I don’t think that anything can top the magnificence of the Giants/Rams tilt but the league insists otherwise. And I once trusted the NFL implicitly just like I trusted my mother when she told me as an 8 year old that my dad was the scum of the earth. Irony Alert! Once I got to know him, my dad turned out to be a regular guy with faults. Once I got to know the NFL, I discovered that it was incompetence and evil competing for “incarnate” status. Mom, you got my dad and the NFL confused. Do better next time, huh? TO THE GAMES!
TB/SF-Rb’s Hyde and Muscle Hamster are out of this one so that means that Carleton, Rogers, Thurston, Menses, Davis and Draughn will have to step up for their respective teams. Perhaps a few of these names aren’t on any roster but you don’t care because there is not the remotest possibility that you’ll be watching this tilt.
SD/Atl-Them Chargers haven’t had a two game win streak since 2014. Congrats to all those folks that picked up te Henry and his 3 consecutive TD’s. He looks like a good one, doesn’t he? There’s a lot to like about the Falcons O-wr Jones and rb’s Freeman and Coleman are so talented that they have masked qb Ryan’s weaknesses to this point. Of course Door Matt will fold in the playoffs once he runs into a first rate D but it’s a great ride for the time being. Say a prayer for poor old Tiffany Rivers-despite no news confirming it, my gut feeling is that she’s preggers again. Asked to comment, Heraclitus said, “Goddamn, that’s more Rivers than even I envisioned!”
NE/Pit-This is the game I want to see. What? Big Ben is out? Landry Jones is in? Why can’t we NFL fans have nice things? Is it because the league commish continues to touch himself while watching the Push-Up Championships on ESPN Infinity? Will the Steelers feed rb Bell until he drops from exhaustion? Can anyone on the Steelers D cover te’s Gronk and Bennett? (Where have you gone, Carnell Lake?-apologies to Simon and Garfunkel) These are the salient questions that determine the victor of this game/constitute the entirety of this intro.
I’m done-GO GET ‘EM, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!!!
Been waiting in the cheap rental car line for over 30 minutes. Definitely should have paid more to use the not shitty company. Watching the Pats game in line on a small tv is making it worse rather than better. Who wants to help me celebrate first world anger with booze?
Today’s weird search engine referral: “knee injuries by flies”.
Wait, one of the few non-white Greatriots players is named…White?
Mind blown.
He legally changed his name to White when the Patriots picked him up to trick the fans
New contender for worst airport in North America. Houston for a major hub is pretty awful for amenities. Who is your vote?
LAX will always be the worst, regardless of amenities. ATL second.
Some of the smaller ones have way less, but you’d think LAX would have at least ONE good place…..nuuupe/
Not to mention having to deal with some pretentious wannabe asshole actor/waiter at every restaurant. Fuck you…I get it…you had a walk on role on Mike and Molly…now fucking fetch my $38.00 turkey and avocado sandwich.
Newark Newark Newark
Just flew out of Newark 2 Friday’s ago. Found it unremarkable aside from ridiculous route to get to it. What do you hate about it?
The constant construction, the stupid little sky rail thing, the paucity of food options, and the New Jerseyites.
You’re dead on about NJ trash.
Also recency effect. That’s where I flew out of today.
Atlanta. Had a connecting flight there, and it left early and we sat in that airport for eight fucking hours before we could be on our way.
Another time coming home back through Atlanta, we got in early and our connecting flight was boarding when we got off the plane. If our first flight had been on time and not at the next gate over, we would have been fucked.
I don’t fly much, but I seem to always go through Denver for a connecting flight. Never had a good experience there. Lost bags, delays, etc.
It’s the illuminati.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/6923b6af03791ed3168b5372d5567c86/tumblr_oelch5QPxj1qeeqito8_400.gif
http://67.media.tumblr.com/299e261e65102a9697871cff80d8cc84/tumblr_ml2i51P80q1qbsbnoo3_r1_250.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/059164f23cfe91a34d0a560a59f6d7f5/tumblr_ofbg3nKz4Y1rod7i7o1_400.gif
http://66.media.tumblr.com/10a84fbed5b3de4b29fed684c6154842/tumblr_oeyf4rpK0V1vyuhmuo1_1280.jpg
http://www.theprospect.net/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/headdesk1.gif
The Steelers turned into the Bears so quickly I didn’t even notice
so…even with Landry, the gameplan is still chuck and duck and fuckall to do with Le’Veon. FUCK EVERYTHING
Is today the day King Laserface finally murders several of his most derpy teammates? Let’s hope so.
Lotta dumpster fires in this here late window.
Just found out a buddy of mine is at the Niners game. Do I need to fly out there for an intervention?
Just for bail money.
Hold on. Let’s see how he does as their QB first.
On der sports hot take radio they are talking about Tom Brady being underappreciated; not enough credit for sustained excellence.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/929402deca387d3d46c660257428c5f0/tumblr_offkcd1BWA1uc71mpo1_500.gif
Ook? OOK!
Decreased sustained excellence. Sounds like my first marriage.
It seems as though San Diego has decided to get their weekly meltdown out of the way early today.
Having Landry Jones at QB v. the Pats is like bringing a spork to a gunfight.
Heyward-Bey with an excellent “catch”? I’m gonna head down to the fallout shelter; I’ll see you all in a few days.
Was it really a catch?
It really was! It wasn’t like the ball got caught in his facebars or something; he actually caught it with his hands!
Senor did a good performing today, he earned the big Gatorade. And alcohol later. So how’d the Jets super-Jets this… wait they won? Holy shit, it really is the… oh, Geno got hurt and Fitzmagic went into “I’m now backup and therefore good” mode? Okay, that sounds about right.
So…San Diego. Nawt good?
Never been
I mean I heard, but to see it…woof.
No pants is the rule, but sometimes no shirt is OK.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/d833c02e1a0af6d078588f8a11d9cc6d/tumblr_nqu1pgt9Rc1r426i4o1_500.jpg
Shameless product shilling here, but this is week 2 of hehestreams.xyz for me and I couldn’t be happier.
Landry Jones did a good?
Dangerously hot sandwich-specific take: The triple decker turkey club w/ bacon is the God of the non-sub sandwich world.
Does that unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on Winston count as one of his two strikes?
I think so, yes.
Malik Jackson got ejected from the Raiders game under that rule, I believe.
Yeah! Go Patriots!
https://media.tenor.co/images/cc8915bc4b0c824138f5f41c7862822c/raw
Off topic DFO Poll:
I’m making a sandwich with ham and turkey on some really good Jewish rye.
Mustard, mayo or both (on different sides of course, I’m not an animal)?
Both.
Both as long as they are on opposite sides of the sandwich. Real question: what is the difference between Jewish Rye and plain old Rye?
Give me more time and I could come up with a very non-PC, yet hilarious reply.
They cut the top of the crust off for Jewish Rye
And there it is…
http://royalwholesalecandy.com/media/catalog/category/kosher_pareve_3.jpg?
Horseradish mustard and bacon mayo
Heavy mustard, light on the mayo is my go to. But yes, both.
I would be the animal that puts both on but with the following caveat. I only have eaten Rye bread a few times in my life so I don’t remember its flavor.
Both, but light on mustard. Too much mustard will throw off the taste of everything else.
I used to get a similar sandwich at a Chicago deli that came with a fat scoop of creamy coleslaw as a condiment. Messy but ethereal.
“Mustard, goddamit!”
-The Mustard Industry
THIS DENVER AIRPORT I CALL IT THE NFL ON FOX BECAUSE I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT EXCEPT THAT IT TRANSPORTS ME TO A HAPPY PLACE THAT IS ALSO MIXED WITH ALCOHOL AND SADNESS
Last week I saw the headling “Ajayi breaks 200 yard rushing barrier” and assumed it was a career total type thing.
I am also getting the sense that between their new shows Bull and Pure Genius CBS will have the market cornered on “main characters who you want to punch hard enough to knock the smug right off their face”.
Supplex on Hogan
I hate Cubs fans, passionately. But…fuck the Indians racist ass logo.
:unzips:
–Ghost of Andrew Jackson
I was thinking that thanks to Kevin James and Matt LeBlanc, CBS has the tubbiest sitcom lineup on tv.
Isn’t Louie Anderson still acting in something? That should…
/puts on sunglasses
…Tip the scales
YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAH
Is Big Ben showing Landry how to play Candy Crush?
The Ben: COLOR BOMB NOT AS GOOD AS CHOCO TACO.
http://farm8.staticflickr.com/7419/10703608926_4ca5a19711.jpg
Pittsburgh offensive pass interference? Came back just in time.
http://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s–4ZrOFYao–/c_fit,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_320/ejpqmrrjqrlomiswkuq9.jpg
Pure Genius is probably the best show that CBS has ever committed to their lineup.
/I haven’t been compensated by the good folks at CBS in any way whatsoever
I wonder if Mark Malone is aware that Landry Jones has stolen his moustache……and playing style?
Anyone need a ride from the Denver airport to Boulder? Trying to pay it forward so someone will come get my ass at Dulles Friday night.
Big 12 QBs, fucking useless in the NFL.
And any non-conference game.
Chris Simms Phone:
Txt from “Dad”: At Patriots game..just talked to Tom…talking to him always makes me wish I had a son who played QB
Ridiculous that Houston airport just switched all of their tvs to cnn from the footbaw. This is Texas goddamit. Yes I should be in a bar but mrs cola is pregnant and not feeling well. So here I am staring at a tv in a bar from across the walkway. Fuck.
I’m sad and tired.
I can’t deal with Laundry Jones throwing two yard crossing routes all day.
See you in a bit.
Didn’t we speak about this in the preseason?
I can’t decide if “I’m sad and tired” works better as the title for my autobiography or sex tape.
Ok. I am back. Had to let my antivirus run because my computer was slowed to a crawl. I am assuming my computer somehow got that new asshole virus, in any case one unnamed one was found and removed and my computer seems to work again now.
Moosemas.exe
Plenty of seats available in ATL
Go Dawgs…ah wait now…Falcons?
Roomy colon. So the meme wasn’t just clever, but accurate.
Ah Phil Simms and Jim Nantz calling a Greatriot’s game, who brought the bleach?
I switched to CBS and my cable box froze up like “I DON’T WANT TO! NO, DON’T MAKE ME!”
I would find it highly amusing if the Browns go winless while the other sports team of Cleveland win championships in the same season.
Icarus
http://66.media.tumblr.com/68a503167f76dff257700d09b9ae6bf7/tumblr_o6gdjgA7aa1reugzzo1_500.gif
“That’s no way to treat a pussy!!!”
/D. Trump
Eagles-Cowboys next Sunday night. It’s gonna be lit/derpy!
Would you rather Romo or the Dak?
Options are either watch Greatriots win by 40 or Laserface vs. Matty INT
Stillers are going to get murderkilled.
http://images.memes.com/meme/534249
The Patriots and Steelers are in the same stadium. Hopefully this is the day that Bane decides to strike.
So is this where I come to make fun of other teams which suck, rather than my own team which sucks?
Too soon?