Shitsgiving Mini-Thoughts and Day After JV Preview

King Hippo

King Hippo

Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan.Also a proud fookin’ Evertonian.Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child.[Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
King Hippo

Due to family bullshit, much of my coverage was radio, and my TAEKS are evens less informed than usual. Caveat emptor. Oh, and HAPPY DAY AFTER OVEREATING SHAME, EVERYBODY!!!

Crazy Eyez managed to go 31-37 and still stink up the field and single-handedly lose the game in Romonobyl-like fashion (h/t Bortleback from the Game Thread). That’s really goddamned hard to do. Jim Caldwell’s Fuck Lions are now 7-4!?! with prohibitive tiebreaker advantages over everybody. They’ve got this mofo in the barn. This marked the first time in history any team (DET) had opened the season with 11 games decided by 7 points or less.

In the digestif fixture, we get a dissertation on the gap (or lack thereof) between fantasy and reality. Because DAK! and palz seemed a particularly cruel snake playing with a mouse in its glass enclosure, letting it scurry around futilely. Is futilely even a word?? Fuck it. Anyway, every time DAK! needed a score, he went out and got one. Or a first down to kill the game off. But in the alternate realm which is MUCH more important to most of us (given the sad state of our for realz lives), what Captain Kirk did was much more meaningful, and dream/season killing. Fucking asshole. Anyway, the Pokes remain the best side in the NFC, having run off 10 wins in a row in-season for the first time ever.

The radio crew noted that the Yinzers hadn’t won on Shitsgiving since Harry Truman was President (and greater Yinzburgh prolly liked what Give ’em hell Harry SAID about black folk a lot more than what he DID for black folk). Worry not about any historical jinxes, nor The Ben’s home/road splits, Indy was rolling with a high school janitor under center, and do recall that even with HODOR playing…their OL was maybe the worst in the NFL (OK, outside of Denver). It was uglier than words could describe, and naturally the one I had teevee box access for the most of. Best tinfoil hat conclusion – Indy’s locker room pooled together money to bet PIT at -8.5, and the Stillers at least bet the under. Though for much of the 2nd half, it REALLY looked like they wanted to win by 7 and let that be that.

NC State at U*NC (Noon, ESPN)

Because I have to watch, and I will be super fucking vulgar and angry.

Arkansas at Missouri (2:30, CBS)

See if you can count the people in the stands for this one. Mizzou sure went down fast once that gay dude left. PHRASING!!

Washington at Washington State (3:30, Fox)

An Apple Cup with meaningful stakes! Winner advances to the Pac 12 title game against Colorado or SC. I am torn between my love for the batshit insane Mike Leach, and my desire for Washington to win out and keep the goddamned B1G from getting 2 sides in the playoffs again. Oh, how I hate watching those boring, Trump-loving assholes play.

TCU at Texas (3:30, FS1)

Did you hear? Charlie Strong might actually NOT get fired after all? After losing to KANSAS!! The school President is putting his neck on the line, because apparently getting death threats and bricks thrown through his home and office windows makes his wee-wee hard. Oh dear fuck, is that stadium gonna be ANGRY.

Baylor at Texas Tech (6:00, ESPN)

No meaning whatsoever, but nothing else is on. Space yo’ shit out. Put NEB/IA on at night, maybe it snows?

Arizona State at Arizona (9:30, ESPN)

Will you watch absolutely goddamned anything at this point? Then this one’s for you. I don’t even think this boring-ass rivalry has a nickname. If it do, I doesn’t know it.

King Hippo
King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]

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Horatio CornblowerThursdaySkyGoddessKing HippoUnsurprisedSenor Weaselo Recent comment authors
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Horatio Cornblower

If only there were someone who cared to whom Baylor could report this unwanted assault to…

ThursdaySkyGoddess
ThursdaySkyGoddess

Where was this shit earlier Texas Tech? I need Kliff Kingsbury to stay employed.

Senor Weaselo

Mr. Plow’s on at 9:30 Eastern, so that’s first and foremost.

theeWeeBabySeamus

UDub kicking the shit out of Wazzou I see.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Sad to lose a game in Pullman and then realize you’re stuck in Pullman.

Beerguyrob

It doesn’t help that Wazzu seems intent on copying the Colts offensive game plan from last night.

entropy

entropy

Why is this verse
comin six times rehearsed?
Don’t freestyle much
but I write ’em like such

scotchnaut

Did I ever tell you about the time I had tickets to see them in the south end of Ottawa in a ridiculously small club just before they blew up but I had to leave because I had an allergic reaction to the dry ice they were using?

/I wish this anecdote was a fabrication on my part but it’s true

entropy

That’s awful, man. I am very sorry for you.

scotchnaut

I think the proper response is to laugh at me and my lack of manliness but that’s just my lack of self-esteem asserting itself.

entropy

If you just really had to pee or something and left, yeah, sure, that can be mocked, but allergies are fuckin deadly, man. Can’t mock someone for something they have no control over.

Horatio Cornblower

Oh hang on while I try to top that. Back when I was a young Cornblower I lived near New Haven, CT. There was, and is, a club in New Haven called Toad’s Place.

Keith Richards lived in CT at the time, in either Wilton or Weston. This is sometime in the late 80’s, early 90’s and the Rolling Stones had been gearing up for their first big tour in years at Keith’s place. They wanted to do a dry run but didn’t want any publicity ahead of time.

They chose Toad’s Place.

At the time my father was working at the Hartford Courant and got word of the concert from the music reviewer. He called the house about 1-2 hours before the show was to start to tell me to get my ass down to Toad’s.

I had left 20-30 minutes before he called to go somewhere else. There were no cell phones at the time, at least not in my pocket. I did not see the Rolling Stones at a club that would have held maybe 1,000 people.

scotchnaut

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

There’s Billy Joel’s Allentown and then there’s David and David going all in with “Welcome To The Boomtown”.

scotchnaut

Did I mention that WordPress is a bastard?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Congratulations?

entropy

I fucking hate the song “Allentown.”

scotchnaut

Not an admonishment-just a brilliant song.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Wait, 12 seconds into the game and Western Meeechigan is up 7 – 0. Oh Toledo, you’re so Ohio.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

And now 2:33 into the game and Toledo has tied it. I rescind my earlier snark.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

Producers of The Lincoln Lawyer: “Matt, we’d really love for you to star in our movie.”

McConaughey: “Well sure, as long as I’m in every single scene. I think that’s reasonable.”

Producers: “Done!”

McConaughey: [to his extraordinarily rare Double Albino Sumatran Tiger] “Can you believe it? They went for it! I’m going to be in every scene.”

Double Albino Sumatran Tiger: [is actually two short people under a Tony The Tiger towel] “Well done, Matthew!”

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
entropy

Fuck you, pushy neighbors and your insipid lit-candles-in-paper-bags sidewalk idea. I didn’t respond to the first two flyers you taped to my fucking door, there’s no need to knock on my and fucking ASK me about it.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

What do they want?

entropy

Apparently, they have this lovely idea where everyone in the neighborhood pays them $10 for white paper bags, some votive candles, and about ten pounds of goddam sand and we all set them up on our sidewalks so the whole block looks festive for about an hour and a half one night in December.

FUCK. YOU. These are the same assholes who won’t dig out their own parking spot, refuse to park properly so anyone can fit in front of or behind them, and generally behave like cocksuckers all year long.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Fuck those people.

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Just in time for Bad Santa 2!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The second time the church couple came by I said something like “Oh! I would have never guess you two would have posted the add for a swinger couple I answered. Come on in, let’s GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER!”

They have not come back…. maybe she wants to though.

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Ah. Is there anything more American than hating your neighbors?

entropy

Shooting them, stealing their land, and then declaring them an enemy of the nation for the next 160+ years?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

Touche.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

New neighbors.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
scotchnaut

Anyone remember Flash and the Pan?

scotchnaut

I was just reminded that the bridge in this song is great.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I need to stop confusing “uvula” for “vulva.”

Spanky Datass
Spanky Datass

Deloris?

Inanimate Carbon Rod Marinelli

I remember seeing that Seinfeld episode as a kid and not getting the Deloris joke at the end.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Also:
A sexually frustrated woman, Linda Lovelace (Linda Boreman), asks her friend Helen (Dolly Sharp) for advice on how to achieve an orgasm. After a sex party provides no help, Helen recommends that Linda visit a doctor (Harry Reems). The doctor discovers that Linda’s clitoris is located in her throat, and after he helps her to develop her oral sex skills, the infatuated Linda asks him to marry her. He informs her that she can settle for a job as his therapist, performing her particular oral technique—thereafter known as “deep throat”—on various men, until she finds the one to marry. Meanwhile, the doctor documents her exploits while repeatedly having sex with his nurse (Carol Connors). The movie ends with the line “The End. And Deep Throat to you all.”

entropy

I watched that “Monster House” animated movie from a few years back with my nephews, and they no-shit made a vulva joke in a kids movie.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If your wife doesn’t care we see no reason to change now.

Shogun Marcus
Croooow
Croooow

Shan’khor making an appearance in Iowa City as well.