Wow, It’s freaking December. Remember when we were all so damn giddy way back in September? It seems like almost four months ago now. Time sure does pass interference at the drop of a flag, doesn’t it? There’s only a few more of these babies left this year-I say we embrace them as tightly as we do that large-breasted, slightly tipsy co-worker that wants a hug at the office Christmas party. There’s nothing wrong with that. Now if she happens to be a 20 year-old temp that HR has repeatedly spoken to you about, perhaps not. Look, I’m a big fan of honeydews and cantaloupes and I bring them into work on a regular basis. It’s not my fault that I haul them to her desk and say, “these are the second-biggest melons in this office!” But I undress… TO THE GAME!
Dal/Min-Wanna-be Tampa Bay Bucs avatar Mike Zimmer had surgery on a detached retina and is out for this one. The “NEXT COACH UP!” is Special Teams coordinator Mike “Call Me Michelle And I’ll Gut You” Priefer. If his teams are so special why doesn’t he have a head coaching gig already? The only shot the Vikes have here is to improve on their +20 takeaway number which is third-highest in the league at this point. Stupid November Rookie of the Month DAK! and his stupid 4th best QBR of 108.6 and stupid Ezekiel Elliot and his stupid best 1,199 rushing yards are likely to power past the Vikes fairly easily. Were you aware that them Cowboys have only 4 players on their roster over the age of 30? They’re going to be a competitive team for quite some time. Did I mention that I hate everything? If you were around in the early ’90s you could probably make the argument that Johnny-Come-Lately Cowboy fans have it all over today’s Pats backers. [Charlie Brown-like *sigh*]
As always (except for last week-you don’t see me using ‘family obligations’ as an excuse to not post content, that’s what booze is for) tune in to the extraordinary shenanigans of Josh, Bill, Tim and that other guy whose name I forget and their podcastian greatness. It may very well be just below this here work of art.
Done. GET AT IT!!!
How I imagine SportsCenter at Night.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bLIVeQgS_pI
http://68.media.tumblr.com/46307e2316a391700cbe59383e172c0d/tumblr_oh9ii2T73G1ubfgh6o1_500.jpg
Mark Davis looks like Sloth loved Chunk.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/b509f7a4b83481211702c4ab4ffcb25d/tumblr_ogg5cvG45Z1vdbx3no1_400.jpg
I missed this game. Regrets?
Too few to mention.
http://68.media.tumblr.com/3f9281b7cdfe84b290f139171cc1c291/tumblr_ogy3jjbXNs1s2wio8o1_500.gif
I have been fucked up on both NyQuil and Whiskey today. With a hint of overdosing on Benedryl. How late can I sleep in tomorrow?
That depends, how cool is your boss with you accusing random customers of being chimeras?
Happy Sexy Friday Everybody!
Dear shitbag police I hear outside my house right now. Go solve an actual crime for once instead of randomly pulling people over with the hopes it might be a drunk driver like you presented to the city council as your goal.
Still better than the speed cameras near mine. Once you hit 35 (10 over the speed limit because it’s 25 now), flash! And naturally it’s by the high school, not the elementary school and the farm on the other side of me.
How the hell are tins of popcorn such a popular gift? Do people not realize how easy it is to make fresh popcorn?
“Merry Christmas, I saved you five minutes of minimal effort.”
I’m guessing it’s for the “gourmet flavors”
/Travis Kelce wank.gif
Treat the tin like Najeh Davenport treats hampers
“Dak, what went right out there”
‘Well Heather I’d say it was when Coach Zimmer got the eye surgery instead of Tony Corrente”
I haven’t seen Native Americans get screwed over by field officials since… actually it’s still going on.
“You got lucky…because I love you.”
“Yeah. That’s not actually my phone, and you can find your own ride home psycho.”
The Shit Account 2016 bracket is more stacked than Milana here
Some surprising choices in there too.
Bad fuckin’ beat for Dallas bettors. -3 looked like a steal to me.
I enjoyed the ref confidently telling Bradford that he was only hit on the shoulder, then watching the replay of Bradford getting slapped in the face.
Fucking idiots.
I stand by both statements
Bradford should punch that ref in the dick
Hooray nfc north incompetence! Chaos reigns.
on the plus side, TEAM OF DESTINY Lions!!!
Old Man Witten saves the day!
WOO BRADFORD IS TERRIBLE!
Good non-call. Maybe not “good” in terms of officiating, but pretty darn good for humor purposes.
So I guess the facemask penalty canceled out the blow to the head penalty?
Yep! Everything seems in order.
BLEERGH is not appeased.
Got his facemask, too. NOT against MURRRIKA’s team!!
That was interesting.
If only Coach Zimmer could’ve seen that play.
you dumb motherfuckers
Please dont go into OT… I normally root for it….
Vikings are cutting this close.
Vikings have a chance here.
So does the recount.
2 Vikings and a Cowboy. Keep your Grindr tales to yourself, Al!!
Thielen did a good?
Fumblestiltskin?
The god of Fumbrles Nacho wanted to make himself known.
http://static.tvgcdn.net/mediabin/showcards/celebs/m-o/thumbs/milana-vayntrub_259109_768x1024.png
NFL. Another commercial break. Watch JJ Watt as you lose interest in watching the NFL ever again.
Where did all the haters go? i I miss the shit talking.
Nobody hates DAK!
We’re waiting for another red-x picture from you.
Too bored to hate.
http://i.imgur.com/MtbHZ6R.jpg
Jesus
DAK DAK DAK
Was that a jab at the quality of Troys commentating? Shade thrown!
That’s the 2nd time tonight I have to give Cris credit?!?
Has this Thursday night game been worse than other Thursday night games?
Rip off a big one here, Zeke.
Makes sense to punt. The Vikings are more likely to get a turnover than have their offense move the ball.
I just watched the Complete Deaths of William Shakespeare and it was excellent. I also forgot to pick up a defense that wasn’t playing Dallas and that seems to have not backfired. Also, I totally made a Zane Grey joke at work and at least one person got it. Good times.
Did you follow up with a McMurtry zinger?
Zane Gray jokes better hurry up and use their Medicaid while they have it!
“Second coverage linebacker” hopefully Jaylon Smith some time soon.
Classic
http://homegardeningdesign.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/Milana-Vayntrub-Height-Weight-And-Body-Measurement.jpg
http://i.onionstatic.com/onion/1794/8/16×9/960.jpg
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http://iv1.lisimg.com/image/9013313/640full-milana-vayntrub.jpg