Late Night DAK! vs. Hoyer Country Game Thread

Well…who ya got?

Unlike any QB ever before him, nor any QB who will ever come after, DAK! has an affinity for his mother. That has to give him an edge, unless it has made him kind of a sissy ,, no ofence.

The Bears…continue to shit in the woods AND all over the field.

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Pat O’Donnell is the early favorite for Bears 2016 MVP

DontHair

That is depressingly accurate =(

Gratliff

Are we far enough in that Eagles fans should be condescending towards Dak Prescott since he has exactly 0 TD passes?

litre_cola

Not yet, but I am sure the call in shows on WIP have a lot of that.

jjfozz

NEXT WEEK THERE WILL BE MORE PINK ON THE FIELD THAN IN A SORORITY HOUSE!

I CANNOT WAIT!

If you really want a great opinion of Susan G. Komen foundation, check out Doug Stanhope’s bit on the whole thing.

Gratliff

The “Fuck it. I give up.” segment of Stanhope’s career has given us some fantastically savage bits.

herodotus450

I heard they donate a percentage of their income to cancer research.

Duchess

Yes Timmy 0.0005% is still a percentage.

Sill Bimmons

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DontHair

Alshon Jeffrey just got a soft tissue injury during that player intro and will miss 5-7 weeks.

Romonobyl

SITREP:
I’m sitting at the bar in a Pensacola Twin Peaks. Nearly empty save a few Cowboys fans and even a leftover Yinzer or two. I need to get drunk.

Unsurprised

I’m sorry

Doktor Zymm

SHOTS, SHOTS, SHOTS!

jjfozz

Walk up to Steelers fans and ask them if today was:
– A shellacking
– A trip to the woodshed
– An old fashioned ass kicking
– All of the above.

Also, ask them if they have ever been in Pittsburgh.

Sill Bimmons

All of the above and yes.

Doktor Zymm

I do kind of still have a negative visceral reaction to the Cowboy’s uniform pants though….

DontHair

The Cowboys could literally kneel it three times and punt the rest of the game and have no fear of losing this game.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

A woman’s touch? How fucking tone deaf are these assholes?

Covalent Blonde

Not the first time Cris has been on the receiving end of that accusation

Doktor Zymm

I don’t know if it’s the [*Redacted] s being awful in a new and creative way, or the continuing ineptitude of the Cowboys, or the exposure to not awful Cowboy fans here, or if I’m just mellowing with age, but I don’t feel nearly as FUCK THE COWBOYS as I did a couple of seasons ago.

litre_cola

It will come back Dok. It is still early in the season.

Doktor Zymm

I appreciate your faith

Sill Bimmons

And then they spend 5 minutes prostrating themselves in front of JJ’s obscene displays of wealth and you’re back to square one!

Sill Bimmons

“His body language looks like nothing’s too big for him.”

Paging BCHS…

Doktor Zymm

More like Dak IMPRESScott!

DontHair

Nothing like the Bears deferring to the second half so they could lose to an insurmountable 7-0 lead

jjfozz

My son got shelled in goal today. Kept his cool, didn’t give up, told me “I just got that quick amnesia we talked about.”

That kid’s my hero.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wait, didn’t they challenge the Beasley spot too? So wasn’t that their second challenge?

DontHair

That was the Bears challenger this was the Cowboys. ??

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Touché.

I still think it was a dumb challenge.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus that was a Lovie Smith level challenge right there.

Sill Bimmons

IVY LEAGUE JACKASSERY

Sill Bimmons

Hey Boz, how much of your soul did that cost you?

Horatio Cornblower

Joke’s on you Sill, Boz has no soul.

Unsurprised

What soul? Bo Jackson stomped that out of him decades ago

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I hate this challenge. Yes, if you win it, you get one more. But if you lose it, you are out of challenges the remaining 3+ quarters of the game. The fellow diners at Cottage would quibble with this lack of erudition from their fellow Princeton man.

John Difool

I HAVEN’T SEEN COWBOYS HAVING THEIR WAY WITH BEARS LIKE THIS SINCE THE VILLAGE PEOPLE WERE A THING

litre_cola

This is just out standing.

Sill Bimmons

REIDIAN

jjfozz

THIS BEARS DEFENSE, I CALL IT MY OLD ATHLETIC CUP BECAUSE THEY’RE FULL OF HOLES AND STINK

DontHair

Fun Fact: Mitch Unrein has a pretty hot wife. That’s about all that looks good about this Bears team tonight.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

She’s an Olympic trapshooter, so basically either of them could kill you if you hit on her.

DontHair

Luckily he is on the Bears defense so he probably couldn’t hit anyone.

Doktor Zymm

Yes, I remember the headlines. “Bears player’s wife wins medal”
Totally more interesting that she’s married to an obscure member of a shitty NFL team than that she has an individual talent good enough to earn her recognition on the world stage…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

This is one of my biggest football pet peeves: Beasley’s helmet clearly doesn’t fit him properly. If your helmet is sized correctly and your chin strap is buckled tightly, that shit doesn’t come off and give you another surface knocking your already rattled brain. Yes, the NFL eats a dick on player safety, but the players can help by wearing their fucking helmets properly.

Doktor Zymm

I feel less bad about players getting CTE when they can’t even be bothered to wear the inadequate protection they have correctly. Helmets should never come off.

Horatio Cornblower

But Beasley is a hobbit, (tips hat to MikeWallace&Gromit’s twitter feed) and Riddell doesn’t make helemts in hobbit-sizes.

herodotus450

Then I bet you love when players headbutt each other or slap each others’ helmets with their hands.
/If you couldn’t tell, I was being sarcastic
//I really hate when they do that, mostly from a “reasonable doubt that gets the NFL off in a CTE lawsuit” perspective

Horatio Cornblower

4th down and 1 foot.

This is where Romo would fumble, assuming the game was in late December and meant anything.

Kungjitsu

Arnold Palmer died. So 2016 can fuck off.

...

I’m hoping this year is building to some giant karmatic swing in the opposite direction to even this all out. Having Trump choke to death on McFish would do it.

WCS

Dan Snyder, Jerry Jones, and Stan Kronke in a triple-threat fight to the death, New Year’s Eve.

DontHair

RIP Beasley.

jjfozz

I just got back over 500 CDs I lent to my friend 7 years ago, I will be listening to them tomorrow instead of sports talk radio.

Because fuck people who bitch about a win. Fuck. Them.

Doktor Zymm

Yesterday, I saw for the first time, TIME BANDITS.
I enjoyed it. My friend reacted with the quote, “WHAT IN THE EVERLIVING HOLY FUCK WAS THAT”

jjfozz

You JUST saw it? You gotta watch it a few times, so much to pick up.

John Difool

Wait until you see John Carpenter’s The Thing, it’ll change your life.

The Maestro

Banner quote.

John Difool

Cole just got slawed

Unsurprised
JustStopDude

Growing evidence that the Zika Virus could be just as devastating to adults as infants.

http://www.motherjones.com/environment/2016/09/science-zika-threat-adult-brain

Real glad congress turned funding for Zika research into the usual Congress pissing match.

Horatio Cornblower

I doubt that Beasley is Dak’s favorite receiver as he just tried to murder him.

litre_cola

Mt new fave player is Crave’on Leblanc.

Sill Bimmons

Just did a quick Kalbi grill with lettuce wraps and ssamjang:

http://www.koreaforniancooking.com/kcook/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Peanutssamjang.jpg

Doktor Zymm

That’s a meal that Asiana does, and it’s even good in economy airplane food

Doktor Zymm

That there is the injury that’s gonna make all my other poor decisions matter all of a sudden

Unsurprised
jjfozz

What’s going on, my bodacious motherfuckas?

...

People are dying. Footballers are derping. Pretty sure several of us are drinking.

theeWeeBabySeamus

One more now. Gotta tip one back for Arnie.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Browns Brownsed, Eli doesn’t get any juice, Buffalo shockingly played cromulently, HODOR upset our San Diegans, and Dez is already hurt.

Doktor Zymm

That’s not Dez Bryant. I don’t like any of these guys who aren’t Dez.

The Maestro

Arnold Palmer just died.

Fuck today forever.

God. Fucking. Dammit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Son of a bitch.
This is what happens when I stay sober?
smgdh

Horatio Cornblower

He was 87 and had a hell of a life.

litre_cola

Was a hell of a nice guy when I served him at Turnberry

Sill Bimmons

I’ll remember him best for his outstanding prowess in combining refreshing beverages.

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WCS

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BREAK IT’S LEGS!

Doktor Zymm

So, on the bright side for the Browns, they didn’t break the shoulder of any QBs this week!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Things are looking up!

JustStopDude
Unsurprised

Yet

John Difool

After clicking on this post I have an overwhelming craving for some corned beef and cabbage for some reason.

Col. Duke LaCross

I hope I’m not speaking out of turn, but I really do have an extreme dislike of Rodney Harrison and Antonio Dungerson.

litre_cola

Rodney Harrison is an asshat who should not be on the television machine.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

That hamheaded DAK is gonna give me nightmares.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Cris Collinsworth saying Brian Hoyer is a reason for hope is as believable as Al Michaels saying he hasn’t had sex with any teenage girls in the last three decades.

...

Collinsworth says Brian Hoyer should give me hope. It’s really gotten that bad, hasn’t it?

Col. Duke LaCross

It’s awful.

The Maestro

I just spent all damn day at the county fair and just got home.

I am not nearly drunk enough for the ensuing shitshow that is going to be this matchup tonight.

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