Due to family bullshit, much of my coverage was radio, and my TAEKS are evens less informed than usual. Caveat emptor. Oh, and HAPPY DAY AFTER OVEREATING SHAME, EVERYBODY!!!

Crazy Eyez managed to go 31-37 and still stink up the field and single-handedly lose the game in Romonobyl-like fashion (h/t Bortleback from the Game Thread). That’s really goddamned hard to do. Jim Caldwell’s Fuck Lions are now 7-4!?! with prohibitive tiebreaker advantages over everybody. They’ve got this mofo in the barn. This marked the first time in history any team (DET) had opened the season with 11 games decided by 7 points or less.

In the digestif fixture, we get a dissertation on the gap (or lack thereof) between fantasy and reality. Because DAK! and palz seemed a particularly cruel snake playing with a mouse in its glass enclosure, letting it scurry around futilely. Is futilely even a word?? Fuck it. Anyway, every time DAK! needed a score, he went out and got one. Or a first down to kill the game off. But in the alternate realm which is MUCH more important to most of us (given the sad state of our for realz lives), what Captain Kirk did was much more meaningful, and dream/season killing. Fucking asshole. Anyway, the Pokes remain the best side in the NFC, having run off 10 wins in a row in-season for the first time ever.

The radio crew noted that the Yinzers hadn’t won on Shitsgiving since Harry Truman was President (and greater Yinzburgh prolly liked what Give ’em hell Harry SAID about black folk a lot more than what he DID for black folk). Worry not about any historical jinxes, nor The Ben’s home/road splits, Indy was rolling with a high school janitor under center, and do recall that even with HODOR playing…their OL was maybe the worst in the NFL (OK, outside of Denver). It was uglier than words could describe, and naturally the one I had teevee box access for the most of. Best tinfoil hat conclusion – Indy’s locker room pooled together money to bet PIT at -8.5, and the Stillers at least bet the under. Though for much of the 2nd half, it REALLY looked like they wanted to win by 7 and let that be that.

NC State at U*NC (Noon, ESPN)

Because I have to watch, and I will be super fucking vulgar and angry.

Arkansas at Missouri (2:30, CBS)

See if you can count the people in the stands for this one. Mizzou sure went down fast once that gay dude left. PHRASING!!

Washington at Washington State (3:30, Fox)

An Apple Cup with meaningful stakes! Winner advances to the Pac 12 title game against Colorado or SC. I am torn between my love for the batshit insane Mike Leach, and my desire for Washington to win out and keep the goddamned B1G from getting 2 sides in the playoffs again. Oh, how I hate watching those boring, Trump-loving assholes play.

TCU at Texas (3:30, FS1)

Did you hear? Charlie Strong might actually NOT get fired after all? After losing to KANSAS!! The school President is putting his neck on the line, because apparently getting death threats and bricks thrown through his home and office windows makes his wee-wee hard. Oh dear fuck, is that stadium gonna be ANGRY.

Baylor at Texas Tech (6:00, ESPN)

No meaning whatsoever, but nothing else is on. Space yo’ shit out. Put NEB/IA on at night, maybe it snows?

Arizona State at Arizona (9:30, ESPN)

Will you watch absolutely goddamned anything at this point? Then this one’s for you. I don’t even think this boring-ass rivalry has a nickname. If it do, I doesn’t know it.