Your “Merciful Heaven, It’s A Game 7!” Wednesday Night Open Thread

NFL News:

  • Norv news! Norv Turner resigned from the Vikings this morning. No reason has officially been given, so speculate away!
  • Wade Phillips is back at work.
  • The PA may be pushing the NFL to tolerate Mary Jane as an alternative to chemical painkillers, especially if/once Proposition 64 passes in California,
    • There are marijuana ballot initiatives in other NFL-friendly states like Arizona, Florida, Massachusetts & Nevada.
      •  Adding in Colorado & Washington, that’s 6 states with (currently) 10 franchises.
    • If they look to licence official suppliers, they don’t need to go further than Ricky Williams, blunt brother #1.
  • It’ll be the Nick Foles show for the Chiefs versus the Jaguras this week, as Alex Smith’s 13 concussions last Sunday will have him on the sidelines.
  • Seriously, Tom Brady – shut the fuck up!
  • Should have shut up sooner? Brian Baldinger, who has been suspended by NFL Network for 6 months for advocating the Eagles put a bounty on Ezekiel Elliott

    He swears he won't do it again.
    He swears he won’t do it again. Scout’s honor.

There’s nothing more fun, or nerve-wracking, than a Game 7 for the championship. (Or, y’know, the Super Bowl.) Add in whatever historical factoids that give extra weight/incentive to a team and a fanbase, and you’ve got instant ratings.

I’ve been fortunate enough to have been to  three NFC Championship games and one NHL Stanley Cup Game 7 in my lifetime. The NFC championships were:

  • 2007 – Giants at Green Bay
  • 2013 – Niners at Seahawks
  • 2014 – Packers at Seahawks

Each one was fantastic in their own way. Giants-Packers was going to be on “the frozen tundra”. I spent the night before trying to drink Titletown Brewing dry. The game ended the way most Favre seasons did – with an interception leading to the other team’s winning field goal, followed by 6 months of retirement rumours.

Plus, I got to see a guy wearing a deer.

Having grown up a Packers fan – yes, I have one of those shares; the Seahawks didn’t exist until 1976 – it was bittersweet, because I thrilled at the fact of going to my first Lambeau game but cheated that I wasn’t rewarded for having spent all that money to get there. I’d like to think it would’ve felt the same had I lived there.

The Niners-Seahawks was great from both a season ticket-holder perspective and a fan’s perspective. Having gotten my season’s tickets in 2010, I hadn’t been there for long, but had been there for the whole Pete Carroll era, and it seemed like the culmination of an actual plan, something fans rarely see work through to fruition. My wife didn’t cotton to all the “FUCK THE NINERS!” yells and chants, but the celebration at the end was a sports feeling I’d never had.

She's got a valid opinion on this as well.
She’s got a valid opinion on this as well.

The 2014 game, therefore, was full of mixed emotions: Packers fan but Seahawks season ticket-holder. It was one of those situations where I had two dogs in the fight, so I couldn’t lose. But a significant part of my sports fandom wanted a different outcome, even though Mike McCarthy’s goal-line decision-making in that game eerily foreshadowed the circumstances of Super Bowl 49.

The 2011 Stanley Cup Game 7 had the same circumstance. Growing up as a kid, and Atom-level hockey player, I wanted to be a Bruin, either Bobby Orr or Gerry Cheevers. I had their cards, posters and knock-off jerseys. I suffered them losing to the Habs and the Oilers, and then losing Ray Bourque to the Avs, so he could finally win one. I know the Red Sox had a longer drought, but as I’ve often said – I don’t give a crap about the Red Sox.

I grew up in Vancouver. The Canucks have been a consistently bad franchise for most of their 46 years, so the few triumphs really stick out in people’s minds. (And, unfortunately, turn casual fans into complete assholes – Patriots fans, but without any trophies.) I became a Bruins fan partly because my younger hockey-playing self needed a hero, and there wasn’t one locally. Both the 1982 and 1994 Cup Finals teams were unexpected surprises, which made cheering for them fun. The 2011 team was expected to make the Finals, so that was different.

Once again, the 2011 Game 7 was a case of having two dogs in the fight.

I got what I wanted, and took its picture too.

Given that the youngest curse ending tonight is 78 years, expect lots of interviews with old people just before the meteor hits.

“CUBS WIN! CUBS WIN!…Ahh, shit…”

Tonight’s sports:

  • MLB: Game 7 – Chicago at Cleveland – 8:00 | FOX/Sportsnet
  • College Football: Toledo at Akron – 7:30 PM | ESPN2
  • NBA Basketball:
    • Raptors at Wizards – 7:00 | TSN
    • Bulls at Celtics – 8:00 PM | ESPN
    • Thunder at Clippers – 10:30 PM | ESPN/TSN
  • NHL Hockey:
    • Canucks at Canadiens – 7:30 | Sportsnet1/360
    • Red Wings at Flyers – 8:00 PM | NBCSN
    • Penguins at Ducks – 10:30 | Sportsnet1/360

I have friends who support both teams, so I want a good game. DON’T BE A BLOWOUT!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Horatio Cornblower

I think he’s out but can’t call out the ump on that one. Tough call, bad position that can’t be avoided.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

And he fucked up by sliding to the middle of the bag instead of the back. The last two have been textbook for fowler.

Doktor Zymm

Close, but looks safe

Spur

To those who own property in Chicago, I hope you have insurance.

Doktor Zymm

I’m on the third floor, drunk people aren’t great at climbing that high. And the building is good solid brick!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

What were the Vegas odds on Schwarber stealing a base in the World Series?

Doktor Zymm

Is that a Steelers tailgate?

Old School Zero

Bills, circa 1979

Senor Weaselo

Dexter Fowler making a late MVP push.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Bring me the robot umps

Spur

Every time i hear the name Rizzo i think of this
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p39NzY699Cg&w=560&h=315%5D

Senor Weaselo

I hoped for Frank Rizzo and you did not disappoint.

Spur

Who still has a phone with a cord? Bet Peter Kings loves that baseball still uses a corded phone.

Old School Zero

He has to use up all those football shaped phones SI used to give out with subscriptions.

Senor Weaselo

Fuck that, I want the audio clip of Ross taking on the wild pitch.

LemonJello

Does Fassbender need money that badly that he knowingly agreed to be in that Assasin’s Creed movie? Or is it just to pad his hookers-n-blow account?

blackroseMD1

Apparently he’s a huge fan of the games which, if he’d paid attention to video game movies at all, should have made him run the other way.

Senor Weaselo

They’re apparently making a Sonic the Hedgehog movie and Tim Miller got signed on. I’d ask why, but it can’t be worse than the 2006 game.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s like Michael Caine on doing Jaws 3. “I’ve never seen the movie but I have seen the house it paid for and I can tell you it’s lovely” or words to that effect.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Had to listen to the last two innings S on the radio. Nearly had a heart attack. Finally I front of a tv. Let’s go Cubs!

Doktor Zymm

Does living here make me part of the zeitgeist?

Doktor Zymm

Police are already posted on corners out several blocks from wrigley

Senor Weaselo

Keep us posted, Dok!

Spur

Damn, you know shit is getting crazy when the police get an early jump on the places they want to loot.

LemonJello

Gotta get before it’s all gone.

Horatio Cornblower

What’s your blood type? We can start a reserve, assuming you don’t mind a high alcohol content.

Doktor Zymm

Bonus! None of this pesky ‘drinking’ to get drunk!

Senor Weaselo

David Ross, unlike Cody Ross, is not a horse’s ass.

Sharkbait

David Ross HR? Wow.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus fuck I am going to drive to Cleveland and murder Joe Buck in a way that would make the villain from ‘Saw’ say “Jesus, take it easy man.”

The walk did not chase Hendricks from the game. Joe Maddon took him out at 63 pitches, on full rest, with 2 outs and men on 1st and 2nd. No one chased him from the game. Maddon made a bad decision, fucking call him out on it.

ThePirateSloth

I am fully in your corner.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s not a corner, it’s a locker.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aaron Fucking Boone and Dan Shulman were questioning it on the radio.

ThePirateSloth
Doktor Zymm

Just getting home. I will bar my doors and huddle under a blanket.

Old School Zero

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Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

They are starting their path to failure so you should be saf…. You are right there will be riots either way.

Doktor Zymm

People’s car insurance premiums are going up as we speak!

Horatio Cornblower

‘Billy Lynn’s Long Half-Time Walk’ is a hell of a book, (seriously just seeing the commercial makes me want to read it again), but I have a hard time seeing it translate to a good movie.

LemonJello

I’m always looking for a good read, can you give me a quick synopsis?

Horatio Cornblower

Guy comes back with his squad from a Middle East deployment/firefight, used as heroes for show during a Cowboys game, whole book is the main hero’s thoughts, actions and observations during the lead-up to the walk-out at half time.

More than that it would get spoilery but it’s a really good read.

LemonJello

I will add it to the list.

Spur

So, why did the Cubs pull the starting pitcher? Remember i know shit about baseball.

Doktor Zymm

They do that sort of thing a lot nowadays. Three or even four guys will pitch in a game. It’s the most strenuous position so fresh is good. Also strategery against different styles of players.

Horatio Cornblower

Because Joe Maddon has been reading his own press clippings too much and made a bad decision. He’s going to get away with it, however, as Cleveland really has nothing left due to injuries.

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

So Joe Madden’s terrible decisions are finally gonna catch up with him and keep the streak of losing going

Marc Trestmans Windowless Van

Maddon* seeing it misspelled repeatedly on here had me thinking I was wrong

Shogun Marcus

Uhh…wut?
/turned it on for one second and I see two runs go on a wut?
//leaving again

Horatio Cornblower

‘Meanwhile you wonder if David Ross is OK.”

No Joe, I’m not wondering at all. He’s very obviously not OK.

Sharkbait

Oh Cubs.

Senor Weaselo
WCS

Holy shit.

Horatio Cornblower

Joe Buck you idiot, that is not a big break for Cleveland. If Ross’s throw doesn’t wind up in the stands they have a run in and a man on 3rd. That’s a break for Chicago.

God.

Jesus.

Just shut the fuck up and let Smoltz talk.

Old School Zero

Cubs might win WS, Trump might win Presidency… eh, it’s as good of year for an apocalypse as any, I suppose.

BOWIE AND PRINCE GOT OUT JUST IN TIME!

LemonJello
Horatio Cornblower

Oh man, I would like to tie her up and…

tickle her until she told me how Game of Thrones ends.

Senor Weaselo

And Keith Emerson, ppl forget him.
/Fuck you, people who forget him.
//Fuck you, Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, ELP wasn’t even nominated this year.

Spur

Is it just me or does Hacksaw Ridge look terrible?

Old School Zero

Not just you. Looks like jingoistic propaganda Oscar bait garbage.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s not just you.

Horatio Cornblower

Jesus the umpires are going to justifiably get themselves replaced with robots before this is over.

Horatio Cornblower

I couldn’t move 20 mph if you dropped me out of a plane.

Spur

If the Cubs lose, how many old people will die due to heartbreak?

Senor Weaselo

Old people, middle-age people, some young people…

Horatio Cornblower

Not enough, based on Trump’s numbers.

Senor Weaselo

Where can I get the cannon Kris Bryant just shot himself out of?

Old School Zero

Tank Johnson’s house?

Horatio Cornblower

Oh man, Anthony Rizzo is going to say something absolutely horrible before this game ends, and it will be glorious!

LemonJello

Did I just hear, “I’m in a glass case of emotion” in there somewhere?

Spur

It’s a 3 run lead in the 5th. Why is everyone acting like this is over?

Spur

Con – woke up 90 years too soon
Pro – all alone with Jennifer Lawrence
Where do i sign up? Give me two years to wear her down.

LemonJello

Just 2? My, aren’t we a confident fellow.

Senor Weaselo

And now 5 innings of Andrew Miller.

Old School Zero

In honor of the old legacies on the line tonight, I opened up a bottle of Trinity Brewing’s 2008 Old Growth I got during a bottle store’s anniversary celebration (they had a cellar sale). Puckering sour with earthy funk. Like granny smith apples soaked in lemon juice and molasses.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m drinking a beer that was canned this afternoon.

Old School Zero

DON’T YOU GET FRESH WITH ME!

Sharkbait

4-1 Cubs. Did not see this coming.

jjfozz

I want to throw Joe Buck, Chris Colinsworth, and Berman into the hadron collider and smash them into atoms, but I’m afraid they could all coalesce into something much more evil

LemonJello

Would launching them into the nearest black hole suffice?

jjfozz

A good solution, but not painful enough

Old School Zero
Spur

When does LeBron James get to bat? Asking for a friend.

LemonJello

If the game goes to extra time or penalty kicks – he gets his chance.

jjfozz
Spur

Stop trying to make that image happen, it’s not gonna happen
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jjfozz

See above, it happened!

jjfozz

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jjfozz

Happy Wednesday
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jjfozz

Good evening, my brothers from other mothers. How are you mothas doin’ tonight?

LemonJello

Enjoying beer(s) in the hopes they’ll drown out Joe Buck.

The based ball isn’t too bad, for not being fitbaw.

LemonJello

A little early for the “sad fans in the stands” camera search, don’t you think, Fox?

Spur

What a minute, why does Washington get shit for [*Redacted] s but Cleveland can use Indians?

Senor Weaselo

They’re “going to meet about it sometime after the World Series.”

LemonJello

NAWT AS RAYCESS?

\asking for my own knowledge

jjfozz

I guess because Cleveland is already shit on by the rest of the universe, why add to it

Horatio Cornblower

They should change the name to the “Cleveland Mound People” and then point out that that civilization went extinct so fuck all y’all.

I’d buy a hat.

Spur

Did the Mound Peoples distant relatives migrate to Indiana ?

LemonJello

Are you saying they became the Fat Humps?