Ahhh, Mexico City! Did you know that the NFL hasn’t played here since Mahmound Abbas won a landslide victory for the presidency of the Palestinian Authority? Time certainly has flown. Believe it or not, as a Canadian growing up in-you know-I didn’t learn much about The Mexico City! Shall we unpack her? Let’s! Rumour has it that Mexico City is arguably the biggest city in Mexico! Quite some time ago William S. Burroughs taught me that if you want to murder your wife under the guise of playing “William Tell”, the best place to pull it off is right here. This lovely lady of a city has the 2nd largest fresh fish market in the world but also the 27th largest fresh elk market as well! The 1968 Olympics ushered in the tres chic black glove fashion statement. The city has a very generous immigration policy with respect to Canadians because, “they tend to keep the overall temperature down.” The GDP (Gross Dick Pic) of this metropolis and its environs relative to the country as a whole is a whopping 16%! The mayor of Mexico City can cure psoriasis by simply looking at you. Every January 11th, fireworks are stuffed up the butt of Hernando Cortez effigies. What’s with the big grudge, City of Palaces? TO THE GAME!
Hou/Oak-For the smarty-pantses among you (myself included) that thought that the Chiefs were nowhere close to being as good as their record indicated-I give you the Houston Texicans. This whisper-thin “good” 6-3 team has a minus 27 point differential. Sure, they’ve squeaked by lousy teams six times. Huzzah for them! The bad news is that every time they’ve played a good team they’ve been blown out. The wins are not convincing and the losses are disheartening. The secondary is highly ranked but hasn’t faced a wr combo the likes of Crabtree/Cooper so far. Houston can bring the heat against lesser clubs but the Raiders O-line is ranked 2nd in pressure rates (Carr has time to throw the ball) and first in adjusted sack rate (amount of time fooling around with their balls because the athletic cup doesn’t fit quite right) Looks to me that the Raiders will expose themselves to the Texicans.
There you go… HAVE AT IT, MISCHIEF-MAKERS!!!
Well, so far Mexican football is just like regular football except slightly spicier and a tiny bit less rapey.
Give it time
I would pay $100K to watch Amy Schumer get punched repeatedly.
For $100k I will punch the fuck out of anyone you ask me to
If it is a show you want Entropy can punch me repeatedly for 10K
“He can flick the ball from awkward body positions.”
Was he talking about Carr or Andrew Rogers?
Yes?
oh noes, Rikki gon’ die
He died how he lived: On fire
Today, driving my sons home, I was nearly sideswiped by an asshole in a subaru wagon.
Did I:
A. Ignore it and act mature.
B. Curse silently, remember I’m a dad, and turn up the radio.
C. Bide my time and then cut the motherfucker off as we were getting on the highway.
D. Flip him off and yell “Eat it, bitch!”
E. both C & D?
Great minds, you poor, poor bastard.
Can we choose both C and D?
Yes, it was C and D, because you could just TELL the driver was a mincing, bearded, fucktard who probably listen to Mumford and Sons, wears a scarf inside, and is gluten free.
I wanted to flay him alive, remove his femurs, and use them as fishing poles.
We really need to be neighbors, we’d have a supercritical mass of hate to cleanse the world.
C and D
That’s a benching
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PVCf0gaBmg
evening
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lml9hcuqdW1qii6tmo1_500.gif
Good thing I have a lot of beer on hand.
“I can make your team win. I’ll just need to take… YOUR LIVER!”
Kanye is in the hospital. Must be getting that long overdue assholectomy
I thought that was what the hospital staff referred to the event of him checking out.
Let’s just hope the asshole survives having Kanye removed from it.
“Look around, this is why it’s so dark in here”- Things you should say in Detroit.
It just me, or did Jon’s “dark in here” comments about Mexican raider fans sound racist as all hell?
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-9KHcEwV4Sc8/UfKj8WcQXxI/AAAAAAAAN84/D5LRzjKLR8E/s1600/mexican-fan.gif
What the shit, I was told I could take the over.
Oh the corners will be here all night long, Jon? They won’t be swapped out mid-game for a local, cheaper equivalent?
how does BLEERGH translate, ese?
BLEERGH transcends all mortal borders, for BLEERGH is nigh omnipotent!
El Bleegh
I love when a defender obviously interferes and looks utterly shocked when it gets called.
Now Mexico gets to see the REAL American flag. Bask in its yellow glow.
Is it wrong of me that I hate the entire Texans team because I can’t stand J J Watt?
No. There are entire countries I hate due to a single person.
Don’t look at me like that, Liechtenstein. You know what you did.
Him and his god damn dots. I fucking hate those paintings.
Bad false teeth?
Nah. Hate away
11 minutes and no flags? BLEERGH is not amused.
The Raider seem to be playing better now that I cracked a beer. This could spell trouble.
Bill O’Brien stars in “We Can’t Pick Up 1.5 Feet: A Texans Story
I remember a similar tale: “Houston Can’t Handle 18 Inches”
-It’s a love story.
I just put way too much Ultra Death on way to small a piece of pork chop. I wiped and dabbed as necessary, but that was a bit of a hazmat situation.
Oof. Been there. Tasty murder.
Afghan weather girl screen test:
http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2010/07/22/article-0-002124871000044C-562_468x296.jpg
I wish the announcers would stop griping about Hopkins. He stepped out; both officials saw it.
Thin white line Gruden knows well.
They keep looking at the wrong part of the replay – he actually stepped out with his inside foot.
The best part of an NFL game in Mexico is that if a team shits the bed late we can refer to it as “Montezuma’s Revenge.”
I thought’s that’s what we call it when THE DONALD gets impeached
TOnight’s experiment: What is more entertaining, MNF or Paulie Shore’s loveletter to the modern cinema, “Son In Law”?
I’ll take “a brick to the temple,” Fozz
Tiffany Amber Thiesen with a small supporting role helps out. Just a little. Cause I want to pork her. Many times.
Argument #1
I have no issues with either Tiffany Amber Thiessen or Carla Gugino…. but Pauly Shore makes me want to hurt people
Son-in-Law
Sombreros look practical. I want one.
I concur
?quality=90&w=600
Especially if the brim’s made of corn tortilla chip!
http://new3.fjcdn.com/gifs/Nacho+man_dfe417_5455726.gif
They’re awesome. When I was in college living in a falling-down old house with five other guys, we always had Taco Tuesday, which included Coronas, tequila, mariachi music blasting on the stereo, plastic maracas from the dollar store, and everyone in a sombrero. It was fucking wonderful.
ESPN Radio is using Mexican announcers. TRUMP WAS RIGHT! THEY’RE TAKIN’ OUR JERBS!
Actually, the color guy is better than Boomer Fucking Esiason
The crazy old man who shouts at me when I leave the nearest Wawa is better than Boomer
http://67.media.tumblr.com/19ccbc02a47a27f75fdf6dce290eacd1/tumblr_o1ycj9fM9H1s97etwo1_500.gif
I hope they tell us how tall Derek Carr is soon. I’m getting nervous thinking I won’t find out tonight.
just hypothetically, if the Texans existed and wanted to sell Brock Lobster for parts whilst down Mexico way…how much could they get?
With the exchange rate? About $13.50.
hey, it gets Mark and one lucky guest into the donkey show!
6000 pesos
How healthy are his kidneys?
well, he DID go to Arizona State…
“Nausea, headaches, feeling gassed..and that’s just the audience watching this shitshow at home, back to you in the booth.”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK1wR0pB12M
Honestly, I’m disappointed there hasn’t been a missed kick yet.
Jesus. Does she have a weekend job cracking coconuts )?
Why is there an open flame in the stadium?
Because…. mexico?
It’s a guinness attempt for blue flaming
Pressure applied by Osweiler’s upper body. He’s 6’8″, you know. That kind of thing puts a lot of pressure on the spine.
Oooh a moose knuckle
And fuck this inconsiderate old asshole in this iPhone commercial. Your dive socks and I don’t want to hear your shitty music either you sun-baked fuck
http://i.imgur.com/VJogo2E.gif
Hola, amigos y amigas.
Hey yo
buenas tardes
Random Person: Sister Mary Catherine, you’re a Raiders fan. Are you going to the game?
Sister Mary Catherine: Fuck you cabron! Don’t use my name! You don’t know me! Te mato sin contrato, holmes! Keep fuckin’ around!
On a different note, Hayes shorty wooooooooooo
/Gets steel beam thrown at me by WCS
What the fuck, O’Brian? Did you think they’d just award you a touchdown?
I’m guessing that’s unchallengeable because NFL, right?
Would love a throwback Shaubception right now
BUT HOW TALL WAS HE? HMMMM?