The NFL had a hell of a task on its hands yesterday-to attempt to make us forget about the previous few miserable days. In a remarkable upset, I think they actually pulled it off. Will wonders never cease! By my count there were 10 games decided by 9 points or less. No, the NFL isn’t “back!” nor do I have its back but baby steps, right? And judging by the overall mood of the comments yesterday in the threads I think folks here are in general agreement that the day was a good one. The big question* now is of course-can the Mighty New York Giants beat the blasted Bengals tonight? TO THE GAME!
Cincy/NYG-Qb’s Dalton and Manning are mirror images of each other (okay, maybe if you were wearing rose-coloured glasses while peeking at The Red Rifle) in that they can surprise the hell out of you at any given time with competent/incompetent play. They also have access to an All-World wide receiver that has a habit of bailing them out of bad decisions and long third down situations. The Bengals need this one to keep pace with the Ravens/Steelers in an AFC North division that is so sluggish it may as well be the 405 during rush hour. (for my SoCal friends) There are wingnut Giants fans out there that think that they can still win the NFC East. Wow. It takes all kinds I guess. With a win they would be the sixth seed however and there is little to no room for mistakes because the Redacteds and Eagles are right there. We may just have another watchable game on our hands. So sit back, tear open a juice box, and pour some vodka in there-there’s some tube-watchin’ to do!
As always, TYPE LIKE IT MATTERS!
*I’m not good with big questions
Well, on the bright side, I won’t have to watch another playoff loss this year.
Fuck the Patriots and good night.
Good God, I suck at being poor. You’d think after three decades I’d be good at it
Pacman Jones is going to commit like 3 unnecessary roughness penalties in a row to keep the drive alive isn’t he?
Bullee dat.
You know, while I normally wouldn’t mind watching a redhead be piled up on by a bunch of guys, this is not what I meant.
Wow, those Giants piled on Andy Dalton like a…well, you know.
So…did both teams agree not to suit up offensive linemen? I haven’t really been following this game but it seems like a lot of derp in the trenches…
Time to see if the Bengals offense is as bad on TV as it is on radio.
Ah, so that’s what they mean when they say the Bengals have “an offense meant for radio”.
Ginger scramble! Not quite spicy, not quite tasty.
Eli’s in danger of having his juice box privileges revoked…and maybe no cartoons Saturday morning.
Joey Ryan will see your manequin challenge and raise you a Zack Morris Timeout.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-KgObPoTtU
I was told there would be lots of offense once I tuned in.
Lots of offense taken to the quality of play on display.
When we send the NFL to Mexico City, we’re sending rapists, wife beaters, and criminals. Some players, I assume are good people.
That is funny.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GibiNy4d4gc
What the fuck?
Dalton throws pic
Eli throws pic…
sorry it was funny in my head…
I just popped in from American Dad and suddenly it was the Lion King. .. I was so confused
Ah, Nate Silver’s on The Daily Show to explain why Donald Drumpf has absolutely no chance whatsoever to get the Republican nomination.
Uh…
Punterception.
A couple of years ago, my uncle on my father’s side died. For some reason, he made me executive of his estate (of which he had NOTHING prepared). A few years later, despite having NINE surviving kids, my dad’s mother did the same shit to me. To this day, I have aunts and uncles pissed at me because they seem to think I was just allowed to cut checks to people whenever I wanted.
I got a call from my mother. My grandmother on her side is dying. She has been in a retire home for a while. Growing up, she used to call me “monkalb” which I thought as a kid was just like what Yiddish grandmother call their grand kids. It was only later that I realized what it meant. She was never a pleasant woman.
Turns out, that whenever she kicks the bucket…I am the executive of HER estate. I think I get stabbed with this because I am one of the few people in my extended family that has gone to college.
The same shit is going to happen…the debts are going to be more than the estate is worth. Asshole relatives are going to climb out of the woodwork expecting a handout that doesn’t exist, at the same time giving me shit because I couldn’t afford the “platinum send off package” that the fucking ghouls running the funeral home are hard selling.
I fucking detest this entire process. Oh…and even though its a 10 hour round trip, I will thrown down money I visited the woman that used to torment me more often than family members that lives five minutes away.
Seriously…I am being a Debbie Downer and I apologize but holy shit the last 24 hours have been rather crap-tastic…
No apology needed. I led the post off cursing Alzheimer’s. That’s pretty shitty that people think you’re being stingy and playing favorites.
Pretty sure this site functions as everyone’s soapbox, so no need to apologize. Quite the opposute, in fact. I’m sorry to your family keeps piling this shit on you with no regard for your wishes on the matter. Bitch away, we will try to make dick jokes to keep things even for you.
Holy shit-snacks! You’re a far better person than I am. I’d be sure to give every. fucking. one of those asshole relatives a crash course in profanity-laced tirades if they so much as gave me stink-eye over anything.
At my grandmothers death, I had to fly in from outside the country immediately. I show up to start making arrangements and my aunt tells me I have to sigh my one uncle out of jail. I’m gobsmacked…like what?!?!
They needed someone to sign him out, basically take on the risk if he gets into trouble, babysit his fucking ass for like 48 hours, and for some reason, she thought that this would fit into the schedule of trying to set up taxes, funeral home arrangements, and all the other random shit.
I told her no and that I had far too much stuff to worry about. Keep in mind, I am trying to do all this while on Sydney, Australia time zone sleep schedule. As soon as the funeral was over, I was on a fucking plane back to the work site.
I was over the middle of the fucking Pacific before I basically came to terms my grandmother died and I started crying.
Jesus. Nobody deserves that. That’s awful.
One of the very few upsides to growing up poor is never having to worry about inheritance issues. I’ve seen what my in-laws have gone through over some farmland in the upper peninsula, and there’s 3 siblings that basically refuse to acknowledge either of the others are alive because of it. The eldest believes he’s owed all of it because he’s the eldest and bitches the most, despite the fact he was given 100 acres to live on for no real fucking reason, as far as I can understand his argument. The middle one who believes he’s owed it because he’s not quite as batshit insane as the oldest, and because my mother-in-law married not just one Native, but a second one after the first died. And my mother-in-law, who’s an amazing person and was the primary caretaker of her elderly parents until the very end, but not great at getting shit recorded and official, and who has no more legal claim to it to the other two. They went scorched earth a few years ago, and the court had to step in earlier this year and say “Fuck it. Sell the farm.” and they finally had to this year. I want no part of that world. When my dad died, and my opportunistic mom did a malpractice cash grab (albeit a legally justified one), I shocked the rest of my family by immediately washing my hands of anything to do with it and signing away my portion of it. It’s not worth the price you pay.
This is why I’m glad I have no family.
You know, you can refuse the appointment. Fuck these people.
Back breaking pick thrown by not Eli?
GINGER-CEPTION!
You didn’t wait long enough.
Bleergh giveth and Bleergh taketh away…
So the highlight of my night so far is walking past my room, noticing my dog chilling on my bed, decide to throw my coat generally at him. it lands in a perfect croissant shape around him.
You could see the little dude’s life flash before his eyes.
other than that, fuck this week. can’t wait for it to be over. it’s only monday? SHIeeeet…..
With that extra point, Robbie Gould showed the Giants a kicker can contribute to beating more than his wife.
I figure this is as good a time as any to step out for a bit.
Bartender poured me a “dark mild”, which is what Trump is calling the African-Americans who aren’t protesting his election.
Had to go to Shepard there didn’t you? Asshole.
Watching the Drunk History with* Katie Nolan. She actually holds her liquor a little too well.
*featuring Katie Nolan, not like she’s here in my living room watching Drunk History with me.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/97a8dace72793cb8c565424ebcb3d4b8/tumblr_ofb4whvt9w1tvvm7oo1_1280.jpg
Keytar usually has that effect on me, too
I’mma go watch American Dad because I think im out of Eli jokes, but it needs to be said: you all have KILLED it this week. Excellent recovery after a shit week for many of us
Finally at a bar to watch the end of the game and have a few pints. I was gonna abstain from drinking today and then remembered it wasn’t all a dream.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/639830dcb835da110b2590f37ee38a6d/tumblr_og6els8QY91ry0ke6o1_400.gif
Italian with a side salad?
You two fuckers are going to get me kicked out of my building for laughing so loudly
Tape it.
Goddamn it, Moose
Tape worms are nothing to joke about.
/drags nude ass across carpet
Geno Atkins is having a monster game. Seems like every play he’s putting the guard on his ass.
Eli’s trying to get the hurry up offense going so he can get back to bed before Gruden notices he snuck out.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/37f1d7faa9d595aa38b6ee1ebe451f95/tumblr_o9rfjvwrw01ut1d6co4_500.gif
http://68.media.tumblr.com/5759ee8c85e6fceb85b87aa0c2b8d600/tumblr_ofjyoq05aw1spgx0yo1_500.jpg
It’s OK, but I really wish he would finish the sequel to “Dark Triangle”: “The Inky Asterisk.”
Evening peoples. The Bengals look… competent… on MNF? Does not compute!
Hey yo Senor! How were the celebrations?
I’m not dead, but if someone offers you a 252 (Wild Turkey 101 & Bacardi 151), JUST SAY NO!
I’m out after a concert, but sticking to soda for now. Stomach’s still doing backflips.
Good lord. You lived?
This was after three Moscow Mules. I” surprised I didn’t combust, but yeah, stomach said no more after half of that.
Oh come on. He didn’t even finish it.
(Friend of mine used to buy those for me, but he called it a “nitro express,” and yeah, they’re awful but they get you where you wanna go)
http://memecrunch.com/meme/BHRUJ/danger-will-robinson-danger/image.jpg
I wonder how many of those high school kids Goodell tried to fine.
“I think you like me for my money.”
http://68.media.tumblr.com/11ca903dc0b998edfa90ef06fa53bcfd/tumblr_o99zcyw1K01ubf88so2_1280.png
“We need to talk about your hygiene habits down there, honey.”
“I know looks aren’t everything…but they sure help.”
“Next time you think it’s just gas…. warn me anyway, OK?”
I thought we were done with the Trump jokes.
They don’t call him Steamboat Willy for nothin
Did…. did Mickey just FUCK those holes into the cheese?
http://68.media.tumblr.com/a0cac0323daa75c1c03816ea602c361a/tumblr_ofh4t0g4Gf1v3ivsio1_1280.jpg
http://66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lkqyd0GGHE1qc3n92o1_500.gif
I would watch this gif for 3 straight hours while enduring a botched lethal injection and it would still be better than the latest Jurassic Abortion.
My boss who is in his late 40’s thought the new one was a better movie.
I think I need to find a new job
It’s better than 2 or 3, but not original flavor.
Yeah, I said it.
So The Grand Tour looks amazing.
It is. You guys are going to love it.
Who the shit gave James May a gun?
http://roa.h-cdn.co/assets/16/46/980×490/landscape-1479138170-grand-tour.jpg
Capt. Slow with a firearm? Interesting…
Safer than Hamster or Jezza.
These guys in the Silverado commercial seem unreasonably upset about a tool going in a hole.
WRONG HOLE! WRONG HOLE!
“Although as they say in the Navy, there is no wrong hole.” — George Carlin
(I figure JSD might appreciate that one the most)
Bengal ATTACK!
http://neveryetmelted.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/03/TigerHowdah.gif
That’s been the last sight a lot of creatures ever saw
Are they riding an elephant backwards? And whey are there two cuts in the gif?
His Dobber is back up.
He should call a doctor if it lasts more than 4 hours
Did Coughlin just say he doesn’t want to coach unless it’s a good opportunity, only any team that needs a coach sucks?
Love the audible “Oh my god” from Coughlin there.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/1860de36850457393892f2c29920a989/tumblr_ofmdecAy7k1ts2i2so1_1280.jpg
“So, uh…..can we get a turn now?”
Reminds me of when I played tabletop RPGs
http://68.media.tumblr.com/d0079e38ba56276c262d0f93ecc09599/tumblr_oac8eeLgIz1u1zib8o1_400.gif
She imagined a story where she didn’t have to be the damsel, too.
OK, enough football for one weekend.
Time to get caught up on Westworld. Then later, Street Kings re-watch. Or maybe Scarface, mang!!!!
Didn’t play the first Watchdogs. Which is good, because I don’t think I can have another game on my list to play after Battlefield 1 and Skyrim SE
I think I’ve seen this Watchdogs 2 commercial enough to say with confidence the main character probably did not get hugged enough as a child.
Well that’s one way to start the 2nd half
If you get dragged down by the kicker like that, everybody else on the team gets to call you “Sally” for a week.
Gruden sounded like the most exasperated babysitter ever when he said “Eli…. he’s a handful.”
http://68.media.tumblr.com/a790e69d59092f1f831ce0186c5ccdcf/tumblr_mep7jaG75P1rcdggno2_1280.jpg
This is banner material
I have The Expendables 3 on mute on my TV just to have some movement in my field of vision, but every time I look up to see Mel Gibson I admire that he makes a very good villain.
I never said he was a good actor.
Blood Father fucking rocks, BTW. Mel is in full form there, and his beard should get a co-star credit.
So I’ve heard. Still need to see that one.
Get the Gringo was pretty epic, too.
Agreed. That one could almost be an unofficial sequel to Payback.
Payback was a pretty good adaptation of The Hunter, but it’s hard to beat the novel for color.
I’ve read it was supposed to be, which seems awesome, because the Parker novels are great.
Haven’t read Parker yet, but Get Carter was fucking incredible. Lee Marvin AND 34 year old Angie Dickinson, plus the rest of the cast. One of the bleakest movies I’ve ever seen, yet somehow promising for the man “who:s gots to have a code”