If you’re a millennial, you are a douche-pussy. And I fucking hate you. If you’re a millennial and reading this article, or a regular visitor to DFO, congrats. You are not a flimsy little snowflake who was raised by gigantic, helicoptering pussies. You realize that life in the grown up world is a daily kick in the balls, followed by a gigantic pile of diarrhea falling on your head – and all of this occurs before you hit the snooze button.
Jesus Christ, let’s kill this entire generation, or drive them crazy by telling them jokes that haven’t been sanitized of any mention of race, creed, sex, religion, gender, sexual preference, politics, and the farmer’s daughter.
Seriously, this is fucking over the edge. A safe space? Fuck you, you fucking pathetic little bitch – this applies to both men and women because when I insult someone, I want to make sure that it applies to everyone.
Safe space? When I was in college, a safe space was a place where I could pass out and NOT wake up with shit scribbled over my entire body with an industrial sized black Sharpie. Honest to god, this happened way too much, along with having my zipper glued shut with Krazy Glue so I couldn’t take that cruical morning whizz.
Want to know how bad it’s gotten? Tufts University has passed a law that allows students to CALL THE MOTHERFUCKING COPS if they see a Halloween costume that is OFFENSIVE OR NON-PC. Like my grandmother used to say, “I shit you not.”
Drink this in for a second, or gulp it like low grade bourble. Halloween costumes. Offensive. Calling the cops. Each and every person who does this should be locked into a room and forced to watch Blazing Saddles until they fucking get it. Or stroke out. Whichever comes first. Fucking sensitive douche guzzling cunts.
Now, I understand that some costumes go over the line. Blackface is one of them. Slitted eyes is another. In my book that’s about it. Fuck. It’s fucking Halloween. Go dress like a slut so I can get a great look at your funbags.
(Hey wait a minute, that guy is dressed like a gangster, and I’m an Italian American and THAT FUCKING OFFENDS ME I’M CALLING THE COPS. Oh wait a minute, there were a lot of paisans involved with organized crime, so maybe I should move the fuck on. Chug a few Mickey’s Big Mouths and chase it with a tureen of Old Grand Dad bourbon. Yes, that’s what I’ll do.)
And millennials are fucking lazy and self-centered. Yes, that’s a cliché and stereotype, cause it’s true. They are fucking little turds who want the world to revolve around them, like every other generation, but somehow, they’re more annoying. They’re also vegan, and for that they should be force fed raw squirrel meat.
Another note to you dickswags, I could give a bloody booger about your beliefs. I don’t care. Go ahead, have them. It’s your right. Don’t share them, because maybe you should be out working or drinking. I’m sure your drink of choice is something that is expensive and pretentious. You need to have a pint of Old Crow forced down your throat.
Finally, you all dress like pretentious shitbirds. I want to take those stupid fucking wool hats and pull them down over your eyes, and beat you like a fucking gong. Your beards are ratty and smelly. Ron Jeremy would laugh at your feeble attempts, then he’d sweet talk your girlfriend into a threesome with Jim Tomsula in an abandoned Motel 8 in Wichita.
Am I acting like an old man? Fucking don’t care. Gen X was my generation, and we were a pack of obnoxious, coke snorting assholes. We coveted wealth and social status and we probably read Trump’s books. But when Halloween came around, we dressed like we fucking wanted to, and didn’t call the cops, unless our cocaine was on fire. That was a true emergency. When the cops got there, we’d put out the fire, and do a line or two with them.
Get fucked, millennials. (PS – all of your blogs and social media postings don’t mean a goddamn thing to anyone. You are all vapid shit pussies.)
This made me smile:
A little girl, Kendall Brockenbrough, who was shot on the streets of Baltimore by a piece of shit that should be shoveled slowly into a wood chipper, was moved from Shock Trauma to a rehabilitation facility. This story broke the fuck out of my heart, and I donated to her GoFundMe page. So there, I’m not a drunken sot with a piece of concrete for a heart.
How do you feel about the Willenials?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6Rms5J7nGI
You’re saying this is true for 80% of a generation when it’s only about 5-10% and is only prevalent because of the internet.
Generalized vague anger based on a few anecdotes is the best… and funniest anger…. which is the intent of these posts.
Jesus Christ, fozz. You sound like a fucking idiot. Because your argument is fucking stupid and built on a foundation of sheer ignorance.
The reason that girl has a GoFundMe is because the same ignorant motherfuckers making the anti-millennial argument you made have ruined this fucking country.
“Can you see my pussy?”
“No….. but…”
“Well, then it’s not sexual harassment.”
http://68.media.tumblr.com/2f162bc883c0f4e03d28582ff7068132/tumblr_o67fpd7nYI1rsqd6bo2_250.gif
Oh my I can feel the Ginzo rage radiating like a nuke set off in Glen Burnie!
Bless your heart, fozz.
The only thing that annoys me when folks rant about “safe spaces” and shit like that…its typically from old farts pissed because they want to deal out shit, but can’t handle it coming back at them. They basically want their own special safe space.
I actually had a dude in the office complaining that he can’t use the N-word because rappers and comedians say that all the time.
“Greg…if you want to call me that, go ahead. I just reserve the right to go off on you”
“Nah JSD. Not you. You’re one of the good ones”
“Greg…you know you are just pissing me off even more”.
“SEE! THIS IS WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT! You kids are so sensitive!”
This is the same guy that claims all young people are complete lazy pussies and he has yet to realize I did three deployments for Iraq and Afghanistan so him and the rest of America could get his war nut off.
I had a kid prior to my last deployment (literally a few days before we got on the bird to the -Stan) that brought up that “the Marine Corps wasn’t what he thought it was, and he didn’t want to deploy. Now, understand we were a communications unit, weren’t going to leave the wire and would be on one of the largest, most Murrican bases in the world – he didn’t like being a Lance Corporal and having to do the shit details ALL LANCE CORPORALS HAVE TO DO! (I know, I was one at one time) Only my extensive training and mandatory beatings kept me from losing my eyesight from rolling my eyes so much while he bitched to the XO. I was of a mind that I was going to fuck with this little special snowflake the entire deployment.
Little entitled fuckstick.
When I was in Afghanistan, my team was attached to the 3/6 (I think — it’s been a decade) Marines and they had this Lt Col Pettine (not of the Mike variety, unfortunately) who was a total fuck. Pretty standard “we don’t do shit but we’ll write it up like we’ve really done something so we can get awards” bullshit and not acting on any sort of solid intel because he honestly thinks it’s a big deal that he does tea with the mayor. Anyways, this dude had a combover. And as much as all his Marines hated him, I had to imagine that they really respected the man who has the balls to walk in to the Lejeune barber and be like, “I’m a Marine colonel! Buzz it all down! Well, except this line of 25 hairs — leave those alone. I’m gonna push them over so I can fool some people.”
He was 5’5″ — he wasn’t fooling anyone.
I thought this tweet was interesting.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/533a0055520026736e9e28a551c698c8/tumblr_og2g27TRFX1t4gzl1o1_540.jpg
Well, that was really fucking stupid of you.
I unfortunately do have to say one thing in defense of the millenials. It isn’t all their fault they feel they are such precious snowflakes.
I blame the parents, who are mostly the older Gen X’s and worst of the worst the younger baby boomers. They are the ones who felt little Addison and Kayden coldn’t go outside without adult supervision until they were 14. And then needed a chaperone if there was someone of a different gender around. Or that they need to track the movements of their children at all times by gps on the phone.
I will go before this turns into a Fozz length rant.
I see it a little differently – it’s not the parents that try to keep abreast (heh- breast) of their kids’ comings and goings – it’s the ones that let the little fuckers run amok and never hold them accountable for anything that make me want to zero my rifle with their heads. They want to be their kids friends and not their parents. “Oh, Sally Fuckwit and Johnny Douchebag are perfect in every way and all their hopes and dreams will come true while unicorns lick their asses clean.”
You’re both right.
Yeah, fuck you millenials and your terrible fashion sense
Oh and you won’t have sex without condoms? What the fuck are you pussies afraid of?
Unleaded paint, seat belts, three prong outlets! What a nation of wimps! Can’t we get someone to make this country great again??
Thanks, Fozz. I needed this today.
Also this:
This was IWDB’s link.
Admit it right now!!!!!!!
My daughter’s elementary school had it’s fall festival last week, and the coolest thing there was the firefighters’ union grilled burgers and hot dogs and didn’t charge anything. They said it’s just their community service. I was like, y’all help stupid people after they’ve set shit on fire. Your whole job is community service. Thanksgiving is a busy day for y’all because no one needs a license to fry a turkey.
Anyway, this millennial rolls up with the stupid hat and the manhole cover earrings and the black skinny jeans and asks if they have vegetarian burgers. Little shit was like 5’6″ 115lbs, and 10 of that was his stupid beard. No they didn’t have vegetarian burgers. They’re firemen. And now you’re wife, with her stupid black lipstick is ovulating.
AND TAKE OFF THAT STUPID HAT!!! IT’S 85 DEGREES!!!
That reminds me, I need to go look up Yeah Right’s Thanksgiving dinner post now because I’m surely going to last minute it.
As a fellow Gen Xer (Xite? Xian?), I’d like to add that I can’t find my Aleve this morning and I really need it. Thank Vishnu pot will be legal here after tomorrow.
YOU BETTER LOSE TONIGHT DAMMIT!!!1!!1
Seriously, I might lose tonight if something called Walt Powell has a decent game, because of the Derrick Henry fuckery & because there were no active kickers on the waiver wire. How fucking cool is insanity league?
I rolled with no D or kicker.
I love this league. It combines the thrill of starting the Saints defense with the ennui of starting Adam Thielen. Plus, I’m unstoppable (until tonight).
Where’s here?
Follow up question….Do you have a guest room?
“Here” is California, and yes, I have a guest room. Wait…rest room. I have a restroom. Or two. Plus the backyard. I can relieve myself in multiple places is what I’m saying.
I’m almost hoping 205 (AZ’s regulate weed like booze proposition) loses just because I feel special for gaming the system. Make weed legal and then I need to move to heroin to feel like a bad boy.
Don’t make blax shoot up. Vote no on 205.
That’s why we have bottles in practically every room. When you buy some, just divvy it up into a few different containers and stash them around the house.
Not gonna lie. I’m interested in getting more information about helicoptering pussies.
/admittedly might be talking about different kinds of helicopters and/or pussies
“YER GLORIOUSLY GOTT-DAMNED RIGHT, HERR FOZZ!”
http://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/3p0ap2/just_having_a_beer/
http://imgur.com/gallery/dECFUgD
Alternatively:
via GIPHY
Well fuck me with Mr. Winkles, I am disappoint.
I’m so glad that the term “Generation Y” never really caught on.
I’m a Y. I’d take that any day of the week over being associated with the current crop of 20-somethings. I don’t even know how to use photoshop!
http://webalia.com/uploads/contenidos_usrs/originales/390225_pepsi_generation_next_20101102102336.gif
You could cut the hate with a butter knife ans spread it on a bagels made by boiling hipster tears. Glorious.
Yes, but they’d have to be gluten-free, and with cruelty free hand churned butter to get the millenials to eat them.
Can we launch them from a bagel cannon at the hipsters instead?
Is there a “Gen” between Baby Boomer & X?
Also, these posts are the best, but THIS one is fuggin’ SPECTACULAR. You must’ve slept like a baby the night you wrote it. Glorious hate!
I seem to remember being called part of the “Me Generation” or the “MTV Generation” when I was a teen in the ’80s.
AMEN!
Bonus millennial points if the cops show up with a van labelled “Paddywagon”.
Helicoptering: When my brother was in charge of reviewing resumes at his old law firm, he would round-file any application if the kid’s parents called to check on its status. ‘If a 24 year-old can’t follow up on their own application’, he thought, ‘there’s no way they’d ever be confident enough to be a good lawyer.
One of the reasons I work in adult ed is so I don’t have to talk to parents.
Wait — parents actually called to follow up for their child? For a professional job?
I get the hammering on millenials, they/we (I’m on the old side) are dumb as hell and they’re coming up in a time of unprecedented access to information which has some major pros/cons but, more importantly, just makes for a different upbringing than previous generations. I try to cut them some slack because, like with the Safe Space stuff, I think the same small numbers of ‘activists’ that every generation has just happen to get more traction with Millennials because they are the most proficient internet users we have.
That said, it’s fucking head-shaking to me that anyone’s parents would call to follow up on a resume submission. I mean, the parent should know that is going to fuck the child, right?
Apparently, it’s usually because the kid couldn’t wait for an answer, and the parents were concerned that my brother / the firm didn’t recognize what a special little angel they hadn’t yet hired.
Also, he finds it a wholly American thing, because it never happened in Canada, and he’s never heard of it from the London office. But it happened twice at different US firms.
They wouldn’t get the Paddywagon issue. I’ve mentioned it to Professors who teach these shits a bunch of this stuff, and THEY had no clue that it could be “offensive” to the micks.
Because even if you are cravenly-PC,
http://img.memecdn.com/we-don-amp-039-t-want-the-irish_fb_5601281.jpg
And that is just good common sense.
/Ducks potato.
Millennials are also filling out greater proportions of NFL rosters. Might this be any relation to the lower ratings?
http://cdn2.vox-cdn.com/thumbor/g1E1kJp0AB2SnOF2nkofeAo0r6g=/cdn0.vox-cdn.com/uploads/chorus_asset/file/2328388/USATSI_8126437.0.jpg
Pictured: Fozz’s son.
“Gen X was my generation.”
No shit, Fozz.