Not surprisingly, USC fell to the Stanford Cardinal in Palo Alto by a score of 27-10. Somewhat surprisingly, UCLA beat the BYU Cougars in Utah by a score of 17-14.
WHAT?
Ok, FINE! The …LA Rams (still sounds weird) played their home opener at the Coliseum against the Seattle Seahawks. And somehow, thanks to Pete Carroll’s karma coming back to bite him in the ass (plus the ridiculous way Beastmode was let go this offseason after not being appreciated and supported), Seattle sucked just enough dick to allow the Rams to win a ridiculously horrible game without scoring a touchdown by a score of 9-3.
The Rams have still not scored in LA since the 90’s. Insert shitty sex life joke here. That’ll be the only thing getting inserted…
Anyhoo, in my preview, I let y’all know that I discovered that I have a dumb friend from work that got season tickets. Lo and behold, I have TWO dumb friends that got season tickets to the Rams! I pledge to you, dear uninterested in LA reader, to follow their experiences at Rams home games so YOU can feel you were there!
Buddy #1 – Purchased two tickets with three other friends, so the group has 8 tickets total at their disposal. Two of his friends wanted to attend with their Significant Others. One friend wanted to sell his tickets, but got no takers and ended up going with his Significant Other. My buddy sold his tickets on Stub Hub for twice the face value. When I asked him if he went or sold his tickets, he replied, “Fuck no! It was 100 degrees out! I sold that shit! I’m pissed I couldn’t get more money for them.”
Buddy#2 – Purchased two tickets with two other friends, so the group has 6 tickets total at their disposal. From the beginning, he had told me he was going to this game. He did not show up to work today. He might have gotten stabbed or arrested. He’s black, so for his sake I’m hoping it was the former. If he’s still alive tomorrow, I’ll follow up.
Here are your vital game statistics:
Attendance: 91,000
Fans treated for heat-related reasons: Over 160.
Fans hospitalized for heat-related reasons: 14.
Arrests: 1 in stadium, 1 outside the stadium. (so far that’s all that’s been announced. More to come, I believe)
Fan Fights that went viral: 1 (for now)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CioTZXqaH6U
Now, you may ask how did I, your intrepid reporter, spend my first NFL Sunday with a local team?
I went to work out during the pre-game shows. Absolutely no one had the pre-game shows on the TVs while they were doing cardio. Since my Steelers were the national CBS game, I was able to catch some of the game on my work phone through the NFL Mobile app (only on Verizon!) while my car was getting washed. Then, I watched the end of the game at home. I turned on the Seahawks-Rams game and, I swear I am not exaggerating here for comic effect, promptly fell asleep. Unlike the dipshits that attended this game, I had A/C and I had a nice fluffy pillow in my bed.
I miss Andrew Siciliano, but not enough to pony up the dough for NFL Sunday Ticket. Looks like I’m not alone. This may merit a separate post, but for now all I can say is
Until next time, kids. Always remember, Roger Goodell is a National Disgrace!
UPDATE! My buddy is alive! He also reported that the NFL Exchange sucks ass. Future tickets will be sold on Stub Hub.
http://66.media.tumblr.com/e5799964cfff429da7d6e55375363288/tumblr_mtajj0qFVL1qfcx4to1_250.gif
http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7s9lnlUgb1rbt7uoo1_500.gif
I also slept through the late games. Woke up in time to watch the 4th quarter of them on Redzone.
In retrospect it was not worth actually getting up for those 4th quarters
Christmas Eve is going to look more like the Reconsecration Of Tenochtitlan.
http://i1.wp.com/ipfactly.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Azteken-Menschenopfer.jpg
The field, the unis, and the cloudless sky all looked great on TV. The sold-out stadium was also impressive. But like you said, watching from an air-conditioned house >>>>>> going to the Coliseum every fucking time.
Pete Carroll deserved to lose in that building because of all the cheating he did at USC. Oh, and USC is 1-2 and that’s the best because everything about USC is terrible except the song girls’ sweaters.
The song girls have great asses, too.
And the second best bloomers in Minor League Football, after the other USC.
http://www.americasbestonline.com/south%20carolina1.jpg
What’s more damaging to that kid, seeing a fight or hearing his father scream “Help me!” like a hysterical woman?
Jesus, that was awful.
The latter. It’s always sad for a boy to see his father cucked in front of him.
Yeah, I’d also prefer getting stabbed in LA than arrested. Although, per yeah right’s medical experiences, a stabbing would be more expensive.
Why can’t we have both?
This morning, a neighbor and I went head to head with an asshole father who was angry because kids at our bus stop apparently had laughed when his daughter had been bullied.
It went for 15 minutes, and luckily it did not come to blows, because the last thing I wanted was for my son to see me fighting an obnoxious fat ass.
However, I did say, “Why don’t you roll up, then, bitch?”
This is the conundrum; bullying IS NOT COOL OR ACCEPTABLE….. but sometimes it can be hilarious.
It was crazy, my neighbor and I were blocking this guy because he was moving towards the kids.
Here’s the irony, bumper sticker on his car said, “Aloha Life.”
Yeah, he’s a great example of the aloha vibe.
OK, now this is very critical to our understanding of this situation:
DID HE HAVE AN ERECTION?!?!
If he did, I couldn’t see it under his immense stomach.
Huh. He must be one of those Titans fans from central Oregon we hear so much about.
“our bus stop”
Outside of Baltimore, this is simply referred to as one’s house.
I will admit that seeing the game on TV looked pretty cool from a nostalgia perspective. The Rams HAVE to switch black to the blue and yellow unis permanently and they can use the blue and white as their throwbacks.
I mentioned in a conversation in the top secret DFO underground headquarters that the new Rams fanbase looks like it’s taken the worst elements of the more violent Dodgers fans, the leftover LA Raiders fans and morphed them into a potentially horrific new monster.
I wouldn’t go to the Coliseum as a precious fucking gift.
http://www.sportsbet.com.au/blog/wp-content/uploads/Old-Rams.jpg
Bottom line – leaving the house? STILL A BAD FUCKING IDEA.
When the Rams come back down, are seats expected to get cheaper? I’m interested in a Week 17/New Years visit to LA. See the game, the sights, the Walk of Fame…
Yes. Plus, I’ve already spoken to my buddies. You’ll most likely be able to get tickets from them.
http://media1.giphy.com/media/Hk5BLQLKSrLUI/giphy.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dMQdqO4RV3w
I can’t ever imagine buying season tickets. Aside from the fact teams will bend you over the table to get them, I’ve never found the NFL game experience to be all that good (consider this is coming from a Chicagoan who would have to watch outdoor games in December). I’d rather spend less cash, go to a baseball game, and just pretend it’s a beer garden if the game goes tits up.
I guess if I were more social (and rich) and did the whole tailgate thing or whatever, then that would be fine. But I got other stuff to do on my Sundays.
Tailgating is only fun at college games
The article about Thursday Night Football ratings said that the Bills-Jets game had one of the two New York teams. I would assume they’re talking about the Jets, so they think a team that plays in New Jersey is a New York team but a team that literally plays in the middle of New York isn’t.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GxAnLJwsxII