches the ball

ThePirateSloth

My roommate, being part of the “BEST FANS IN SPORTS” Cardinals fan, has proclaimed that all sports suck balls, fuck the LA Rams, and the Cubs are gonna win the series.

Calling her salty did not improve the situation. She has access to knives, I should be careful.

Moonbatting Average

You didn’t put a check box for “Are you a Cardinals fan” on the roommate application?

blaxabbath

Perhaps you can reach out to her by suggesting black people have smaller brains than whites.

Sill Bimmons

Teh Jaguras: Still not good.

litre_cola

I need a vulture down for Gordon here.

Gratliff

Oh no! Not Cromartie!

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fleshwound_NPG

Cromartie, we gotta test you for a concussion, so we must ask you some questions:

How many children do you have

Bortleback

He’s gonna have to take his cleats and socks off to count them all

Come on, he doesn’t know the answer to that one while completely lucid.

Doktor Zymm

Are you allowed to use Google for concussion protocol questions?

blaxabbath

I hope Ram Man is getting considerable viewing time.

Doktor Zymm

This guy is excited the Rams are back in LA.
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Sharkbait

You’d have to take LSD to be excited for 6-8 LA football.

litre_cola

These games have to have less derp than the openers.

blaxabbath

Cuz we’re not letting these guys HIT in camp. The league is too soft. Needs to be a 12 month sport with, at least, bi-weekly Oklahoma Drills.

Old School Zero

Adam Archuleta is a broadcaster for SD/Jax, and DAMN does he look hiiiiiiiiigh.

Doktor Zymm
blaxabbath

Oh good. ARI repeating last week’s performance of giving up first downs on every 3rd and less than 99.

John Difool

Quality drinking gravy?

http://i.imgur.com/4VSQ0Ye.gif

Sill Bimmons

Was there a lightning delay in this SF/CAR game?

Lord Joe Don Looney

Why when Joe Buck says “Deep penetration” do I feel nervous?

LemonJello

“Forget about it, I already did.”

-Joe Paterno

Redshirt

While its nice to see the throwback Rams colors, I see the NFL is trying to retcon the St. Louis Rams from existence.

Football is back in LA, 6 to 8 win a season football.

blaxabbath

With five of those on the road so their fans can’t even enjoy them live.

Sill Bimmons

A mediocrity befitting the city that stole it.

Lord Joe Don Looney

http://gph.is/17VA784

For the late games.

Doktor Zymm

On the plus side, if I decide to go to the [*Redacted] s bar to watch a game, I won’t have to get there very early to get a seat…

Dunstan

So a [*Redacted] s bar doesn’t require….
/puts on shades
a reservation?

I’ll show myself out

blaxabbath

Hot take: ARI needs to cut Chris Johnson loose.

Lothar of the Hill People

Samsung bluetooth earbuds: because we don’t want Apple to have a corner on bad ideas*

*plus, ours explode when you charge them

LemonJello

“Tell us more about these ear buds.”

-DoD Procurement Officer

Gratliff

Season high for LA!

Old School Zero

0.6 avg points per quarter so far

American Pie Story

HEYYYYYYYYYYY GUYSSSSSSSS

blaxabbath

😉

blaxabbath

Pretty sure I’m the only household in the country getting TB/ARI.

Sharkbait

What did you do to piss off the broadcast gods?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do the Steelers benefit from bullshit calls like that because they are the NFL’s most popular franchise, or are they the NFL’s most popular franchise because benefiting from bullshit calls like that has helped them win so much? Kind of a chicken-and-the-egg question.

blaxabbath

All you can be sure of: it is systemic.

Lothar of the Hill People

I feel like the Bears get screwed by calls a lot more than they benefit. So maybe it’s just random stupidity that just happens to align in Pittsburgh’s favor

litre_cola

Drinking gravy eh? Tell me more.

LemonJello

Is there a Gravy of the Month Club that I can join?

Sill Bimmons

Nope. I checked.

ThePirateSloth

I have to listen to Joe/Troy.

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Lothar of the Hill People

I like how the marquee team ends up doing a Rams game.

Sharkbait

Oh Lions.

Lothar of the Hill People

Lions are gonna lion.

Spanky Datass

Aaaaand … I’m out of the Suicide pool. Fuck,

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