Your “Try Not To Kill ALL Of Your Family” Thanksgiving-Eve Wednesday Night Open Thread

NFL News:

  • No doubt in response to DFO’s expert analysis, Packers president Mark Murphy said Wednesday he’s not firing anybody.
    • His answer takes a shot at some teams: “Well, if you look across the league, when those individual owners do things like that, it usually doesn’t turn out very well.”
  • Injury bug:
    • Gronk – out another week
    • Luke Kuechly and Ryan Kalil – held out of practice
    • Stefon Diggs – questionable
    • RGIII – returning to full practice, but still not starting
    • Chris Johnson – season-ending IR
  • Really unhappy with his 10-game PED suspension (with 4 games left to serve), Lane Johnson is taking both the NFL and NFLPA to the National Labor Relations Board (NLRB), hoping he can find their negotiated language around the issue invalid, thereby waiving his sentence and possibly qualifying him for back-pay.
    • Kind of a smart move, going around the courts and into the realm of the bureaucrat. Having had to defend a teacher’s union contract before (as local president), you never know which way a panel will go.
      • Courts tend to stick to the letter of the agreement; government panels look for “intent” and “interpretation”.

Super Bowl ticket packages of just tickets & field access went on sale today via NFL Ticket Exchange. At present, they have three tiers:

  • Captains – starting at $6000
  • Legends – starting at $10500
  • MVP – starting at $11500

Is it possible to hope both Cowboys fans & Patriots fans pay maximum money for maximum disappointment?

Finally, nfl.com has a delightful short piece on Steve Smith and what keeps him going. “Generational ass whoopings.” It seems Smith wants to keep playing until his son is ready to play in the NFL, so there will be players both will have played against, “and [he can say] my dad beat you like a drum, so I’m going to beat you like a drum.”

ESPN follows up with a longer story about trash talking, which includes this bit that boils Steve Smith down:

“I’ve had two rookies that unfortunately, they have lost all respect for me, so it’s been really keeping me up at night. It’s tragic. I’ve been losing sleep. With all the lack of sleep, I know we lost, but I was almost unable to send my cleats and gloves all the way to Canton because of the lack of the sleep thing.”


As is tradition, I’m going to celebrate US Thanksgiving in the usual Beerguyrob ways:

  • teaching
  • bitching about how I have to try and sneak viewings of the game while teaching
  • laughing at the carnage of Black Friday news reports on the teevee

Oh, and marvelling at the traffic chaos. Mom tried driving from Palm Springs to Cabazon yesterday, and it was so bad she felt the need to call and tell me about it. While it isn’t I-10, here’s what I-405 looked like last night.

Looks like fun. I don’t love family that much.

What’s a true shame is that the two day games (West Coast = Best Coast) actually seem like worthwhile contests. I can count on CNN to interrupt their stop-motion coverage of the pending Trump-ocalypse to give me people stabbing each other over $100 flat screens in Intercourse, Pennsylvania.


While on the topic of Thanksgiving, year-end brings the onset of many “best-of” lists. Of the few that mean anything to me, one involves the naming of The Whisky Exchange’s “Whisky of the Year”. For 2016, that means it’s the “Machir Bay” by Kilchoman.

“Named after the most spectacular beach on Islay, Machir Bay is the flagship of the Kilchoman range. It’s aged in ex-bourbon barrels, which brings out vanilla and toffee sweetness, then finished in ex-oloroso sherry casks, adding fruit and spice. If you’ve never tried an Islay whisky before, you must give this one a go – it’s fresh and fruity with a rich layer of wood smoke adding character and complexity.”

I’m not an Islay drinker, but that does look like a sexy dram.

In comparison, the Whisky Bible named Booker’s Rye “13 Years, 1 Month, 12 Days” its World Whisky of the Year.

“Booker’s Rye 13 Years, 1 Month, 12 Days began life as an experiment by Booker Noe – grandson of Jim Beam – at the family distillery in Clermont, KY, shortly before his death in 2004. After he passed away aged 74, son Fred kept an eye on his casks – and the result is pure liquid gold… [It’s] a staggering example of a magnificent rye, showing exactly what genius actually means. A very big, unforgettable whiskey from a very big, unforgettable man.”

That might be worth crossing the border for this weekend, exchange-rate be damned.


Tonight’s sports:

  • NBA:
    • Spurs at Hornets – 7:00 PM | ESPN
    • Raptors vs. Rockets – 8:00 PM | TSN
    • Timberwolves at Pelicans – 9:30 PM | ESPN
    • Lakers vs. Warriors – 10:30 PM | TSN
  • NHL:
    • Leafs at Devils – 7:00 | Sportsnet
    • Jets at Wild – 7:00 | Sportsnet360
    • Flyers at Lightning – 7:30 PM | NBCSN
    • Blackhawks at Sharks – 10:00 PM | NBCSN

South Park is dark again this week, so I leave you to find the movie marathon of your choice. If all else fails, remember – TOMORROW WE (i.e. – you) FOOTBALL!

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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Doktor Zymm

Imma go to sleep. I leave you with a bit of humor.

ALXMAC

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Best game of double dutch?

Doktor Zymm

justswissmilitarythings indeed.

Doktor Zymm

Doktor Zymm

Ask for Fry’s Dad’s special egg nog : bourbon and ice

ALXMAC

Dr. Pepper and/or A&W w/ Bacardi Silver. Who asks for rum “Neat”?

Doktor Zymm

OI OI ANTIFA

Doktor Zymm

Another possible positive of a Trump presidency. Maybe we’ll get some good US Anti-Facist music.

ALXMAC
Doktor Zymm

Too fuckin’ bad they from Quinzy. Great music though.

Doktor Zymm

Thing that has bothered be about pro-sports for a while. Yes, you support your local team, but there’s nothing local about it. There’s not “my city is better than your city” or any of that. You don’t have to be from a place to own, coach or play for a team. If a HOF player goes from one team to another and tips a team into being good, that says nothing about the place and everything about the player. I keep my fandom to keep my connection to where I’m from, but really it’s a connection with other people who are also fans, and the people playing on the team are irrelevant.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yup

ALXMAC

Can’t it be both or all of the above? I root for/follow athletes from my home state (OK) and double-down on players from OU; it even has me rooting for alumni going against my favorite teams (Sterling Shepard vs. the Dallas Cowboys).

ALXMAC

Crawford is playing out of his gord; Let’s go Sharks(?).

ALXMAC
JustStopDude

If I was back in my home state, I would have just walked back from downtown, making a Hottentot to smooth me over before falling asleep. Instead I am in shithole Baltimore, where chances are there are multiple boots on my car, along with skag heads who have broken in and are shitting/sleep in the backseat, all to basically pretend like I can tolerate my fucking family for a single meal.

Jesus Fuck Christ i HATE fucking maryland.

Doktor Zymm

Dude, go to Sidebar. Best fucking live music bar in Bmore.

Unsurprised

Do it. Doktor’s orders.

JustStopDude

Ladies and Gentlemen…I am a fucking idiot. A true, full bloodied idiot.

I met up with an ex. She dragged me to a party in Hamden. The last time I was in the row home I showed up at, I was shooting scramble, trying to slowly kill myself. It is now a hipster den.

At some point in the night, I made a joke about Pence, something along the lines of him being a “Power Bottom”.

Apparently the new girlfriend of my ex was in the room and took offense. She never said anything to me. My fucking phone will not stop buzzing, like I am in fucking grade school or some shit.

I can honestly say that in the 10 years I have been heroin free, I have never once felt the need to just fucking get obliterated instead of dealing with this annoying high school bullshit.

99% of US society could be obliterated tomorrow and NOTHING would be lost.

Unsurprised

Jesus Christ. Tell her to go fuck herself and then go find a nice Eastern European girl to wreck your back.

JustStopDude

I was once in Spain working and I made the mistake of calling a person English when he was from Wales and the dude shouted at me for 12 minutes because I did not know the different.

This is effectively the same situation. In both cases, I cannot fathom why they thing I should give a shit.

Unsurprised

Who cares? Let’s go bowling.

Unsurprised

Get a lobster roll for me.

Unsurprised

And some Bojangles fries.

Doktor Zymm

Well, the social problems in Wales are much worse than in England. Maybe he was afraid you would think he was well adjusted and just over compensated.

JustStopDude

“I hope you realize how you offended Amanda”

“I HAVE NO CLUE WHO IS AMANDA?!?! WAS SHE THE FAT ONE, THE ANNOYING ONE, OR THE FAT ANNOYING ONE?!?”

theeWeeBabySeamus

Yes…..?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Put phone on silent, and appreciate the fact that you got to her enough to get under her skin. I think that’s commendable, personally. Well done, sir.

Doktor Zymm

Is there any reason you ever need to hear from them again? Cause just block that shit.

Unsurprised

Also, do this. There’s no reason for her to be in your life at all. I’ve excised people from my life for way, WAY less than this. And I am probably the last person who should be giving anyone advice for dealing with other people, but me being emotionally disconnected makes me even certain that the only solution is for you to just let it go.

JustStopDude

Honestly…yeah…you are 100% right. It’s this stupid pointless shit that is so jarring to me. Part of KS has to know why someone gives a shit. There were 12 people at this get together…none of them were named Amanda.

I feel like number 6 from that British prisoner show.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Fuck U*NC.

That is all.

ALXMAC

I’d rather root for them than Duke. Plus they gave us this jam:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tHnA94-hTC8

theeWeeBabySeamus

I WILL KILL YOU!!!!
NEITHER ANSWER (DOOK/U*NC) IS ACCEPTABLE!!!!!!

Shogun Marcus

There was a hastily arranged class reunion tonight. About a week notice. While I do live in town and had nothing else going on…No. Fuck and That. For a variety of reasons, but also it’s one of the Top 5 amateur nights at the bars. Which is where it was. Eeeeew.

ballsofsteelandfury

I remember being that age. Only reason to go is to hook up with someone.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

PUUUBBBBFFFFFT! Yeah sure!

You don’t *remember* doing that.

ballsofsteelandfury

I never hooked up with old high school people. I kinda hated them.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’ve still got an old HS gf chasing me around. Fortunately, she lives 300 miles away, and also lives on facebook (almost literally) so i don’t cross paths with her often.

And NO, trust me…

Doktor Zymm

Of the three people I dated in HS, two are still single and one is divorced. Oddly enough, people I had a more ‘friends with benefits’ approach to in HS have done far better in terms of marriage and such. No danger of me hooking up with any of them, I have much better taste now.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Shogun Marcus

They blew it during summer and still wanted to get the 20th in before years end. Hooking up would not happen even if I was single and in full male-whore mode.

Doktor Zymm

Advice for people with Trump family that you shouldn’t actually take :
Agree with them, but in such a way that it offends them.
“FUCK THE POORS GO TRUMP”
“YOU’RE GONNA DIE SOON GRANDPA AND NOW WE DON’T HAVE TO PAY FOR YOUR HEALTHCARE”
“THERE ARE GONNA BE SO MANY MORE JOBS WHEN THE BATTERIES FOR YOUR VIBRATOR HAVE A 35% TARIFF”
“THIS TURKEY WILL TASTE BETTER ONCE WE DON’T HAVE ANY UNIONIZED LABOR”

Unsurprised

I prefer Drew’s take: “Go fuck yourself.”

Unsurprised

TBF, I’ve done what Dok suggested when W was president. They didn’t get it. I wasn’t about to treat their nonsense seriously, just as I don’t ever intend to treat any pro-Trump/Trump voter’s opinion about anything seriously ever again. I don’t talk to those people, and I’m fine with that. Fuck’em.

Doktor Zymm

I’m lucky enough that all my family is awesome. I suspect there are people I share a large amount of DNA with who are not awesome, but previous generations had the good sense to stop talking to them before my vocabulary got past single syllable words. I like the small family thing.

Unsurprised

My mother did that with her relatives. My father kept more in touch with his, or more accurately, his half-sister’s family, and our half-brother is like 12 years older than I am and our relationship was always defined by sharing the same sperm donor. I haven’t seen or talked to any of them since my mom’s funeral almost six years ago, so my family is just my actual brother. I’m fine with that. I said it earlier, but blood isn’t your family. I had extended family in the form of some very close friends of my mother’s, but they’re all back in my home state and I mostly stopped talking to them because … When I moved away, I wanted to start fresh. I didn’t, and I’m FB friends with a couple, but I’m doing my best to walk away from that all for good.

Doktor Zymm

If you can keep the good and cut out the bad, then go for it. Clean start doesn’t mean leaving everything, just leaving the shit that fucks you up. And I should probably take my own advice on that. Gonna do so, stat.

Doktor Zymm

I LIKE IT

WCS

Unsurprised

I need to stop worrying about other people, but one thing that really chaps my ass is knowing there are people who failed this bar exam who have firm jobs with offices and … Motherfuck these people, dude. I am so fucking furious … at myself. I fucked this up. I’m responsible for being this miserable.

Oh well. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Unsurprised

Aw shit. I didn’t mean to post this.

Doktor Zymm

No worries. We be supportive. I somehow ended up reading the ABA newsletter, and it seems that bar pass rates have been crazy low of late. I don’t really have context, but it seems like one of those tests that’s kind of more in the ‘right of passage’ category than something that’s actually designed to test ability.

Shogun Marcus

Teaching has a couple similar tests. Nothing to do with ability, just there to shit on you.

Unsurprised

No one is really sure, which is super inspiring. As it happens, repeat takers (like me) had a 43% rate, which is apparently around the same rate as that of all of the takers who went to my law school. In the past, we had a passage rate in the high 70s—best of the three in-state schools. The test prep company almost all of us used also took a hit nationally, but especially in this state. And in some cases the scores were brutal. Maybe the students are just dumber. Maybe the program just whiffed it. I know more people who failed in July than passed; the ones who did were repeaters like me.

I functionally gave up two weeks out the first time and barely failed (245; passing was 248/400. Fourth highest threshold score in the U.S. behind CA, NY, and DE), so I don’t want to be arrogant when I say that of course I passed in July because I was determined to pass so long as I didn’t do anything stupid, but I will be because I am an arrogant asshole like that. Instead of doing the prep program again, I just memorized as much of the black-letter law as I could because doing the exercises again seemed like a waste of time: Same questions, same answers. Now, that would be fine since the two bar exams were functionally identical, but … I don’t know.

I can’t really speak to what the problem is, but it doesn’t really matter. I just spent so much time focusing on each discrete step and being so afraid to sell myself that I passed and then had/have no idea what to do next, whereas everyone else focused on jobs first and passing second. And it doesn’t matter. None of them are me, and I’ve been spending at least the last two weeks whining and complaining and just moping like a teenager a third my age instead of growing the fuck up like a man. And that’s why I am so angry. I’m angry that I turn 37 next week and I am still have the emotional functionality of a scared tween. I’m angry that I know what I’m supposed to do, but so angry and sad and humiliated and self-conscious that just applying is painful; that this isn’t where I’m supposed to be.

And I’m angry that I keep dumping my shit on you all when it’s not fair to you. It’s selfish and stupid, and I’m sorry.

Doktor Zymm

Having passed should give you some bargaining power in the job market, yes? And we’re pretty much all cool with this sort of complaining. This is a boat we can both empathize with and offer helpful advice about. I get being reticent about complaints, even to internet strangers (cause we’re totally awesome strangers and I for one value the opinions of people here) but it’s actually probably really useful to complain about job stuff here, especially lawyer stuff. I’m not a lawyer, and I don’t play one on tv, but lots of people here are, so yeah, listen to them. Also, ALL THE INTERNET HUGS.

Unsurprised

The market wants lawyers with 2-5 years without having to pay for them to get that experience. So, no, it doesn’t mean shit.

Unsurprised

At least that’s how I understand it. Most of these people got jobs from people they know. I am horrible at networking and socializing or even having mentors/patrons, so this is why I am functionally SOL

Doktor Zymm

Another option, try contacting a recruiter. Or, look outside of law firms. All companies have a legal department, and they might get less applicants. You also might qualify for some non-law jobs just on the basis of having a grad degree. Wide net is the way to go.

Unsurprised

I met a recruiter, but she couldn’t take me on until January. I’ve been applying for non-legal jobs, but the main part of my frustration in the last week is that pride that I didn’t spend the last year and a half studying for the bar exam not to be a lawyer. It’s stupid and I know it, but it’s been more powerful than me recently.

Doktor Zymm

You can just shotgun resumes around, or since you are now certified to practice law, can you just take on cases if you want? This might sound dumb, but advertise yourself on Craigs list and such, or just sending mail to people who get arrested, and you’ll get cases from people who don’t know where to find lawyers. If you start working, people will notice and they might hire you to get rid of the competition, or because they think you can bring in clients.

Unsurprised

I could in theory. It’s complicated.

Doktor Zymm

All jobs say that. Just apply for everything and make up some shit about how you had an internship that totally counts, or your summer job in HS had unexpected legal aspects. You don’t have to lie, just be creative with your talking points. Job applications are 95% BS. Write what you need to get the interview, then it’s just if you’re likable and sound good. My job is super technical and skills oriented, and only about 20% of interviews had anything that tried to verify if I was actually qualified or not. You have the qualifications, now it’s time to BS.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Why not?
This a safe space. You go.

Doktor Zymm

I actually had a conversation about umbrella hats earlier today!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Pro or con?

Doktor Zymm

We were at the Christkindlmarket and my workfriend was trying to hold an umbrella, eat a brat and drink gluhwein simultaneously. She remarked that she needed an umbrella hat, then we speculated as to why they had never caught on. My theory was that they were generally not very wide, so your shoulders, arms, etc all still got wet, rendering them just a silly looking version of a normal hat with a brim.

theeWeeBabySeamus

It sounds to me, as far as conversations about umbrella hats are concerned, this one was above average as far as its depth and context. Very well thought out.
I’m impressed, well done.
😉

Unsurprised

What you need are sombreros.

Doktor Zymm

Yes! Since it’s a German theme, Steinbraros? Is that a thing? Can we make it a thing?

Unsurprised

I don’t see why not. Emperor Maximilian I was Austro-Hungarian. That’s close enough for Oktoberfest-related festivities.

ALXMAC

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Doktor Zymm

She’s gonna be the coolest fat mom out of that group. But she’s still gonna whisper during ‘the talk’

ALXMAC

1, 2, or 3? I think you mean 3, but 2 can claim to her offspring that she was the one out of her best friends that didn’t swear on national TV.

ALXMAC

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, I drank more than I should have and still didn’t piss myself. Personal failure. Night, all.

Unsurprised

Failure?

Doktor Zymm

So….you were trying to piss yourself? It’s not something I’ve ever wanted to do, but unless you have a serious medical problem you should be able to manage quite easily.

WCS
theeWeeBabySeamus

Svetlana has the right idea.

Senor Weaselo

Goddammit, anything but recorder.
/Forced to listen to Bieber on re—DEAR GOD NO

Doktor Zymm

That’s a thing?! EWWWW

ALXMAC

@Weaselo – I didn’t know that you (were old enough to) have kids.

Unsurprised

He was once he hit puberty.

Last week.

ALXMAC
theeWeeBabySeamus

Still one of my favorite episodes of any show ever.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Good god Wisconsin…20 pts, 20 FIRST HALF POINTS?????
YOU HAD ONE JOB!!!!!

WCS
Doktor Zymm

This seems like a nice place for a DFO outing. I’m sure children are welcome.
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ballsofsteelandfury

Where?

Doktor Zymm

Giger bar, there are a couple in Switzerland. One in Gruyeres, which is home to both Giger and the eponymous cheese, and one somewhere else.

Shogun Marcus

Giger bar in…Switzerland?

Doktor Zymm

Winner!

Senor Weaselo

As opposed to Geiger bar in Chernobyl.

Unsurprised

The ambient noise there is a killer. Chef’s special is Kiev Venison.

http://i1323.photobucket.com/albums/u600/gsp1962/Chernobyl_Aug2013020_zps06bef6fc.jpg

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I too, had a bad reaction to the tator-tots.

http://www.bite.ca/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/alien-gif-1.gif

theeWeeBabySeamus

Looks like Tom Skerritt ought to be pasted to the walls waiting for his chest to burst open.
Just saying.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
ballsofsteelandfury

Sherlock marathon on BBC America.

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Unsurprised

As a super-genius celibate, she had the right idea introducing herself to Sherlock that way.

Unsurprised

Topless in Da Vinci’s Demons. https://gfycat.com/FineCourteousFurseal

Unsurprised

Fuck it, may as well add one more. Irene’s assistant, Kate.

http://www.clairehoathmanagement.com/uploads/1/3/2/7/13271730/1395742236.jpg

WCS

Baby was up until 13:00, wifey came home at 18:00, and has us cooking for tomorrow.
http://67.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m156sr7NOG1r1qml6o1_500.gif
So hungover, so tired.

Unsurprised

Liev Schreiber juggling dicks will temporarily lower your political anxieties pic.twitter.com/le5DtKFWCk— erik abriss (@AbrissErik) November 22, 2016

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised

Time for “Sneakers,” then “Dave,” and maybe fall asleep to “The Silence of the Lambs” like I used to. Or Goodfellas. Those were my go-tos. I guess I’ll watch the streaming version since I don’t want to get up to put in the Blu-Ray of any of my crime films.

WCS

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Unsurprised

I’ve viewed and collected a despicably high number of gifs and photos. Which probably explains in part why I suck.

ballsofsteelandfury

You really find the most amazing gifs.

Senor Weaselo

Isn’t that a party foul, letting the ice run?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

OK, I laughed.

Doktor Zymm

Incorrect flask in garter technique, 2/10 would not bang

Senor Weaselo

I would ask if you knew the proper technique, but that doesn’t seem gentlemanly for some reason.

Doktor Zymm

The problem with using stockings with a garter belt for a flask, there’s nothing to hold the flask in place. You really need an elastic garter, where the elastic is both holding the stocking up and holding the flask to the leg so it doesn’t slide down into the stocking.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

It could be just temporary while she stabs someone with her foil, probably because they were being pedantic.

Doktor Zymm

I would point out that her underwear has an elastic waistband, making it eminently suitable for flask storage.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe she should have a shovel instead of a foil.

Shogun Marcus

If I had to guess, it should be inner, not outer. Doesn’t ruin dress/skirt lines and thus better concealed.

Doktor Zymm

You gotta have at least an A-line skirt. If it’s a pencil skirt you’re screwed either way, since your legs have to be together to walk. Outside, it’s clearly visible, inside, you can’t walk. If you’re wearing a pencil skirt, just stick your booze down your bra and call it a day.

Shogun Marcus

Yeah. I used to have airplane bottles mixed in my bra padding. Easy peasy.

Doktor Zymm

Synthetic rubber was developed around the turn of the 20th century, so the increase in elastic garters handily coincided with Prohibition. Previously, women would roll the tops of their stockings to create tension that served the same purpose. Rich ladies with suspenders and silk stockings would never risk ripping their stockings with a flask, and could just drink at home.

Horatio Cornblower

Debating whether or not to run the Manchester Road Race tomorrow. Had to skip last year due to nagging injuries. Still have some heel issues but it’s a world class field and I’m pretty sure that if I can get past the heel pain I can finish within 30 minutes of the winner.

The race is less than 5 miles.

Doktor Zymm

Why?

Doktor Zymm

It’s not actually that cold out yet, so opening up my dining room radiator has had the effect of raising the temp in my place to a steamy 75. Tempted to shut it back off, but it’s a lot of twisting. Also, this means I can delay putting the cover on the window A/C for more time. And I can just open a window and/or sit around naked when I’m home alone. I never turn the radiator in the bedroom on, and the comforter is proving excellent at a wider range of temperatures with the silk cover than with the flannel. Contemplating spending money on a silk flat sheet during the black friday sales, but not sure I need it with the comforter and the bed jet.

Shogun Marcus

I forgot you have the bed of science! Must be a winner obvs.

Doktor Zymm

I can use my Sleep Shepard to PROVE I’m getting a better night’s sleep than any jive turkeys out there.

...

I commented here about how building’s radiators went apeshit for a night and raised my apartment temperature to 80, right?

Doktor Zymm

You may have, but I missed it. That happened for a day last winter, when they were replacing the off/on sensors.

...

Well, I ended up naked and struggling to figure out how to turn down my radiators enough to not bake or freeze.

laserguru

I’m not a huge fan of silk sheets.

I’ve slid off more than my fair share of them.

Doktor Zymm

If you slid off, they were likely not silk, but rather satin. Pure silk is not particularly slippery, no more so than cotton in my experience. It also has a tight weave, and won’t catch like satin does, so it won’t pill if you have dry skin or unfiled toenails, though you really should get a pedicure if that’s the case 🙂

Shogun Marcus

And finally…can’t end without a pump:
Really wasn’t impressed at all. I never bought one of these before and I’m about 9″… it didn’t do anything. It seems like the base doesn’t suction no matter how much lube or Vaseline I put on it… idk maybe I’m just inexperienced. I’m going to try a more expensive one, maybe that will work; something that creates a stronger suction. As of now I’ll use it as a gag piece…. for when my buddies and I get drunk or a bachelor party comes up just for a laugh. Getting a better quality piece seems the way to go in my opinion.

...

I’ll forever associate penis pumps with Austin Powers.

Also: the idea of increasing the pressure in my delicate penis flesh beyond its normal level is TERRIFYING.

Doktor Zymm

You could never be a stripper in DC. They wear cock rings for hours to keep that ‘pleasantly erect’ look.

...

Well shit.

At least my rod will animate.

...

Er… need the word “remain” in there.

Shogun Marcus

All that glitters:
The only parts that may be steel are the magnets. The rest is painted a metallic silver. They look very cheap. They arrived with some of the metallic paint chipped off. They were obviously returned, which is amazing considering they say no returns due to the “personal nature” of the item. Finally, YOU CAN”T EVEN FEEL THEM WHEN THEY”RE ON and they have been reviewed as the “most powerful” clip/clamp. Ridiculous. Don’t waste your money. I only gave it one star because Amazon forces you to.

Shogun Marcus

Cock cage:
You know it’s there, because it pinches like you have no idea, in multiple places. First and most prominent is at the top where it snaps together (that you put the lock through). The cage doesn’t tighten it, so there’s a few cm of a gap, that have broken skin on me a few times just squeezing my legs together. Second is at the bottom of that piece, where the hinge is. When you grow and shrink, you strain the skin underneath, and it catches inside a little area that pinches just enough. I have not broken skin there, yet. Third is inside the cage. The outside looks nice and smooth and beveled, it feels great. But where the outside meets the inside is a very sharp edge, and any flesh hanging out (especially when you’re not at half staff) is fair game if you’re wearing any type of clothing. Which brings me to my next point; I can’t wear this under any type of pants, jeans included, because it protrudes too much. I’m completely soft and look like I’m getting one but haven’t adjusted yet. it could just be me though. I hope others have had better experiences. I’m going with a CB600s next, the plastic parts look like they wouldn’t hurt as much.

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While a cock cage sounds rather unpleasant, I would be interested in some sort of cock exoskeleton. It’ll be like battle armor for my dick.

Senor Weaselo

Like a form-fitting cup?

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Yes, but it would morph into erection mode like some sort of transforming robot.

Senor Weaselo

Well, I figured that went without saying.

Doktor Zymm

If you cover up the cock cage, does the cock fall asleep?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
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Doktor Zymm

It’s true. I was saying this about the MILLIONS OF CUBS TSHIRTS months before the WS

ALXMAC
ALXMAC
Unsurprised

Awwwww

“My wife and I enjoyed an absolutely wonderful sex life in our 20’s, 30’s and early 40’s until she suffered a brain tumor nearly 13 years ago. Medications to treat her severe headaches and other medical procedures pretty much destroyed the sexual appetite of what was always a very passionate lady but at least she was cured and that was really all that mattered. Despite not being able to have orgasm herself for several years, this beautiful and wonderful lady went out of her way to make sure that I did not have to stray outside of our very happy marriage for sexual satisfaction. After some talks with her doctor and some adjustments in medications that would not have as much affect on her sexual desires, her desire for sex returned. Despite the renewed interest in sex, the ability to orgasm would come close but would just not happen. Being “old fogeys” in our 50’s, the thought of a vibrator never entered our mind until doing some reading on the internet. After a lot of research, we chose Siri and the very first use brought my wife to an orgasm for the first time in over 10 years! All I can say is that this wonderful little toy has re-sparked an already wonderful 30 year marriage and has us acting like we are in our 20’s again. A stretch of sex 4 nights in a row with the help of Siri soon after she arrived is something we didn’t even do on our honeymoon! We are now having sex 3 to 4 days a week and Siri has not let us down yet. I thank you and my wife especially thanks you, Siri.”

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Wait… he’s shoving an iPhone in her?

Unsurprised

Waterproof stereo speakers, dude

Horatio Cornblower

Call long distance again, CALL LONG DISTANCE AGAIN!!!

Unsurprised

I bought 2 of these through the crave website so I could have them engraved. I bought 1 for me and my best friend. We both LOVE this product!!! This small necklace packs a lot of power. The vibrations are strong. I use it almost everyday, sometimes more than once. It does get a little warm but I don’t mind at all. I wear it everyday and get compliments. It’s a sexy convo/mood starter too. “That’s a nice necklace.” “Let me show you how it works….”

Unsurprised

Another review notes that it’s USB rechargeable.