Hello fans, this is the NFL. The Official Beer withdrew from this game and wanted to issue a statement. The parties settled for an undisclosed amount and a hashtag: #Out4Turdsday. So tonight the NFL hosts an Open Bar, albeit with only two selections. Indulge freely on room temperature Olde English; independent NFL sommeliers certified that cold enhances its urine-y bouquet. Also on tap, the cloying vibrancy of Blue Curaçao, neat, for more “refined” palates. After all, the NFL is an inclusive family. You, the children, get the AFC South cellar squatters. Like it, lump it, or have other delusions of choice. We own you. Shield out.
Two teams that stink: that’s the reality narrative. But let’s not crown this TNF game as Why NFL Ratings Are Down just yet. The Titans have a solid O-line and DeMarco Murray is scorching hot. He has 5 TDs, is averaging almost four receptions a game (7 yards per) and 4.6 yards per rush, which does not tell the whole story. He is being a very patient runner, allowing holes to develop and then shifting from 1st to 4th gear instant and determinedly. BUT, Murray is precisely on pace for the deadly 370-carry season AGAIN. I expect Derrick Henry to get more action. The Titans coaching staff is creeping toward dereliction of duty, since Henry is getting, on average, six touches per game (37 rush, 4.4 yards per; 5 receptions, 14 yards per). I don’t wanna exaggerate, but he’s a friggin’ supersonic tank.
To temper these actual reasons to watch, sub Brian Schwenke will start at LG. He was Culprit Zero of last Sunday’s 4th Quarter sack-Oh Not Again-fumble-TD that sealed the Colts game. TE Delanie Walker is good to go, which is great news for Marcus Mariota. His overall passing has been shaky at best, but good during 4th quarters. On the other hand, his running is magnificent: he doesn’t look fast, but outruns everybody. I’d say designed QB runs are a good bet, as Mariota also slides expertly. Sadly, no worthwhile KY jokes come to mind.
The Jaguars passing game may wake up against the bad Tennessee secondary—now worse because Perrish Cox is out. Hence, Brice McCain takes over the most picked-on-CB roster spot. The Tennessee front seven should [please, god(s)] bounce back from their worst game thus far. Jacksonville has the fewest rushing attempts in the league and is 27th in average yards per (3.7). But even if Blake Bortles continues to struggle, the Jaguars may get help. The Titans have the most penalized defense in the NFL (9 per game) and a special teams unit that’s gotten worse since they fired coach Bobby April after Week 4. In lieu of further number-crunching, this smashing video essay by our own Notorious R-T-D provides a concise assessment of the Jaguars and its fans.
Plenty has been written about how Jacksonville and Tennessee shouldn’t be on prime time, but an intriguing tale of rapaciousness came out of one of those games. It was Monday Night Football, October 18, 2010, Titans at Jacksonville. Tennessee was leading 23-3 in the 4th quarter, just before the two minute warning, with possession inside Jaguars territory. According to then Titans coach Jeff Fisher, he was told that the broadcast needed two additional TV timeouts, and referee Mike Carey intervened:
“Yesterday, I was told that they were two short. And they looked at me and smiled, and I said, ‘Sorry, I can’t help you.’ Mike [Carey] came across and said, ‘Here’s the deal. We’re two short.’ And I said, ‘Mike, I can’t help you. I’m trying to get a first down and I’m gonna kneel on it” [via ten.27sports.com].
After the two minute warning, then Jags coach Jack del Rio called two time outs–despite being down 23-3. Chris Johnson scored a garbage time TD and the game ended 30-3. Days later, a laughably homerish report from jacksonville.com said that ESPN did not request, directly or indirectly, time outs to be called—yet Jack del Rio did not address why he called them. I don’t know which is worse: Jeff Fisher, Integrity Of The Game Paragon, or referees carrying water for the networks. To be fair, this happened two years before the referee lockout, or maybe Carey and/or Del Rio shilled heartily. Who knows.
On a wholly different vibe, I’ve campaigned hard for muting the game broadcast and listening to something else. Well, fellow Commentists from the Free Ballin’ Football Podcast dropped their Week 8 edition today, available on SoundCloud and iTunes. Their fluid repartee would be a needed contrast if/when the game turns to shit. The FBFP fellas also have intriguing points on NFL ratings. I, on the other hand, don’t think the NFL really cares that much about TV ratings. The league just centralized real-time gifs and the networks are on the contractual hook for several years. When aggregate advertising revenue in all [sigh] platforms stop growing, then the NFL will worry–big time. But I digress; you can hit the FBFP crew on Twitter too. I’m sure they’ll #followback #HINT
Finally, I won’t be able to watch because my satellite provider carries Sunday Ticket BUT NOT NFL NETWORK WHICH MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER EVEN FROM A CAPITALIST PIG POINT OF VIEW. I’ll catch up on the comments after work, though I encourage everyone to branch out–for example: what discount rotgut or classy beers are you having; that aggressive apathy that is taking the Internet by storm; or tales of live streams that will not fry your computer. Come to think of it, any live streaming links are almost certainly illegal. And while an insanity defense certainly would acquit, nobody wants the stigma of having risked criminal charges over JAX-TEN.
Stats from pro-football-reference.com; banner pic from two web photos from retailers. Yoooge props to Scotchnaut for letting me vent about my team. Thanks man.
THIS GAME WAS FUN
Bortles is gonna be a top 5 QB in fantasy this week. Let THAT sink in.
I want to stab things
You sound sort of like Ray Lewis.
holding that ball out like a loaf of bread. JUST FUCKING TAKE IT
My new adblocker works way better than the old one. Fuck you youtube, and your attempts to get me to watch ads longer than the damned clips I’m trying to watch. Suck it.
get in there and hit BORT in his fucking spleen already
Great. Here comes 91 more passing yards & a 3rd TD.
Why is Henry moving like his fucking cleats are tied together?
I know there’s no justification for it, but I just get the feeling that he’s the second coming of Trent Richardson.
And not in the homemade pornography film sort of way.
These assdicks are REALLY using their timeouts just to fuck up people’s fantasy matchups??
The worst part of this is that I’m actually watching this game, and dealing with you degenerates, stone cold sober. Time to correct that, and then watch some Westworld. Been too long since I laughed at Teddy dying again. Worst artificial gunfighter in ever.
You know what hurts the most? It’s the lack of respect. Well actually, that other thing, that’s what hurts the most, but the lack of respect, that hurts the second most.
Obviously, I’m too sober to understand that, embiggened avatar boy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NxDPyhVI1iY&app=desktop
http://s5.postimg.org/tcd429fsn/big_lebowski_01.png
BOOOOOOOOOOOO
Robinson, all the garbage timey love!!
Bortles doing a great job running the hurry-nope offense.
SAFE!!
Just checked into a courtyard Marriott, and I’m being overwhelmed with so much NFL bullshit that I kind of now how Najeh Davenport’s hamper felt
My kitchen staff is cooking Basmati rice right now and the aromas here at my fortified compound are absolutely amazing. I can’t believe that just yesterday I was going to have the chef executed. Oh, well, I’ll just have his family tortured for a few days and we’ll call it even.
GRITTY non-fumbled punt return
http://s5.postimg.org/q9pucsxvb/catfall.gif
When I was 12 years old, my parents sent me several states away to live with my grandparents for the summer because they were worried about the crowd I had fallen in with. At the time, I was pissed, but all these years later I can say I’m thankful they cared.
/Looks around the DFO clubhouse
//Nice try mom and pop
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTF2j0OWUi8
They prolly also wanted to be able to do drugs and have lots of sex all over your childhood home. You may not have visualized that fully at the time.
They stole his stash then humped in his room.
I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a team run a prevent defense for the entire second half.
Lovie Smith ran it both in both halves every game he coached with the Bears. I have seen it before
I’m going against Bortles. It’s insane that he’s going to put up a decent number for this performance.
Clearly undeserved. He is still doing Robinson no favors.
Mike Stoops has been doing it for entire seasons the past 3 years.
Alright, back, guessing from the score I missed nothing important
http://www.downloadfeast.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/05/animals/animals/getupdogidiot.gif
I would have thought you would have known that just by looking at who was playing.
ref should have just said “motherfuckers can’t even snap the ball right, ALL TEH YARDS”
So…if you exclude Jacksonville and Cleveland (as you should), Tennessee has lost seventeen straight at home.
BLEERGH rests FOAR no shitshow
Where’d my avatar go?
RIP Gene Wilder … IT’S AVATAR CHAOS!!!1!
http://www.pbh2.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/funniest-dog-gifs-dogs-jump-rope.gif
Go mustard! Beat windshield wiper fluid!
Barber shop comb disinfectant
Barbicide! (I think)
Way to go Jags for keeping it a 4-score game?
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qCeGKy5TZI4/T23jHL7LfLI/AAAAAAAAEuA/8d9F9djLU7w/s1600/funny-dog-gif-dog-had-enough.gif
You can’t keep a good JAG down
https://goo.gl/images/SeRlVx
Anyone visit our former home recently? I assume it is basically a burnt out Ford Tempo with Jim Tomsula sleeping in the back
Is what happens when you’re up for wateva!
I wander over to Filmdrunk aboot once a month, but even Vince has been phoning it in all year. His writing and reviews are still great, but the overlords must have told him “at least two articles per week” so that’s all he seems to be doing.
When his owners brought home the new “kitten”, Rex knew immediately why he’d been justified in never trusting cats….
This game is a testament to the horror of 70s fashion trends.
I may very well touch myself, but nothing, I mean NUTHIN I’ve evar done means I deserve this “game.”
/totes not so
http://www.petsworld.in/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/boxer-5.gif
YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID THAT ONE TIME
Which NFL team, if it folded overnight, would you least notice?
Is Jacksonville not in the process of folding tonight?
Can I answer the AFC South?
Jay Feely as “kicking expert”? Good for him, but is that job really necessary?
Is BORT ded yet? He should just pretend.
But then TJ would be all lonely n junk.
He can have a second COLOUR RUSH! hat
No, but he wishes there was a hole he could crawl into and die.
/connect the dots to identify the Simpsons episode!
http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/jack_nicholson_laughing_short.gif
Just received a note about the 2017 season from NSZ. It reads:
“Goodell: Nobody likes TNF.
Owners: 🙁
Goodell: But I like it. I have ideas to improve it.
Owners: 🙂
Goodell: Double down on color rush. Refs and coaches and announcers get color rush.
Owners: 😀
Goodell: And we record it early and air it on tape delay.
Owners: :-O “
Titans D/ST and Allen Robinson will be lucky to end this night with 5 points combined. Hippo can never have nice things.
Could be worse…
Trust me, NFL, nobody is going to rebroadcast this game.
“And when did the NFL start giving a shit about ‘consent’?”
– Jameis Winston
Why is Lord Revisisle so huge?
You are welcome, Lord Revisisle.
http://www.gifbin.com/bin/062011/1308241811_pole_dancing_champion.gif
Just wait til Moose shows back up…
Also, show of hands, how many of you want my avatar enbiggened?
They have pills for that.
Yes, never knew the true horror of his avatar until it’s blown up. I suppose the avatar parameters still need a touch up.
As Shogun Marcus noted, either he or Moose is Highlander.
He who controls the pixel parameters controls the universe
http://gunshowcomic.com/comics/20130109.png
That video is bullshit. There are no Jags fans.
http://media.giphy.com/media/OC1f9j28HLt5u/giphy.gif
The definition for the expression “borrowed time” includes a picture of Gus Bradley’s W-2 form.
Succop went for the bank shot, didn’t he.
Rather than watch the first half, I decided to take a nap. Looks like I made the wrong choice….to get up and watch the 2nd half.
Let’s test the limits
No, sir, your right foot to d5 is not a legal move.
That’s the least necessary 2-pointer I’ve seen, but it worked, so yay for them I guess.
then they made it seem like an onsider was comin’…but SIKE!!!!!!
There are some standards I guess.
godfuckingdamnit. NOTHING to Allen Robinson, neither
Fucking Titans. HUNDREDS OF REAL MURRIKANS started your D/ST and need that 0 to stay where it is.
Raises hand. The starting thing D/ST not the Murrikan part.
I’m taking a quick break from the game for a show. I am sure I am gonna miss something very important but I am gonna take that risk