Your “Another Game? Sure, I Guess I’ll Watch” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Kudos to those of you that viewed *all* the football yesterday. That is an amazing commitment on your part. Between the booze and the better half staring at me with her hands on her hips I was not able to get it done. I don’t use the word ‘hero’ very often but you folks are the true heroes of this site. You’re the glue that keeps the macaroni on the construction paper of the open threads. TO THE GAME!

NYG/MINNY-[looks at Giants injury report] WHY GOD, WHY? Hey, remember last year when the Giants secondary was struck by a rash-ton of injuries? Well, looky here-tonight cb Rogers-Cromartie is limited, Apple is done and safeties Thompson and Berhe are out. That means that qb Bradford, he of the 67.8 completion % and passer rating of 107.8 might just have himself a walk in the park. He’s very accurate on short/medium routes so look for wr Diggs and te Rudolph to shine. BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! The Vikes have 15 sacks in three games and are going up against an average O-Line. This is the very situation where the Giants need Eli to pull the old 420 yards passing gem out of his ass. It’s not out of the realm of rational thinking given his wr trio of OBJ, Cruz and Shepherd.

Now…START YOUR KEYBOARDS, GENTLEMAN!

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ThursdaySkyGoddess

Without Bridgewater and Babybeater, the Vikings are 4-0.

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Night.

Sharkbait

That looks like a souvenir t-shirt you’d get form Uncle Touchy’s Naked Puzzle Basement.

Or Wolfman Rob’s van.

Sill Bimmons

Either way you won’t wear a shirt and you’ll cry.

...

Some scientifically-illiterate parents are throwing a fit in Chicago because schools are allowing cell phone antennas to be mounted on the building. The money quote is when a dad takes an RF meter into the school sees it spike to higher than normal but still safe level and admits he doesn’t know what it means, but still goes on to be pretty convinced RF waves can possible give you cancer despite the fact the very nature of RF suggests they probably can’t.

Oh, and then the wife goes bonkers making comments on an article when people call out the hubby for being clueless.

What is it about being a parent that causes some folks to totally lose their minds?

...

Oh and I’ll bet these dopes don’t think twice about sun exposure either which abso-fucking-lutely can give you tumors, but THE STRANGE TECHNOLOGY HAS TO BE A THREAT BECAUSE IT’S NOT NATURAL.

Sill Bimmons

Radio waves are WAY too long to set up the kind of molecular vibration that leads to thymine dimer formation.

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PEOPLE ARE FUCKING RETARDS

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It’s a shame that the local TV news folks are as ignorant on the subjects as the dopes they’re interviewing, but I’d like them to ask ma and pa what the difference between ionizing and non-ionizing radiation is then to ask which cell towers give off. I’d watch just for the post-interview shitfit they throw.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons
Dunstan

Having kids allows people to unleash their inner asshole and rationalize that it’s justified. “I’m a MAMA BEAR!” No, you’re just a jerk.

...

Pretty much. This mom posted something about fire stations don’t allow cell towers built on their property without considering that probably has to do with interfering with emergency communications and not safety.

And of course, the woman isn’t bothering to take into consideration levels of exposure or that RF radiation can’t actually break chemical bonds that would damage DNA to cause cancer but IT’S NOT PROVEN SAFE SO WE MUST BE AFRAID.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Auto-correct is killing our children.

Sharkbait

Theres a report that the Dolphins are trying to trade for Catler?

Dunstan

AFC East defenses doooonnnn’t caaaaarre

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Sill Bimmons

Just a Giant shitpile of nothing.

LemonJello

Eli almost lost Saturday cartoon privileges with that pass.

Horatio Cornblower

Did those fuckers steal Iceland’s soccer chant?

Mr. Ayo

Of course

King Hippo

to think, this is not even an Indianapolis-based chain!

Sharkbait

Yes they did. You’d think that Bradford would have a problem with stealing things from other nations.

Sill Bimmons

Awwwww…they think they’re actual Vikings…

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Horatio Cornblower

The Kensington Runestone is real!!!

Sharkbait

Might wanna try something more than little dump passes Eli.

WhyEaglesWhy

If only the Giants had some talented downfield receivers.

Dunstan

Now, now. The doctor said we’re supposed to encourage little Eli when he makes a dump.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why is Tony Sparano wearing sunglasses…indoors…inside a dome…at night?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Tony Sparano’s sunglasses: ………..
Tony Sparano’s football: ……….
Tony Sparano’s sunglasses: YEEEEEEEEAH!

WhyEaglesWhy

So he can
So he can
Keep track of the visions in his eyes

Dunstan

BIG Corey Hart fan

Sill Bimmons

It could be to combat glare from incipient posterior subcapsular cataracts that is exacerbated by the presence of so much more “A” illuminant than on the sunniest day.

WhyEaglesWhy

No, I’m pretty sure if you combine Tony Sparano and Norv Turner, you get Dave Wannstedt.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Imma bet Hippo and I had the same reaction to that Vikings rushing stat…

King Hippo

Hippo’s attention wandered

/smgdh at self

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Something something fuck Adrian Peterson something something

King Hippo

oh absolutely! I did see McKinnon’s YPA earlier and was all like, fuck that motherfucking useless Purple Jesus asshole in his fucking earhole

/very glad he died so I am not playing him and watching him grind up 4-5 points every goddamned week of the year

//that Jordan Howard I picked up on waivers looks pretty ok!

Horatio Cornblower

Looks like Sam Bradford is on…

(whips off sunglasses)

the warpath!

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

hippofant

LILY!

Sill Bimmons

WHERE?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

ON THE TEEVEE

Sill Bimmons

WASNT WATCHING APPARENTLY

Gratliff

In other TV news, women wrestlers join their male counterparts in thinly-veiled suicide attempts. I guess it’s hard being Ric Flair’s daughter.

https://twitter.com/WWE/status/783141188756836352

Gratliff

Oh what the hell. I thought twitter embeds were a thing now.

Sill Bimmons

Thank gob my giant shiny dome isn’t quite so giant and shiny as SVP’s.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’ve seen more urgency out of a teenage bladder on a road trip.

WhyEaglesWhy

More production, too.

The Maestro

You know, if he didn’t have a moustache and was wearing a lace bonnet, Ben McAdoo could probably look exactly like a Salt Lake City sisterwife.

King Hippo

I greatly enjoyed this. Huzzah!

Sill Bimmons

hey guys

Sharkbait

Sup Sill.

Dunstan

How the fuck ya’ doin?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Yo

Brick Meathook

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Horatio Cornblower

Charlie don’t flare.

Sill Bimmons

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The Maestro

So I had a deadline on some curriculum stuff tonight and just polished it off, and clearly that was the right call, because seems like everything is happening exactly as expected…

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That Charles Johnson is a pretty good catcher

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Senor Weaselo

Never mind, it’s not happening.

LemonJello

Yep, definitely no Oreos for Eli after the game. Straight to bed with no comic books, too.

Dunstan

“I knew I should have gone to Peyton’s for those nachos!”

King Hippo

STOP trying to make fetch happen!!

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Horatio predicted that.

Horatio Cornblower

Nailed it!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Sam Bradford looks like he’s trying to get payback for that Brooklyn Bridge for beads trade

LemonJello

It does seem like he’s collecting scalps on the field.

Brocky

So I haven’t watched the game at all or seen the score.

I’m gonna guess the vikes are up, but not by more than 10 points,

and despite sporadic play all night, eli has a chance to win this thing

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ding fucking ding

Mr. Ayo

You have Horatio’s timing. Well done.

Horatio Cornblower

My locker is really a Tardis.

WhyEaglesWhy

I wish I’d named my fantasy team Bradford-Turner Overdrive.

Sharkbait

I’m Brock Turner Overdrive. I’m surprised at the amount of times I’ve had to explain the Turner Overdrive part of the name.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Looks like we have a ballgame zzzzzzzzz

Spur

Is this shit gonna end soon?

synapticmisfires

Gruden also thinks that durable consumer goods would be way better if we didn’t have 40-hour work weeks and child labor laws.

Brick Meathook

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Senor Weaselo

IT’S… interesting?

Sharkbait

Protip: If you’re time travelling back to 1938, might want to leave the black guy at home for that mission…

King Hippo

Like Louis CK says, time travel is exclusively a white privilege

King Hippo

Darkwa Duck?

Let’s. Get. Dangerous!

WhyEaglesWhy

Eliception?

Horatio Cornblower

Jon Gruden begging the fans not to stop watching in the 4th quarter because Manning might lead a comeback.

THIS GUY GRUDEN I CALL HIM ESTRAGON BECAUSE HE’S WAITING FOR SOMETHING THAT’S NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN!!

WhyEaglesWhy

Oops.

Horatio Cornblower

Yeah the timing on that could not have been worse.

Senor Weaselo

Oh, that is a good one, have yourself a carrot.

Mr. Ayo

THIS HORATIO CORNBLOWER I CALL HIM VIN SCULLY BECAUSE OF HIS IMPECCABLE TIMING

Horatio Cornblower

What’s the over/under on the Week that Beckham snaps and goes all The Last Boy Scout on the opposing defense?

I was thinking 11 last week but after seeing the first half of this game I’m thinking 7 might be more realistic.

Shogun Marcus

Every wife on This Old House:
We absolutely LOVE this house. Except every single thing about it.

Unsurprised

Hrmph. Women.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
WhyEaglesWhy

I haven’t heard this much praise for Norv Turner since he defended Earth from that meteor shower.

Recovery Whiskey

Tirico sure looks pale these days

PopeofChiliTown

I hope it wasn’t the Double Dutch Oven.

Brick Meathook

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Dunstan

“The clock is becoming an enemy for the Giants…”

Eli: “Aww, is it bedtime already?”

Beastmode Ate My Baby

That cat speaks for us all.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

There is about 30 to 40 million that it doesn’t…. which to me is the most depressing thing .

Beastmode Ate My Baby

They’re not Us. They’re Them. And the Thems are scary….

...

So about one in ten Americans are dumber than a cat?

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Pretty much. It does explain Florida and Texas.

...

I really love the fact the meerkat is the most murderous mammal.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
...

I love the comments on the stories about mammal murder explain how humans are actually way worse than these other animals because whatever.

We may not lead the mammal kingdom in murder, but we certainly lead it in inflated sense of importance.

Horatio Cornblower

I started watching poker at halftime because Berman and just came back and realized I missed absolutely nothing.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I fucker HATE televised poker. What I’m saying is; good choice over Berman.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I fucker is better than I Robot.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s certainly more fascinating than what the Giants are doing right now.

Horatio Cornblower

More proof that cats are evil incarnate.

King Hippo

That even looks exactly like MY CAT.

Senor Weaselo

I understand “Throw the ball to Beckham,” but maybe not EVERY ball.