Week 8 Color Assault: Jaguars @ Titans Open Thread

Hello fans, this is the NFL. The Official Beer withdrew from this game and wanted to issue a statement. The parties settled for an undisclosed amount and a hashtag: #Out4Turdsday. So tonight the NFL hosts an Open Bar, albeit with only two selections. Indulge freely on room temperature Olde English; independent NFL sommeliers certified that cold enhances its urine-y bouquet. Also on tap, the cloying vibrancy of Blue Curaçao, neat, for more “refined” palates. After all, the NFL is an inclusive family. You, the children, get the AFC South cellar squatters. Like it, lump it, or have other delusions of choice. We own you. Shield out.

Two teams that stink: that’s the reality narrative. But let’s not crown this TNF game as Why NFL Ratings Are Down just yet. The Titans have a solid O-line and DeMarco Murray is scorching hot. He has 5 TDs, is averaging almost four receptions a game (7 yards per) and 4.6 yards per rush, which does not tell the whole story. He is being a very patient runner, allowing holes to develop and then shifting from 1st to 4th gear instant and determinedly. BUT, Murray is precisely on pace for the deadly 370-carry season AGAIN. I expect Derrick Henry to get more action. The Titans coaching staff is creeping toward dereliction of duty, since Henry is getting, on average, six touches per game (37 rush, 4.4 yards per; 5 receptions, 14 yards per). I don’t wanna exaggerate, but he’s a friggin’ supersonic tank.

To temper these actual reasons to watch, sub Brian Schwenke will start at LG. He was Culprit Zero of last Sunday’s 4th Quarter sack-Oh Not Again-fumble-TD that sealed the Colts game. TE Delanie Walker is good to go, which is great news for Marcus Mariota. His overall passing has been shaky at best, but good during 4th quarters. On the other hand, his running is magnificent: he doesn’t look fast, but outruns everybody. I’d say designed QB runs are a good bet, as Mariota also slides expertly. Sadly, no worthwhile KY jokes come to mind.

The Jaguars passing game may wake up against the bad Tennessee secondarynow worse because Perrish Cox is out. Hence, Brice McCain takes over the most picked-on-CB roster spot. The Tennessee front seven should [please, god(s)] bounce back from their worst game thus far. Jacksonville has the fewest rushing attempts in the league and is 27th in average yards per (3.7). But even if Blake Bortles continues to struggle, the Jaguars may get help. The Titans have the most penalized defense in the NFL (9 per game) and a special teams unit that’s gotten worse since they fired coach Bobby April after Week 4. In lieu of further number-crunching, this smashing video essay by our own Notorious R-T-D provides a concise assessment of the Jaguars and its fans.

Plenty has been written about how Jacksonville and Tennessee shouldn’t be on prime time, but an intriguing tale of rapaciousness came out of one of those games. It was Monday Night Football, October 18, 2010, Titans at Jacksonville. Tennessee was leading 23-3 in the 4th quarter, just before the two minute warning, with possession inside Jaguars territory. According to then Titans coach Jeff Fisher, he was told that the broadcast needed two additional TV timeouts, and referee Mike Carey intervened:

“Yesterday, I was told that they were two short. And they looked at me and smiled, and I said, ‘Sorry, I can’t help you.’ Mike [Carey] came across and said, ‘Here’s the deal. We’re two short.’ And I said, ‘Mike, I can’t help you. I’m trying to get a first down and I’m gonna kneel on it” [via ten.27sports.com]. 

After the two minute warning, then Jags coach Jack del Rio called two time outs–despite being down 23-3. Chris Johnson scored a garbage time TD and the game ended 30-3. Days later, a laughably homerish report from jacksonville.com said that ESPN did not request, directly or indirectly, time outs to be calledyet Jack del Rio did not address why he called them. I don’t know which is worse: Jeff Fisher, Integrity Of The Game Paragon, or referees carrying water for the networks. To be fair, this happened two years before the referee lockout, or maybe Carey and/or Del Rio shilled heartily. Who knows.

On a wholly different vibe, I’ve campaigned hard for muting the game broadcast and listening to something else. Well, fellow Commentists from the Free Ballin’ Football Podcast dropped their Week 8 edition today, available on SoundCloud and iTunes. Their fluid repartee would be a needed contrast if/when the game turns to shit. The FBFP fellas also have intriguing points on NFL ratings. I, on the other hand, don’t think the NFL really cares that much about TV ratings. The league just centralized real-time gifs and the networks are on the contractual hook for several years. When aggregate advertising revenue in all [sigh] platforms stop growing, then the NFL will worry–big time. But I digress; you can hit the FBFP crew on Twitter too. I’m sure they’ll #followback #HINT

Finally, I won’t be able to watch because my satellite provider carries Sunday Ticket BUT NOT NFL NETWORK WHICH MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER EVEN FROM A CAPITALIST PIG POINT OF VIEW. I’ll catch up on the comments after work, though I encourage everyone to branch out–for example: what discount rotgut or classy beers are you having; that aggressive apathy that is taking the Internet by storm; or tales of live streams that will not fry your computer. Come to think of it, any live streaming links are almost certainly illegal. And while an insanity defense certainly would acquit, nobody wants the stigma of having risked criminal charges over JAX-TEN.

Stats from pro-football-reference.com; banner pic from two web photos from retailers. Yoooge props to Scotchnaut for letting me vent about my team. Thanks man.

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Don T
Poor choices, mixed results. ¡Viva Puerto Rico Libre! Titans4Eva
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JustStopDude

I had NFL.com open on a window on my desktop. For some reason, the website starts playing the game…I guess as sort of a promo for the NFL network.

Naturally it was a 3rd and long with a terrible attempt at a first down throw and the the punt.

Pretty much the NFL experience through and through…

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Okay, three burritos is probably enough for tonight. On to the drinkin’.

King Hippo

tomorrow…teh SHAME!!!

King Hippo

I keep starting Allen Robinson like I expect something different to happen.

I also started the Titans D because COLOUR RUSH WOO!!!

/also traded Le’Veon for Booker in auction keeper league BEFORE the diagnosis was back on CJA.

Beastmode Ate My Baby

AHHHHH HUGE MOOSE AVATAR IS TERRIFYING

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Claymaker

Nortman, he came out of the North to do battle with the amazing RANDO!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SHE’S HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!

King Hippo

I hate it when work sullies a perfectly lovely COLOUR RUSH bruisefest.

JustStopDude

Well if the NFL is not going to bother with showing to professional teams, I’m not going to bother to find a feed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I highly recommend hehestreams.xyz. You have to pay for it (and it probably won’t do you any good tonight) but it’s been legit for me so far.

Claymaker

I mentioned it here once before, but I pay the $100/season for NFL Gamepass (which normally only lets you watch replays), then turn on a VPN through the Netherlands to start the player. BOOM! All games live.

If I disappear it’s because the NFL’s secret police have found me.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“I got this jersey…wait, how did I get this jersey?”

– Trent Green

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Officer, is there any way I can get out of this speeding ticket?

Claymaker

My wife is binge-watching Masters of Sex on the TV while I watch the game the computer, and she keeps pausing to show me how every woman’s nipples are ridiculously hard all the time.

Seems like a good show.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I LIKE YOUR WIFE.

A LOT.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Seems like a good wife.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
litre_cola

I haven’t seen that much head since the Houston 500.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I haven’t seen a Ramsey get so dirty since the convenience store ran out of my preferred brand, Trojan.

litre_cola

Ummm so is anyone else having weird thread issues?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[looks up from quilting project]

scotchnaut

[turns the car around in never-ending circles]

-Internet Dad

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

/ Turns on game

MY EYES!!!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

comment image

Beastmode Ate My Baby

Oh, stop being such a ba-

/turns on game

AAAAIIIIEEEAAAAHHHHH!!!!

scotchnaut

Oof!

Claymaker

Thursday night!

imgur.com/irnfaUd.jpg

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Somehow this game deserves this fucked out thread. I love it!

Spanky Datass

What’s up with the hawt, girthy avatar action?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

NO, BUT YOUR MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM IS!!

King Hippo

A reminder that Carrie Coon is purtiest when looking at you dismissively…

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I hear she’s huge in Green Bay.

Then again, everyone in Green Bay is huge.

Shogun Marcus

Hey! I’m currently 135-140 depending on my footwear.
/fully aware I’m an outlier
//takes bite from hunk of cheese

laserguru

Most definitely one of my current faves.

Hurry up and bring on the final season of The Leftovers!

King Hippo

methinks Moose and Lord Revisisle have to fight or joust. SOMETHING. ONLY ONE GIANT AVATAR SHALL RULE TEH TNF SKY

Shogun Marcus

Agreed. Highlander must happen.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

MY AVATAR WILL FUCK HIS AVATAR HAAAAARD!

WITH NO REACH-A-ROUND, EVEN WITH THE FIFTY BUCKS HIS AVATAR GAVE MY AVATAR!!

I will defeat him using the weaponized strain of gingivitis I have been developing which I collected from Terrell Suggs.

King Hippo

nothing like that 7:45pm cup of coffee because there is NO SLEEP during MANDATORY Most Glorious Titans/Jaguras COLOUR RUSH

Shogun Marcus

I’m grateful tnf is no longer on the free teevees.

King Hippo

you’d best find a mofuckin radio…

As my avatar dominates you all, behold the Imperium of Revisisle. Now give me tribute.

King Hippo

welcome!!

scotchnaut

Gravity Falls is the best cartoon in ever! #grunklestanrules

Claymaker

My prediction: Nothing but razzle-dazzle featuring three appearance by Morganna the Kissing Bandit and the astonishing return of Jim Brown.

Spur

Folks.

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, some of the avatar’s are distressingly big. Just like your mother’s….

theeWeeBabySeamus

What’s up Homo’s and Homette’s?
(no ofence, Buddy 😉 )

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

Well congrats, this format has managed to weird out Mr. Buddy Cole!

I haven’t seen this much white since I played craps with John Kordic!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There appears to be a Virginia Tech football game on in this bar. I have less interest in watching than Marcus Vick had in attending class at Virginia Tech.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s funny to see the words “class” and “Marcus Vick” in the same sentence.

King Hippo

oh, men! MEN!! Guess who will be copping it up in Season 3 of f/x’s Fargo “sometime” in 2017?

CARRIE MUTHAFLIPPIN’ COON (no ofence)

And FOAR you ladies, there’s ample beefcake too. Her partner shall be none other than Jim Gaffigan, ya know…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

TWO math questions?

Also and unrelated, but in general:

Well, fuck.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

WARNING! WARNING! AVATARS APPEARING UUUUUUUGE! AVATARS APPEARING UUUUUUUGE!

Wall O’ Avatars.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

BIGGER THAT THE FARVENIS!!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

SORRY, BUT IT FREAKED ME THE FUCK OUT, MAN!

entropy

I have a friend with three kids, and every now and then, out of the blue, she sends me a text that reads “NEED DRINKS NOW,” and swears up and down we won’t be out until 2 AM. Each time, we are out until 2 AM. Her husband hates me.

All that said, I’m leaving now to meet her at one of the other dive bars in town that’s NOT the Giants bar. Be back later, probably weird.

King Hippo

I like a guy who can have a platonic, married lady friend like this. I would like to write your memoirs, if only I weren’t so lazy and bereft of talent…

Genital Issimo

I am so fortunate to be a resident of California, where I can add my voice, thru voting, to the fascinating democratic process. Sure, sure, you folks elsewhere get to vote just like me on things like who our president should be, who our senators should be and who should represent us in state government. But here in California, I get to do all that AND vote on the things that really matter in a representative democracy, like whether porn actors should be required to sheath up their junk when filming intercourse.

Beerguyrob

Will “Porn Czar” have an open application process?

entropy

You win that by right of conquest.

Genital Issimo

They say the dude that wrote the proposition is angling for that post. Tough assignment reviewing all filmed porn for compliance.

scotchnaut

I was with you right up till you typed ‘sheath’-I’m allergic to verbs that haven’t been used since the 18th century.

[scratches hives vigorously]

entropy

You don’t own knives?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Please vote NO. It’s the only proposition I know anything about, and it’s a terrible one.

Is my avatar displaying oversized?

entropy

Yeah, but Internet Dad is working on some stuff. He warned us things would get weird.

Looks right to me. Royally massive.

scotchnaut

A great number of folks don’t realize that T-Rex’ “Get It On” (Bang a Gong) was actually about encouraging Buddhists to get their prayers going.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOjCjXfG9yg

entropy

Just watch this for a few hours, paying attention around the 13:40 mark:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0XmbwpfeBi4

Color Rush: Worst NFL gimmick or Worseiest NFL gimmick.

entropy

There is a bar somewhere in my town that has OE forties available in the bar, for drinking on the premises. And they fuckin sell, man, they fuckin sell.

Free Ballin' Football

Where do you live and what sorcery is there to allow that? I must visit!

King Hippo

Huzzah FOAR insanely and wonderfully detailed preview for this Most Glorious Mandatory Titans/Jaguras COLOUR RUSH THURSDAY Craptacular. Be there, or…brave the punishment cell. No spoilers, but Josh Brown IS lookin’ for work, ain’t he…

Beerguyrob

It is Tennessee. Maybe they’ve got another Denali he can drive in from the airport.

Beerguyrob

Just because I’m going to hell doesn’t mean you have to join me.

Free Ballin' Football

Much love for giving the podcast a bump! Also, I’ll say my co-hosts are real weird for picking the Jags in this game. Titans will dominate and put the League on notice with their 6-3 win.

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