Late Night DAK! vs. Hoyer Country Game Thread

Well…who ya got?

Unlike any QB ever before him, nor any QB who will ever come after, DAK! has an affinity for his mother. That has to give him an edge, unless it has made him kind of a sissy ,, no ofence.

The Bears…continue to shit in the woods AND all over the field.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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trollsoharduniversity

Drafting a good quarterback by accident is just about the most Cowboys thing ever.

Lothar of the Hill People

They lucked into Romo, too, right? UDFA? Wasn’t he Drew Henson’s backup or something?

The Maestro

Bledsoe’s backup, but yeah.

Lothar of the Hill People

Wait, so Bledsoe was the starting QB in front of two Pro Bowl backups? Jeez. He’s like a double Wally Pipp.

Brick Meathook
Unsurprised

Just in case I ever had a desire to visit India

Spur

T Williams needs to catch aids

The Maestro

Tell us how you really feel though.

Duchess

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and that is called the BEARISTOCRAT!!!

Doktor Zymm

I’m reasonably certain I have to wake up at 5 am tomorrow and go to the gym. Instead of staying up and watching the slow demise of my fantasy team in garbage time, I’m going to say good night. Cheers y’all.

DontHair

I’ll never understand paying thousands of dollars to sit field level and watch a game.

The Maestro

Because it’s not illegal to have a low IQ.

Yet.

Senor Weaselo

It will never be illegal to have a low IQ. A high IQ, on the other hand…

Duchess

only if Trump gets elected

...

The whole live NFL experience isn’t worth what they charge you. I don’t think I’ll ever go to another NFL game unless someone gives me free tickets.

DontHair

The only pro game I e ever been to was Bears v [*Redacted] s when Spurrier was still their coach. And Paul Edinger was still the Bears kicker with that goofy fucking wind-up. Bears won on a late field goal as time expired and it was so good I considered pissing on myself to keep warm. Went with my old man and we sat in the Soldier Field grand stand which getting to your seats is like walking up a ladder and got to listen to a group of drunk bros call a group of female Washington fans the “foreskins” for three quarters before they decided to leave. Would definitely rather watch from home but still had a blast.

DontHair

So cold. Stupid autocorrect.

Brick Meathook
Spur

I blame T. williams for all this

Lothar of the Hill People

Yeah, if I played in a stadium where the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders were, I’d run a lot of rub routes, too.

Unsurprised

Aw. I never made those Sarah Shahi gifs.

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Unsurprised

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Doktor Zymm

Is there a Cubs game tonight? I just heard cheering, and it ain’t coming from Bears fans.

DontHair

It’s the Sunday night ESPN game Cubs cards

Romonobyl

Cubs are winning.

Romonobyl

Some nasty dude with the world’s worst Jew-fro is hitting on the hot young waitress, to no avail. This is why I’m glad I’m married.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Tell Gene Simmons hi for us.

Doktor Zymm

So guys with jew-fros don’t hit on you? Cause they probably don’t look for a ring

Romonobyl

Not with my Aryan features I’m afraid.

Lothar of the Hill People

Langford stiff-armed that Church guy the same way I do when the LDS dudes are in my neighborhood.

Unsurprised

I finally moved a little. I feel better, but still awful.

Doktor Zymm

We won’t judge if you stick a finger up there.

Unsurprised

I’m hoping that won’t be necessary, but if so there better be opium on the tip

Brick Meathook

Are you good at math? You can work it out with pencil and paper.

John Difool

Da Bears done a good?

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Lothar of the Hill People

Isn’t that the first turnover the Bears have gotten this year?

Unsurprised

I’m disappointed that’s of an ursine and not a human

Spur

WILLIAMS YOU FUCKING IDIOT!

Romonobyl

Shit

Lothar of the Hill People

We will now refer to this play as a “Dallas Punt”

JustStopDude

D’Ohboys…

Doktor Zymm

It’s amazing how Microsoft hasn’t actually made any team better. SMGDH

Spur

That was a solid 3 and out

Doktor Zymm

Bears : Trying for the Picnic Basket, getting the Casket

Lothar of the Hill People

Hey, Bearfs netted 5 yards on that possession. Looks like things are coming up Milhouse!

Duchess

So whats wrong with the Bears offense?

A. Hoyer can’t throw the ball
B. Kevin White Doesn’t know what a Route Tree is
C. The offensive line can’t block
D. Alshon Jeffery hasn’t given a shit about the team since they shipped his BFF Marshall to the Jets
E. All the above

Senor Weaselo

F. Cutler

...

Why did you stop at E?

Spur

Am Back from the Bar Cowboys haters. Go Dak!

Doktor Zymm

Hi! Nice to meet you! I’m going to fall over! Would you like this lovely football?

JustStopDude

NFL Play60…

http://www.pbh2.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/sports-fails-gifs-baseball-kid.gif

Kids should spend 60 minutes a day disappointing you…

Lothar of the Hill People

Is it ironic that there don’t seem to be any people of color in the cast of The Blacklist?

Lothar of the Hill People

Time to drown my sorrows in some Oikos high-protein Greek yogurt. Thanks for the recommendation, Cam!

Brick Meathook

Real Greek yogurt is the bomb. I like Fage 0% fat. Mix it with blueberries, use it as a salad dressing, everything. It’s aawesome.

Beware of “Greek style” yogurt by Dannon and others. It’s like eating chocolate pudding therre’s so much. Sugar. Real yogurt has 2 ingredients only: milk and live yogurt cultures.

Brick Meathook
Lothar of the Hill People

OK, that’s weird. Putting quotation marks in my comment threw a blank screen error thingy

Lothar of the Hill People

With two deaths today, this truly is a sad day in sports… we will call it Cleveland Day

Lothar of the Hill People

uh oh… can’t comment anymore

Doktor Zymm

Sorry, this is in horrible taste, but that Arnold Palmer tribute was just a bit too good, I reckon they had it ready 🙁

LemonJello

If its any consolation, I was thinking the same thing.

herodotus450

It was 50% good, and 50% a little too sour

LeighAnne

When Bob Hope died, the New York Times published an obituary written by their film critic, Vincent Canby. Who died three years before Hope did. They just kept Hope’s obituary on file and when he died they used it.

trollsoharduniversity

THIS CHICAGO BEARS TEAM, I CALL IT THE GREATEST GOLFER IN THE HISTORY OF THE GAME, BECAUSE THEY APPEAR TO BE DEAD TOO

John Difool

I’m not even gonna say Too Soon here…. oh, wait.

DontHair

Mike Tirico is so good. Why the fuck couldn’t they have taken Collinsworth behind the shed like old yeller and put Tirico in the booth with Al.

Unsurprised

Tirico is black

Doktor Zymm

I enjoy that they are trying to hype Thursday Night Football via horrible sports drinks.

LemonJello

So, how many of Da Bares want to just get on the bus to the airport and not go back out for the second half?

Lothar of the Hill People

Good grief. In garbage time against a soft prevent, the Bears could barely gain yards. I guess Hoyer is no McCown.

herodotus450

I think you have to call it “Recycling Time” these days.

Duchess

So Alshon will be a Jet next year right?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Time to go wake the neighbors with some horrible drumming.
Back later perhaps.

Lothar of the Hill People

12 seconds left in the half, outside of field goal range, down by 21.

THROW UNDERNEATH!

/headdesk

John Difool

The New England Patriots version of ‘Play60’ is Bill Bellichik hitting on all of the rookies grandmothers.

Doktor Zymm

Hey baby, I heard your social security arrived today? How about you send your grandkids off to play for an hour…*loosens belt*

Lothar of the Hill People

Hey darlin, why don’t you take off your Depends and slip into something more comfortable? *grumble*

LeighAnne

Ryan Pace is holding his hands like that because he’s praying he doesn’t get fired by the end of this game.

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

The Halases seem like an Old Testament bunch.

Lothar of the Hill People

Welp, if the Bearfs can pull this one out, it will be the greatest comeback since Crown their Asses.

I don’t see Brian Urlacher, Mike Brown, Charles Tillman, or Devin Hester around to save the game, so I’m going to give up before my colon does.

Doktor Zymm

If the Bears can pull this one out, then I won’t have to go to work tomorrow, because I’ll be away with the tinky shiny winky fairies, and it’ll always be summer and everything will be flavored with rosewater and unicorns will dance over the heads of the otters, who will all give me hugs at 4 o’ clock….

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Are those literal otters or like the term for gay men that are sleeker, thinner Bears?

Doktor Zymm

Whichever, it works both ways

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Over/under on this game is 44.5. I think Dallas can get there without any help from the Bears.

Doktor Zymm

Yahoo, seemingly unaware that Dez Bryant ain’t gonna play another snap, continues to give me an optimistic final score and chance of winning. Guzzle excrement, Yahoo, and if you were a person, I would have some choice words about the woman who birthed you and the man who sired you.

Romonobyl

Would colorful metaphors be involved?

Doktor Zymm

Metaphors AND Similes!

Doktor Zymm

I second your “uhhhhh”

Spanky Datass
The Maestro

The dude was honestly a killing machine. Fuck it’s so amazing to go back and watch his fights now.

Romonobyl

This is getting crazy. One more TD and they might put in Romo.