Your “Punch (and Beer and Scotch and Martini) Drunk” Late Afternoon Football Open Thread

Don’t you just love flurstbulb? Gspecially when they plat in Londern and you can trink all blay long. WHOO! P! 2 TA BLAMES!!@X!!!!!!!!!!

Den/TB-Believe it or not, rb Doug “I’m super healthy this year, honest!” Martin is out for this one. The Broncos counter with de Ware being de-sidelined. This one’s a wash. For you fantasy dudes, take a close look at rb Sims for Tampa-not the best of matchups but he’ll get a ton of touches. Yes, it’s only 3 weeks in but wr Evans is trending towards 1600 yards and 16 TD’s. I’d go with 1300 and 11 if he’s solved his dropsy problem. Trevor “I’ll try hard not to lose the game” Siemian has acquitted himself better than most folks expected. Of course that D gives him quite a bit of leeway.

LA/Zona-The Rams have won 2 in a row? [looks at standings] Yup. HC Fisher is that co-worker that does just enough to not get fired when upper management is eyeballing him. I hate those guys! Plus, he probably doesn’t cut his nose hairs. Last week the Cards could have crushed Rex Ryan’s chances of coaching the rest of the year but instead chose to fold like a Walmart-purchased deck chair. The chances of each of these squads returning to form this week are very good.

NO/SD-“Don’t You Forget About Me.”-Both Team’s D

Simple minds like yours truly want to the see the world and both of these D’s burn. Let’s have a 53-48 “this is what you really want, Goodell” final score.

Dal/SF-The Dez has a hairline fracture and didn’t show up to his MRI apparently. What the hell do you want Jerry? THE GUY MAJORED IN DRAMA!* (*may not be even remotely true) If you’re in a PPR league you’re in love with a little Beasley. Qb Gabbert is getting it done in the “Start Kaep” department-his 5.5 yards per attempt is last among starting QB’s. As a Giant flan, (and who doesn’t love an over-sized flan?) I’m hoping that the Niners steal this one but there may not be enough smoke and mirrors in California to pull it off and that’s saying something. What am I trying to say? Nothing.

Now, my sweet, sweet monkeys, GET GOING!

 

 

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King Hippo

Holy shitsnacks, RAM IT!!

Gratliff

Looks like I’m gonna manage to out-suck Mike Wallace & Grommit, even with him scoring 50+ below his projections, and with me starting both Russell Wilson and Will Fuller. Never again, fantasy football.

King Hippo

the single packs are clearly for…guys who purchase their sex, yes?

blaxabbath

“When it comes to sex, we all pay one way or another.”

http://ww1.hdnux.com/photos/45/07/05/9728336/7/premium_landscape.jpg

...

I winced when this popped up.

+20 minutes of action

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Or just aren’t confident they’ll get through the whole bottle without needing to pay for sex.

Spur

Commercials during NFL Games: beer, trucks and dick pills

blaxabbath

“Well, if you don’t like those three things, you’re homo.”

– The Shield

Shogun Marcus

Viagra single-packs: Fuck romance, we’re only gone for the weekend and the sitter charges double every hour we’re late.

Col. Duke LaCross

Nice field awareness Peterson.

Spur

Now it’s up to the Dallas defense…shit

fleshwound_NPG

testing (damn wordpress)

Senor Weaselo

Wait, DEN-TB’s the only CBS game? This is again unacceptable for things like weather delays.

blaxabbath

Stache-LA throwing a second challenge flag on a call that his WR didn’t make a catch.

Both are perfectly clear incompletes.

Senor Weaselo

Lovie approves.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van
Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Father daughter team up on the same song. I lean towards hating this but this one is cute

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L64c5vT3NBw

Spur

Chip can go to USC, LSU or back to Oregon. I think he should go back to Oregon.

...

I’d chuckle if he ended up desperate enough to take the job at Wazzu.

Horatio Cornblower

It is the whitest state of the three.

New School Zero

I doubt LSU would ever hire a left coast freak like Chip.

blaxabbath

Cardinals defense.

Because sacking the quarterback might end the play.

Spur

Puny mortal don’t dare try to arm tackle Witten.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Rivers just floated that one to no wbere

New School Zero

Rivers: /dumps one off in honor of Woodhead

Spur

Let Zeke run.

Senor Weaselo

Weather delay in Tampa, the sequel!

Romonobyl

I just shot more holes in my ceiling…my upstairs neighbors best be out for the evening.

King Hippo

hey, you said you were back in TX right??

Romonobyl
theeWeeBabySeamus

You don’t even lose security deposit for that in Tejas, do ya?

Romonobyl

It’s called character.
Truth is I have a house, just used a little dramatic license.

Horatio Cornblower

Blaine Gabbert can make all the throws, people.

Spur

Sweet a Cowboys INT.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Really bad Gabbart pass there

Spur

Witten just cussed the shit out of Butler

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

I changed my mind. I want to go with this one. NSFW

h
ttp://66.media.tumblr.com/e8c1a9d9d1e8f8a98602b91f072e3eca/tumblr_oea1o3rNr81ujt82ko1_250.gif

JustStopDude

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blaxabbath

So…Navarro Bowman learning that, if you don’t leave the 49ers for retirement on your own, the turf at Levi’s Stadium will retire you then.

New School Zero

Tyrell Williams looks to be your Blue Cross Blue Shield Charger Gone For The Season To Injury player of the game!

Spur

Stupid decision by Butler.

Romonobyl

Weak calls now balanced out.

Romonobyl

You got your Based-balls in my NFL game…

King Hippo

QuarterPax breaks his NFL cherry!!!!!

New School Zero

He’s been accused of DV?

Spur

Chevy commercial is really bad

Romonobyl

Quit being such a pussy Beasley!

Horatio Cornblower

Matt Ryan had a hell of game today, no doubt pleasing all his fantasy owners who had him on the bench for a better option.

King Hippo

Again…Bruce Arians REALLY does not deserve a David Johnson.

blaxabbath

WTF? You’ve got mad RB corps and you’re throwing it on 1st down inside the 5?!

Dunstan

“Seems standard” – Pete Carroll

Doktor Zymm

“Unique looking athlete”
Which apparently means 6’4″ 200 lbs and used to play in the CFL.

Senor Weaselo

But he didn’t play basketball!

Brett Favres Colonoscopy

Evening. Did some field work at the Bears game. Surprising outcome here in Hoyer Country but good times.

...

With this schedule, the Bears will trip their way into at least 5-6 wins which will be enough for people to think only a few small changes are needed to make a playoff run. So, basically, the same fucking situation as the last 5-6 seasons.

blaxabbath

Need to get Cutler a long term contract worth $800 million.

...

Funny that people still bitch endlessly about that contract when there’s only three million in dead cap space if they cut him after this year and there was never an indication is kept them from adding other talent.

But I’ve made my feelings about Bears fans clear, so I’ll stop and enjoy the St. Louis misery instead.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I have Julio and Crabtree in fantasy. I currently have 149 points. Nobody else in my whole league has more than 100.

New School Zero

Stop, stop! We’re already dead!

…oh, good. You stopped.

Senor Weaselo

You know it doesn’t rollover, right?

Horatio Cornblower

You also have a losing record.

But a sweet Bojack Horseman avatar.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Doktor Zymm

The thing with these videos….why are you videotaping yourself doing yoga anyway? SOMEONE isn’t properly centered and I’m sure their driste suffers.

Gratliff

Ezekiel Elliot trying his hardest to be the next star Cowboys running back who burns out in 4 years.

Spur

Never Forget
comment image

Senor Weaselo

“Hezekiah Elias is primetimed to be the next great Cowboys running back.” -Emmett Smith

Romonobyl

You misspelled Smiff…

Spur

ZEKE THE PLUMBER

Romonobyl

This Elliot guy might have a future in his chosen trade.

Doktor Zymm

I was actually pretty pissed that some autodrafting fuck grabbed him before I could, but I have RB gold so I can’t really complain too much.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you think the Verizon/Sprint guy has been creepily hitting on girls in the park for years, and they only now thought to film it for commercials?

blaxabbath

Probably now is the only time the videos are actually available for national broadcast.

Spur

Dez playing finger bang

Horatio Cornblower

Who wants to bet my mortgage that the next play is a hand-off to Elliott?

New School Zero

I’m confused–do I then get your mortgage? Or get the value of your mortgage? Or do you start paying me somehow?

Horatio Cornblower

WOO-HOO!! NO MORTGAGE!!!

Doktor Zymm

So, this year there is a battle between the Ford F-150 and the Silverado. I know too damn much about this cause of my job. The switch to an aluminum chassis combined with loads of manufacturer incentives have brought the Ford closer than it has ever been to the Chevy. Suspense! And Shit!

Romonobyl

Which one uses military grade brake fluid?

Shogun Marcus

In terms of price. We will stay far far away from any and ALL quality discussions as I graduated high school many years ago.

King Hippo

without Navorro Bowman, the Fightin’ Tomsulas might as well just hit the rails like they namesake

Romonobyl

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ArmedandHammered

I love that look, it’s like “I hope he is not my future proctologist”.